Sound, especially loud sound hurts. I had a traumatic brain injury and this is one of the side effects (another is light, especially bright lights). But, I do not think that this is the only reason for me. I have become so very tired of being screamed at, assaulted, etc., that I love silence and being alone now.
I've been told that as humans we crave companionship (which is probably why I am here, where I sense companionship but it is quiet.) :)
I am so sorry the silence is hurting you. (hugs and love to you)
Sorry to hear about your injury, thank you for taking a moment to talk to me. :]
I think we share a similar sentiment when it comes to the love of quiet & alone time.
I grew up in a city, though I think it’s more of a large suburb (population over 3 million), and I got used to people & noise, mostly, & I come from a home with a lot of yelling, among other things. After a while (don’t know if this happened to you) I internalized it all, feels like my own personal soundtrack. For reasons I wasn’t always allowed to have a bath, so I would just wait until I was in a pool. Feels like a loving hug, being underwater, like during those moment nothing can go wrong.
We are all very scared. Even people who are not CTB. The silence has been growing because of that. Yes it is hard. Center yourself and try to find d a way to mellow yourself somehow. If the old tricks don't work try learning a new one. Remember that no matter the situation it will pass including life. Don't hesitate to reach out if you feel compelled to. I like to think that in the end people I like will be there hopefully waiting to bring me in and show me around and show me it was ok the entire time. The stress comes from the increase in hard situations world wide. Try to remember it's not your fault and it's nobody else's faulty either. I love water so my go to is a shower to have peace of mind for a bit. A bath would work to but I fidget to much. ❤
Thank you for taking the time to talk to me.
You know, I am scared. I’m scared of being found out, scared of being caught, scared of the fallout of what I am planning to do- though I technically live alone, I have no privacy. I try to take a moment to process how I’m feeling and instead end up dissociating.
My old tricks are failing one by one, albeit a few were maladaptive, they still offered relief/release... a sense of catharsis. Now I’m feel like I’m constantly one bad event from another breakdown, & I’m sure it is exhausting for all who have to interact with me during an outburst/following a high stress moment. I also love water, that’s why this particular way of coping is so devastating... I don’t own a tub, & more often than not my body betrays me (pain) before I can finish washing my face in the shower.