How does one override SI through intellectualizing suicide?

[Ambivalent1]

I like to say to myself

"in light of death, nothing matters."

and

"This life is like a lucid dream. It doesn't matter if I get what I want because it will all disappear in death and I won't remember any of it."

None of this fucking helps. What does?

 

[dinosavr]

I think normalizing death helps a little. I've started visualizing it, my body, police officers looking at it, checking if I'm alive, etc. The more details the better. It helps me get familiar with the idea of me being dead and kind of wanting that. I begin to feel like I have to do something to make the vision real, so it's not so mysterious anymore. I think it takes a lot of courage and patience and you have to be really 100% ready and 100% fine with dying + 100% sure everything is going to work the way you want to truly overcome survival instincts. For now it seems almost impossible for me but I'm trying to see if that makes sense for real or if I'm just being delusional.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I think normalizing death helps a little. I've started visualizing it, my body, police officers looking at it, checking if I'm alive, etc. The more details the better. It helps me get familiar with the idea of me being dead and kind of wanting that. I begin to feel like I have to do something to make the vision real, so it's not so mysterious anymore. I think it takes a lot of courage and patience and you have to be really 100% ready and 100% fine with dying + 100% sure everything is going to work the way you want to truly overcome survival instincts. For now it seems almost impossible for me but I'm trying to see if that makes sense for real or if I'm just being delusional.

Meditate on the aftermath?

 

[dinosavr]

Meditate on the aftermath?

Exactly. I also have written some scenes as if I was writing a novel. And I know suicide shouldn't be romanticized because there's nothing beautiful about it but it really makes me want it more

 

[Ambivalent1]

Exactly. I also have written some scenes as if I was writing a novel. And I know suicide shouldn't be romanticized because there's nothing beautiful about it but it really makes me want it more

I took a playwriting class in college. maybe I could write a scene about my death.

 

[Forveleth]

I just rest easy in the knowledge that death genuinely is the better option. It's like the biggest band-aide pull. Will it hurt? Probably. Is it scary? Yes. But afterwards everything will be so, so much better than it is now.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I just rest easy in the knowledge that death genuinely is the better option. It's like the biggest band-aide pull. Will it hurt? Probably. Is it scary? Yes. But afterwards everything will be so, so much better than it is now.

"So, happier than I had ever dared hoped to be, I dissolved again into that native infinity of crystal oblivion that the daemon Life called me from for one brief and desolate hour "

-Ex Oblivione by HP Lovecraft

This quote sustains me.