Story How many times did you attempt to commit suicide, how old were you, and how did it go?

[exhausteduntreatable]

Jumped in a pool knowing I couldn't swim at 6 or 7. Sunk to the bottom. My cousin noticed and pulled me out unfortunately.

16th birthday tried to cut my wrists. Botched. Went about my day bleeding quite badly under my layered clothing. Had knowledge patching myself up.

17 tried positional asphyxia. Quickly became unconscious. Woke up with bruised neck. Scarf had come undone from bedpost.

19 tried to step in front of bus while disassociating. My nose grazed it and my wrist made contact sending me spinning back.

Extremely regretful that I didn't ctb many years ago. Major major regret.

 

[Luna77]

3 attempts at overdose over the span of 20 years, while I was in my 20's and 30's, with a big pile of prescribed & otc meds ( mostly antidepressants, anxiety med, Neurontin, naproxen, Tylenol pm.) Ended up being found & taken to hospital each time. Dr's say I should have died after the 1st & third attempts mainly due to the Tylenol, but I pulled through somehow after being in coma & experiencing organ failure.
( After the second attempt I apparently threw up which saved me from absorbing too much of the meds.)
So here I am again years later thinking of the next time to try to ctb.. Wish I didn't still feel this way but things seem to keep getting worse despite my recent attempts to improve my life. This too shall pass. Hope everyone has a good day

 

[forgotten15]

I

why? how did you feel with the exit bag?

It was not an exit bag (like the exit bag method). It was just a simple bag i put over my head and when i had no air things weren't pretty, SI kicked in and i couldn't go through. Asphyxiation is a horrible method. Sorry if the details disturb anyone.

 

[Littlepaws]

One previous attempt by overdose when I was 17.

 

[Death is your gift]

If you jump down when you hang yourself I think it basically decapitates your skull from your spine so you die quick. Most people die from that than actual strangulation.

Well, believe me I read a lot about hanging, and unless you can jump a few meters I think you will not be decapitated or even broke your neck... In my case (and I suppose in many others that happened in a house) it was from a chair, so it is pretty clear to me that I would have died slowly by strangulation.

 

[user_name_here]

Something very odd here.


You went From bouts of psychosis so severe you thought you were the second coming of Christ, to being healthy again in less than ?? What therapy and meds did you take/attend for such a successful and quick recovery?

And did you post this thread as a leaderboard for suicide attempts? I don't see what there is to celebrate.

 

[Bedrock48]

I've had a few, some proper attempts but others just half hearted attempts to harm myself. I guess the main ones were

Age 17 - Partial practice attempts, couldnt get it right
Age 17 - full suspension, SI saved me
Age 17 - Partial in psych ward, no way to apply enough pressure due to how low the anchor point was
Age 18/19? - Stopped on a bridge by a stranger and ultimately talked down
Age 19 - Cyanide od (cherry pits), also fell down a set of stairs mid attempt
Age 20 - Caffeine od, not quite enough taken

And now I'm here, wishing I'd just pushed through my first attempt and made it successful.

 

[blueclover_.]

I

It was not an exit bag (like the exit bag method). It was just a simple bag i put over my head and when i had no air things weren't pretty, SI kicked in and i couldn't go through. Asphyxiation is a horrible method. Sorry if the details disturb anyone.

Use nitrogen. You're not supposed to just breathe normal air with the exit bag lmao.

 

[!WILL!]

When I was 15 I tried mixing together a bunch of household chemicals and drinking them with some painkillers. I started drinking it but eventually stopped because I was burning my throat.

 

[Blackpoolbootz]

No really serious attempts just OD on morphine tramadol and expect to not wake up. Usually just have whatever Infront of me or in a situation for 30mins thinking about it. Tryed to kill myself with my moped in shed when was 17 couldn't even get that right ,:-(

 

[forgotten15]

Use nitrogen. You're not supposed to just breathe normal air with the exit bag lmao.

As I already said it was not an exit bag and I didn't have nitrogen.
In mu country were some cases, at that time, of people who ctb like that. No nitrogen.
I wanted to try it as well.
And the 'lmao' part really is not necessary, nothing fun when a person's pain goes to such an extent that he/she will resort to even such brutal methods just to escape this hell.

 

[wantSuicide]

Can't remember how many times I tried. It took me several years to complete suicide, but it didn't succeed. I really failed. Maybe it's the result of failure that I am lazy, not brave, and not smart. I think it will take another year or so to succeed. No matter what, I believe I will succeed in the end.

I remember a failed experience. In the winter, when there were not many people around, I jumped from the bridge to the river, but I did not die. I swim to the shore, and then I prepare to cut my veins with a knife. Unfortunately, the police came, and it was really fast.

