Discussion How do you want to go out?

[new2blue]

By this I do not mean what method. Will you celebrate beforehand? Will you talk one last time to friends or family? Do you want it to be peaceful, or painfully or in rage? Any last song you want to listen to? Do you want to die looking at the stars? Or are you too far gone to care anymore about these things?

Call me soft, but I'd like to go peacefully looking at the sky or the ocean. I'd give everyone a chance for a last conversation. I will either just listen to nature in the woods or the sound of the ocean waves. Ideally, I'd be with someone I love, but for obvious reasons that can not happen. I am not bitter yet. I am thankful for that. I still see beauty, though it slips away from me more each year.

What about you? What are your last moments/days like?

 

[Darkover]

i am too far gone to care about any of those things

 

[Suspect_Device]

I would like to have all my bankruptcy paperwork in order so the finance ghouls can't harass my family for my medical debt, and then die quietly somewhere far away from here with a shot of fentanyl.

 

[clicktokill]

i want to die listening to lana del rey and the virgin suicides playing on da tv

 

[dinosavr]

I always thought of suicide as something that may be kind of poetic, romantic, etc.
I guess, due to movies and books. But right now I'm sure I won't care about anything like that. Maybe I'll put some nice music but mostly because I'd want to cover any of my potential sounds like vomiting or death rattle, but still I might go with something that will "set the mood"

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ideally, I'd like to say goodbye to a few places first. The sea, a river, a waterfall, a lake- all things water related.

Most of the people I would talk to have or will have died by then. The remaining ones I haven't spoken to in years, so it would be odd for them to get a call out the blue. I think I'd struggle to hide how I really felt, so I think it would be better for them if we didn't talk. That way- there was no way they'd know I felt like this.

There's so much boring paperwork I'd need to get sorted before CTB. That's going to be tedious but, it is what it is I guess. I'll feel better for having everything as conveniently organised as possible for those left behind before I go- if I have the guts to do it.

 

[WorthlessMoron]

I've actually planned what I'm gonna do on the day I catch the bus.

I'll be formatting my PC and only keep a few things: A video player, some nostalgic movies, and Steam to install SOMA. I'll also be formatting my phone and only keep a few songs so I could listen to it before catching the bus. But all these, including writing my suicide note and such, will probably done/setup in a week before the day I catch the bus.

So for the day itself, I'll will be doing these: Watch nostalgic movies, replay SOMA, reread No Longer Human, then listen to music to calm myself since I know I'll be very nervous and scared.

Though being a shut-in, I don't have too much option anyway, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

I don't have enough life experiences to know what I'd truly want, whether that be going to a forest to catch some fresh air or watching the ocean.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Preferably I'd leave this world while sleeping in my bed. But yeah as you mentioned, I could imagine leaving this world under a dark sky watching the milky way, too, dreaming of how beautiful it probably is being reunited with the universe.

 

[oddetoad]

With both middle fingers in the air and a big sign where it says:
Kiss my crazy ass

 

[Catch-22]

I would like to go in peace but I know it will be in a rage. That's the only emotion I have left in rage. I will take the days before to throw away or delete anything I don't want people to find. When I say people I guess what family I have left. I have no friends anymore. I've had such severe chronic illness everyone has deserted me. My illness has taken everything for me and stop me from accomplishing anything. I've been sick my entire life.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I mainly want my journey to non-existence to be at least 99% reliable or better, painless and quick.

Once I'm dead I'll be not-existent forever when nothing will matter to me , non-existence forever absolute bliss forever , back to like before I was born , free from all pain suffering problems responsibilities worries threats addictions free from everything

However the hour I suicide I will celebrate that I beat decades of brainwashing to finally do a rational act and say a big fu to them. The final Victory , I escaped the prison no longer a slave no longer a puppet and a brainwashed ape. I'm free

 

[FuneralCry]

I just wish to fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep, disappearing into the ideal state of non-existence. The thought of such a thing is so beautiful to me, I only see beauty in being permanently relieved from having the ability to exist.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I basically echo the two comments above me. I just want a painless death to permanent non existence. I don't care about doing anything else

 

[Slow_Farewell]

For me, once i've done all the pre-work, i imagine it will be me sitting looking out on a view, or if not the night sky.
Knowing me, I'd probably say something stupid like "Okay, ready or not, here I come".
There's a part of me that is afraid that SI would be too strong, or that i'd break down and just cry and in the end not be able to do it, but there's also a small part that the chosen method wont work and i'd be found still alive.

