Story How I got here

[BipolarGuy]

So I've decided that I can't help myself but to bore you all to death with my story...so here goes.

Had issues as a child.
Was put on old style tricyclic antidepressants at just 8 years old.

In 2009 I was at a well respected Russell Group university in the UK studying maths.
On course for a 1st class degree and choosing universities where I would like to go on to do a PhD.
Depression struck for no obvious reason.
Tried to end my life in student halls.

Couldn't shake off depression and didn't go on to do a PhD.

Had a string of poor paying jobs, and had a run of jobs not working out through redundancy or the business going into administration.

Serious financial problems resulted.
No debt, just no money to live on.

Diagnosed bipolar in 2016.

Family are useless and emotionally abuse me.
When my nan died last year of an aortic aneurysm, my dad blamed me!

Tried to end my life again in March 2019.

Family don't care, and they have blatantly said as much.

After what happened in 2019, I had a long term friend judge me.
She said that I'm negative and dramatic and she wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
This is despite the fact that she knew me before I was depressed, had experienced depression herself and is a paramedic.
That hurt.

To top it off, the police came round my house earlier this year when I tried to obtain a gun online.
No law was broken, they said they were doing a welfare check on me.
My landlord found out and didn't like someone with depression living in his house and so he issued me with notice to leave - in less than a month.

So:
Useless family who don't care
Financial issues
Housing issues
'friends' judging even though they should know better
Education not working out

Edit: also it's virtually impossible to access good mental health support in the UK.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm sorry for the ordeal that you've been through.
From what I know, children should not be put on antidepressants because their brain structure is still developing. Not to say that there's anything wrong with your brain, but with your parents and psychiatrist who thought this was remotely appropriate.
Blame games in family... typical abuse. How could you cause an aneurysm to an old woman? That's absurd.

Wish you peace and strength

 

[rhiino]

We are not bored to death (I wish I would be though ;-D), it is written nicely concise.

A welfare check of the police did not help you at all but resulted in your landlord discriminating against you and kicking you out, that sucks.

 

[BipolarGuy]

We are not bored to death (I wish I would be though ;-D), it is written nicely concise.

A welfare check of the police did not help you at all but resulted in your landlord discriminating against you and kicking you out, that sucks.

Yep, I've got about 3 weeks until I need to be out.

I plan to do something before then.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for all you are going through.

 

[BipolarGuy]

I'm sorry for all you are going through.

Thank you.

It is very hard.

This run that I'm currently on started back in 2009. Although it started for no obvious reason, it has effected my life to such an extent that the foundations of my life are crumbling: housing, finance, etc.

 

[socrates]

WTF! it can not be legal to evict someone for mental health issues. In the US we have the disabilities act, I'd have to imagine the UK would have something similar. The only problem is you often have to go to court to get it enforced which takes time and money.

You've definitely been through a lot, and you didn't deserve any of it. I hope things get better for you!

 

[So-lowgid]

Yep, I've got about 3 weeks until I need to be out.

I plan to do something before then.

Have a read of the shelter website in the U.K regarding evictions. I think you may be able to stay put for quite a long time before you can be legally forced to leave the dwelling. I'm not sure but worth a read.

 

[BipolarGuy]

WTF! it can not be legal to evict someone for mental health issues. In the US we have the disabilities act, I'd have to imagine the UK would have something similar. The only problem is you often have to go to court to get it enforced which takes time and money.

You've definitely been through a lot, and you didn't deserve any of it. I hope things get better for you!

We do have something called the Equality Act 2010 here in the UK.

However tenants rights need to be tightened up.
The landlord has issued me with something called a Section 21 notice, for which he doesn't need a reason (unbelievably!).

 

[socrates]

We do have something called the Equality Act 2010 here in the UK.

However tenants rights need to be tightened up.
The landlord has issued me with something called a Section 21 notice, for which he doesn't need a reason (unbelievably!).

I hope you find a cheeper better nicer place to live in. Screw this person. I just can not understand how people can be so cruel. Sadly it's seems like you've dealt with a lot of cruelty.

 

[Emily_Numb]

First of all I am always blown away when I hear that a person studied Maths. I don't know why but I get a feeling you may have studied it at Bristol which is my home town. The fact you have the intelligence to have even contemplated a PhD is so impressive. I just have to say that first and foremost. As someone who has employed many staff over the years, if someone has Maths as a degree, they are automatically put into the pile of good candidates. As an employer, Maths is the #1 degree on a CV.

