How long did you think about ctb before planning it?

[Demian]

I started thinking about it in February 2020.

After that I tried once in February 2022.

Then I tried it on 15 November 2023

 

[locked*n*loaded]

1 year, 237 days, 17 hours, 19 minutes, 42 seconds

 

[etherealgoddess]

I've thought about ctb since 2018 I think? I only started researching methods in 2021 though. I tried to make some plans before, but they fell through. Jumping isn't for me lol. I'm actively planning again though. I think I'm going to go with N this time

I'd have to do some kind of poison. I can't do anything that would leave me mutilated. The idea of surviving and being absolutely mutilated is an absolute nightmare for me. I'm so scared of it not properly working and just leaving me disabled. I'd rather have funky organs and be a disabled vegetable inside than be physically mutilated.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I wanted to kill myself when I was 12. I self-harmed instead. Took my nails and scratched my arm, bit myself, or took those wood chips from the playground and drew little lines in my skin. I was too young to even understand depression, but I knew that I felt miserable and wish someone stabbed me.

It was raining once and my parents were late to pick me up. I asked my friend "why do we live when we will just die?" An existential question. She told me it was to make the most of it. I didn't understand bc I didn't feel the desire to live.

It never occurred to me to try to kill myself until I turned 18.

 

[Alatus_Nemeseos]

Since I was 14 I made my first suicide attempt hoarding pills and oding thinking that would work.. bless the naivety. I was aware of methods from lost all hope and learned of N which I've always thought was a pipe dream and SN which I wasn't sure where to get it. Hanging was going to be my method. Throughout the years I've battled severe depression and when my only parent died in 2012 that's where I really struggled to cope. I learned of SS in 2023 and discovered ways of trying to get SN but I'm pretty intermittent on this website. I've come back not recognizing anyone but fascinated to see that N is on the cards!? That's a pipe dream surely and SN is the preferred method yet an absolute nightmare to legitimately aquire

Should mention I'm 32 now... so been battling this mess for a loooong time

 

[Dgafajwd]

Since 2015, when I was 9, was when I first thought about CTB. My 1st attempt was in 2015. Hanging myself kept failing at a young age. Ive been planning properly since August 2023

 

[UKscotty]

Thinking about, planning and attempts over the past 25 years.

Clearly wasn't quite ready at the time.

 

[voidstar]

Thought about it since I was around 6 or 7, my first self harm started with 5 and my first real attempt was with 13 or 12.
And solid plans with 13 as well. You could even count my constant thoughts of wanting to die from age 5 onwards.

 

[Sageiois]

I had first thought about suicide when I was eight years old, and the first time I actually attempted was when I was twelve or thirteen years old.

Same here, im 22 now and i have no desire or will to still be here when im 23 on the 23rd (lol coincidence)