How does one get themselves to SH?

[two]

I've been suicidal for so many years..yet I have not done anything to myself besides minor surface scratches. (I'm actually surprised to still be clean in that sense lol)

For so long I've seen so many discussions about cutting, yet I really just cannot get myself to hurt myself. The urge is very much there, but I guess SI is pretty much telling me no. I'm quite too curious to try it, not really sure how to overcome the hesitation..

 

[TotallyTerrible]

I've been suicidal for so many years..yet I have not done anything to myself besides minor surface scratches. (I'm actually surprised to still be clean in that sense lol)

For so long I've seen so many discussions about cutting, yet I really just cannot get myself to hurt myself. The urge is very much there, but I guess SI is pretty much telling me no. I'm quite too curious to try it, not really sure how to overcome the hesitation..

i wouldn't recommend it, there are so many other options to cope, even other unhealthy ones that you're better off with than SH

 

[Helween]

imo we don't really think about it, at some point some started to feel numb and SH to feel something else, to need it to cope or calm themself .

 

[willitpass]

When your mind reaches a point of being so broken you either don't care or you believe you deserve it. If you're still able to talk yourself out of it, take that as a sign and PLEASE don't start/continue. It's simply not worth it. I don't even get that "high" from self harm that so many people do, I torture myself because I truly believe I deserve it. It's awful. Please don't.

 

[two]

i wouldn't recommend it, there are so many other options to cope, even other unhealthy ones that you're better off with than SH

It's just that I just kind of gotten to the point where I don't really care anymore. I have used other ways to cope, even the positive ones, but it didn't have much of an effect on me. Not sure if I should just still stay away from it.

When your mind reaches a point of being so broken you either don't care or you believe you deserve it. If you're still able to talk yourself out of it, take that as a sign and PLEASE don't start/continue. It's simply not worth it. I don't even get that "high" from self harm that so many people do, I torture myself because I truly believe I deserve it. It's awful. Please don't.

I understand, but I'm just in such a mindless depressed loop and state of mind that all a sudden, these options look viable to me. Honestly thinking about it, I probably might just back away from it because of high risks low reward and well my fear. The thing is, I just don't know what exactly to do to distract myself or find something better at this moment.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, don't do it. You'll regret it and this is coming from someone who started to sh at 12 and has only just recently decide to stop. You'll regret it, trust me.

 

[willitpass]

I understand, but I'm just in such a mindless depressed loop and state of mind that all a sudden, these options look viable to me. Honestly thinking about it, I probably might just back away from it because of high risks low reward and well my fear. The thing is, I just don't know what exactly to do to distract myself or find something better at this moment.

I can tell you right now self harm is not the answer to getting yourself out of your depression loop. If anything it will drive you down further. Self harm is full of shame, guilt, and secrecy. You will feel so ashamed of what you're doing, you will feel anxious trying to hide your behavior from others. You will feel trapped by your addiction to it.

 

[myopia]

SH is not a good thing, be glad that you haven't started. There are literally no benefits to it. If you're seriously suicidal, it's better to just CTB. SH can fuck you up with physically (ex: infections from unclean cutting) and end you up in the psych ward.

But to answer your question: some people are just built different I guess. Like anorexia, it's a coping strategy that becomes an addiction.

 

[kilowatt]

SH is not for you if you have to question whether you want to do it or not. I don't see why anyone would like to try it out of mere curiosity if you're aware pain causes you discomfort. I initially started cutting to punish myself.

 

[two]

I can tell you right now self harm is not the answer to getting yourself out of your depression loop. If anything it will drive you down further. Self harm is full of shame, guilt, and secrecy. You will feel so ashamed of what you're doing, you will feel anxious trying to hide your behavior from others. You will feel trapped by your addiction to it.

Yeah, honestly I think this might be enough of a reason for me to not start it. I'll stray away from it for now!

SH is not for you if you have to question whether you want to do it or not. I don't see why anyone would like to try it out of mere curiosity if you're aware pain causes you discomfort. I initially started cutting to punish myself.

I meant it in the sense of a punishing kind of way— like I want to hurt myself but I'm just too scared to do so. I gave myself some time to chill a little bit, not sure why I said "curious". Maybe I wanted to find a more hurtful way. At least in the distressing situations, I didn't feel any discomfort and liked it (?). Probably won't do anything like cutting though based on all these responses.

 

[Ash]

Another long term cutter jumping in to warn you that it's grim. I've become dependent on it as a coping mechanism even though I'm currently lying here feeling physically unwell having lost a lot of blood, passed out, vomited and then bled all over the bed in A&E, waiting on blood test results to see if I need to go on an IV drip to recover or if my body still do it slowly but surely. And I'm so dependent on it that I'm still taking aspirin to make me bleed more and constantly thinking about cutting again.

Your brain doesn't want to go there. Trust yourself while you still can.

