Discussion how have you come to terms with leaving everything behind?

[tieiwi]

For those who will ctb or are highly considering it, have you come to terms with leaving the things in your life behind? How? Ever since I really thought about suicide being an actual option for me, the feeling of indifference towards the things in my life just naturally followed. I look at my friends and certain members of my family feeling nothing. I don't feel sad that I'll leave them. It's interesting to me because I like them and care about them, but they're not stopping me from ctb.

 

[ixkitty]

Okay so Honestly the only part I feel bad about is leaving my cat behind. I've had him for 10 fruitful years and that's his entire life except the 10 weeks he was fostered as a newborn. The last time I cried when I thought of leaving him and I considered staying just long enough for him to die but he's a healthy, Chonky boy. He has at least 10 more years in him and I'm not sure if I can hold out. My family, I've told them I plan on doing this and I'm not sure if they don't believe me or forgot. I have done it before so my next attempt would be number 3. I don't feel as much of a pull towards my family about leaving them behind.

Sometimes I wonder how my mom will fare since she highly depends on me for a lot of stuff. The rest of my family, well I used to be a monetary necessity for them but now I'm working a lower paying job and they can't just ask for money like they used to. I guess I'm saying I'm not as needed as I used to be in that respect.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I really havent. I've even pushed myself to buy a one-way air ticket for my final resting place, fixed a date this year etc etc. But still the guilt of leaving parents behind hits me hard. My only consolation is a) it'll be over soon and b) I didn't choose to be born to them.

The other thing is, if I do stay on for them, the years of pain and screaming inside will eventually drive me completely insane surely, and that would be a much more terrible thing to do to them than just leaving them. And if that doesn't happen, there are my other severe health issues -- for instance, I've had nightmares of getting a stroke and becoming paralyzed, leaving my very old, sick parents to care for me instead. If I go now, at least they're able to decide their future for themselves without me burdening them.

At this point, both leaving AND staying feel selfish to me.

 

[Chiisai]

Yes I have come to terms with my decision. I still feel sad leaving my family behind but I know this is better for all of us.

 

[S like Siren]

Well...nobody cares about me and i'm not kidding about this,my family can't care less if i am alive or not...in regards leaving everything behind,well i have nothing so i'm not leaving nothing basically.I thought about the consequences of my gesture ... but you know what ... now I don't care anymore ... I don't owe anyone anything, nobody helped me even though I asked for help several times so why should it concern me...i don't care,i just want end it

 

[LastFlowers]

Well...nobody cares about me and i'm not kidding about this,my family can't care less if i am alive or not...in regards leaving everything behind,well i have nothing so i'm not leaving nothing basically.I thought about the consequences of my gesture ... but you know what ... now I don't care anymore ... I don't owe anyone anything, nobody helped me even though I asked for help several times so why should it concern me...i don't care,i just want end it

I'm pretty much the same.
Nobody gives a rat's ass, not least the majority of my family.
Nothing much to leave behind, never acquired (or had the means to acquire) what makes life worth living, I mean sure it could always get worse, I could somehow lose more and more when I am already starved of so much, but still, the only thing I'll be leaving behind really are pets, sentimental material items, and a life-passion, dreams, ambitions, connections-never lived.

 

[S like Siren]

and a life-passion, dreams, ambitions, connections-never lived.

I feel this totally...a life i imagined to escape from my shitty and painful reality...i hug you

 

[Oblivion Access]

There isn't much I care about. Obligations and distractions from the inevitable. Nothing save for fear and ineptitude keeps me here.

 

[Nemeshisu]

There is nothing for me to leave behind really. My family kinda treats me as means to repay their debts, and doesn't care about me in slightest other than that. I don't have IRL friends. I know I don't have chance to fulfill dreams I had in past. And, I was hurt by this world so much that I don't really care what happens after my death.

 

[Crazy4u]

What will I leave behind? my pain, my suffering, my misery. I am not very poor but I don't have money to live comfortably or address health issues. Like others, nobody cares about me and I am cool with that. It is better for everyone, including myself, to end it. I don't belong here.

 

[tieiwi]

Well...nobody cares about me and i'm not kidding about this,my family can't care less if i am alive or not...in regards leaving everything behind,well i have nothing so i'm not leaving nothing basically.I thought about the consequences of my gesture ... but you know what ... now I don't care anymore ... I don't owe anyone anything, nobody helped me even though I asked for help several times so why should it concern me...i don't care,i just want end it

I agree with you. I'm giving my family a couple days to get over my death. I hope you are able to find the peace you need.

There isn't much I care about. Obligations and distractions from the inevitable. Nothing save for fear and ineptitude keeps me here.

Fear has been keeping me here as well but it's slowly wearing away…

 

[Lifeless mindset]

Knowing that one day ill have to leave everything behind anyways

 

[S like Siren]

I agree with you. I'm giving my family a couple days to get over my death. I hope you are able to find the peace you need.

Thank you i wish you the same

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I am looking forward to leaving everything behind, I want nothing to do with this life. I just want non existence. We will all die eventually and it is inevitable that we will lose everything we have. Everything is temporary and meaningless after all. When I die, I will leave behind a miserable existence and that is the most comforting thought. Death is the end of all suffering.

 

[D&D]

There is nothing and no one to leave behind.

Not even myself.

 

[Conker]

I didn't have a family or any friends. saying goodbye is too easy and I wish that wasn't the case..
Prison inmates do not count despite their surface level kindness.

Really, if technology is up to speed only then maybe I would choose to continue on.
Otherwise I'm going to be ending this nightmare and shortly afterwards finishing what I started.

God, everything is so fucking horrible down here.. Moby was not exaggerating.
I do not want to kill anybody.