How many of you are in a relationship?

[L.D.50]

I'm curious as to how many people here are in a committed relationship as well.
I'm in a two year long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and i feel a lot of guilt for still being as miserable as i am.
its not like i don't talk with him about this, he's incredibly understanding and shows nothing but support
he knows he can't change the way i feel and i have a tendency to hurt myself
i think I'm a horrible person for being with him
if he weren't here i know i would have nothing to live for
and the times he's gone for work or on vacation assures me of that
but even though hes perfect, and i love him so much
i still want more than anything to not be alive
i love him, but i hate my life more
and i dont know what to do.

 

[martyrdom]

I was in a very loving relationship up until recently, when I broke it off because of my trauma and my plan to kill myself. Love can help considerably but it can't fix everything, and it's not a failure on your part that you aren't "fixed" or made completely happy by love. It's not a slight or some kind of injustice against him. And you're certainly not a horrible person for being with someone you love and who loves you. If he knows you're suicidal, it's his own decision whether to accept that you might not be there anymore one day and choose whether or not to stay. But you also can't "spare" him the pain by breaking up with him - if he loves you, and it sounds like he does, he will be in a lot of pain at your loss even if you leave him first. It's one of those tragic situations of life where no one is at fault.

I'm not sure if you want advice, or if I have any useful advice to give, I would just say that it's not a crime to enjoy your time with him and find comfort in his love until you decide to go, if you do. I know that personally, if the person I loved was suicidal I would want to soak up as much time as I could with her as possible, and while I'd hope she wouldn't leave, I would prefer being with her for as long as she would stay over anything else. It would break my heart if she blamed herself.

 

[Pluto]

 

[darksouls]

I am alone since my female dog left me in 2020, no friends, no social contacts

 

[TwistedNightmares]

I'm in a 10+ year long distance relationship. I definitely wouldn't be sane/alive today if it wasn't for my partner.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Long distance, he is my rock, hoping for a future together again.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Only once I had a real relationship. It was with a cruel and sadistic girl that never truly loved me, and enjoyed toying with me and seeing me suffer. I was a young and stupid teen back then and I let her do those things to me.
If I had my today's intelligence back then I would've dumped her like she was a radioactive waste. I wouldn't spend even a single day with her.
After that I had plenty of one night stands and short "relationships" that lasted a week or two. I had the looks back then, but my brain was (and still is) F-ed up. Having asperger's suck.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I'm in a 10+ year long distance relationship. I definitely wouldn't be sane/alive today if it wasn't for my partner.

I came here to say literally this. I love him, but sometimes I resent him for unknowingly keeping me here.

 

[BeyondSurvival]

I'm not in a relationship right now, but I completely understand what you mean. If I were in a serious relationship, these thoughts would probably leave me quite conflicted. In fact, they might even be one of the biggest obstacles keeping me from getting into a relationship.

 

[Forveleth]

Married. He is half the reason I am here.

 

[FoxSauce]

Never been in one. I wabt to give a go but my fear of intimacy holds me back.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

married and the reason I'm alive/continue to be alive.

 

[Still here]

Never been in one...

 

[dying_kwik2000]

Never been in a relationship. Part of the reason I feel like such a failure.

 

[NeroJune9th]

Never been in a relationship. Part of the reason I feel like such a failure.

Same. I feel like you have to be a Ubermensch these days to have a chance at dating.

 

[enough of this]

I never have been, but would love to be .

 

[littlecutecorpse]

in a long-distance relationship. about to hit 2 years w/ him next month. we've had our ups and downs (mostly downs, until recently), but god i love him so much. he's probably the only person that kept me somewhat sane and stable before everything collapsed. even then, i still cling onto him (perhaps a little too much, as he's said in the past). just hope he'll be okay when i leave this planet

 

[MissAbyss]

Relation-ship... nevermind lol.

 

[OOUUneverover]

I don't think I could ever relate to anyone else

 

[SparkleWater]

in my first irl one rn. Most of my other ones were online and with grown men often times 4+ years my senior either that or shit that were mega casual and only lasting 2-3 weeks at most.
We dont live togeather. it costs too much and he doesnt make enough to even try and look for an apartment. Mostly waiting on me to try and find something i wanna do with my life but its pointless.
The only thing i wanna do is die. I have no future but he doesnt see that.

 

[Dark Moon]

Nope never had a proper relationship in my life. I would have liked to be in one but I think that ship has sailed.

 

[Arvayn]

I was in an almost life-long relationship with my childhood friend. We both met when we were very young and impressionable, and we essentially molded each other's interests and personalities as a result, as we hit it off immediately. I never felt any romantic attraction to anyone else, because why would I need to when I have somebody that I essentially customized to fit my every preference on accident (and vice versa)?

Eventually, as time went on, she lost her attraction to me for undisclosed reasons, after years of happily being together. She began to be very critical and intolerant of me, as well as abrasive and irritable. I did my best to adapt, but it was not enough, and one day she told me to never speak to her again. I still do not know what triggered the change.

Seeing as I was still as madly in love with her as I had always been for the past decade, my brain really did not take this very kindly.
Previously, I was a young person in absolutely perfect physical and mental health. Doctors praised me at check-ups, and psychologists were impressed with my mental capacities. After this happened, I contracted severe depression and psychosis. I became a shut-in and neglected all of my responsibilities and self-care, which caused me to become underweight and made my skin go pale like a corpse, which it still is to this day. At one point, I almost died on the spot from a sudden cardiac arrest due to malnutrition, but I was saved at the hospital. Shortly after that, I went insane and started to have extremely strong delusions that everything and anything is out to hurt me and may be dangerous. The only days on which I accomplished anything were when I had episodes of euphoric mania, which I believe I would not be alive today without.

I eventually recovered, only thanks to the efforts of everybody around me mobilizing to help; otherwise, I likely would have done something drastic and gone out with a bang. I completely changed as a person following the experience, developing a very passionate interest in the subject of death and the taboo in general, and became more clinical in tone and demeanor. Everybody I know noticed that mental shift, and they thought something was still wrong with me, even if I assured them that I feel alright, which I do.
I am only alive because of dumb luck, and happening to be born in a circumstance where I have people who care.

I've only had that one relationship, and I do not plan to ever have one again. Either way, it is a life-defining experience for me.