Just read a thread and thought of our social structure. Even though being useless... I still get cared for. Being softly spoken, only gets kindness shown. Trying to perk me up though I stay shut.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
I'm not Indian but I'm Chinese, and family seems to be a big part of culture. I'm expected to provide and care for my parents in old age. My family has never viewed me as an individual; they imposed their own expectations onto me. I don't think that I was ever allowed to develop a sense of self
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I think all eastern culture expect kids to care for their parents when parents gets old. Actually India has a law for it as well. I think expectations are the part of being in any relationship. I think not letting kids spread their wings too wide is part of culture as well... Though it could be for making sure kid don't fail badly but also to impose their own ambitions on kids. Parents wants kids to be doctor because they wanted to be doctor. Though in my case.... I just took it upon myself to jump so high that when I came crashing.... I got way too much broken.
sserafim
brighter than the sun, that’s just me
- Sep 13, 2023
- 9,013
My parents wanted me to go to medical school and become a doctor, but I failed to launch. I didn't meet their expectations and now they view me as a failure
Now this is sad... It's like you failed intentionally.... If anything... If you failed... It's their genes which gave you the capabilities or in capabilities. Luckily I never had anyone's ambition riding on me or may be I didn't notice because I myself was very ambitious.
destinationlosangel
Experienced
- Feb 16, 2024
- 284
Actually, to a degree, my messed up family situation is a reason why I would like to ctb lol.
There are other bigger reasons too but this is for sure one of the reasons.
There are other bigger reasons too but this is for sure one of the reasons.
I am sorry bro.... I feel sad for you but sort of feel envy as well... I wish my family didn't love me.... It would have been so easier. Guess we all get our own set of push and pull.
destinationlosangel
Experienced
- Feb 16, 2024
- 284
Everyone's situation is different. It is only when u put urself in another person's shoes do u realize 'oh ok I get it. This is why he wants to die' lol
Its like a poor person saying 'Oh I wish I was a celebrity. I wish I was <insert celebrity name>. Life would be so good. I'd be so happy'
Maybe even ur fav celeb wants to ctb. who knows mate?
Agreed. About how we weren't allowed to develop a sense of 'self'. This is very much a part of Indian culture.
Agreed. About how we weren't allowed to develop a sense of 'self'. This is very much a part of Indian culture.
Sylveon
??/??/20??
- Oct 10, 2023
- 491
Yeah, as another Indian, I totally get this; my family has shown me nothing but kindness and care; even at the times they were not so good to me, I knew it ultimately came from a place of goodwill. Really, though, I don't wanna break their hearts like this; they deserved a way better child than me, someone who was actually worthy of their love and care; maybe if I kill myself, then my sister will finally get all the attention that she should've had from the start...
Sometimes I really wish I was anyone but me. :')
Sometimes I really wish I was anyone but me. :')
True indeed.... Everyone's load is heavier to carry. One only chooses to give up when one have had enough of carrying that burden.
azad
Vegetable
- Nov 8, 2022
- 65
they are the reason i want to ctb in the first place. indians, our social and family structure is so unimaginably evil and cruel.
I am sorry for what you are going through my friend. These emotional bonds can be very heavy to carry. I understand your pain.
It can be pretentious, selfish, cruel and evil too. Could it be that I am just fooling myself and my family doesn't love me as I think they do... Only I am making it up in my head.
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I've had enough of their "kindness". I am so sick of it I wanna go. My family never admitted that I had a problem. They kept saying nothing is wrong with me and that I was completely fine. I actually told them I had bipolar when I was 19. I literally gave it to them on a platter. All they had to do was look it up!.. After all these years I have been proven right. They realize what they've done now, but fortunately or unfortunately it's too late.
Not only I had bipolar, turns out that I had borderline, ptsd, ocd and some other stuff as well.. I don't know why they did what they did, but that's they way most Indian families work, their instant response is to say nothings wrong, it's all in the mind.. I think this has something to do with faith being so strong here and rationality consequently takes a backseat..They were so engrossed in what they believed or wanted to be true that they didn't see reality for what it was. I was well provided for as far as my physical needs were concerned, but my mental health was completely neglected. It was basically negligence at several levels on their part and they realize this now, only too late.