 

[Neverfeltdeader]

Ideally, I want to save up as much money as I can to give to my husband before I go. Clean up and throw everything unnecessary belonging away. Have my notes prepared and ready to be sent out after I'm dead. Hang out with my jiu-jitsu fam and be the happiest person on Earth so that no one suspects a thing/remembers me that way. Realistically, I will probably just die on impulse.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Half of me wants to die in a forest surronded by nature but then I realise I'd be comepletely alone in an unfamiliar place that is open from all directions. I've read about hikers disappearing off trails because of allegedly getting kidnapped by who knows... and it gives me goosebumps thinking I might encounter a hostile presence. So the other half of me would suffice with dying in a locked hotel room that feels much safer.

 

[new2blue]

So many different ends to equally different life journeys. No one would be here if not for great suffering. For some of us it's mental health, others physical, others life circumstances. Maybe some have just become indifferent to existence. There is a value to life, but that value can not be judged by none more than the life itself. It was only in the last few months I began thinking that people should have the right to leave peacefully, to go out on their own terms. I think people only understand when they have lived such suffering themselves.

Thank you all for sharing your ideal ending. I hope we all find peace, however we find it.

 

[wanttodie]

hanging

 

[Return2themoonlight]

The way Ima go out is absolutely peaceful to me. I will make sure my mother is well taken care of in terms of a living situation as that is the only reason I'm still here. Then I will find a cliff or mountainside with a perfect view of the moon so that way my lovely Goddess of the Moon Sele'ne may guide my soul into everlasting peace. Than while listening to Preacher Foretold by Shawn James, ingest the pills im severely allergic to and call those I wish to call. If they answer before the meds begin to destroy my body than I will say "The moon is absolutely beautiful tonight... I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to make it through life and the trials and tribulations that come along with it." Than hang up without any reply. If I can't avoid the pain and tears I will cause than I shall convert it into hate as I would prefer others to be mad at my decision rather than sadness.

 

[Abyssal]

In my sleep

 

[new2blue]

The way Ima go out is absolutely peaceful to me. I will make sure my mother is well taken care of in terms of a living situation as that is the only reason I'm still here. Then I will find a cliff or mountainside with a perfect view of the moon so that way my lovely Goddess of the Moon Sele'ne may guide my soul into everlasting peace. Than while listening to Preacher Foretold by Shawn James, ingest the pills im severely allergic to and call those I wish to call. If they answer before the meds begin to destroy my body than I will say "The moon is absolutely beautiful tonight... I love you and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to make it through life and the trials and tribulations that come along with it." Than hang up without any reply. If I can't avoid the pain and tears I will cause than I shall convert it into hate as I would prefer others to be mad at my decision rather than sadness.

You are fortunate to have an inbuilt CTB method. I wish we all came with those haha. The cliffside with the moon hanging overhead sounds like a beautiful last moment. I would love to be somewhere beautiful in my last moments, underneath the moon and stars, the sound of the ocean waves. From where I came I shall return. :)

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

i am too far gone to care about any of those things

Same. I just want to die. It's all just a formality for me at this point. A simple chore no different than doing the laundry. Too bad I have clothes in my closet that have been left unfolded for months.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

You are fortunate to have an inbuilt CTB method. I wish we all came with those haha. The cliffside with the moon hanging overhead sounds like a beautiful last moment. I would love to be somewhere beautiful in my last moments, underneath the moon and stars, the sound of the ocean waves. From where I came I shall return. :)

lol I never thought of it like that an inbuilt CTB method. But yea the moon is the love of my life I can shed tears just from looking at her.
I like what you said at the end too "From where I came I shall return" never phrased it like that before but I love it.

