Discussion How many of you are ctbing solely due to physical issues ( injury, botched surgery, chronic pain, neuropathic/crps. failed back surgery etc)

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

I am ending it due to several chronic illnesses including chronic pain. I'm young. Existing like this is just agonizing. If anyone else is ending it due to the same reason, please message me. I feel so alone in this.

You're not alone

 

[Lonerzepam]

From physical pain and dysfunction and from cognitive issues that I believe came from psych meds. I also have pectus excavatum which is a chest wall deformity that causes your sternum to sink in and mild scoliosis. My sternum now sinks in farther when I breathe and my ribs don't expand very much anymore so I constantly feel like I'm suffocating. My spine is degenerated as hell and combined with my sternum and rib dysfunction I'm encased in pain and misery. My heart is squeezed by my ribs and when I breath in I can feel my lungs smashing it. You can see my heart pounding out from under my left ribs 24/7. Because my diaphragm is compressed as well it is causing my esophagus to not function right and my food sits in my esophagus for hours. Its called gastroparesis. Acid pours freely into my esophagus and mouth. My heart skips beats when I swallow. Swallowing is very hard and sometimes when I try my swallow reflux shuts down halfway and my throat closes. I'm constantly dizzy and off balance . I had a neck surgery in 2019. I had my c5 through c7 fused and it made things worse. I can't use my hands or arms well anymore. They feel no responsive almost like they have been on ice but without the cold sensation.

I can't think clearly and am in constant deep depression for years on end now. I can't keep track of time passing. I can't tell yesterday from the day before. I have no interests anymore. I can't follow simple tv shows. I can't find words when I'm trying to speak. I have intense limb jerks that started out happening only when falling asleep but now happen when I'm just laying in bed after waking up while wide awake. My jaw will clamp down and ill bite the side of my tounge or lip. My head will jerk back or my trunk will fire off like its trying to do a very fast sit up. mostly it my arms and shoulders that thrash about. I cry on a regular basis. My family seems like they are strangers as my ability to perceive and process feelings and input is completely destroyed from meds. I'm guessing from meds anyway. Circumstances certainly point to this.

I empathize with your story, man. I also have a degenerative spinal disease, Scheuermann's disesse. And pectus excavatum. In fact, it seems to me that you could be suffering from this condition as well. I also have terrible neck that limits my arm movement. All passion about life has been lost. It's just so so sad... but at least there is CTB for us, the only hope.

Count me in in that PE club. I got surgery cuz it was so severe. One of the most painfull surgerys I can say for sure. Now I have a metal bar reaching from my heart to my chest. I also have a rare neuro desease called HPPD caused by SSRIs. This lead me to many hard addictions (Heroin, Benzos, Ketamine to name a few.). All this cuz genetics and doctor prescribed me some shitty ass pills. Good days are long gone. CTB is all I think about 24/7. I'm 22. Way too young for all this shit...

 

[Cryptonite]

Count me in in that PE club. I got surgery cuz it was so severe. One of the most painfull surgerys I can say for sure. Now I have a metal bar reaching from my heart to my chest. I also have a rare neuro desease called HPPD caused by SSRIs. This lead me to many hard addictions (Heroin, Benzos, Ketamine to name a few.). All this cuz genetics and doctor prescribed me some shitty ass pills. Good days are long gone. CTB is all I think about 24/7. I'm 22. Way too young for all this shit...

Sorry, what do you mean by PE?

Such a sad story that was assigned to us... I'm 25, so not too far away from you. Nobody deserves this, even the elderly. Sometimes it is impossible for other people to comprehend the level of suffering we go through, so often times I'm just silent and speechless.

Thank God we can CTB, at least.

 

[nowaru]

Not particularly a reason yet, but it could end up being one. I have undiagnosed back pain (which turns into sciatica if it gets bad), carpal tunnel (flares up here and there) among other random issues that stem mostly in the right side of my body. I have no health insurance to actually go out and see if these issues are fixable or what they even are. But, so far they have been manageable. I am just hoping I can figure out a solution this summer since my family is low income, and hope that with the expensive college I am going to with a lot of connections, I'm able to get a good job to hopefully sort things out in the future. I'm only 19 as well, but seeing others who are young who have similar issues is a bit of a comfort I guess that I'm not alone.