Anyway I am glad to go.. Life has been cruel and so have the actions of some other people I had put my trust in hoping to get help.. But cruelty can also be a form of kindness, like when sometimes killing can also be merciful. I don't know about the people in my life but providence has certainly been kind in providing me an early exit.
Not only I had bipolar, turns out that I had borderline, ptsd, ocd and some other stuff as well.. I don't know why they did what they did, but that's they way most Indian families work, their instant response is to say nothings wrong, it's all in the mind.. I think this has something to do with faith being so strong here and rationality consequently takes a backseat..They were so engrossed in what they believed or wanted to be true that they didn't see reality for what it was. I was well provided for as far as my physical needs were concerned, but my mental health was completely neglected. It was basically negligence at several levels on their part and they realize this now, only too late.
Anyway I am glad to go.. Life has been cruel and so have the actions of some other people I had put my trust in hoping to get help.. But cruelty can also be a form of kindness, like when sometimes killing can also be merciful. I don't know about the people in my life but providence has certainly been kind in providing me an early exit.
Mostly in Indian societies It's really hard to get sympathy and recognition for mental illness. They only want to believe in what they can see as open wound. Indian society kind of look otherside when it comes to mental illness. Families don't want to their family members to be tagged as madman i guess...
Do you think your life could have turned differently if they were to take you hospitals for your mental health?
I think it's something cultural that happens in Asian societies in general. I remember Wasim Akram saying he neglected symptoms of diabetes for a long time as generally in society, people tend to go to a doctor only if they have physical pain and people tend to ignore it as long as possible until it needs attention.. The basic approach to mental health here is to deny that such a term even exists or is worthy of consideration. And also an incorrect interpretation of the thought "faith can move mountains".
I do believe that my life could have turned out differently had my condition been treated earlier.. And treatment does not just mean taking medication alone or going to a psychiatrist. Medication at max could only be part of the solution and might not be at all. I think treatment would need a holistic approach starting with
1) lifestyle modifications like "slow living" that eliminate stress, identify passions and areas of interest and skilling up so as to create a livelihood around them
2)Practice Cognitive behaviour therapy and Mindfulness meditation.
3) Building up critical thinking skills. This is proven in the case of John nash junior ("A beautiful mind") who lived with Schizophrenia till the age of 87 without any medication. I remember seeing a documentary in which John Nash junior advises his son also suffering from schizophrenia that the one thing that could help him was logic.
4) Medication if it works for you.. Some people swear by lithium for bipolar disorder, others have tried and left it.. I personally don't think this would have been a long term solution for me. There are nootropics like melatonin, glycine, taurine, l-tryptophan that do a good job of regulating sleep.. There are others like L-theanine, ashwagandha, valerian root that can be cycled for regulating anxiety..
5) Trying other therapies and constantly refining your treatment routine
Eg., light and dark therapy - Getting 1 hour of sunlight per day also helps depression but bipolar people need to be careful as it may cause mania. Darkness (sitting in a dark room for a period) can be used to control or suppress mania.. So on..
I wish you could have gotten all these and your life would have turned for better. You believe in life and its opportunities i guess. You have done enough search and blessed with capable mind as well... I really feel you could have made something of yourself.
The only regret I have is that I could have helped others. Perhaps been an example of how one can carry on despite having these afflictions. Maybe made a contribution to our culture in some form either in literature or in music (I felt like I had at least one novel within me) . It is a definite regret that I have and to think that I almost made it. What can I say.. I suppose history is replete with greater tragedies..
Incidentally, "kindness" can be a form of cruelty sometimes as was evidenced in the case of Aruna Shanbaug. I don't know who committed a greater crime - the fellow who assaulted her sexually or the people who simply wouldn't let her die in peace!
Aruna Shanbaug And The Right To Die With Dignity: Top Court Allows Passive Euthanasia
The Supreme Court verdict allowing passive euthanasia for the "right to die with dignity" takes us back to Aruna Ramchandra Shanbaug, a nurse at the KEM Hospital who lay like a vegetable, at ward number 4 for 42 years.
www.ndtv.com
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WhatPowerIs
Paragon
- Jun 19, 2022
- 985
I am South Asian and I dont think my parents would ever, ever understand.
I am sorry. It's painful to be alone and misunderstood. Which country are you from?
