• Hey Guest,

    If you want to donate, we have a thread with updated donation options here at this link: About Donations

torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
I have 3 times. Guess what I learned from that experience? I learned how to lie, straight faced, about my thoughts and intentions. As soon as I found not one person was ever going to step up and do the necessary things to remove the suicidal ideation, I learned to stroke the ego's of the psych professionals to make them think the stupid drugs were actually helping. It's what you have to do to get out and formulate a new plan.

Did anyone else learn anything different?
 
torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
I have learnt how irreversible brain damage feels like...
Are you willing to elaborate, as I experienced much of what I would call brain damage on my time inside, but it was their brain damage and not mine.
 
  • Like
Reactions: profoundexperience
Sinkinshyp

Sinkinshyp

Paragon
Sep 7, 2020
947
once 2 months after my son died-my mother called the police after moving in with me 4 days prior. The psychiatrist said let me get this straight- you raised your son alone, he died 2 months ago in a car accident at 25, he was your care giver after respiratory failure your mother moved in 4 days ago and wants you admitted? Yes Maam. Go home if you were like this for the rest of your life you would be normal. My mother looked like she shit herself when she came down my hall to find me sitting on my couch lmao.... I spent about 10-16 hours there that time.

I took 50 pills a yr and a half later in a suicide attempt. Same shrink. I had been in emergency for a day or so on an IV drop for the meds I took and narcan. Than they sent me to psych. I admitted to taking 50 pills to die and I just want to go to my son. The social worker says and we dont take your insurance and you have no ability to pay? yes maam.. psych says you are discharged you can go home lmao...I spent probably less than 15 hours there that time. Over medicated, life support twice grief I really have to think sometimes to get exacts.

What I witnessed while there- this place should not be watching goldfish. On the other hand I felt horrible for what they had to deal with as well. No puzzles, no books, no pencils, 1 girl that one tech said basically is ALWAYS there was in charge of the TV she played rap dancing around the room non stop. I'm white and a girl of color had the same first name as me. When social worker called our first name she ran right up to the social worker- the social worker said no sorry the other blah. After that she spent the day circling me, punching her fists talking about killing the white girl 2 techs were having to follow behind her to make sure she didn't do anything. She was also known there. Than at lunch a young kid detoxing yells to the nurses station Hey old Auntie over here is having a seizure in her lunch she needs help. The nurses yelled at him she had a name he didnt know it. Nurses never went to check. This old lady came out of this seizure, got up started walking, her legs somehow went ahead of her and she fell flat back on her back and head and did not move. The crack was LOUD. I bet she died because the techs and nurses were socializing at the nurse desk during lunch. They rushed us to our room and would not let us out until the police cleared the "crime scene". I witnessed nurses fighting after that because they failed to check her medical records and called eachother cuss names. This is the community hospital. I really hope they all aren't like this.
 
BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,394
once 2 months after my son died-my mother called the police after moving in with me 4 days prior. The psychiatrist said let me get this straight- you raised your son alone, he died 2 months ago in a car accident at 25, he was your care giver after respiratory failure your mother moved in 4 days ago and wants you admitted? Yes Maam. Go home if you were like this for the rest of your life you would be normal. My mother looked like she shit herself when she came down my hall to find me sitting on my couch lmao.... I spent about 10-16 hours there that time.

I took 50 pills a yr and a half later in a suicide attempt. Same shrink. I had been in emergency for a day or so on an IV drop for the meds I took and narcan. Than they sent me to psych. I admitted to taking 50 pills to die and I just want to go to my son. The social worker says and we dont take your insurance and you have no ability to pay? yes maam.. psych says you are discharged you can go home lmao...I spent probably less than 15 hours there that time. Over medicated, life support twice grief I really have to think sometimes to get exacts.

What I witnessed while there- this place should not be watching goldfish. On the other hand I felt horrible for what they had to deal with as well. No puzzles, no books, no pencils, 1 girl that one tech said basically is ALWAYS there was in charge of the TV she played rap dancing around the room non stop. I'm white and a girl of color had the same first name as me. When social worker called our first name she ran right up to the social worker- the social worker said no sorry the other blah. After that she spent the day circling me, punching her fists talking about killing the white girl 2 techs were having to follow behind her to make sure she didn't do anything. She was also known there. Than at lunch a young kid detoxing yells to the nurses station Hey old Auntie over here is having a seizure in her lunch she needs help. The nurses yelled at him she had a name he didnt know it. Nurses never went to check. This old lady came out of this seizure, got up started walking, her legs somehow went ahead of her and she fell flat back on her back and head and did not move. The crack was LOUD. I bet she died because the techs and nurses were socializing at the nurse desk during lunch. They rushed us to our room and would not let us out until the police cleared the "crime scene". I witnessed nurses fighting after that because they failed to check her medical records and called eachother cuss names. This is the community hospital. I really hope they all aren't like this.
Holy hell. I'm so sorry you and everyone else had to experience being in that awful place....
 
