Discussion How has mental illness affected your personality?

[shy]

Anxiety has total control over my life, each action is influenced by it directly. I am as reclused as I can possibly get away with and it has been taking a toll on my personality for years. Being afraid all the time turned me into a distrusting and paranoid individual.

Depression and the growing anhedonia makes it hard to feel anything besides apathy and I hate it. I hate the person I've become. I wonder where it all started.

Mental illness has damaged my personality to a state that seems irreversible. Even if it was reversible, I wouldn't even know what I want to revert it back to, at this point.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I honestly can't remember what I was like before I developed my mental illness.
It developed around when I was 12, diagnosed at 16, 25 now.
It's hopeless.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

This sums it up.

 

[MindFrog]

I honestly can't remember what I was like before I developed my mental illness.

Same, It's like my I got this mental illness for so long, It became a part of my personality. I don't think I can even go back to what I was before, cause it long before I was a kid.

Sometimes, I wonder if I've gotten rid of my depression, will I still be me? That's why taking pills that alter my "mood" always feel so jarring.

 

[Sherri]

I feel you op, I also have to rely on anti anxiety meds all day long, it affected me also a lot plus the anti depressants which I feel that does nothing to me personally speaking for myself.

 

[AnotherNobody]

It's the reason I want to ctb and can't imagine it getting better, if it wasn't for that I'd give it more of a shot.

 

[b&w]

I've probably had mental illness my whole life and it made me unable to form long term bonds or connections with people, and also feel extreme self hatred and guilt most of the time; this probably is due to the stupid actions that I took due to my lack of better judgement probably not mental illness.

 

[orbroots]

I've always been a silly person. I'm reclusive and erratic now, but sometimes I stare into the clouds and comically curse like I'm in The Truman Show. If i had the energy, I would be more theatrical with my death. I would hire actors to show up to my funeral and cause a scene. Ideally, it would be fun for everyone but that probably wouldn't be the case.

 

[Life_and_Death]

im fairly confident i was born with my personality disorder so as far as my personality it hasnt changed. i have memories from LONG before my problems where ill say or do something and be like "yep thats a me thing"

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

my mood disorder cost me jobs and relationships bc it affected my personality. i was ok (kinda) 2/3 of my life. then, severe trauma set it off and additional traumatic events escalated it even further. now, i basically have no friends after all of this. no one likes me bc of my personality/mood disorder.

 

[ana]

I am very erratic but I can pretend very well. I see life (specially social interaction) as a theatre of sorts. I can be cute, I can be funny, I can be manipulative, I can survive. I am very good at blending in for short amounts of time. But often I lose my real sense of self and that can leave me feeling very distressed for several days. Which means that relationships are very intense but never last long. Sometimes I get attached to other personalities and make them my own. My style changes drastically. I experiment a lot. I feel like a chameleon that never shows its true colours.

 

[Chupacabra 44]

I've always been a silly person. I'm reclusive and erratic now, but sometimes I stare into the clouds and comically curse like I'm in The Truman Show. If i had the energy, I would be more theatrical with my death. I would hire actors to show up to my funeral and cause a scene. Ideally, it would be fun for everyone but that probably wouldn't be the case.

Lol.... Reminded me of Grandpa Simpson.

 

[mimiopo22]

Anxiety has total control over my life, each action is influenced by it directly. I am as reclused as I can possibly get away with and it has been taking a toll on my personality for years. Being afraid all the time turned me into a distrusting and paranoid individual.

Depression and the growing anhedonia makes it hard to feel anything besides apathy and I hate it. I hate the person I've become. I wonder where it all started.

Mental illness has damaged my personality to a state that seems irreversible. Even if it was reversible, I wouldn't even know what I want to revert it back to, at this point.

I can't tell you how, but it totally changed her for the worse, obviously.

 

[issyishere]

Im really forgetful now. I can't really live in the moment like I used to. I can't sleep. I get annoyed fast. I get overwhelmed fast. My memory is constantly failing me. I'm not as articulate as I was before.
Anxiety is fucking hell on earth.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I've had ptsd since I was around 6 and I can't remember what life was like before ptsd, although at a very young age it was not as severe because I only had one major trauma that I still have only fuzzy memories of.

That sort of thing leaves a permanent imprint. I didn't know what sex was but I was having sexual feelings at such a young age because of trauma.

It makes you fearful and unable to trust people, always analysing situations and environments to look for danger. I really think ptsd isn't something you can get a handle on with positive thoughts and therapy, I wish a real treatment for ptsd existed cause my fight or flight response is permanently damaged and it causes me to exhibit fearful emotions all of the time.

