How fast are you forgotten if you stop posting on Sanctioned Suicide?

[noname223]

I post less. The argument with my former therapist is extremely mentally draining. I am just so tired.

People I know and highly appreciate are still interacting with my posts. And this means very much to me. Thank you for all your kind and lovely support. Sending hugs to you. :)

I wonder though whether I am not only nothing more than a drop in the ocean. There are so many members who deserve love and support.

I am still thinking about members I interacted with. But for my own protection I tried to stopped my obsessive thinking about why some people committed suicide. And I also drew parallels between them and me. And I think this was unhealthy. For my own protection I had to stop these loops of thought.

The answer of the question in the title probably depends on a lot of factors.

The thing is I know and remember when people interact with my threads that they actually read them. But there were also people who sent me a text like "Hi noname223! I follow now your threads since a couple of years and I wanted to thank you for the creative, funny and sometimes weird threads that you provide to us". I find this really cute and kind.

But it is also weird. So many people know extremely much about my inner feelings and thoughts. All around the world. And I actually don't know anything about their private lives and inner feelings.

 

[TheHolySword]

I logged in for the first time in like 7 months. People still remembered me, wondered what might have happened. It's interesting for sure

 

[User111885]

it's an interesting question. I figure people don't really pay attention or notice me, and that if I die and don't post a goodbye thread, no one will remember me a week or two later. i suppose i could be wrong?

 

[Macedonian1987]

I like to be easily forgotten. Why? Because the less people remember me, the less people will be saddened when I ctb. And i dislike making people sad.

 

[User111885]

I like to be easily forgotten. Why? Because the less people remember me, the less people will be saddened when I ctb. And i dislike making people sad.

This world has been incredibly cruel to me. Gosh, I don't think anyone would feel sad about my dying, but I certainly wouldn't mind anyone feeling that way.

 

[-Link-]

What is it to be "forgotten"?

There is "just not on the conscious mind" but certainly remembered when seeing an old post or when returning from absence.

You never know what kind of impact you can have on people here, even on anonymous guests. In life, every person we ever interact with leaves some kind of mark on us, even if those impacts are mostly subconscious and unquantifiable. And maybe in the future, people "forget". Maybe they wouldn't recognize you even if you bumped right into them. But those marks are still there. So have they truly forgotten?

What also comes to mind is the adage that people won't always necessarily remember what you say and do, but they'll remember how you made them feel.

Here, we know each other through the commonality of great suffering and through whatever impacts we have on each other. Even if we're not on people's conscious minds, and even if at some point they can no longer recognize or recall us, the marks we leave on them never actually go away.

In a sense, for anyone who's ever read one of your posts or interacted with you here, and especially if you've resonated with them on even the slightest level: Yes, you are in their memory. Somewhere.

 

[corpse]

Nobody would think of me or miss me because I am worthless.

 

[Forever Sleep]

We all have our favourites I suspect. I've noticed that you've posted slightly less often recently. But, I suspect we all go through phases where we post more or less.

I will sometimes go searching for people if I haven't 'seen' them about for a while. Not in a crazy stalker way. Just to see when they've last been on and how they seemed then. Obviously, there's always the risk they may have CTB.

As for remembering people, there are members I haven't 'seen' around here in years- and I still remember and miss them. It's likely that we all have members we strike a chord with.

In the very long- term though- I imagine you have to be someone as knowledgable as Stan (and his SN protocol) for members in the future to have a vague idea if who you were.

I've noticed some members like to browse through and comment on really old threads. In a way, that can be frustrating from a live forum perspective. Current members can obviously comment but, it's sometimes highly unlikely the OP is still about. There again, there are some really interesting old threads and it's nice to have them resurrected as a kind of memorial.

Someone pointed out the other day that the major topics on the forum years and years ago weren't so different to now. Although- that's probably not surprising. They are life's big question. Asides from questions about (fast, easy, painless) methods, I wonder what the most common question is... Maybe- what comes after death?