Sinkinshyp

Sinkinshyp

Paragon
Sep 7, 2020
947
Holy hell. I'm so sorry you and everyone else had to experience being in that awful place....
yeah it was bad bad bad.. People had to sit out at these long lunch tables while the 1 girl danced all around to her rap and the other was talking about killing the white girl punching her fists. NOTHING at all to do. They did have 2 group sessions scheduled. There weren't any activities. There was 1 phone for everyone and it was shut off during certain hours like group, lunch, dinner, when the nurses felt like it. How can anyone improve in an environment without any form of enrichment? I mean a puzzle cmon what are they going to do with those? choke on it? no cell phones. Limited visiting hours. I wouldn't board my dog there for 10 minutes
 
BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,394
yeah it was bad bad bad.. People had to sit out at these long lunch tables while the 1 girl danced all around to her rap and the other was talking about killing the white girl punching her fists. NOTHING at all to do. They did have 2 group sessions scheduled. There weren't any activities. There was 1 phone for everyone and it was shut off during certain hours like group, lunch, dinner, when the nurses felt like it. How can anyone improve in an environment without any form of enrichment? I mean a puzzle cmon what are they going to do with those? choke on it? no cell phones. Limited visiting hours. I wouldn't board my dog there for 10 minutes
Your last sentence....a doggy daycare is literally more humane than that "hospital". I've been told that my reasons for not wanting to be hospitalized aren't "real" reasons, and trauma is definitely one of them. This is why...
 
Sinkinshyp

Sinkinshyp

Paragon
Sep 7, 2020
947
Your last sentence....a doggy daycare is literally more humane than that "hospital". I've been told that my reasons for not wanting to be hospitalized aren't "real" reasons, and trauma is definitely one of them. This is why...
I do not want to discourage ANYONE from trying the RIGHT facility. This is a county run facility on state funds and the few insurances they accept. They run on very few finances. I can guarantee there are good facilities out there. This one was not. I would advise anyone who thinks they want to try a facility- go visit it. Make a call and arrange to go see it. Evaluate everything you see. If you want to give recovery a chance and think a small hospital visit can help by all means go evaluate them. Make it clear- you are looking for the RIGHT ONE FOR YOU so you want to visit and see and learn all about their programs. Once you find the one you feel is for you than go. There are many good facilities out there that do help people. I cannot say enough, it could give someone a new chance to see life differently or learn new coping skills.

If somewhere would accept my insurance I would go on a voluntary admission. My family can take care of my animals while I go and they would cheer me on to go vs the alternative
 
Last edited:
BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,394
I do not want to discourage ANYONE from trying the RIGHT facility. This is a county run facility on state funds and the few insurances they accept. They run on very few finances. I can guarantee there are good facilities out there. This one was not. I would advise anyone who thinks they want to try a facility- go visit it. Make a call and arrange to go see it. Evaluate everything you see. If you want to give recovery a chance and think a small hospital visit can help by all means go evaluate them. Make it clear- you are looking for the RIGHT ONE FOR YOU so you want to visit and see and learn all about their programs. Once you find the one you feel is for you than go. There are many good facilities out there that do help people. I cannot say enough, it could give someone a new chance to see life differently or learn new coping skills.
You're absolutely right. But I don't want to go to a hospital for more reasons than that, anyway. A good hospital can be so incredibly effective though, you're right to stress the importance of it.
 
  • Love
Reactions: Sinkinshyp
torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
I do not want to discourage ANYONE from trying the RIGHT facility. This is a county run facility on state funds and the few insurances they accept. They run on very few finances. I can guarantee there are good facilities out there. This one was not. I would advise anyone who thinks they want to try a facility- go visit it. Make a call and arrange to go see it. Evaluate everything you see. If you want to give recovery a chance and think a small hospital visit can help by all means go evaluate them. Make it clear- you are looking for the RIGHT ONE FOR YOU so you want to visit and see and learn all about their programs. Once you find the one you feel is for you than go. There are many good facilities out there that do help people. I cannot say enough, it could give someone a new chance to see life differently or learn new coping skills.

