Discussion How important is it to share interests and hobbies in a relationship?

[noname223]

I probably soon meet the woman from my self-help group again. We both are interested in each other. However the main reason I first thought we might not fit to each other is the fact we have pretty different interests. I think she does not care about my major at all. And I don't care about her major at all. We are both quite smart (I think she is smarter but I am deeper). We have good conversations. However I really fear that we just have too different hobbies in order to match. Though we share serious mental health issues and we accept and support each other. So far. I am anxious to ruin it. We have both different illnesses and I started to read about her condition because I barely knew anything about it. I will ask her the next time whether we can share our numbers. I am interested to learn more about her. I am still really scared that noone will ever be able to love and accept me. (in a partnership). Maybe I am too much of a fuck up and not meant to be.

What is more important being able to relate to each other when we both have serious mental illness or sharing hobbies? The best would be if both fit each other. The more often I look at her pictures the more beautiful do I consider her. Her move to approach me was so fucking cute. But I guess only time will tell whether we really fit to each other.

What is your experience with that?

 

[DarkRange55]

If you're either too similar or too different it can be a problem. You want someone who shares interests with you so you can share experiences, laughs, and activities together. But you also want someone that will balance your weakness and compliment your strengths and vice-versa.

 

[heysunshine]

I am interested to learn more about her. I am still really scared that noone will ever be able to love and accept me. (in a partnership). Maybe I am too much of a fuck up and not meant to be

They will be able to love you!! This is just my opinion, but I think that the desire to learn more about each other and support one another is better than immediately sharing a lot of hobbies. While hobbies that are shared are important to a relationship, is it not also possible (maybe even desirable) to develop these hobbies together as time passes? For example, I never would have thought I would ever care about Lego until I met my husband. He made it interesting and made me want to learn more. I admired his skill in building and creativity. Now, we look at Lego projects together. I watch and (sometimes) help. We go and look at examples and come up with ideas. We formed a together-activity based off of the interest of one. This goes both ways. My husband would NEVER have cared about some of my interests, like video games, studying history, archeology, or strange conspiracy theories. Now, he likes to research them and we find shows and documentaries to watch together and learn more as a couple.

This is a very personal experience that is my own, but I feel like hobbies and interests develop with time. Relationships start as two individuals. I believe allowing another person to be their entire whole self, but loving them and respecting them, is what makes the relationship most times. That's just my opinion though!

I hope your meeting goes well! It can be so scary to start something new, but it seems like you have a great connection already with this person. It's hard not to, but try to avoid overthinking. Go with the flow. If there is interest, there's interest! It doesn't mean that the relationship will be perfect or last forever, but it will be an experience of growing and learning and connecting! I hope that helps! <3

 

[DarkRange55]

I'm just speaking in general terms, and clearly all relationships are very circumstantial. If there is a mutual bond, then I would definitely build on that framework. It might help if you could elaborate a little bit on some of these concerns that you're having. When you find the right special person, it's very important to always nurture that relationship because the relationship takes constant maintenance repair and cleaning. Anything worth its value is worth fighting for. Best of luck!

 

[noname223]

I'm just speaking in general terms, and clearly all relationships are very circumstantial. If there is a mutual bond, then I would definitely build on that framework. It might help if you could elaborate a little bit on some of these concerns that you're having. When you find the right special person, it's very important to always nurture that relationship because the relationship takes constant maintenance repair and cleaning. Anything worth its value is worth fighting for. Best of luck!

I think it does not make sense to elaborate. We don't know each other that much. I think I am already into very severe overthinking. I will just try to enjoy the time with her. A woman I once dated told me she cannot love me. I described it in the following thread:

"I cannot love you"

I have met this woman in my self-help group and we had a pretty good chemistry and I feel manic since. I sleep very badly. She seems be to be interested in me and I was so fucking touched. I might have triggered her and ruined everything pretty early. If this is the case this could break me...

sanctioned-suicide.net

And I am scared that might repeat itself.

Thanks for wanting to help!

 

[DarkRange55]

I think it does not make sense on elaborating. We don't know each other that much. I think I am already into very severe overthinking. I will just try to enjoy the time with her. A woman I once dated told me she cannot love me. I described it in the following thread:

"I cannot love you"

I have met this woman in my self-help group and we had a pretty good chemistry and I feel manic since. I sleep very badly. She seems be to be interested in me and I was so fucking touched. I might have triggered her and ruined everything pretty early. If this is the case this could break me...

sanctioned-suicide.net

And I am scared that might repeat itself.

Thanks for wanting to help!

Well, I definitely respect your privacy. Getting hurt is always a risk that you have to take going into any relationship, even friendship & family. But I think if you genuinely care a lot about this person, then it's definitely worth the effort. Sex in particular is a very emotionally vulnerable act and position that you put yourself into.

I think it does not make sense to elaborate. We don't know each other that much. I think I am already into very severe overthinking. I will just try to enjoy the time with her. A woman I once dated told me she cannot love me. I described it in the following thread:

"I cannot love you"

I have met this woman in my self-help group and we had a pretty good chemistry and I feel manic since. I sleep very badly. She seems be to be interested in me and I was so fucking touched. I might have triggered her and ruined everything pretty early. If this is the case this could break me...

sanctioned-suicide.net

And I am scared that might repeat itself.

Thanks for wanting to help!

Also, I'm very sorry to hear about that experience. That must've been extremely difficult. Personally, I have not been married yet, but I have had plenty of long-term girlfriends and dated many more. I can only speak from my personal subjective experiences, and also just from general wisdom. I think it's important to lead with your heart and your gut and have your mind validate it. Sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgment so it's important to think through everything on different levels.
Overthinking can definitely be detrimental and dangerous. Paralysis through analysis. I would say if you have a good shot, then definitely take it. Especially if you know that that's what you want.