How many redo's have you attempted in your life?

[Nolan96]

How many times have you tried to collect and evaluate yourself, really make big and concrete changes, and seriously put your best effort into turning it all around?

For me it's five times, one campaign of trying to pull myself together in each of these years: 2009, 2016, 2018, 2019, and 2021.

I don't want to go into what they consisted of, but you can talk about yours in detail if you'd like.

For me, none of them has ever truly saved me, and I'm getting very tired. They tend to help at least for awhile, and I can't honestly say I'm the lowest I've ever been, but I'm nowhere near okay even after everything. And I'm finding it hard if not impossible to imagine where I'd even start with another one.

 

[botanormal]

I used to try to 'redo' things a lot. When I left school without a proper education I spent time trying to gain my qualifications & get into college. When I became too socially inept & anxious to speak I spent time slowly trying to build myself back up & got a job. When I quit my job & threw everything away, I spent time trying to get myself into a better position & growing my skills. Whenever I reach my lowest points, my brain tells me I either need to attempt to fix everything or to just end it all, but these days I've just been focused on redoing smaller things. I stopped eating properly for a long time, now I'm trying to 'redo' that by eating at least one thing every day. Today I ate some spaghetti, after craving it all week from reading that thread about pasta that was posted here last week!

Looking at everything is so tiresome, I understand how you feel. I'm sorry your attempts didn't seem to work for a very long time, at least I hope you can find some relief in doing even just one thing you enjoy. Although sometimes it's not enough to take away the pain, which is awful... sending hugs your way, friend

 

[wait.what]

Six that I can think of, in 1991, 1999, 2002, 2012, 2017, 2019. If those were Superbowl wins, I'd have a pretty successful sports franchise.

Okay, now I'm imagining hanging banners with the years of my mental breakdowns on them all around my room.

 

[WaterHemlock]

I've tried countless times. I would go down long self help rabbit holes, over and over. I really struggled for a long time, trying to get better and be a better person. I have a whole bookshelf of different methods and ideas and diets, for at least three decades. I've really lost the will to try any more. I hang on by telling myself I can't commit suicide in December, it will ruin Christmas, I can't in March because there are too many birthdays. I come up with ridiculous things but it's running thin. Because I'm not trying to get well anymore, only postponing the day it finally happens. I've pretty much worked out the logistics and have a running list of things that will need to be done. And I keep things that will be disturbing for folks to find after my demise in a garbage bag in my dresser with a note on it, warning people to just scoop up the whole bag and dispose of it. I'm mostly ready to go at any time, only hoping that I might get wiped out in a freak meteor strike and spare anyone who might conceivable care the trauma of suicide.

 

[Sleepdrifter]

2008 made a move on my own to a new city, bam recession hit. Moved to another city in 2009, went back to school. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Tried to work a minimum wage job, turned out they hired & fired like crazy. Moved in 2014 for a job in another new place, laid off after a year. Decided to "build a career" there until housing become unaffordable. Moved to another new city, lost my job. And I'm moving again this year.

It has just been hell. The lack of luck, the lack of help, trying to break into fields with no experience, trying to make friends in weird places. People have zero patience if they find out you're broke and alone. People don't give you a chance.

Recently I've had another serious breakdown and trying to see things from a more experienced perspective. The plan is to break my endless worthless loser streak and have a place in society rather than flounder from job to job while being a nervous wreck. Taking control is the most important part of this, and there's many things I've been oblivious to which matter.

Probably my best accomplishment so far is working my way out of homelessness and staying out of it, but even though things are going OK financially, I still sometimes obsess over the possibility, even bought a sleeping bag last month. It was irrational but made me feel safe. That's how I know I'm not looking at life right and it's my job to fix.

 

[motel rooms]

How many times have you tried to collect and evaluate yourself, really make big and concrete changes, and seriously put your best effort into turning it all around?

I've never done that, I've always just managed the symptoms of my disorder(s), which I can never get rid of. The best thing that ever happened to me was a breakdown during which I told my disturbing life story to the guy I wound up marrying, but that definitely wasn't planned.