 

[stellabelle]

I've never tried. I've always wanted but I didn't have the courage. Your story is very interesting, the part of the second coming of Christ... wao...

I joked about it in jest and nobody took me seriously that I was joking about that, mimicking the crazy shit people believe…. I had been poisoned several times with chemicals, non prescription pills, and prescription pills.

I never actually believed the delusions, I knew they were due to poisoning, and the people who screwed with me didn't stop screwing with me, so I would just overdose more and more, I just hated the people who burned me so much, they kept playing stupid little games, they didn't stop and then blamed me for cutting, ODing, considering drowning myself, testing the ropes in hanging oneself, all of that shit.

poison will make your brain go absolutely nuts. You can't stop someone from harassing you or fucking with you, so you basically just poison yourself some more. (Laughs.)

 

[Lance Stone]

I attempted suicide 4 times. The first was when I was 13. I attempted to hang myself in our garage and the rafter broke. I was hospitalized for 10 days. The second time occurred when I was 14, I did something that got LEOs involved and I slashed my wrists and screamed at them to kill me. This time I was hospitalized for 28 days. The third time was when I was 17, I jumped off a second story office complex and broke my arm, was hospitalized for 8 days. The final time occurred in August of this year when I tried to shoot myself with a black powder rifle and I got wrestled to the ground by someone. I was hospitalized for 24 days.

 

[blueclover_.]

As I already said it was not an exit bag and I didn't have nitrogen.
In mu country were some cases, at that time, of people who ctb like that. No nitrogen.
I wanted to try it as well.
And the 'lmao' part really is not necessary, nothing fun when a person's pain goes to such an extent that he/she will resort to even such brutal methods just to escape this hell.

If you want a painless death, nitrogen in essential in asphyxiation. Dying by suffocating yourself with a plastic bag is one of the most painful way to go.

 

[lyles]

My first try was when I was 8, then 14 and 15 years old, all attempts by overdosing on medication. It's a bit surreal to think back on now honestly!

 

[erdbeeren]

I attempted suicide last summer, and it's the only "real" attempt I've had. To make a long story short, I had been battling awful depression for the best part of 11 months and nearing the end of my rope. I tried to overdose on my antidepressants at the time (which was Lexapro). I took around 300 mg of the drug and them went to sleep. I remember waking up and just thinking "fuck fuck fuck fuck". It physically hurt to move and soon I'd have to face my mother's reaction.

She came up to my room and asked what happened to the bottle and all the pills. I told her "I took them", but she didn't believe me. I kept saying "I took them, I took them". She asked why so I replied with "to die". Her response: "well, you didn't do a good job".

I was forced to go to the ER without any say on the matter whatsoever. They brought me into a room with, and I fuck you not, a mattress and nothing more. Not even a pillow, just a hard and shitty mattress. No one there could care any less about me or my situation. This isn't even me jumping to conclusions. My mom was working with them on placing me in a facility to stay indefinitely. The place they planned on sending me had awful reviews and was 2-3 hours away. The lady just looked at us with indifference, shrugged, and went on about how "it's the only option".

From 2pm to 6am the next day, I wasn't allowed to do anything. I was only given a bag of chips to eat. No phone. No tv. No privacy. No care. I just cried on and off wishing I chose a more lethal method of taking my life.

I rode on an ambulance for about 2.5 hours south to the psych hospital. This place somehow managed to do the unthinkable and be miles worse than the ER. The food was old and tasted awful. They always had a shortage of pillows and blankets as well as things like toothbrushes. We were bade to share a room with another person (literally no choice but to comply). Though, the worst part was easily the fact it was so unfathomably boring. The only room we could be in had a tv and a few word searches with worn out pens and crayons. You literally weren't allowed to be in your room and had to stay with everyone else.

Only one ten-minute phone call was allowed per day at around 8pm. No visitors either due to the pandemic. I'd call my mom and the conversation always lead to me begging to leave. Once, I was on the cusp of a meltdown, and all the staff could say was "your time's up".

There weren't even proper therapy sessions nor any form of counseling. No one on one support was given. Group "therapy" was once a day and can only be described as a dark, unfunny joke.

The trauma this hellhole brought upon me still lingers to this day. The nightmares I had have thankfully become less frequent, but the anger persists. There are hundreds of psych hospitals which exploit those suffering from mental illness and hide under the guise of "helping" us. I'm not sure on the exact cost of all the medical "care" I received, but I estimated the total to clock in at around $10,000. This is absurd and shouldn't be acceptable. The selfish assholes who decided American medical expenses should be this outrageous are sadistic and unbelievably cruel.