I'm sorry to hear about your housing situation. Your landlord sounds like an absolute dick. It seems like you are set in planning to CTB but I can't believe that a candidate of your calibre is unable to find new employment? I guess maybe you just don't want to which is fair enough. It just seems you have a lot to give and it feels like such a waste of an intelligent human being. I feel you have lots to offer the world.

 

[BipolarGuy]

First of all I am always blown away when I hear that a person studied Maths. I don't know why but I get a feeling you may have studied it at Bristol which is my home town. The fact you have the intelligence to have even contemplated a PhD is so impressive. I just have to say that first and foremost. As someone who has employed many staff over the years, if someone has Maths as a degree, they are automatically put into the pile of good candidates. As an employer, Maths is the #1 degree on a CV.

I'm sorry to hear about your housing situation. Your landlord sounds like an absolute dick. It seems like you are set in planning to CTB but I can't believe that a candidate of your calibre is unable to find new employment? I guess maybe you just don't want to which is fair enough. It just seems you have a lot to give and it feels like such a waste of an intelligent human being. I feel you have lots to offer the world.

Hi,

No not Bristol.
It was The University of Sheffield.

With regards to jobs, yes I have had a bad run but I've operated my own small business over the past few years.
Can't handle the pressure while I'm feeling like this though so I've given it up.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Hi,

No not Bristol.
It was The University of Sheffield.

With regards to jobs, yes I have had a bad run but I've operated my own small business over the past few years.
Can't handle the pressure while I'm feeling like this though so I've given it up.

As someone who runs their own business, I totally understand how you feel. It's extremely stressful and to be honest, working for someone else means when you often get to leave your work at the door and a better work/life balance. Perhaps this change might actually be a positive thing in your life rather than a failure?

 

[BipolarGuy]

As someone who runs their own business, I totally understand how you feel. It's extremely stressful and to be honest, working for someone else means when you often get to leave your work at the door and a better work/life balance. Perhaps this change might actually be a positive thing in your life rather than a failure?

Yes I'm not depressed because the business failed.
I'm depressed for other reasons, and because I'm depressed I can't put in what I need to for the business.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Yes I'm not depressed because the business failed.
I'm depressed for other reasons, and because I'm depressed I can't put in what I need to for the business.

I wouldn't be hard on yourself for not being able to put in what you need to. Perhaps you can take a break from it right now and find work with another company which will take the pressure off. When you are feeling more stable then maybe you can work for yourself again in the future? Just an idea.

Have you had any medications for your depression? Therapy? Do you want to get better?

 

[BipolarGuy]

I wouldn't be hard on yourself for not being able to put in what you need to. Perhaps you can take a break from it right now and find work with another company which will take the pressure off. When you are feeling more stable then maybe you can work for yourself again in the future? Just an idea.

Have you had any medications for your depression? Therapy? Do you want to get better?

I have had therapy yes.
Getting it now in fact.

Also had medication.

My depression is circumstantial - if there were not these things happening in my life, I would definitely still have issues, but wouldn't be considering ending my life.

My life has declined over the past 11 years.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and I hope you will find peace in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Emily_Numb]

I have had therapy yes.
Getting it now in fact.

Also had medication.

My depression is circumstantial - if there were not these things happening in my life, I would definitely still have issues, but wouldn't be considering ending my life.

My life has declined over the past 11 years.

One thing I've some to learn over the last 20 years, is that I cannot continue to beat myself up about family and I have to stop allowing myself to be hurt by them. A lot of my depression came from that and a bad traumatic childhood. I refuse to allow them to have that impact on my life anymore. However painful it has been I simply needed to 'get over it' for my own peace of mind.

You have no debt! I wouldn't really say that was a financial issue. So many people live with debt. To be debt free is a massive freedom, a job would of course help.

There are plenty of resources available if you are being evicted. I'm still questioning the legality of this eviction but you are clearly intelligent and must have done your homework.

Im not sure how old you are but one thing I've also come to understand is that childhood friends often grow apart, even if mental illness isn't a factor. Maybe you are negative, you're depressed so it kind of goes with the territory. Often people who are called dramatic are often just out of options and feel helpless. I'm sorry she dumped you as a friend but we cannot force people to be in our life's.

Lastly, I wouldn't say getting a degree in Maths would be classed as a failure in education! Quite the opposite. Unless of course you didn't complete your degree. Even so, you are fortunate enough to have been blessed with book smarts. That in itself has so much potential.

I think you've just thought yourself into a rut. I do this a lot. I think your priority ought to be figuring out housing ASAP and just push everything else to the side until you've navigated that. I'm just offering solutions if you were open to them but of course, it's your life and your choice.