So, I've seen many posts on here about feeling guilty about killing oneself due to the potential effect it could have on others and I want to share how I personally got rid of that feeling entirely.
Firstly, I've attempted suicide many many times, all in a guilt-felt state. The attempts were legit, but were painful and created damage that I'm lucky to even be surviving. That being said, when I finally decided my next attempt would be my last, I realized successful attempts require a time of intense planning and self reflection. I carried guilt for months and months, really feeling like my suicide would negatively impact people, but then I realized me being alive is already negatively impacting people. I began to look at my upcoming death as a benefit to society and that's what helped me get over that guilt. Like, there's many reasons I am catching the bus from my breakup, physical health issues, and mental health, but also because I know it will benefit society in SO many ways. The people who've been harmed by my disease will finally be happy and at peace, my family (although they're pretty horrible) will not have to have excess worry about what they're going to have to tell people when I have a mental episode in public, my teachers won't have to deal with my brain and it's need for so many educational accommodations, my siblings aren't going to have to continue to carry the burden of their older sister being sick, and sooo much more. I feel looking at it in a way that benefits the overall well being of others is what truly aided me in eliminating those guilty feelings. I also looked at the risks of me staying alive, and how me losing the beautiful life I had and can never get back could cause me to lash out angrily and harm others out of resentment. Knowing what I'd be capable of and realizing my death will be "putting a harmful animal to sleep" has helped me overcome each feeling of guilt in ever way. I look at my death as a must, so I don't take out my sabotaging behavior on to others. I'm not saying this will help everyone overcome the guilt, but it really helped me. Framing it in this way has given me clarity and even a little bit of ease about the whole thing. Most
Of my worry now lies with just the general anxiety of suicide and because I've committed many times and am still here but I must say destroying the guilt has been like a weight off of my shoulders.
Firstly, I've attempted suicide many many times, all in a guilt-felt state. The attempts were legit, but were painful and created damage that I'm lucky to even be surviving. That being said, when I finally decided my next attempt would be my last, I realized successful attempts require a time of intense planning and self reflection. I carried guilt for months and months, really feeling like my suicide would negatively impact people, but then I realized me being alive is already negatively impacting people. I began to look at my upcoming death as a benefit to society and that's what helped me get over that guilt. Like, there's many reasons I am catching the bus from my breakup, physical health issues, and mental health, but also because I know it will benefit society in SO many ways. The people who've been harmed by my disease will finally be happy and at peace, my family (although they're pretty horrible) will not have to have excess worry about what they're going to have to tell people when I have a mental episode in public, my teachers won't have to deal with my brain and it's need for so many educational accommodations, my siblings aren't going to have to continue to carry the burden of their older sister being sick, and sooo much more. I feel looking at it in a way that benefits the overall well being of others is what truly aided me in eliminating those guilty feelings. I also looked at the risks of me staying alive, and how me losing the beautiful life I had and can never get back could cause me to lash out angrily and harm others out of resentment. Knowing what I'd be capable of and realizing my death will be "putting a harmful animal to sleep" has helped me overcome each feeling of guilt in ever way. I look at my death as a must, so I don't take out my sabotaging behavior on to others. I'm not saying this will help everyone overcome the guilt, but it really helped me. Framing it in this way has given me clarity and even a little bit of ease about the whole thing. Most
Of my worry now lies with just the general anxiety of suicide and because I've committed many times and am still here but I must say destroying the guilt has been like a weight off of my shoulders.