 

[SomewhatLoved]

I feel that I'm in a similar situation to you.

I've been suicidal for over a decade, but I've never self harmed (I've done scarification, but I don't consider that SH because the intention was artistic and not masochistic).

Personally, I've never seen much reason in self harm. The reason I seek to CTB is because doing so would change my conditions. Self harm wouldn't really. I think for some pain is an outlet, but I've never felt that way about it.

 

[sirciroc]

Another long term cutter jumping in to warn you that it's grim. I've become dependent on it as a coping mechanism even though I'm currently lying here feeling physically unwell having lost a lot of blood, passed out, vomited and then bled all over the bed in A&E, waiting on blood test results to see if I need to go on an IV drip to recover or if my body still do it slowly but surely. And I'm so dependent on it that I'm still taking aspirin to make me bleed more and constantly thinking about cutting again.

Your brain doesn't want to go there. Trust yourself while you still can.

I think I needed to see this.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I've been suicidal for so many years..yet I have not done anything to myself besides minor surface scratches. (I'm actually surprised to still be clean in that sense lol)

For so long I've seen so many discussions about cutting, yet I really just cannot get myself to hurt myself. The urge is very much there, but I guess SI is pretty much telling me no. I'm quite too curious to try it, not really sure how to overcome the hesitation..

Hold Ice cubes, until you're hands go numb
This is a way to " sh " that's less of a risk of infection, and threat is frostbite

 

[UKscotty]

SH is terrible, not starting is the best thing you can do.

I still have disgusting scars 10 years after stopping.

It can do nothing good and you feel worse after.

 

[AkaRed]

SH is very much an addiction/habit sort of thing. I don't SH very heavily, but I've been feeling myself leaning towards relapse.

One of the ways I SH most commonly is just by scratching and digging my nails into my arms. When I'm breaking down, I try and break the skin or leave red marks to cope with my stress.

SH isn't something I'd recommend for anyone— but it's just something that usually develops first in high mental stress/breakdown situations, and should that go on for long enough, it becomes like a routine that you can't quite shake.

Someone mentioned Anorexia here, and as someone with an ED, they're absolutely right. It starts kind of as a conscious effort, but then before you know it, it's just something you feel you *have* to do. Like how I have to count calories, get a certain amount of steps, purge and try and eat less and less every day. SH is just the same but with cutting or burns usually.

Also, cat scratches are completely valid. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

<3

 

[two]

SH is very much an addiction/habit sort of thing. I don't SH very heavily, but I've been feeling myself leaning towards relapse.

One of the ways I SH most commonly is just by scratching and digging my nails into my arms. When I'm breaking down, I try and break the skin or leave red marks to cope with my stress.

SH isn't something I'd recommend for anyone— but it's just something that usually develops first in high mental stress/breakdown situations, and should that go on for long enough, it becomes like a routine that you can't quite shake.

Someone mentioned Anorexia here, and as someone with an ED, they're absolutely right. It starts kind of as a conscious effort, but then before you know it, it's just something you feel you *have* to do. Like how I have to count calories, get a certain amount of steps, purge and try and eat less and less every day. SH is just the same but with cutting or burns usually.

Also, cat scratches are completely valid. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

<3

Now that I think about it…I actually do that out of habit when I'm very stressed out, but I guess it's alright because at least if I did it, it's all temporary with no scars. It's just theres a feeling I can't quite grasp that wants something more punishing, more hurtful in a sense? (I get too easily influenced try to "fit in" ) Like yes cutting can be super risky (addiction, nerve damage, etc) but so many people do it that it makes my little cat scratches look like nothing!

I haven't been diagnosed with really anything besides depression, so I'm not sure if I even have any ED—but I can or will barely eat anything as you mentioned, and have been pretty skinny since early childhood. Maybe I just do SH but in a way that's mild.

Hold Ice cubes, until you're hands go numb
This is a way to " sh " that's less of a risk of infection, and threat is frostbite

That's interesting. Never heard ice being used that way. Unfortunately my skin is pretty sensitive and I might have some sort of allergy to the cold.

Edit: Man.. I keep accidentally sending two replies in one message

 

[willitpass]

Now that I think about it…I actually do that out of habit when I'm very stressed out, but I guess it's alright because at least if I did it, it's all temporary with no scars. It's just theres a feeling I can't quite grasp that wants something more punishing, more hurtful in a sense? (I get too easily influenced try to "fit in" ) Like yes cutting can be super risky (addiction, nerve damage, etc) but so many people do it that it makes my little cat scratches look like nothing!

I haven't been diagnosed with really anything besides depression, so I'm not sure if I even have any ED—but I can or will barely eat anything as you mentioned, and have been pretty skinny since early childhood. Maybe I just do SH but in a way that's mild.