 

[novem]

I do not entirely fit into your criteria as I have had an experience with a mental disease, however... Thanks to a new state-of-the-art treatment, I got cured from it after suffering my whole life. I was full of hope, but soon after that I was diagnosed with a spinal disease called Scheuermann's disease. This one leads me to CTB. It could have been cured fully, but I was misdiagnosed by two doctors as a child.

From your other posts, I noticed you had a botched surgery and that you are a doctor yourself. It seems many of us share the same sad story - ruined by a doctor. Maybe, as a doctor, do you have some insight into why they make so many mistakes and care so little? Given how frequent this behavior is, I believe it is not doctors' fault, but rather a systemic problem. Maybe lack of financial resources and time? Maybe burnout of empathy? Maybe the profession attracts people who care more about its prestige rather than truly helping people? Maybe there's a lack of motivation towards lifelong learning? I don't know...

There are two types of doctors:
1)with resources and only looking to profit and gain more resources
2)without resources not looking to profit but are unable to help because of lack of resources.
To doctors patients' pain is a routine, they have grown thick skin not to reflect this pain anymore.
(humans have mirror neurons that react to others pain, and if smth is wrong with mirror neurons it is one of the causes of autism)

 

[Lonerzepam]

Sorry, what do you mean by PE?

Pectus excavatum

 

[Never Alive]

Count me in in that PE club. I got surgery cuz it was so severe. One of the most painfull surgerys I can say for sure. Now I have a metal bar reaching from my heart to my chest. I also have a rare neuro desease called HPPD caused by SSRIs. This lead me to many hard addictions (Heroin, Benzos, Ketamine to name a few.). All this cuz genetics and doctor prescribed me some shitty ass pills. Good days are long gone. CTB is all I think about 24/7. I'm 22. Way too young for all this shit...

I have PSSD from SSRI/SNRI as well. Cognitive and sexual Dysfunction. Shit is extremely bad, I got fucked over by doctors, now I can only think about ctb every day.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I have PSSD from SSRI/SNRI as well. Cognitive and sexual Dysfunction. Shit is extremely bad, I got fucked over by doctors, now I can only think about ctb every day.

Fuck SSRI's

 

[Cryptonite]

Pectus excavatum

I see. PE is a standard part of Scheuermann's disase, which I'd say is the most underdiagnosed spinal disease.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I see. PE is a standard part of Scheuermann's disase, which I'd say is the most underdiagnosed spinal disease.

I googled it now. Just had to take a look at a photo and 100% convinced I have it. No wonder with severe PE. I always had cuz of PE but didn't knew it was actually another disease...Well I guess I can add it to my already long list of disease...soulcrushing...

 

[jadednfree]

Me - chronic pelvic pain.

 

[LastFlowers]

In my country, public hospitals are the norm. Yet, the situation is identical with what you describe in privately owned hospitals.

I agree the doctors may be overworked. But then it should be general knowledge that doctors routinely make mistakes and patients shouldn't rely on them. There should be some informational campaign. Instead, everyone trusts doctors blindly, which results in so many unnecessary ruined lives. My mom did the same thing and that's why she didn't push for more exams and more opinions.

It is time that patients see doctors as advisors rather than treaters.

I agree, the problem is that once you do realize this (gross unreliability) about doctors, surgeons, etc..it's probably far too late.
You only know what to look for..the warning signs..once you've become a victim.
And your consecutive interactions with these doctors may become even more poor, as your awareness of all the bullshit going on is a threat to their usual tactic of a total lack of transparency.
To add, we also now have the additional stressor and concern over the ever increasing tendency of typical medical doctors to pass their patients over the barrier and into the arms of the Psychiatrists and Psychologists.
There's a direct pipeline now and it's awfully convenient.
If your case is not a simple one with an easy fix, if you get emotional or show more care for your situation than a bot, you are very likely to be told…in some way, shape, or form..that the problem may be your "perception" or any number of dismissive or trivializing things, and you will be nudged toward the psychs who will have even less tools or motivation to fix your physical detriment(s).
The Psych paradigm of pathologizing every reaction to every problem (even tangible ones) lends itself perfectly to the already dismissive nature of so many doctors in other unrelated fields.
It's a match made in hell.


