How it’s going (hint: not good)

[Taki]

Yes, I know I've been on this forum for two years and still haven't hanged myself. I'm hardly unique that way, and it's not like I haven't tried.
General coping lately:
- lots of unprotected sex with other guys
- alcohol
- experimenting with ES Tylenol to reduce emotional pain, since there's a small body of research on that
- staring at walls

I haven't rehearsed hanging in a while. Why bother? It's not like you need to finesse it. I may still look into some treatment but doubtful it can help. My issues aren't medical, it's that the ruin of my life is a basic fact that can't be altered.
How is everyone else doing?

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I've been on the forum for over 3 years and haven't been able to CTB. Came really close a few times. Still couldn't do it. Wonder if I ever will.
I would be careful with unprotected sex with male or female.

 

[I want to end it]

I've been on the forum for over 3 years and haven't been able to CTB. Came really close a few times. Still couldn't do it. Wonder if I ever will.
I would be careful with unprotected sex with male or female.

wow I thought I was the oldest account on here who hadn't ctb yet. you are older than me!

 

[Rhaiyne]

I think it's great you're all still here...

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Future looks very bad, if I'm lucky I can join the working class, move out and buy a shotgun to kill myself with. Otherwise I'll have to use a scary method whenever my parents die or ww3 happens or AI starts raping people or whatever the fuck. Might try to get on some pills again since they make me lose control of my emotions, so if on pills I might be able to actually jump/hang/stab.

 

[Taki]

I think it's great you're all still here...

Really? It's been a shit two years for me. I could have done without them.

 

[insipixiecat]

I

Really? It's been a shit two years for me. I could have done without them.

I'm sorry my dude. Wish I could turn back the hands of time for you.

 

[Fakereality]

It's been almost a year since my intitally planned ctb date it's not an easy thing to convince your body to let you have that eternal slumber specially in the case of a method like hanging which requires a lot of control over your survival instinct.

 

[FuneralCry]

I should have ctb last year but I am still here. Existing is tiring and pointless. I guess it is hard to take our own lives because of the SI and I have the fear of failing an attempt. I have dread for the future.

 

[LittleJem]

Agitated, semi-bedridden, ate just one apple today and feel sick. Need to move house before CTB. No energy at all.
I keep looking back on how many years I've suffered for - cos it all starts to blur into one. I've suffered now over 30 years.

 

[motel rooms]

I so don't give a shit anymore. Gonna dick out some more gross old bottoms for money. A hole is a hole is an empty old hole, & I'm gonna fuck 'em all. Whee!!!

 

[BottomlessPit]

I spend my days distracting myself with pointless entertainment, all the while cultivating an ever increasing disdain for the world and existence in general. I'm essentially procrastinating to book a hotel room for ctb.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I think it's great you're all still here...

Everyone on here has helped me so much. I will be here until I finally get the courage to CTB.

 

[Rhaiyne]

Everyone on here has helped me so much. I will be here until I finally get the courage to CTB.

Hence why I'm glad people are still here. I'm not glad foe all the pain and difficulties experienced and I'm truly sorry you are all going through that. I just find it admirable for people to still be on the forum with all their struggles for the length of time they have been.

Really? It's been a shit two years for me. I could have done without them.

I'm so sorry you have been having and continue to have such a shit time. It pains me to think of you... or anyone... struggling so badly. I only wish I could help or alleviate some pain.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm super shitty. I really think you should have safe/er sex...this is just one more thing to feel anxious or shitty about. Just my opinion.

 

[stygal]

I'm not doing so good either...even tho nothing is specifically going "wrong" atm - but I'm (as always) anticipating it all falling apart since I never trust those phases that are going "too well" - better ctb this year before it's too late and I'm stuck/climate change is ruining my life/I get fired/my body falls apart.

"Man soll immer aufhören wenn's am schönsten ist" as you say in German.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Things have not been going well for me lately. The flare-ups that I experience from time to time—swollen knees that make it difficult to walk, chest pains, digestive problems that keep you up at night—make me feel utterly miserable. I've been suicidal long before I found this place, and even more so after the onset of chronic illness. When something like this happens it makes me wonder why I've stayed alive for so long; nothing has convinced me that life is worth living. I can't keep going on like this, living out the remainder of my life with never-ending pain.

"Man soll immer aufhören wenn's am schönsten ist" as you say in German.

I couldn't agree more. It'll take some time before the next bus arrives, but I'll be ready for it. There's a saying that health is a crown that only the sick can see. Once upon a time I could do whatever I want, whenever I want. Now that's all but gone, and it's all downhill from here.

 

[draw a circle]

Wanted to do it this month but well, i haven't, I'm too scared... I should be signing up for an exam this month but i honestly really don't want to. Literally just have no energy, and i want to see if i could pull it off before the end of this month. Probably no, but it's always fun to procrastinate. I'm glad to see you here though. Hugs

 

[Taki]

I'm super shitty. I really think you should have safe/er sex...this is just one more thing to feel anxious or shitty about. Just my opinion.

Thanks. Appreciate the advice but the appeal is that it heightens the distraction. Medication and therapy have all failed in my case so I have all kinds of life-isn't-a-nightmare distractions. Also there is that brief illusion of intimacy even if there's no one to have breakfast with. Shitty isn't it?

 

[motel rooms]

Thanks. Appreciate the advice but the appeal is that it heightens the distraction.

The appeal is that it's self-destructive. I get it.