This experience has taught me things though:

1. If you open up about your problems, you are punished beyond all belief.

2. Free healthcare is necessary.

3. Your family and so called friends are apathetic towards your well-being.

When/if I try to kill myself, I'll make sure I don't fuck it up. And if I survive, no one will know.

 

[blueclover_.]

I attempted suicide last summer, and it's the only "real" attempt I've had. To make a long story short, I had been battling awful depression for the best part of 11 months and nearing the end of my rope. I tried to overdose on my antidepressants at the time (which was Lexapro). I took around 300 mg of the drug and them went to sleep. I remember waking up and just thinking "fuck fuck fuck fuck". It physically hurt to move and soon I'd have to face my mother's reaction.

She came up to my room and asked what happened to the bottle and all the pills. I told her "I took them", but she didn't believe me. I kept saying "I took them, I took them". She asked why so I replied with "to die". Her response: "well, you didn't do a good job".

I was forced to go to the ER without any say on the matter whatsoever. They brought me into a room with, and I fuck you not, a mattress and nothing more. Not even a pillow, just a hard and shitty mattress. No one there could care any less about me or my situation. This isn't even me jumping to conclusions. My mom was working with them on placing me in a facility to stay indefinitely. The place they planned on sending me had awful reviews and was 2-3 hours away. The lady just looked at us with indifference, shrugged, and went on about how "it's the only option".

From 2pm to 6am the next day, I wasn't allowed to do anything. I was only given a bag of chips to eat. No phone. No tv. No privacy. No care. I just cried on and off wishing I chose a more lethal method of taking my life.

I rode on an ambulance for about 2.5 hours south to the psych hospital. This place somehow managed to do the unthinkable and be miles worse than the ER. The food was old and tasted awful. They always had a shortage of pillows and blankets as well as things like toothbrushes. We were bade to share a room with another person (literally no choice but to comply). Though, the worst part was easily the fact it was so unfathomably boring. The only room we could be in had a tv and a few word searches with worn out pens and crayons. You literally weren't allowed to be in your room and had to stay with everyone else.

Only one ten-minute phone call was allowed per day at around 8pm. No visitors either due to the pandemic. I'd call my mom and the conversation always lead to me begging to leave. Once, I was on the cusp of a meltdown, and all the staff could say was "your time's up".

There weren't even proper therapy sessions nor any form of counseling. No one on one support was given. Group "therapy" was once a day and can only be described as a dark, unfunny joke.

The trauma this hellhole brought upon me still lingers to this day. The nightmares I had have thankfully become less frequent, but the anger persists. There are hundreds of psych hospitals which exploit those suffering from mental illness and hide under the guise of "helping" us. I'm not sure on the exact cost of all the medical "care" I received, but I estimated the total to clock in at around $10,000. This is absurd and shouldn't be acceptable. The selfish assholes who decided American medical expenses should be this outrageous are sadistic and unbelievably cruel.

This experience has taught me things though:

1. If you open up about your problems, you are punished beyond all belief.

2. Free healthcare is necessary.

3. Your family and so called friends are apathetic towards your well-being.

When/if I try to kill myself, I'll make sure I don't fuck it up. And if I survive, no one will know.

Proof that people don't actually care, they just don't want to feel guilty about themselves.

 

[bees.]

God, I can't remember how much I've tried. Some notable ones I guess would be my many attempts in the hospital. The closest I got was an attempt when I was I think 15? Passed out in my little scrub pant noose and woke up on the floor in hypoxia induced psychosis. I am under constant watch, so it's hard to do the most successful of methods, unfortunately.

 

[CTBookOfLife]

Only one real attempt, during a mental break.

BACKGROUND:

I was diagnosed with Pediatric Acute-Onset Neuropsychiatric Syndrome on 2020. We aren't sure of the cause yet, but I have suspicions (feel free to ask about them).

It's a disorder that essentially causes brain inflammation in certain areas. Some symptoms include sudden onset of OCD, tics, "tantrums," mental regression, seizures, and more.

The OCD was the cause of this attempt. I have horrific contamination OCD, and unfortunately, my mom cannot deal with it (she is my unofficial caretaker as of now). She has Petulant Type BPD, so she often lashes out.

In one argument, she pushed me out of the room I had been living in for almost a year or so due to my OCD-induced fear of leaving it. I was so terrified that I ran to the silverware drawer, grabbed a medium-sized serated knife and slashed my left wrist four times as deep as I could go. When my mom tried to take the knife, I tried to stab her and actually nicked her arm.

I'm not in a place where I'll ever do that again, but.. yeah.

Feel free to ask more.