How much did you contribute to your own misery ?

[Traveller12724]

I had a plan to ctb towards the end of the year but I think I am sinking deeper and deeper into despair at a faster rate than I previously anticipated, I am not sure if I am gonna make it to the end of the year. What's making it worse is realizing that even though the disability and life circumstances that led me to this decision were out of my control, I did play a part in my own misery because I am not everything I could be and I know it and I did let myself down more often than not. Looks like my demise will be coming sooner than I had hoped but I do deserve it.

 

[QueerMelancholy]

Honestly? Probably about 40 percent is my fault. 40 percent is genetic and 20 percent is just bad fucking luck.

 

[DolerDolerDoler]

Mostly me. I feel like my own tormenter who made existing problems worse. the fools pain

 

[Onelegman]

More than I would like, less than I should.

 

[annique]

I find that question a fairly tough one to answer myself. I have before pondered over this thought of how much I can be pointed as guilty of my current life circumstances and I am yet to arrive at a conclusion.

I have been through lots of traumas throughout my life, since my childhood. That surely was out of my control and surely has had an immense negative impact on me. During the somewhat peaceful moments in between those traumatic events, I failed to function properly and sabotaged myself; I submerged into vices and addictions, which still affect me to the present day. I think now, "Was I sabotaging myself only a feat of my own doing or have my traumas, which were out of my control, guided me in that disruptive direction? If the latter is true, then I, again, had little to no control over the path my life was walking upon. It is as if it all has been a continuous string of traumas, and I actually had no moments of sobriety..."

Yours is a hard question to answer, at least it is to me. Even if you now know (emphasis on "now") that you could have acted differently on certain moments of your life, at those times you were actually living in the moment, which is completely different from thinking about them in retrospection; back then, your mind, your reasonings, and your ability to think clearly were likely all clouded.

 

[Traveller12724]

I find that question a fairly tough one to answer myself. I have before pondered over this thought of how much I can be pointed as guilty of my current life circumstances and I am yet to arrive at a conclusion.

I have been through lots of traumas throughout my life, since my childhood. That surely was out of my control and surely has had an immense negative impact on me. During the somewhat peaceful moments in between those traumatic events, I failed to function properly and sabotaged myself; I submerged into vices and addictions, which still affect me to the present day. I think now, "Was I sabotaging myself only a feat of my own doing or have my traumas, which were out of my control, guided me in that disruptive direction? If the latter is true, then I, again, had little to no control over the path my life was walking upon. It is as if it all has been a continuous string of traumas, and I actually had no moments of sobriety..."

Yours is a hard question to answer, at least it is to me. Even if you now know (emphasis on "now") that you could have acted differently on certain moments of your life, at those times you were actually living in the moment, which is completely different from thinking about them in retrospection; back then, your mind, your reasonings, and your ability to think clearly were likely all clouded.

The question you posed— was self-sabotage a feat of your own doing or have your traumas, which were out of your control, guided you in that disruptive direction — that question pretty much sums up my life and my conundrum.

 

[Hotsackage]

Nothing, I don't think any of us mean to, we just react to crap we go through

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Mostly me. I feel like my own tormenter who made existing problems worse. the fools pain

The Fool's Pain is so much the perfect way to put it.

 

[LostinTime24]

I think about this a lot somewhat complicated.
To start as child through say turning 18 I'd say that is mostly luck of the draw some people are doomed right from the start. Others may have normal lives but have onset of mental/physical illness or just horrible experiences back to back. For me bad starting point and then got worse as hereditary illnesss hit me in early adulthood. For their reasons the driving forces for why I feel the need to CTB I have contributed nothing, I had no input on of those shortcomings.

I'd say now I contribute a lot currently as I'm trying to somewhat sabotage myself as I already view my circumstances as hopeless but to give me as little chance to have any sort of hope to help me follow through with my plans. That is mainly me spending lots of money to try to have a few good times before I hopefully follow through with my plan.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

It's hard to quantify but I did contribute to much of it even though the origin of my issues were not my fault at all and I needed help and guidance I never got. But I kept letting my failures define me until I committed the biggest one of all. I just can't hack it.

 

[lita-lassi]

my therapist keeps trying to get me to stop guilting myself over perceived "failures" and stuff thats at least partially my own fault, shes great at rationalizing it into a bigger picture of why i am the way i am but, man, honestly at least 50-70% is my own doing :/ blaming family for shitty communications and a poor formative environment only goes so far into adulthood (barring certain really horrid exceptions ofc)

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

personally, i only blame me. (or friends that got me drinking). i'm kidding, i could have done better.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I contributed to my own misery by just being me so I'm completely at fault, lol. That's something I need to work on since I want to die but I don't want to feel miserable when I eventually ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

I didn't as after all I never chose something so futile and undesirable as existence, instead I was so cruelly forced to exist as a conscious being, it wasn't my fault I suffer in this hellish reality without the option to just easily die in peace, I find it so horrific how humans procreate even know existence truly is just meaningless suffering.

Procreation really is beyond tragic to me especially as nobody can be harmed by never existing at all with there being no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they exist. For me existence itself will always be the true problem. It'll always be an abomination to be burdened with the ability to exist, more than anything I wish I never existed at all, only never existing is perfection to me.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I am the sole contributor to my misery. It's 100% my fault for not being able to adapt to my circumstances which are relatively easy to overcome for average people.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

I tend to make myself unintentionally depressed by isolating myself, my isolation is the only real control I have over my life. So most, not all, but a relatively large amount, I'd say about 50-60 percent my fault, 50-40 percent out of my control.

