How many masks do you wear?

[AloneInCollege]

I don't mean literal masks, though I could use one since I'm not the most attractive fella. I know it's a bit over dramatic but I mean figurative masks. This concept gets used all the time in stories and I find it useful to describe how I feel. Especially since I feel like I wear more then one at a time.
I feel like I wear 3 masks. The outermost one is one that everyone has, it's my public mask, the one I have on in front of strangers and acquaintances.
The next one down is my social mask, the one I wear in my friend groups. It shows a bit of who I am. I think people see this mask as something weird and something to mock, but ultimately harmless and small.
The final one is the one I have on around family and very few friends. It shows more of me. Like when I say I feel suicidal occasionally and don't have any plans, when I actually feel it every day and always have plans. Usually people see this as something sad and pitiful, something you should probably walk on eggshells around.
I really can't remember the last time I didn't wear a mask. Occasionally I think it's OK to let it slip a little and it's met with anger and disgust.
It's all so tiring but it's the only way I can interact with people. How do you all feel about this metaphor? How many do you wear?

 

[goofy]

Played out metaphor.

 

[OuijaBored]

It's cool because this is actually a Japanese? Proverb or belief. Correct me if I'm wrong on culture of origin

 

[jakaranda3]

i dont have mask. just filter.

 

[Britvik]

I think anyone who is conscious wears a mask of sorts. Some might want to deny it and persuade you of their authenticity but, everybody projects an image to the rest of the world. Even if that image is of someone who doesn't care about their image!

 

[Graytaichi]

I don't mean literal masks, though I could use one since I'm not the most attractive fella. I know it's a bit over dramatic but I mean figurative masks. This concept gets used all the time in stories and I find it useful to describe how I feel. Especially since I feel like I wear more then one at a time.
I feel like I wear 3 masks. The outermost one is one that everyone has, it's my public mask, the one I have on in front of strangers and acquaintances.
The next one down is my social mask, the one I wear in my friend groups. It shows a bit of who I am. I think people see this mask as something weird and something to mock, but ultimately harmless and small.
The final one is the one I have on around family and very few friends. It shows more of me. Like when I say I feel suicidal occasionally and don't have any plans, when I actually feel it every day and always have plans. Usually people see this as something sad and pitiful, something you should probably walk on eggshells around.
I really can't remember the last time I didn't wear a mask. Occasionally I think it's OK to let it slip a little and it's met with anger and disgust.
It's all so tiring but it's the only way I can interact with people. How do you all feel about this metaphor? How many do you wear?

Does this relate to why u want to ctb.

 

[Socaku]

I have lost the count.....

 

[.............]

I just keep one mask on all the time, and it's what I'd consider a "normal" me, which is basically just me when I had much more manageable depression and anxiety that came in waves instead of constantly drowning me. It's a happier me that I show to my family, friends I speak to, and even here on this website. I'm honestly more miserable than I make myself out to be.

 

[☆AwaitingEntropy☆]

At risk of sounding melodramatic, I think at this point I'm made up entirely of masks. Once they've all been removed, I doubt there's much of anything left of me, just a black void where my essence should be.

 

[symphony]

I don't interact with people much which keeps it relatively simple. Around parents, I constantly pretend (as much as I can) that everything is relatively fine. Ideally, I'm smiling and laughing and chatty around them. But even when things go to shit I refuse to let them see me break down if I can at all avoid it. I'm much more open in therapy, but I omit truths around self-harm and CTB. When texting friends, I avoid sharing fully because it can overwhelm people.

 

[AloneInCollege]

Does this relate to why u want to ctb.

Yeah. I'm just so so tired of pretending that I'm ok. People me how I've been, or if I'm doing better. And I have to parrot back "I'm fine" or "yeah" because the neither of us want the truth out there. I'm tired of playing characters around people. I just want out.

 

[Graytaichi]

Im too pretending to be pro lifer but underneath my mask i really wamt to ctb 101%.

 

[Hurt]

The depression mask

 

[FuneralCry]

I am not around people that much, nearly all my time is spent alone. However I do see it as best to keep my thoughts of suicide to myself, as others will not accept and understand, there is nothing that they can do anyway. I think that nothing good can come from sharing too much and there would be no point to doing such a thing. I just keep quiet.

 

[ornitier199]

Everyone's got a mask/veil, which their true colors hide behind. It's easy as blinking to put it on. This is most prevalent with social media, behind all those smiles and happiness, etc. lies behind a truth no one but themselves and those close to them can truly see.
It's part of this why I enjoyed my own company even more and avoid other people at all costs as much as I can, only giving the needed amount to get it pass through if I so need to communicate.
And yes gotta keep my thoughts to myself, I want no 'intervention' in my suicide.

The ultimate question is, 'why am I still here?' I'm even surprised I've lasted this long It's sad.

 

[Angi]

At risk of sounding melodramatic, I think at this point I'm made up entirely of masks. Once they've all been removed, I doubt there's much of anything left of me, just a black void where my essence should be.

Same with me. I am a mask on the outside and a boiling void on the inside. Or several masks. I used to be able to count them, like OP does, but now that there is no inside left to contrast them against, this got harder.

Yeah. I'm just so so tired of pretending that I'm ok. People me how I've been, or if I'm doing better. And I have to parrot back "I'm fine" or "yeah" because the neither of us want the truth out there. I'm tired of playing characters around people. I just want out.

This also resonates with me. I wish people would stop using "How are you?" as a greeting. I am fine answering "Thanks, how are you?", even though I find it weird, but some people expect "Fine, thanks, how are you?", and I hate this soo much.

 

[Al Cappella]

I mean the normal mask, I suppose—you do have to abide by the social contract some if you want to get anything done…But really I avoid most people and no longer have family, so there's no that much need for masking…

 

[milly]

At risk of sounding melodramatic, I think at this point I'm made up entirely of masks. Once they've all been removed, I doubt there's much of anything left of me, just a black void where my essence should be.

Exactly

Yeah. I'm just so so tired of pretending that I'm ok. People me how I've been, or if I'm doing better. And I have to parrot back "I'm fine" or "yeah" because the neither of us want the truth out there. I'm tired of playing characters around people. I just want out.

O yeah. I just run a script of what different people expect me to be. Only thing holding me together is ctb plan in the works.

 

[Hollowman]

I don't have the energy to wear a mask, everyone can see my misery.

 

[inabsentia]

At risk of sounding melodramatic, I think at this point I'm made up entirely of masks. Once they've all been removed, I doubt there's much of anything left of me, just a black void where my essence should be.

Exactly. Something different and tailored to what I think every single person wants of me, and when I'm left alone only hollowness and exhaustion. There's only a few people I've ever been able to explore with who I am beneath it all... they're all going or gone.

 

[ikadasui]

Happy and out going to friends and coworkers, but as soon as the camera isn't rolling I'm a complete miserable prick. I'd say 2 or 3

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Too many to count. I'm a shape-shifter. Like the chameleon, I change my shape and form to blend in to the environment I'm in. You will know what I let you know.

Spoiler

"BEHOLD MY TRUE FORM AND DESPAIR!"
—Dracula, Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

 

[Kurinoy]

I just wear a mask when I say that I'm okay while feeling awful. The rest of the time it's unnecessary.

 

[TheWood]

It's cool because this is actually a Japanese? Proverb or belief. Correct me if I'm wrong on culture of origin

Honne or the true self, the true thought, what one really wants to say. Tatemae is instead the appearance, the facade of a person on the outside