Discussion How long have you wanted to die? I'm almost at my 10 year anniversary

[Viceroy]

Can I take much more of this? I'm not sure. Don't think so.

How long has your life not been worth living?

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm about to reach my 21st anniversary. Been wanting to die since I'm 12.

 

[lonelymountaingirl]

I really first recognized my thoughts being suicidal in my weird tween years.

Many things have happened and changed since then but one thing has stayed constant: the pull to take my own hand and depart.

 

[aBLEACHyindividual]

Since I was 8.

 

[Life_and_Death]

ive wanted to die since i was 14. i remember starting high school and everything went down hill from cutting myself and class. although the whole depression thing itself is a bit hard for me to pin down. the abuse i remember started just before my 11th bday, but i later found out that ive actually been being abused since i was born. my whole situation is confusing to say the least. lol

 

[sadworld]

I think I'm at almost 5 years...

 

[Good4Nothing]

Over 30 years. I'm a coward.

 

[StateOfMind]

4 years but it feels like an eternity.

 

[Viceroy]

Over 30 years. I'm a coward.

how strongly do you have these feelings?

 

[xLosthopex]

Since I was 14, now 23

 

[Good4Nothing]

how strongly do you have these feelings?

They come and go, sometimes stronger than others, but they're always there.
Came back in a big way recently. I don't believe I'll ever experience happiness again. I'm just sleepwalking through life now.

 

[Cakes]

When I was a teen, around 13, it was usually off and on, but in the last few months it's definetly more intense.

 

[grungeCat]

By 24-26.11 it will have been 12 years.

 

[Viceroy]

They come and go, sometimes stronger than others, but they're always there.
Came back in a big way recently. I don't believe I'll ever experience happiness again. I'm just sleepwalking through life now.

I feel exactly the same my friend. Wish I could make it better for you

 

[Spitfire]

The suicidal being inside of me came out and started taking over over in 2016. To keep on wanting to live in this world feels like a nightmare to me.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

11 years, I think.

 

[snowflakebreeze]

Gosh, that's such a depressing poll. I'm 23 and I'm in the 10+ category. The half-my-life-depression anniversary was pretty shocking. Next year would be the two-thirds-my-life-depression anniversary. But I don't intend on making it to that one.

 

[Viceroy]

Gosh, that's such a depressing poll. I'm 23 and I'm in the 10+ category. The half-my-life-depression anniversary was pretty shocking. Next year would be the two-thirds-my-life-depression anniversary. But I don't intend on making it to that one.

lol same here. Im currently on 40% of my life I've been suicidal! There has to be an end point if it doesnt change.

 

[voyager]

Going on 27 years now. Like Good4Nothing I know I'll never be happy again. Can improve my life but not actually fix it, or regain what I've lost. Having said that, I never regretted still being here until about two years ago. Still enjoyed the little things (notably gaming, movies, music and drinking) but can't do some of that anymore due to physical issues and anhedonia, and I think it'll only get worse with time.

 

[Wayfaerer]

I've wanted to die for over a decade but to actually plan a suicide has only been for over a year.

 

[Deleted member 20852]

I've waited 12 years to die so far. That's half my life. Had a concrete plan in place for about 3 years. Waiting for my dog to go first. She's not rehomable and my 'family' would neglect her if I CTB and leave her behind.

 

[Seiniar]

Mmm 20 years? Since I was 12, since I started being bullied at school. Funny is how people never treated me like that after school. It's actually the opposite, I was quite popular (at least for being good looking according to others). But deep inside myself I still believe at every single bully's words. No nice compliment will ever erase them.

 

[Aeathelina]

For as long as I remember. The most vivid memory is at ten years old...I prayed to God & Satan to take my life while my family slept because I was miserable over financial status.

Funny how nothing has changed in the last fifteen years.

 

[Caspers]

Since I was 4, so 20 years now. That's a long time

 

[wanttodie]

about 25 years

 

[catscradle]

I'm 26, my first memory of seriously wanting to die was at age 10.

 

[NightmareTour]

10 years in december, the time that the decision to save my life happened regardless of the quality of life I'd have after.

I mean, I guess some people would want it, but imo meningitis, encephalitis and septicemia probably isn't something most people would want to survive.

 

[TooConscious]

Wow I'm surprised so many like me 10+ years this dying business is a bitch.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

41 years (am 48), many failed attempts. Hopefully won't get to 42 years

 

[Danny(UK)]

About 10 years aswell