How I've been less miserable lately

[IWishToDie]

Postponing suicide for as long as I can now
Thoughts still come and go but I've really learned to start stretching Kundalini style (every part of my body) and stare at a candle,
The ankh is keyed into my wrist
Suffer in silence and let the pain drift away.
It feels like I'm drowning sometimes
It feels like I'm weighed down
It feels like nothing is real
It feels like everything is too real.

Doing this little stretching routine, bowing my head to show gratitude before meals
(Full bow, really scary but important!)
Staring at a candle with a relaxed tongue
I feel like I can conquer the animal inside me
Don't tell the shadow to f*ck off, it simply empowers it.
Light is healing. A weapon.
A tool. A friend.
I feel relief
It's a work on progress, for now it works.

Not checked messages or threads for a few days, trying to avoid any suicidal influences.
Calmness right now, waiting on some pork dumplings to arrive for lunch.

RIP to anyone we lost recently.
Love

 

[Davey36000]

Would you say your Kundalini stretching routine and meditation have the same result/goal?

For me meditation can make any uncomfortable emotions too intense without any release or transformation or knowing what to "do".

Maybe I'm trying to rush it.

 

[MyLuckyStars]

glad it's all coming together. hang in there man

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Interesting, reading up about it.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I'm glad you are better

 

[Argo]

For me meditation can make any uncomfortable emotions too intense without any release or transformation or knowing what to "do".

Maybe I'm trying to rush it.

You could try a guided meditation if you haven't:

This way, whatever is captivating your mind(since failure to pay attention is what successful mediation is in the same way failure to lift a weight is what successful strength training is), gets interrupted by the guide.

Like strength though, this doesn't really work if just kinda dabbled in. Has to be done regularly to have an effect.

@IWishToDie -- It's precious to find peace, hope that persists for you