 

[Emerita]

I don't think anyone even remembers me now so Im already forgotten

 

[darksouls]

some of my followers have not been online for a long time, I am worried about them and I think of them every day, I will not forget them until I die myself

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Personally, I remember quite a few SS members who have since passed on. I took an almost 6-month break, though. I think a majority of people who could have recognised me CTB during my hiatus.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I think we all have made connections in some capacity. Some members I think of a lot. Those members that post a lot then disappear, I worry about them. But like myself,depending on what's going on in my life, I may not post much but offer advice or read others post. I hope nobody on here feels like they won't be remembered, because someone on here will remember you. You guys are all special and have helped so many people on their journey

 

[setspiritfree]

I haven't been on here long but there was one user who I was following who I think ctb'd. She posted a goodbye thread and we all gave her some big virtual hugs and all. I think she was going by nitrogen gas or something like that but it failed. She was distraught that it didn't work and wanted to know if a 4 story fall would be enough. Everyone was saying that it is possible for her to survive so don't do it. She was so young (19) and even though we had not communicated that much I honestly cried for her. Granted I was (am) going through something myself, and highly emotional, but I was genuinely sad that she was fixing to ctb. I still am. I checked her profile again today and nothing. I can only imagine she jumped. Like one user said here, "we never know how we might impact someone" even with very little interaction. Again, I haven't been on here long and that had never happened to me before so I wasn't prepared for it. I think it affected me because I had never been through that and she was so young. I felt sad but also happy that she may find peace and no longer suffering. People don't know how bad we feel and the emotional pain we endure. It truly is hell.

I think we all have made connections in some capacity. Some members I think of a lot. Those members that post a lot then disappear, I worry about them. But like myself,depending on what's going on in my life, I may not post much but offer advice or read others post. I hope nobody on here feels like they won't be remembered, because someone on here will remember you. You guys are all special and have helped so many people on their journey

This has been my refuge here lately. I am grateful for it. People say it is encouraging people but it kind of is the opposite. If someone is going to do it they are going to do it anyway but at least they are not alone. They can speak freely with no judgement to people who understand the pain.

 

[MissAbyss]

Immediately.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I'm already forgotten without stopping posting. I essentially don't matter. Too few reactions. No reply to chats that they started. Nobody cares about me.

 

[vitbar]

Socially it's normal to have relationships of convenience. Drifting in and out of each other's lives without much grief. We deal with what, and who, is in front of us. People we cross paths with regularly. I suspect some would recognise me after a long break, but doubt anyone would notice I was gone. I took all this personally until realising I did it too.

 

[spero_meliora]

I stopped logging in here for a few months and had a DM or two and a person posting on my profile hoping I was still alive... it shocked me, honestly. And I don't know if I can express how touched I was.

When you're writing on a forum, you're going to make connections even transiently, and also have "favourite" posters you come across. A few of those for me have passed on, but I still smile when I see certain people pop up. There will be others still that will make me sad to see gone, but such is the nature of these forums.

it's human to end up making connections, even small ones that you don't notice. there are very few here who wouldn't be remembered at all if they ctb'ed.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EmptyBottle]

Nobody would think of me or miss me because I am worthless.

I remember someone saying nice pfp to u and u saying thanks.

I'm already forgotten without stopping posting. I essentially don't matter. Too few reactions. No reply to chats that they started. Nobody cares about me.

With conversations mode vs chat.. notifications are more reliable

Immediately.

I'd notice if u were gone within days coz u regularly play the counting game.

I don't think anyone even remembers me now so Im already forgotten

I've faint memories of seeing ur name around on here sometimes, come to think of it.

 

[corpse]

I remember someone saying nice pfp to u and u saying thanks.

I appreciate you remembering that, and it means a lot to me.

 

[Sylveon]

Probably a lot faster than I think.

 

[Dark Moon]

I'm not a popular prolific poster, so I'm going to be forgotten immediately.

 

[derpyderpins]

For me, online communities have this nostalgia cycle where you get in and start meeting people and it's a nice, freeing feeling at first. But, eventually, things change. People leave or move on, there's disagreements and rule changes, but the biggest thing is life gets in the way. Personally, I'm not good at always being active in the chat or with community activities where people tend to cement their reputation. I find an aspect of the community I like and I focus on that. Made some good friends that way throughout the years. But then, like I said, life gets in the way. You aren't around for a little bit, and when you come back, after a couple of people who noticed your absence and always greet people say "hey, wb!" you notice that a few of the people you were closest with aren't around, either, and maybe those who are around are talking to other people now. Can't blame them, not like they could just be silent whenever you aren't there.

So, now it doesn't feel quite the same, but at the same time, you're remembering those early days, and since you were busy and stressed with whatever took you away from the community you kinda hang around but virtually stay back against the wall and observe instead of trying to force your way in. Now your attention is even more passive, because you aren't quite engaged the same way, so you aren't leaving an impression on these new people. Now your gaps away from the community get longer, until some other preoccupation has essentially replaced it.

