How many people are secretly suicidal but don't show any signs?

[eternalmelancholy]

Because no one knows that I am depressed, let alone suicidal in real life. How many of us do you think are out there? As stupid as it sounds, it gives me some comfort thinking that others might know what I am going through.

It is very hard to know for sure since my perception of reality is so skewed. According to the popular media we are outcast scum or mentally incapable of making sound decisions. Just how isolated and alone are we in our thoughts?

 

[Manaaja]

"Me suicidal? No way! I want to become a great artist like Sakimichan! And then I want to move to Japan! And I want dogs! And run! And make friends! And play Elden Ring and Diablo 4!" is what I "lie" to everyone. I don't say those exact words, but that's how I imagine others see me.

In truth I want to live elsewhere, far far far away, like a few dimensions away.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Many of my friends know I'm depressed, but they will be shocked when I ctb. Only a few people know the truth or the entire story

 

[newave3]

I told everyone I know that I'm suicidal. I don't give a shit. I will even tell strangers.
You may be able to keep your suicidal thoughts a secret, but the depression that's causing it will not go unnoticed by the people around you. They say depression is the cause of half of all suicides. I think it's responsible for almost all suicides.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

According to the popular media we are outcast scum or mentally incapable of making sound decisions.

True, this. If we even hint at what we're going through, we face ostracism. If we admit to being suicidal, we face imprisonment. And once imprisoned, if we get out, we'll do ANYTHING not to go back. So hiding and lying it is. Sending you support.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

"Me suicidal? No way! I want to become a great artist like Sakimichan! And then I want to move to Japan! And I want dogs! And run! And make friends! And play Elden Ring and Diablo 4!" is what I "lie" to everyone. I don't say those exact words, but that's how I imagine others see me.

In truth I want to live elsewhere, far far far away, like a few dimensions away.

That's the thing I noticed. Normal people have all these future plans and dreams. Meanwhile I just live day to day mindlessly and watch the years roll on by. I guess that's the difference between merely existing and living life.

True, this. If we even hint at what we're going through, we face ostracism. If we admit to being suicidal, we face imprisonment. And once imprisoned, if we get out, we'll do ANYTHING not to go back. So hiding and lying it is. Sending you support.

My life is already hard enough without having to worry about becoming a social pariah or overbearing authorities. It sucks you can't even talk about this kind of stuff because it's taboo.

 

[FuneralCry]

Nobody in real life knows that I want to leave this world and they never will. Luckily I am not around people that often, I only talk to family members. The way I see it, there is no point in telling people. They will not accept and understand my decision. People who are not suicidal themselves will never be able to comprehend what it is like. I wish there was an option of euthanasia, where I could tell people and then I would be able to leave this world peacefully and they would have to accept it. However instead, the society denies us this and insists we must live no matter what.

 

[og.]

I dont vent to anyone because it makes me feel weak and last time I did I really regretted it

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Nobody knows I'm planning to "off" myself. They know something is off with me depression, anxiety, low energy, not sociable however they cannot understand my perspective because they never experienced it or my view/lens/perception. That's why I never told any of them. It's something they cannot understand and there is no point in telling them anything as they will throw you in a psych institution "it gets better" or "just be happy" or "there are people that have it worse than you". I lost all desire at 14 when this cursed skin condition ruined my life. Again after abuse/used by an Ex at 21-22. I have no desire for this I know the future. Woman are praised for their beauty/looks, I am disqualified due to damaged skin and it won't ever heal and recover, there is no hope for me, and I have no social skills now because of it. Know one cares until after your dead however I'm exhausted from pretending so I'm non social for 6 years, the mask is off and my family knows something is off but they don't know I'm suicidal, my final attempt they will know and I'll write everything in a note for them which led to this point, no more suffering for others "emotions". Death is terrifying to lose all sensation of what was here is beautiful and also frightening, it's beautiful because I won't have to be tortured mentally anymore for the parental dysfunctional environment and the abuse/bullying trauma and relationships/sexual trauma. It's frightening because SI and desperation before losing all that was known to travel into what is not known.

 

[Maaizr]

no one knows who matters, definitely not immediate family lmao they're absolutely not even equipped to deal with the subject matter - not like i care anyways, i'll never tell

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I think all suicidal people leak signs but 99% of people are too stupid and self-centered to take them seriously.

 

[fushigiri]

True, this. If we even hint at what we're going through, we face ostracism. If we admit to being suicidal, we face imprisonment. And once imprisoned, if we get out, we'll do ANYTHING not to go back. So hiding and lying it is. Sending you support.

This is exactly why I'm acting all bright and cheerful when I'm socializing. But there are times when I'm unable to do that.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

It's something they cannot understand and there is no point in telling them anything as they will throw you in a psych institution "it gets better" or "just be happy" or "there are people that have it worse than you".

Man I heard variations of those meaningless platitudes all my life. I also see no point of telling anyone. It is not going to change anything.

The way I see it, there is no point in telling people. They will not accept and understand my decision. People who are not suicidal themselves will never be able to comprehend what it is like.

Everybody has their own problems to worry about. People don't like being around "downers". That is why I laugh whenever I see those suicide prevention campaign telling us to "talk to someone" and that "we are not alone". More meaningless bullshit from people who just don't understand.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

This is definitely not me. I am open and honest about it. Hell, I say out loud regularly. Anywhere. That aside, I honestly think we would all not only be surprised at the number of people who are "secretly suicidal", but specific people who are. I am sure both would contain surprises nobody expected.

