How does one accept things aren't going to get better

[Nofuture1234]

My survival instinct and false hope keep making me back out last minute
I know for a fact rationally that my life is never going to get better, I will never be happy and my loved ones will be sad for a bit but mostly fine after I die
But I still have a stupid tiny irrational sliver of doubt that keeps me from taking the final leap
I'd like to hear from those who really attempted and were ready but failed, you still succeeded in pushing back survival instinct so I want to hear how you did, how you ignored any false hope or "maybe" thoughts

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i think method really plays a huge part in how easy/difficult it is to overcome SI. kms is the only logical option for me, which helps too. i od'd twice, & while i felt a lil nervous/anxious taking the pills, that was basically it. i wasn't overcome by fear/SI while lying there waiting for it to hit me either; i just went on my phone to distract myself like always, & then i was gone (as in no longer conscious).

now my method's jumping, & the SI's so potent it feels like a physical barrier i can't pass :// i miss my easy-to-kys drugs

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Hey friend, what are you apprehensive about? Maybe knowing your situation could make us be able to help you out more.

 

[Nofuture1234]

Hey friend, what are you apprehensive about? Maybe knowing your situation could make us be able to help you out more.

I guess just "pulling the trigger" (not literally, different method), I guess I don't really want to die I just want the suffering to end, but the only escape from my suffering is death, I just keep getting nagging feelings that things will get better and even though the rational part of me knows that's not true, and that I have the right to do what I want with my own life, I still hesitate and worry about family and friends even though I know deep down they'll be fine

i think method really plays a huge part in how easy/difficult it is to overcome SI. kms is the only logical option for me, which helps too. i od'd twice, & while i felt a lil nervous/anxious taking the pills, that was basically it. i wasn't overcome by fear/SI while lying there waiting for it to hit me either; i just went on my phone to distract myself like always, & then i was gone (as in no longer conscious).

now my method's jumping, & the SI's so potent it feels like a physical barrier i can't pass :// i miss my easy-to-kys drugs

I need to look into SN more it does sound more peaceful and immediate than my current method, I don't think I have the stomach for jumping

 

[cosmic_traveler]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. We wish you peace. For us, we have a mantra:

I am not this body,
I am not even this mind.

 

[beaten96]

I don't know.. you just know it isn't. They will try to fil your head with a bunch of psychology propaganda that it does get better and people care and blah blah blah. They don't.. it's all just crap to keep them from being held legally liable.. mostly.. it doesn't get better in a lot of cases.. then when you're treated and after you attempt or whatever.. they hold it against you like you're somehow some crazy villain.. everybody backs away from you like you're kryptonite.. then they guilt trip you about it all.. They violate all of your privacy and in America violate your right to privacy under hipaa. Because they have no right to know because people do judge you.. and it's none of their business.. thats why those laws are in place.. because it's not their business.. because people are too ignorant to not judge.. and think they can make calls and shots in your life when they have no Place in your life.. honestly.. the attention they put on people like us.. it is stalking to a degreE.. IT'S HARASSMENT.. they need far more clear parameters to keep more people away from people like us.. and out of our business.. the cops need to go after people running their mouths more.. They can come on a whims notice for a welfare check but if somebody harasses you.. you have to jump through insane hoops.. and they wonder why we are like this.. People have ruined my marriage.. my career.. my kid.. they have ripped me apart.. they're stupid ignorant and pathetic.. my suicide means a lot of people have potential for major jail time.. and they'll probably get it..

 

[Gonnerr]

My survival instinct and false hope keep making me back out last minute
I know for a fact rationally that my life is never going to get better, I will never be happy and my loved ones will be sad for a bit but mostly fine after I die
But I still have a stupid tiny irrational sliver of doubt that keeps me from taking the final leap
I'd like to hear from those who really attempted and were ready but failed, you still succeeded in pushing back survival instinct so I want to hear how you did, how you ignored any false hope or "maybe" thoughts

Same here , i know i will be free but f..ING SI is in the way.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I've been like you and haven't had the nerve to attempt myself but been close and have come face to face with my SI a few times. I was once told that there is trigger point that will overtake the SI, which is different for every one of us. For me I know the time will be right and I will overcome my SI when I loose my elderly dog and I am faced with inevitable homelessness.

 

[rozeske]

I havev been contemplating my decision for years now. Thinking things would get better but to the contrary they have only been descending occasionaly bumping on to short lived happiness. It helped to look back at my hopeful times and things that I accomplished or things that changed from that point. Which was practically nothing for me. On my first attempt I was so at peace with my decision I practically had zero SI. Now its SI that has been keeping me form my second attempt. Maybe because I didn't know much about my attempt then and now maybe my mind has realized it might actually work this time. Still not enough to change my mind and keep me here though.