Then we hit the climax of the nostalgia cycle: on a melancholy, dreary day, you remember the fun you had playing games online with people you met in that community, and you get this itch to recreate it, like suddenly wanting to pull out your old pokemon cards. You go back, but now you are completely an outsider. The jokes are different. The tone is different. There are some of the same names you remember, but not the ones who were your close friends. You explain that you were really involved early on and maybe one of those people will say 'oh yeah, I remember you.' But you know it can't be the same. And while it's a little sad, it's okay. It shows that the community was made up of individuals, all moving through their own path in life. You can be happy for the interactions you got to have, and maybe make sure to cherish similar instances in the future.

. . .

Wonder if I'd recognize a single name on Twitch Plays Pokemon these days.

 

[leloyon]

No matter where I've gone or who I've talked to or how hard I've tried, I've always simply been out of sight, out of mind. I doubt this place will be any different.

 

[Whale_bones]

What is it to be "forgotten"?

There is "just not on the conscious mind" but certainly remembered when seeing an old post or when returning from absence.

You never know what kind of impact you can have on people here, even on anonymous guests. In life, every person we ever interact with leaves some kind of mark on us, even if those impacts are mostly subconscious and unquantifiable. And maybe in the future, people "forget". Maybe they wouldn't recognize you even if you bumped right into them. But those marks are still there. So have they truly forgotten?

What also comes to mind is the adage that people won't always necessarily remember what you say and do, but they'll remember how you made them feel.

Here, we know each other through the commonality of great suffering and through whatever impacts we have on each other. Even if we're not on people's conscious minds, and even if at some point they can no longer recognize or recall us, the marks we leave on them never actually go away.

In a sense, for anyone who's ever read one of your posts or interacted with you here, and especially if you've resonated with them on even the slightest level: Yes, you are in their memory. Somewhere.

This is so well said; I really couldn't have said it any better myself. I think this site is somewhere many of us can be authentic in ways we can't elsewhere. People are more often saying their genuine feelings, instead of trite, generic words of support that could be said to anyone. So even if we're all still separated by being anonymous accounts on the internet, there's a kind of connection here that is valuable.

 

[Irisse]

I like to be easily forgotten. Why? Because the less people remember me, the less people will be saddened when I ctb. And i dislike making people sad.

This for me as well, also even as a child/teen I wished to disappear to the point of no one remembering my existence.

 

[FoxSauce]

Eh...sometimes..I used to post a lot but now I just visit I guess. I still like to see what's nee now and then.

But I moslty visit when extremely depressed or I dunno, it really depends.

 

[EmptyBottle]

No matter where I've gone or who I've talked to or how hard I've tried, I've always simply been out of sight, out of mind. I doubt this place will be any different.

I remember u made many cool stories :)

Eh...sometimes..I used to post a lot but now I just visit I guess. I still like to see what's nee now and then.

But I moslty visit when extremely depressed or I dunno, it really depends.

Ur pfp and tagline is memorable ^^

 

[nails]

i'd be forgotten instantly, lol. my acc was deactivated for a while, but i just got it back recently. i don't think anyone remembers me or recognizes my account at all. tbf, i changed my pfp very recently, but still. i wasn't expecting to be remembered and i don't expect to be thought of. i don't really say anything interesting and i've never been memorable to anyone in any aspect.

 

[webb&flow]

@noname223, your post about your experience meeting a quantum physicist in a psych ward, and your intimate recollection on "ambiguity tolerance", will always personally have a place in my mind <3

Edit: It's here, actually.

New insights analyzing my mind - ambiguity intolerance

I wrote a 9 pages analysis of my mind to my therapist to persuade her into extending my therapy sessions. Many years ago I met a quantumphysics professor as a patient in a clinic who told me I struggle with ambiguity intolerance and making predictions all the time. I certainly analyze the...

www.sanctioned-suicide.net

Such a beautiful, poignant, and—to me—frankly unforgettable story, from your life, that you have shared with, and given to us.

<3 I promise you that you have made beautiful and unique contributions to this forum, certainly in your own right, and I thank you for the gift of your presence, your time, your words, your knowledge, your emotions, compassion, and desire to figure out life, too. Much love, much appreciation, and much gratitude, for the gift that you and all your words here are.

Sincerely,
Webb.