How Low Can I Go?

[Ender]

These past days have been unkind to me. And I fear it will only get worse. On Monday I starting to hear sounds that weren't there. Scratching, squirrels, a firework launching, a hyena screech, mumbling. I know it sounds laughable, I deserved to be laughed at. I do have a history of hearing voices and sounds, I just wasn't expecting things to relapse again. I also have been doing weird behavior, carving letters with a nail on my wall, and always looking out my windows. Again, it sounds untrue, but to me this is reality for me. I'm afraid of what is going on with my brain and mind. Am I losing it? I told my doctors, and my therapist this. MY therapist was the only one who cared enough. My doctors brushed it off. My anxiety has been through the roof as well, I have trouble sleeping, and it is not my fault, it is my medicine. But my psychiatrist doesn't want to change it. Damn these doctors.
It got worse though, I went to bed on Monday and had tremendous nightmares, I couldn't move though, I could open my eyes. I tried to get myself awake, I was hearing screams, and seeing humanoid animal-like figures, their limbs were stretching. I was able to wake up though. I told my therapist this, and she said it might have been sleep paralysis. I have heard of it before, I just didn't know what it was, but it sounded like that is what I experienced. I am afraid for my sanity, I want to go to a hospital, but they won't keep me for long. I need a long stay. I am getting close to just ctb. Fortunately, I am becoming more accepting and comfortable with ctb and death. I want to try this weekend. My life is getting harder and harder, I feel like I have no choice. Has anyone had experience with sleep paralysis or hearing things that are not there? If so, is there a way to help combat it? I hate my life, I hate humanity, I want peace, something I never got the chance to have.

 

[StopPlease]

hey that's weird i've experienced some of the same with voices and loud car crashing sounds. you've seen figures too? I've never had sleep paralysis but im sorry that you have experienced that..

 

[BandAddict]

I've experienced sleep paralysis since I was little. It's scary shit, and can make me afraid to sleep for days sometimes. It's not extremely common for me, fortunately. I've had auditory hallucinations as well, ranging from pieces of nonsensical conversations to people outside my apartment with megaphones telling me to come outside with my hands up.

I don't have much advice for how to cope with it, other than really being persistent with a doctor or someone that can possibly do something for you. Of course it's hard to just "deal with it" when you know it isn't normal, but being aware that it is a hallucination can make it somewhat easier to just say "there are those sounds again, oh well, they're not real anyway." But I know it isn't always that simple.

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing those things, that's rough, man. Whatever you choose to do, I hope it works out for you and you can find some peace.

 

[souljah222]

Dont even say things like you deserve to be laughed at for things like this. Having auditory hallucinations is nothing you should be ashamed of or something. It just sounds like your doctors dont take it seriously enough, idk how the health system is in your country but maybe you should talk to another one. anyways i really hope youre not suffering too much, auditory hallucinations are temporary for most people and i hope youll feel better soon