Most doctors (and those in any profession with prestige, power, authority..) have an unmistakable ego tied into their title.
Questioning, doubting..doing your own research for your own body, in your own time…they detest that. Any push you give, they will push back ten times harder.
(Same reason why if you ever want a certain medication, even one which is not a controlled substance, you're better off never asking for it directly. You have to lead the horse to the water.)
Really, they should appreciate patients who pay attention and try to understand what's wrong or amiss, but they don't.
Most people know their own bodies better than any doctor will in a short visit, or even in a hundred.
They may not have the proper terminology or education to explain things succinctly or efficiently, but they're still likely to have a pretty firm grasp on what/when/where there is an issue with their own flesh.

As problematic as some nurses can be..a lot of patients feel heard and listened to more so by the accompanying nurse or even a NP (or RPN) versus their physician.
There have been nurses who were able to identify the correct issue when the doctor could not/would not, because they actually had a two-way conversation with the patient and weren't busy taking their sweet time yanking their head out of their own ass.
There is just not quite as much room for pompous or prideful behavior when you're a nurse..and nurses also have a behind the scenes look at how doctors operate and how flawed & arrogant they actually are.
So they may see their own frustrations in the workplace w/docs mirrored in the patient and feel some type of empathy.

At the end of the day, people in these positions of power and statu$ will put their excess above your deficiencies, as far as priorities go.
They will risk you, your body, and your sanity..before they ever risk a single part of themselves or what is theirs.
Some are just worse about it than others.

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

I agree, the problem is that once you do realize this (gross unreliability) about doctors, surgeons, etc..it's probably far too late.
You only know what to look for..the warning signs..once you've become a victim.
And your consecutive interactions with these doctors may become even more poor, as your awareness of all the bullshit going on is a threat to their usual tactic of a total lack of transparency.
To add, we also now have the additional stressor and concern over the ever increasing tendency of typical medical doctors to pass their patients over the barrier and into the arms of the Psychiatrists and Psychologists.
There's a direct pipeline now and it's awfully convenient.
If your case is not a simple one with an easy fix, if you get emotional or show more care for your situation than a bot, you are very likely to be told…in some way, shape, or form..that the problem may be your "perception" or any number of dismissive or trivializing things, and you will be nudged toward the psychs who will have even less tools or motivation to fix your physical detriment(s).
The Psych paradigm of pathologizing every reaction to every problem (even tangible ones) lends itself perfectly to the already dismissive nature of so many doctors in other unrelated fields.
It's a match made in hell.


Most doctors (and those in any profession with prestige, power, authority..) have an unmistakable ego tied into their title.
Questioning, doubting..doing your own research for your own body, in your own time…they detest that. Any push you give, they will push back ten times harder.
(Same reason why if you ever want a certain medication, even one which is not a controlled substance, you're better off never asking for it directly. You have to lead the horse to the water.)
Really, they should appreciate patients who pay attention and try to understand what's wrong or amiss, but they don't.
Most people know their own bodies better than any doctor will in a short visit, or even in a hundred.
They may not have the proper terminology or education to explain things succinctly or efficiently, but they're still likely to have a pretty firm grasp on what/when/where there is an issue with their own flesh.

As problematic as some nurses can be..a lot of patients feel heard and listened to more so by the accompanying nurse or even a NP (or RPN) versus their physician.
There have been nurses who were able to identify the correct issue when the doctor could not/would not, because they actually had a two-way conversation with the patient and weren't busy taking their sweet time yanking their head out of their own ass.
There is just not quite as much room for pompous or prideful behavior when you're a nurse..and nurses also have a behind the scenes look at how doctors operate and how flawed & arrogant they actually are.
So they may see their own frustrations in the workplace w/docs mirrored in the patient and feel some type of empathy.