 

[Good4Nothing]

In every way possible.
I'm descending into madness.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

That death would be preferable to living this life of mine - one filled with anxiety, isolation and the intense paranoia that people around me would celebrate my death.
I could go, but I can't bear his hurts and tears. Yet, would he be better off without me and my pain?

 

[Ardesevent]

It's affected me a lot. I don't know how much of me is illness and how much is the real me anymore.

 

[papulin]

This is a great thread, as I have been thinking about this a lot. Commonalities:
1). "It has been 'this' way for so long, I can't even remember what it was like before this despair/depression." Absolutely true of me. Sometimes I look at old photos of 'before' and the person (the old 'me') seems almost unrecognizable.
2). "I am periodically 'functional' but really just putting on an act." Again, true of me. I can have work conversations but when they end I just feel myself sinking back into isolation and depression.
3). "This is affecting my relationships." I feel a burden to others. I know I am, even close friends who reach out, I don't want to engage - b/c I feel I'd either be engaging on superficial 'happy' level (see 2 above) or I'd just be re-hashing the same w/ no improvement.

 

[Defenestration]

Anxiety has total control over my life, each action is influenced by it directly. I am as reclused as I can possibly get away with and it has been taking a toll on my personality for years. Being afraid all the time turned me into a distrusting and paranoid individual.


Mental illness has damaged my personality to a state that seems irreversible.

Exactly the same

 

[Mentalmick]

I used to be able to go out on my own sometimes but now I can only go out if I'm accompanied by someone that makes me feel safe. At 47 years old it doesn't half remind me why I hate myself.

 

[rabbithole]

Neurotic, unstable, will cry if someone touches me in a kind way, quiet, withdrawn, can't even watch tv or read a book because I'm haunted by emotional pain.

 

[Ender]

I have chronic PTSD, which really gave me social anxiety, anxiety, and depression. I am very mute, every time in school, someone has to mention that they realize "I'm there." I also shake and twitch, and stutter. I walk with my knees bent, it makes people afraid of me. So yeah, mute, shaky fragile, and a distraught personality.

 

[Sensei]

It's in the nature of bipolar disorder that it's difficult or impossible to draw a line between illness and personality. In fact, I'd say that it's impossible to separate the two. Hence, I don't have bipolar disorder – I am bipolar.

 

[painoflife]

I always liked that I was reliable but now I always shy away from anything that involves a commitment. Even something like agreeing to help do something in a months time makes me uneasy because I hate letting people down and if I am not here in a month that is what happens.

 

[Metalhead]

I feel you op, I also have to rely on anti anxiety meds all day long, it affected me also a lot plus the anti depressants which I feel that does nothing to me personally speaking for myself.

Anti depressants, do more harm than good imho

 

[Teal_Blue_Dreams]

In every way possible.
I'm descending into madness.

Me too! Let's be mad together?

I've had ptsd since I was around 6 and I can't remember what life was like before ptsd, although at a very young age it was not as severe because I only had one major trauma that I still have only fuzzy memories of.

That sort of thing leaves a permanent imprint. I didn't know what sex was but I was having sexual feelings at such a young age because of trauma.

It makes you fearful and unable to trust people, always analysing situations and environments to look for danger. I really think ptsd isn't something you can get a handle on with positive thoughts and therapy, I wish a real treatment for ptsd existed cause my fight or flight response is permanently damaged and it causes me to exhibit fearful emotions all of the time.

I am so sorry you experienced a traumatizing, horror as a child. No innocent child deserves that. This is exactly the type of thing that makes me wonder if there is a god.

 

[Deleted member 15256]

It's hard when people try to make me fell better and say:
"Remember the way you used to be! Always happy, smart, taking care of others, etc"
And that's what hurts the most. I am not that person anymore and I'll never be

 

[Mentalmick]

Neurotic, unstable, will cry if someone touches me in a kind way, quiet, withdrawn, can't even watch tv or read a book because I'm haunted by emotional pain.

I know what you mean. I feel very uncomfortable when people are kind to me, I just don't know how to react to it, especially if they touch me. I also can't watch dramas or anything Incase they trigger me.

 

[blackwidow92]

I feel like depression has turned me into a shell of the person I used to be. I used to be happy and outgoing and generally an easy going really nice person who made friends really easily. Now I'm antisocial, miserable and slowly turning into a really horrible person to be around as a result. I have no interest in anything and don't really get joy from anything anymore. I've turned really apathetic. Hell I can't even concentrate on mundane tasks such as watching tv. It sucks.