 

[Ligottian]

For me, I would greatly increase genes and bad luck. I played by all the rules and still came up miserable.

 

[F@#$]

100%, it's my fault that I'm still breathing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I didn't contribute to my own misery at all. Why would I? I don't want to be miserable. I'd rather be as happy as possible. I don't hate myself and I never will so I don't see why I should make issues worse for myself. What made me miserable is more so factors that are outside of my control such as my autism, my lack of desire to do anything, my lack of pleasure from human activities, my lack of desire to achieve anything in life, my increased sensitivity to suffering and so on. I didn't cause any of this as this happened against my consent. I never even asked to be born in the first place

 

[dinosavr]

Anything that's wrong with me is almost completely my fault. I was born in the first world country, I had a happy childhood, I have a college degree, financial stability, physical health, caring friends and family, and still somehow managed to get myself to this point. Pathetic!

 

[derpyderpins]

It's a deep question, right? It's tempting to completely ignore or excuse my own failures: it's because life sucks, it's because I'm neurodivergent, it's because of mental illness, it's because my mom screwed me up, it's because of society and oversocialization, etc. Those are all contributing factors. They've all helped shape who I am, and they all influence my choices and actions day-to-day. But at least some of it is because I've screwed up.

I've been too cowardly to attempt to break out from routines, or confront my parents, or tell people exactly what's on my mind and what I want from them; I give in to temptation to slack off, or to not take care of myself properly, or to drink, or to let my perverse thoughts and desires go wild; and I don't do things that might make me happy, favoring what is easier in the moment and avoiding conflict.

So, some portion of my misery is my own fault. How much? I can't self-evaluate. Like @dinosavr right above me I've also had so many privileges in my life that others don't get. How do you weigh it against the factors working against me? Anyone who wants to take a guess at a % can be my guest but I think it's at least 50% my fault.

 

[timetodie24]

It's all my fault . I messed up my life

 

[sserafim]

I didn't contribute to my misery at all. The world, society and other people are the causes of my misery. Hell is other people

I didn't contribute to my own misery at all. Why would I? I don't want to be miserable. I'd rather be as happy as possible. I don't hate myself and I never will so I don't see why I should make issues worse for myself. What made me miserable is more so factors that are outside of my control such as my autism, my lack of desire to do anything, my lack of pleasure from human activities, my lack of desire to achieve anything in life, my increased sensitivity to suffering and so on. I didn't cause any of this as this happened against my consent. I never even asked to be born in the first place

Same

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I didn't contribute to my misery at all. The world, society and other people are the causes of my misery. Hell is other people

Same

Isn't that quote supposed to be a reference to how self-perception is just an act of social perception? It has nothing to do with the idea of other people being the worst. It's supposed to be about how self-judgement is defined by how we feel we are judged and defined by others, or some bullshit along that line.

Spoiler: Quote from Satre himself

"Hell is other people" has always been misunderstood. It has been thought that what I meant by that was that our relations with other people are always poisoned, that they are invariably hellish relations. But what I really mean is something totally different. I mean that if relations with someone else are twisted, vitiated, then that other person can only be hell. Why?
when we think about ourselves, when we try to know ourselves … we use the knowledge of us which other people already have. We judge ourselves with the means other people have and have given us for judging ourselves.

Hell is other people … misquoting philosophers

Vox is a general interest news site for the 21st century. Its mission: to help everyone understand our complicated world, so that we can all help shape it. In text, video and audio, our reporters explain politics, policy, world affairs, technology, culture, science, the climate crisis, money...

www.vox.com

 

[sserafim]

Isn't that quote supposed to be a reference to how self-perception is just an act of social perception? It has nothing to do with the idea of other people being the worst. It's supposed to be about how self-judgement is defined by how we feel we are judged and defined by others.

Spoiler: Quote from Satre himself

Hell is other people … misquoting philosophers

Vox is a general interest news site for the 21st century. Its mission: to help everyone understand our complicated world, so that we can all help shape it. In text, video and audio, our reporters explain politics, policy, world affairs, technology, culture, science, the climate crisis, money...

www.vox.com

Yeah, I know. How others judge and define me contributes to my misery

 

[Crash_Bash_Dash]

Actually I thought about this today morning and of course I blamed myself from everything. I had privileges too in my past like few others here (university, many friend groups, quite supportive family, got support for uni too from outside sources) but even with them around, I've messed my life up altogether. Some part of me wants to blame partly the influence/pressure/intervention of certain people about my misery but I know those were my choices/actions/inactions still what I've made. Some of the things happened to me are also some bad luck too. One thing that makes me want to ctb nowadays was also quite complicated: I was quite forced and persuaded to do a thing by my family member but I could have lied about it too so I would have perhaps evaded this. But really I didn't know that much better at the time. That is terrible but it has sealed my fate if I decide/have dedication/energy to make further steps towards ctb.

I would say that approximately the precentages are these in my case:

My fault: 60%
Bad luck: 5%
Outside factors: 20%
Other people: 15%

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's a good question - there's not an answer in my case. If I decided to the exact opposite several years ago than what I actually did I wouldn't be here - the other part of the question is - why did luck leave me?

That's it.

 

[krnaaTh]

I always knew that I wasn't really a mentally stable person but never really ask out for help or do anything about it, instead I just focused in helping my friends and relatives to shake off those thoughts in my head, now that I'm a grown up and everyone is living their lives I was just left behind by everyone including myself. For the first time in my life I want to be egoist and ctb. So yeah, I was just postponing my problems and end for my whole life like the lazy ass I am