If somewhere would accept my insurance I would go on a voluntary admission. My family can take care of my animals while I go and they would cheer me on to go vs the alternative
I so understand. I was once placed in a private facility that agreed to accept my insurance. My insurance paid them for three days. My exit interview was me stating if yu discharge me I will take my life in 24 hours or less. They released me anyway. The food was great, but the care was non existent. Even the highest dollar care facility cares nothing more than how much money they get and when they get paid.

Oh, The day I was released, it was less than 12 hours before my most serious attempt that nobody should have walked away from.9 hours in a sealed carbon monoxide chamber.
 
TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,564
I have never been in such a predicament, however, the closest I got was when a mental health professional (MHP) started grilling me with threat assessment based questions, which not only made me even more cautious and defensive, but also a bit angry too. This was over two years ago.
 
profoundexperience

profoundexperience

You can feel the punishment but you cant commit ts
Jun 29, 2020
436
As soon as I found not one person was ever going to step up and do the necessary things to remove the suicidal ideation
Are you willing to elaborate as well? What would be these things?

I see my own suicidal thoughts/feelings as things that are totally irreconcilable... except by ctb (ok, I never tried heroin or meth, etc. but these are probably only "temporary solutions to a permanent problem"). Give me a few million dollars and I could probably find a way to keep going... but "same difference"...
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: torimandy
BitterlyAlive_

BitterlyAlive_

-
Dec 8, 2020
2,394
I've been close to being sectioned a few times. I did serve some time in Solitary Confinement though and I can about guarantee that it was worse than any Hospital trip.
I've heard some stories from people here as well as irl. Makes me so angry. Both the jail/prison and inpatient systems are in dire need of a total uphaul. Too bad it probably won't happen.
 
S

Symbiote

Global Mod
Oct 12, 2020
3,102
Baker Act'd twice. Kept in isolation, orderlies checked me every 15 mins, not allowed to turn off lights or shut the door for a couple of days. Fuck psych wards.
 
torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
Are you willing to elaborate as well? What would be these things?

I see my own suicidal thoughts/feelings as things that are totally irreconcilable... except by ctb (ok, I never tried heroin or meth, etc. but these are probably only "temporary solutions to a permanent problem"). Give me a few million dollars and I could probably find a way to keep going... but "same difference"...
Ive have been hospitalized in a mental facility 4 times in the last 10 years. 3 near fatal attempts and 1 self admit. 2 stays were 72 hours. They upped zoloft every time even though I said it made no difference. I learned how to lie to get out as it's like being in jail where lots of your jailmates are seriously disturbed and have full access to you while you sleep. No stay was more than 10 days.

Why? I am trans. Transition cost me every family relationship including my children. I then found out by attempting to re enter my career field 3823 times in 18 months that my career was over and could only get temporary menial work that even there was subject to transphobic co workers and customers making it so I would get fired. When I transitioned I was run out of my home town when the chief of police came to my house, sat down on my couch and told me I had 3 days to get out of town as after that they would no longer protect me. That caused the first homeless period. My ex, who was my best friend had access to everything and stole my life savings prior to filing for divorce.

I want surgery to fix my face and real support to gain what I need to re enter my career field and support myself. It is impossible in our world, and the only factor I can actually control myself is when i die and no longer need to suffer in a world so judgemental that the only places I could gain acceptance only let me work crap jobs that I cannot afford to support myself in as rent is so high in those areas.

My death will be soon as none of the psych solutions have anything to do with the things that might help. Pushing more and more shit drugs that do nothing is not a soulution and having to lie to keep out of involentary incarceration is a shitty way to have to handle things.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: profoundexperience
profoundexperience

profoundexperience

You can feel the punishment but you cant commit ts
Jun 29, 2020
436
Ive have been hospitalized in a mental facility 4 times in the last 10 years. 3 near fatal attempts and 1 self admit. 2 stays were 72 hours. They upped zoloft every time even though I said it made no difference. I learned how to lie to get out as it's like being in jail where lots of your jailmates are seriously disturbed and have full access to you while you sleep. No stay was more than 10 days.

Why? I am trans. Transition cost me every family relationship including my children. I then found out by attempting to re enter my career field 3823 times in 18 months that my career was over and could only get temporary menial work that even there was subject to transphobic co workers and customers making it so I would get fired. When I transitioned I was run out of my home town when the chief of police came to my house, sat down on my couch and told me I had 3 days to get out of town as after that they would no longer protect me. That caused the first homeless period. My ex, who was my best friend had access to everything and stole my life savings prior to filing for divorce.

