How fast are you forgotten if you stop posting on Sanctioned Suicide?

[NormallyNeurotic]

When I rejoined this forum, once after abandoning my old account, and once coming back recently, seeking solace, I immediately recognized a few names. Some that affected us greatly without realizing it. I have memory issues, but some people leave their mark.

 

[noname223]

@noname223, your post about your experience meeting a quantum physicist in a psych ward, and your intimate recollection on "ambiguity tolerance", will always personally have a place in my mind <3

Edit: It's here, actually.

New insights analyzing my mind - ambiguity intolerance

I wrote a 9 pages analysis of my mind to my therapist to persuade her into extending my therapy sessions. Many years ago I met a quantumphysics professor as a patient in a clinic who told me I struggle with ambiguity intolerance and making predictions all the time. I certainly analyze the...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

Such a beautiful, poignant, and—to me—frankly unforgettable story, from your life, that you have shared with, and given to us.

<3 I promise you that you have made beautiful and unique contributions to this forum, certainly in your own right, and I thank you for the gift of your presence, your time, your words, your knowledge, your emotions, compassion, and desire to figure out life, too. Much love, much appreciation, and much gratitude, for the gift that you and all your words here are.

Sincerely,
Webb.

Thank you so much for this lovely and kind message. It means a lot to me. And I had to smile big time when I read.

Your answer was a great gift to me. People like you make this community so special.

 

[webb&flow]

Your answer was a great gift to me. People like you make this community so special.

Et tu, noname ^u^

 

[U. A.]

As always, @-Link- nails it; this question could be answered in a hundred ways, but my read is you're pondering "how fast are you forgotten by the amorphous mass that 'is' this website?", and I honestly think that is fairly quick for anyone - because the turnover rate is so high among users.

We know from that creepy paper that scraped posts here that most accounts are only active for a few weeks on activation. I don't know if there was a percentage in the paper, but on a hyperconservative estimate of 51% of users at any given time will be gone in 30 days from any given point, a (near) half-life model dictates that in under a year, no one will remain from the original pool of users who "knew" any given one.

Of course this is an imperfect model for many reasons but still, the percentage of users active on this date in 2019 who'd registered in that same year was surely waaayy higher than it is today. From my own experience, I was away at a point for over a year and a half and aside from a few DMs from near the beginning of that period, only a single person had publicly noted my absence.

The only enduring institutional memory this place has is posts detailing suicide methods. Everyone remembers Stan, because that is the primary draw of the site. Even if many people end up finding solace in the simple act of having a place to talk about why they're here to begin with. Hardly anyone uses the search function, and when they do, it's usually not to find people.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I feel like recently I've seen some usernames of more long time members reappear. Somehow that comforts me. I guess because not everyone is in a situation where they can easily ctb for whatever reason. For me, if there is one thing that stood out at all, like something we both had in common or how their ways of thinking stuck with me and also if they had a good sense of humor, I can't imagine I would forget as I don't make any connections to begin with. And some people stories are so heartbreaking or in other cases become uplifting at some point and they decide to leave. At least that is a good memory.

I'm going to be generous and say maybe there are a couple of users on here who might remember me for a bit. And again-all long time users. I think we are of a different breed.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

It is unreal how SaSu members in general have impacted me, sometimes I worry or wonder what happened to someone who's gone quiet, every goodbye thread is special and stays with me a while, and some members will never be forgotten. This community is made up of some super amazing people. To all of you who think you are unnoticed, I beg to differ, and I thank you for being here.

 

[cme-dme]

I haven't posted much but I left for a month or two and posts were left on my profile, wondering if I was okay which meant the world to me :) I thought nobody would care if I left or stopped posting.

 

[webb&flow]

it is a remarkable achievement that we are able to give all of each other pure, unfiltered compassion, in a world where it is more valuable than ever

and beautiful that we too are touched by this pure compassion, as well :) i hope it will benefit us all and every one that feels accompanied and accounted for; and that this too will ease the sense of isolation, and turn that coldness into a warmness; that we too may take for ourselves, and live with. (for ourselves, above all (and may this also initiate continued heals to affect all those we know and meet and feel care for, as well )

 

[Marbas]

I mean it for one thing it likely depends on how much you've posted around. I came back to zero notifications after being away for most of the year but I also didn't post much. Someone with hundreds or thousands of posts would likely be noticed if they were gone for a while and come back to something.

 

[Zyntkalla]

This for me as well, also even as a child/teen I wished to disappear to the point of no one remembering my existence.

I feel the same way but I just didn't want to be remember by anyone not because they might be hurt when I CTB. But I don't really want people to remember me. Except the people on here & a few people I found I enjoyed being around.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

I'd say pretty quick, given that all in all I haven't really posted much and have disappeared for more than a year at a time.

I set out not really wanting to make ties here, just thought it could only make things harder. Generally bad at keeping ties as it is.

My approach to things is very question-answer/problem-solution, that combined with being conscious to keep things vague and how I normally talk makes things a bit dull and forgettable I think.

On the reverse, apparently I have a good memory and am very individualistic (not sure how else to describe) so I end up remembering a lot of small details and interactions with people. I remember all sorts, people long gone with account deleted, people only here for a week, people active before me and still active today etc. Here, I just accept people must have their reasons, otherwise I would probably go insane.

 

[Namelesa]

I have seen some people in the forum be concerned for me when I haven't been around for just 1 day when I self-isolated as self punishment so guessing I might be remembered more? I haven't really 100%ed self isolated in a long time and I do post less than what I used to so who knows now. I do remember quite a few people's usernames here but don't know if its like that for anyone else. I don't really care if I am remembered as if I am dead then I literally don't have the ability to care.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It depends on your status I suppose. For example, being that I'm legendary, if I stop posting for any reason, the community mourns, holds vigils, and is generally a mess until I decide to show up again. I try not to do this to people, but it does make my returns all the more special and awesome.

 

[astroproto]

This for me as well, also even as a child/teen I wished to disappear to the point of no one remembering my existence.

I remember attending some sort of religious event at school because I was goaded into it. It was very lively and one of the stuff they made us do was get into groups and then answer some prompts.

One of the prompts was "How would you like to be remembered?" and I genuinely couldn't think of anything because I didn't want to be remembered (and at that point, I've just been wanting to disappear without a trace as well) so that's what I said and then the teacher who was in the group with us looked at me weird and then asked "...why?". I just gestured IDK and we moved on.

 

[setspiritfree]

I haven't been on here long but there was one user who I was following who I think ctb'd. She posted a goodbye thread and we all gave her some big virtual hugs and all. I think she was going by nitrogen gas or something like that but it failed. She was distraught that it didn't work and wanted to know if a 4 story fall would be enough. Everyone was saying that it is possible for her to survive so don't do it. She was so young (19) and even though we had not communicated that much I honestly cried for her. Granted I was (am) going through something myself, and highly emotional, but I was genuinely sad that she was fixing to ctb. I still am. I checked her profile again today and nothing. I can only imagine she jumped. Like one user said here, "we never know how we might impact someone" even with very little interaction. Again, I haven't been on here long and that had never happened to me before so I wasn't prepared for it. I think it affected me because I had never been through that and she was so young. I felt sad but also happy that she may find peace and no longer suffering. People don't know how bad we feel and the emotional pain we endure. It truly is hell.

This has been my refuge here lately. I am grateful for it. People say it is encouraging people but it kind of is the opposite. If someone is going to do it they are going to do it anyway but at least they are not alone. They can speak freely with no judgement to people who understand the pain.

I still think of this young lady so her spirit lives on with me at least