At the end of the day, people in these positions of power and statu$ will put their excess above your deficiencies, as far as priorities go.
They will risk you, your body, and your sanity..before they ever risk a single part of themselves or what is theirs.
Some are just worse about it than others.

Thank you for this painful truth.

Exactly my ongoing and excruciating experience.

But sadly applies to Nurses and any other HCP — in my small town.

I had just replied on another person's thread who is also suffering this horrific systemic abuse

 

[Cryptonite]

I googled it now. Just had to take a look at a photo and 100% convinced I have it. No wonder with severe PE. I always had cuz of PE but didn't knew it was actually another disease...Well I guess I can add it to my already long list of disease...soulcrushing...

PM me anytime if you want to know anything about this disease. I've done tons of research to soothe myself a little bit.

I agree, the problem is that once you do realize this (gross unreliability) about doctors, surgeons, etc..it's probably far too late.
You only know what to look for..the warning signs..once you've become a victim.
And your consecutive interactions with these doctors may become even more poor, as your awareness of all the bullshit going on is a threat to their usual tactic of a total lack of transparency.
To add, we also now have the additional stressor and concern over the ever increasing tendency of typical medical doctors to pass their patients over the barrier and into the arms of the Psychiatrists and Psychologists.
There's a direct pipeline now and it's awfully convenient.
If your case is not a simple one with an easy fix, if you get emotional or show more care for your situation than a bot, you are very likely to be told…in some way, shape, or form..that the problem may be your "perception" or any number of dismissive or trivializing things, and you will be nudged toward the psychs who will have even less tools or motivation to fix your physical detriment(s).
The Psych paradigm of pathologizing every reaction to every problem (even tangible ones) lends itself perfectly to the already dismissive nature of so many doctors in other unrelated fields.
It's a match made in hell.


Most doctors (and those in any profession with prestige, power, authority..) have an unmistakable ego tied into their title.
Questioning, doubting..doing your own research for your own body, in your own time…they detest that. Any push you give, they will push back ten times harder.
(Same reason why if you ever want a certain medication, even one which is not a controlled substance, you're better off never asking for it directly. You have to lead the horse to the water.)
Really, they should appreciate patients who pay attention and try to understand what's wrong or amiss, but they don't.
Most people know their own bodies better than any doctor will in a short visit, or even in a hundred.
They may not have the proper terminology or education to explain things succinctly or efficiently, but they're still likely to have a pretty firm grasp on what/when/where there is an issue with their own flesh.

As problematic as some nurses can be..a lot of patients feel heard and listened to more so by the accompanying nurse or even a NP (or RPN) versus their physician.
There have been nurses who were able to identify the correct issue when the doctor could not/would not, because they actually had a two-way conversation with the patient and weren't busy taking their sweet time yanking their head out of their own ass.
There is just not quite as much room for pompous or prideful behavior when you're a nurse..and nurses also have a behind the scenes look at how doctors operate and how flawed & arrogant they actually are.
So they may see their own frustrations in the workplace w/docs mirrored in the patient and feel some type of empathy.

At the end of the day, people in these positions of power and statu$ will put their excess above your deficiencies, as far as priorities go.
They will risk you, your body, and your sanity..before they ever risk a single part of themselves or what is theirs.
Some are just worse about it than others.

Extremely spot on. Exactly my thoughts and experience! Increasing awareness with their BS, psychologization of diseases, ego. If only we knew!

But the standard is to trust doctors blindly. How can you sleep at night knowing this information is HIDDEN from the world? Sometimes I want to shout it out loudly. Millions of people's lives are ruined by medical mistakes every year, yet no one knows.

I googled it now. Just had to take a look at a photo and 100% convinced I have it. No wonder with severe PE. I always had cuz of PE but didn't knew it was actually another disease...Well I guess I can add it to my already long list of disease...soulcrushing...

In my experience, when you have many diagnoses, it usually means that doctors diagnosed you with features of these diseases, instead of a whole.