I think many people have harmful behaviours that they don't even realise they're doing. The way I view self harm is based off of intent. If someone bites their lip when they're nervous it does hurt them, but their intent was not to cause themselves pain. It is an unconscious habit. Self harm to me (this isn't a clinical definition just my personal view) is when you engage in a habit with the purpose of causing yourself harm in some way. If you don't currently engage in intentionally harmful behaviours in that way, don't start now.

 

[AkaRed]

Now that I think about it…I actually do that out of habit when I'm very stressed out, but I guess it's alright because at least if I did it, it's all temporary with no scars. It's just theres a feeling I can't quite grasp that wants something more punishing, more hurtful in a sense? (I get too easily influenced try to "fit in" ) Like yes cutting can be super risky (addiction, nerve damage, etc) but so many people do it that it makes my little cat scratches look like nothing!

I haven't been diagnosed with really anything besides depression, so I'm not sure if I even have any ED—but I can or will barely eat anything as you mentioned, and have been pretty skinny since early childhood. Maybe I just do SH but in a way that's mild.

Honestly, as hard as it is, only sticking to cat scratches is probably the 'safest' way to SH. Don't let others have you think it's invalid whatsoever, because that's just not the case. With cat scratches, you do still get scars and bleeding, you still get the soreness and the feeling of digging into your skin. But you don't get the hospitalization, the ugly scarring, the nerve damage, the infection (at least not as severely if you do get unlucky or don't do aftercare), the aftercare is a LOT easier, they heal quicker so you can go back again quicker, and they fade much easier and nicer if you do choose to stop.

I surprisingly don't see SH talked about more on this site, despite it being particularly common amongst people who are severely depressed and often considering suicide.
Not everyone will agree with me giving you reasons at all, and again, it's still better to not SH or get further into it while you can- but I know that if the curiosity has set in, there's not much point in me trying to stop you. If there's a will, there's a way.

If you are going to give into further urges, please look into proper aftercare and get yourself the materials needed for it. Proper bandages/gauze, alcohol swabs, etc. are SO important. Don't listen to people trying to sound edgy all like "ohh I don't do aftercare lolll" they are asking for a NASTY infection one day.
Also sepsis is no joke. Don't risk it, ever.

All SH is valid, it is still SH. Burns, cuts, and even just hitting yourself is SH. Please please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also if you have a general lack of appetite, that is probably also related to your depression. I have the same thing going on right now. I do have an ED separately, but its been made a whole lot easier to cut back on calories when I literally have no appetite in the first place, lmao.

Wishing you the best, and please take care of yourself! I know it can be hard.


<3

 

[two]

Honestly, as hard as it is, only sticking to cat scratches is probably the 'safest' way to SH. Don't let others have you think it's invalid whatsoever, because that's just not the case. With cat scratches, you do still get scars and bleeding, you still get the soreness and the feeling of digging into your skin. But you don't get the hospitalization, the ugly scarring, the nerve damage, the infection (at least not as severely if you do get unlucky or don't do aftercare), the aftercare is a LOT easier, they heal quicker so you can go back again quicker, and they fade much easier and nicer if you do choose to stop.

I surprisingly don't see SH talked about more on this site, despite it being particularly common amongst people who are severely depressed and often considering suicide.
Not everyone will agree with me giving you reasons at all, and again, it's still better to not SH or get further into it while you can- but I know that if the curiosity has set in, there's not much point in me trying to stop you. If there's a will, there's a way.

If you are going to give into further urges, please look into proper aftercare and get yourself the materials needed for it. Proper bandages/gauze, alcohol swabs, etc. are SO important. Don't listen to people trying to sound edgy all like "ohh I don't do aftercare lolll" they are asking for a NASTY infection one day.
Also sepsis is no joke. Don't risk it, ever.

All SH is valid, it is still SH. Burns, cuts, and even just hitting yourself is SH. Please please don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also if you have a general lack of appetite, that is probably also related to your depression. I have the same thing going on right now. I do have an ED separately, but its been made a whole lot easier to cut back on calories when I literally have no appetite in the first place, lmao.

Wishing you the best, and please take care of yourself! I know it can be hard.


<3

Thank you so much <3! I'm actually out of words to say lmao. You answered it all for me (with a little sprinkle of validity ☺)! Using this website for many month, I honestly think that SH isn't talked too much because isn't a major topic on this website (it's called Sanctioned Suicide after all), and CTB threads seem to garner the most attention. Even though there are so many methods, I too find it a little surprising SH isn't talked a lot considering it is a part of it.

I think I won't let my urges get to me, especially since I don't want anything to be on my record and also maybe end up in some mental hospital—and too that it can get pretty ugly without care. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but one thing is for certain: I feel more valid. If I end up caving in (unlikely now haha), I will still most definitely make use of aftercare!

Appetite-wise, I probably just have some sort of separate thing since it occurred even when I was a mere toddler, but the depression is very much making it worse. Enough of my rambling...I just want to say thank you a lot, and I also wish you the best in this tangled mess life gave us.