Discussion How long have you assumed to stay on this forum the first time you visited it?

[noname223]

If someone claimed I stayed several years I would have laughed out loud. I came for the methods but was very unsure. I was not determined to kill myself asap. But I considered it.

I tried to quit 2-3 times. The first time while a clinic stay. The other times when newspapers published stories. I was so fucking scared after the NYT article. There is simply no equivalent website for this forum. I tried other outlets they suck ass in comparison.

Many people say this forum was too reptitive. Maybe my (presumable) autism likes that. I think I never would have imagine to stay for over a year. Now I think only death or a girlfriend could seperate me from this forum.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I didn't envision staying long here either, maybe just a month, as I created my account after my first attempt and was fully intending on making another attempt very soon afterward. Fast forward to now and somehow I have almost 600 comments...looks like I might be here to stay.

 

[Forveleth]

I have been here only two months but I don't have a timeline either. I joined to talk to people about suicide and/or all my mental health shit until such time as I not longer needed to anymore whether that be because I have gotten better or I'm dead.

Crazy to me that some people have been here for years. I guess I assumed most people here ctb rather quickly after joining. Nice to have some veterans around, though, sharing their wisdom.

 

[Aergia]

Not long. I was a lot more depressed, and acutely suicidal. I still don't like being alive but now I'm emotionally blunted so I just keep treading water in limbo.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

When I first joined in 2020, I envisioned dying in 2024 before I could be a 30 year old virgin. Then in November 2020 I decided I would need to accelerate my timeframe to no later than 2022. Then in 2022 I ended up having to delay my plans again until 2024. I've been 30 for over 3 months now and I really wish I could have just done it to myself sooner.

I'm going to try to shoot for September or October at the latest, if I can't do that I guess maybe I'll still stick around until at least 2028. If I fail to CTB by then, there's always my last resort which is just to let my type 2 diabetes kill me by not treating it. It's an awful plan so I hope I don't have to use it.

 

[Heartaches]

I planned to ctb in 2021. I didn't expect to stay on this forum for long, maybe like a month max. But it's 2024 and I'm still here, though, I wish I wasn't alive at all. I'm planning to ctb this year, would like to do it before my birthday but it'll most likely be after since I have somethings I gotta do before leaving. Most of them aren't obligatory, but some people have faith in me and I wanna keep my word. It's the least I could do.​

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose I thought it could be a while from the start. I also came for method information initially. My suicide is dependent on my Dad going first though and that could be any length of time. So, from the start, I've been hugely grateful for this place as a kind of sanctuary to be able to be myself- in order that I don't scare people in real life!

Ironic how this place has actually kept a number of members alive to an extent. Not that it will ever be given credit for that. It complicates their 'death cult' narrative.