I want surgery to fix my face and real support to gain what I need to re enter my career field and support myself. It is impossible in our world, and the only factor I can actually control myself is when i die and no longer need to suffer in a world so judgemental that the only places I could gain acceptance only let me work crap jobs that I cannot afford to support myself in as rent is so high in those areas.

My death will be soon as none of the psych solutions have anything to do with the things that might help. Pushing more and more shit drugs that do nothing is not a soulution and having to lie to keep out of involentary incarceration is a shitty way to have to handle things.
I'm so very sorry for all you've endured, @torimandy. Some of the things others did are inexcusable... just inexcusable.
 
NodusTollens

NodusTollens

Nov 17, 2020
989
I've had 3/4 involuntary holds:
- 2 following attempts
- 1/2 for saying too much

Longest hold was a week, one of the locations had a room within the ward were they locked you inside until they knew if you were violent. So imagine being locked in your room (big enough only for a concrete bed & window), inside a locked room (you can get out without a nurse, even to use the bathroom), inside a locked ward.

Talk about feeling trapped. —sigh—
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: torimandy
Skathon

Skathon

"...scarred underneath, and I'm falling..."
Oct 29, 2018
576
Are you willing to elaborate, as I experienced much of what I would call brain damage on my time inside, but it was their brain damage and not mine.
...huh? I meant literal brain damage (brain cell necrosis; mine, of course).
I hate it when others quote my comments that contain grammatical mistakes, by the way... I also hate being an illiterate degenerate.
 
torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
...huh? I meant literal brain damage (brain cell necrosis; mine, of course).
I hate it when others quote my comments that contain grammatical mistakes, by the way... I also hate being an illiterate degenerate.
Sorry I misunderstood as I initially asked another poster to find out if it was real brain damage or just a shit show brain damage. At least that was my intent.
I'm so very sorry for all you've endured, @torimandy. Some of the things others did are inexcusable... just inexcusable.
I wish that was the whole story, but it's just the broad strokes.
 
K

Kruger

Arcanist
Dec 26, 2019
482
yeah it was bad bad bad.. People had to sit out at these long lunch tables while the 1 girl danced all around to her rap and the other was talking about killing the white girl punching her fists. NOTHING at all to do. They did have 2 group sessions scheduled. There weren't any activities. There was 1 phone for everyone and it was shut off during certain hours like group, lunch, dinner, when the nurses felt like it. How can anyone improve in an environment without any form of enrichment? I mean a puzzle cmon what are they going to do with those? choke on it? no cell phones. Limited visiting hours. I wouldn't board my dog there for 10 minutes
Jesus Christ, that sounds terrifying
 
G

GoneGirl

Student
Dec 15, 2020
125
I learned a few things, here are some of them. 1. The patients have better morals than the staff members. 2. I actually was suffering from delusions, I thought I was surrounded by actors, but only asked the patients if they were acting & not the staff members 'just in case'. 3. I also learned how to pretend to take medication and spit it out without them knowing.
 
N

Nurse T

Student
Aug 23, 2020
100
I've had several admissions, due to suicide attempts, they were loosing the will with what to do with me, as my attempts were always substantial and needing physical hospital first, after being sent all round the country, they decide to detain me in a recovery unit for a year!!! It served no purpose the main thing I was being sent for inpatient pshycology didn't happen because she was off sick pretty much the whole time I was there!!! Iv been to some good and some bad that have been terrifying! And hey ho here I am still wanting to CTB but I am now a lot more guarded and being patient because I will not be sent back to hospital! Ever!!
 
torimandy

torimandy

Fear is the mind killer
Aug 3, 2020
146
I
I've had several admissions, due to suicide attempts, they were loosing the will with what to do with me, as my attempts were always substantial and needing physical hospital first, after being sent all round the country, they decide to detain me in a recovery unit for a year!!! It served no purpose the main thing I was being sent for inpatient pshycology didn't happen because she was off sick pretty much the whole time I was there!!! Iv been to some good and some bad that have been terrifying! And hey ho here I am still wanting to CTB but I am now a lot more guarded and being patient because I will not be sent back to hospital! Ever!!
am so sorry. It's a point in fact that they continue not to listen to what needs to be done to remove ideation, and push you to take more meds and learn to convincingly lie about your intentions. In most cases a real social worker and a free attorney would do more good than all the therapy sessions and drugs combined.
 
  • Like
Reactions: profoundexperience

Similar threads

sppplmgwiwlkiwbtft
Replies
16
Views
231
Suicide Discussion
wildflowers1996
wildflowers1996
S
Replies
2
Views
99
Suicide Discussion
grahf
G