 

[existtosuffer]

 

[Lostandlooking]

In the past my suicidality was invisible. There must be lots of people that hide it. Most people I guess, because of reasons descibed in the replies above. I'm lucky I live in a country where involuntary hospilization isn't the norm. It's pretty unlikely that would happen. So when things got really bad last year I told quite a lot of people, because I hoped people would help me with the situation I was in. I still regularly mention it to the people closest to me when I'm struggling and start making preparations. The thing is, telling people and talking about it has only made things worse. I wasn't able to find a therapist because everyone said I was too suicidal. (it's a bit more complicated than that but that was one of the reasons often mentioned) And it also seems people tend to forget. If I am somewhat presentable and don't talk about suicide people assume I'm doing better. So it's a weird thing. Why talk about it? All it really seems to do is make people uncomfortable. And there's the risk someone will say I'm attention seeking. I don't know what to do. Most of the time nowadays when I get worse, I keep it to myself. And I only briefly mention it in conversations with my social worker. I don't think she understands how broken I really am.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

The thing is, telling people and talking about it has only made things worse. I wasn't able to find a therapist because everyone said I was too suicidal. (it's a bit more complicated than that but that was one of the reasons often mentioned) And it also seems people tend to forget. If I am somewhat presentable and don't talk about suicide people assume I'm doing better. So it's a weird thing. Why talk about it? All it really seems to do is make people uncomfortable. And there's the risk someone will say I'm attention seeking.

Yeah that's very true. It is not like they can help or probably even care. I mean everyone has their own problems to deal with. No one wants to hear bad news or get bummed out by a sob story.

Being suicidal completely isolates you from the rest of society. Which feeds into the misery and loneliness even more. Once you realize suicide is an option there is no going back. You will have suicidal thoughts for the rest of your life. Look at all the people here who are 50+ years old and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for decades.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Look at all the people here who are 50+ years old and have been struggling with suicidal thoughts for decades.

But, but, but this can't be! After all, problems are temporary. If only they'd hung on... Oh, wait.

 

[arainydancer]

I'm actually one of those people, and it surprises me just how far I had gotten away with it. I've been up rooftops with the intention of jumping to fall to my death, I've bought ropes and made nooses in my room multiple times, I've cut myself and left blood all over my clothes and bedsheets, and all of this is happening as I live with my parents. Back when I was visiting a psychiatrist, she was surprised that nobody in my life, ever, had picked up on it. Literally the only way one would know if I was suicidal in the first place is if I died, and even then, I'm not sure if they would be convinced that was going to be the case.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Apart from on here, I've never talked about it. There's not a ton of people in my life, but the people there are know that I'm struggling. Expressing suicidal thoughts is... I dunno, I don't think that anyone can say or do anything that would help, and I don't want to put people in the position of feeling guilty because they didn't do or say the "right" thing to stop me. If I do it, it's not because of what someone else did or didn't do.

I haven't even called a hotline because I've heard some horror stories about the cops showing up etc.

 

[TheGreatEscape]

I was recently asked by someone who knows me as well as anyone (colleagues for 20 years; travelled together for work for weeks at a time; covered for each other during health/family crises; etc) if I ever feel depressed because he has been lately. It made me very happy to know I've hid it so well for so long.

One friend does know I'm suicidal, but he was surprised when I first told him and took some convincing.

 

[AnonymousS]

Nobody in real life knows that I want to leave this world and they never will. Luckily I am not around people that often, I only talk to family members. The way I see it, there is no point in telling people. They will not accept and understand my decision. People who are not suicidal themselves will never be able to comprehend what it is like. I wish there was an option of euthanasia, where I could tell people and then I would be able to leave this world peacefully and they would have to accept it. However instead, the society denies us this and insists we must live no matter what.

I agree, the only people who are in the best position to decide is ourselves. Maybe and i would think very, very rarely friends, loved ones who are witness to our constant suffering. It is a sad indictment on society, that we are not granted access to a peaceful means with which to alleviate our suffering.

 

[nico1420]

no, i dont think i give away any signs however i believe if someone pays close atention all the signs are there...i am cinic when i see happy people and i have a hard time believeing in their happiness, my comments are always pointing that i will be relief if i died, the thing is i am also a jokester so people tend to think that i have a dark sense of humor and nothing else, but really my eyes give me away...i can feel it...

 

[Staplefreak]

It's surprisingly easy to be suicidal without any signs. This is the flaw in suicide awareness campaigns or what is said you should do if you feel suicidal--that is, communicate or watch for symptoms in individuals.

I think people who are the most suicidal are the ones who are the least likely to express anything of the sort. They know it is foolish to do so.

 

[busternaught]

I think my friends know, but that they just choose to ignore it. I told them that I was in a ward earlier this year, and they completely ignored it and never asked me why or asked me how I was doing afterwards. It's too easy for me to put on a happy face and pretend that nothing is wrong, now that I've reached the stage where I don't want help but simply want to CTB

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I agree, the only people who are in the best position to decide is ourselves... It is a sad indictment on society, that we are not granted access to a peaceful means with which to alleviate our suffering.

Amen.

 

[Samsara]

Many of us, I'd imagine, though it becomes most difficult to conceal when one has been suicidal for a long time