 

[new2blue]

lol I never thought of it like that an inbuilt CTB method. But yea the moon is the love of my life I can shed tears just from looking at her.
I like what you said at the end too "From where I came I shall return" never phrased it like that before but I love it.

I have a prose I wrote about the night (including the moon). I'll share it with you when I have a moment. I admire your love of it. It really is splendid, hung aloft in the sky, it's subtle glow a reassuring friend. I suppose my quote also resonates because of your username haha, only just realised the connection.

I know you're not talking about methods but it'd be cool going straight into a tornado!!

Omg. That would be intense! I would hope it lasted long enough to turn it in to a ride, though more likely you'll probably get hit by a flying cow and have your back snapped or something. XD

 

[Return2themoonlight]

I have a prose I wrote about the night (including the moon). I'll share it with you when I have a moment. I admire your love of it. It really is splendid, hung aloft in the sky, it's subtle glow a reassuring friend. I suppose my quote also resonates because of your username haha, only just realised the connection.

I would love to read it To me nothing compares to her beauty and luminescent light and to know others admire her just as much is absolutely amazing
I follow and believe in the Goddess of the Moon so much so I even got a greek prayer dedicated to her in which I recite during every full moon. I'll be happy to share it with you if you'd like.

 

[Finalnight]

By this I do not mean what method. Will you celebrate beforehand? Will you talk one last time to friends or family? Do you want it to be peaceful, or painfully or in rage? Any last song you want to listen to? Do you want to die looking at the stars? Or are you too far gone to care anymore about these things?

Call me soft, but I'd like to go peacefully looking at the sky or the ocean. I'd give everyone a chance for a last conversation. I will either just listen to nature in the woods or the sound of the ocean waves. Ideally, I'd be with someone I love, but for obvious reasons that can not happen. I am not bitter yet. I am thankful for that. I still see beauty, though it slips away from me more each year.

What about you? What are your last moments/days like?

I wish I could go out peacefully, but since I got the worst OCD imaginable I'm afraid I'll be having the most horrible and unpleasant thoughts whilst I die since I can't even think about anything that relieves me anymore, I still hope my mind forgives me in my last moments, and that I'm able to think of my family, or any thing that makes me happy…

 

[new2blue]

I wish I could go out peacefully, but since I got the worst OCD imaginable I'm afraid I'll be having the most horrible and unpleasant thoughts whilst I die since I can't even think about anything that relieves me anymore, I still hope my mind forgives me in my last moments, and that I'm able to think of my family, or any thing that makes me happy…

Bruh, you're speaking to my soul. I too have extremely bad OCD, though my compulsions are mental. It's almost worse because of that, I'd rather open and shut doors and tap inanimate objects than constantly thinking to resolve my overthinking. Ugh. I hope your last moments allow you some measure of peace, a settling of the mind, and visits of memories and faces of those you love. :)

I would love to read it To me nothing compares to her beauty and luminescent light and to know others admire her just as much is absolutely amazing
I follow and believe in the Goddess of the Moon so much so I even got a greek prayer dedicated to her in which I recite during every full moon. I'll be happy to share it with you if you'd like.

Yes that sounds awesome. Swapping words with meaning. I think you need a few more posts before I can message you? I'd rather not share certain writing publicly as there is a potential someone I know will publish them for me if I die before I can do it myself. So it may reveal my identity and I don't want anyone in my life to see my posts here. :)

 

[Finalnight]

Bruh, you're speaking to my soul. I too have extremely bad OCD, though my compulsions are mental. It's almost worse because of that, I'd rather open and shut doors and tap inanimate objects than constantly thinking to resolve my overthinking. Ugh. I hope your last moments allow you some measure of peace, a settling of the mind, and visits of memories and faces of those you love. :)

I really didn't expect this, I'm glad to meet someone else with the same problem as me!! I hate it how OCD always goes so unnoticed, my compulsions are also mental, and the worst thing about my intrusive thoughts is that the thoughts to counter them "deconstruct" while I try to change them, it's like the complete opposite thing has totally replaced the real one, so the thought goes back to something it shouldn't be, besides, I get this every waking second, and at some points during dreams, Idk if it's the same for you, this disorder really is hell and I've never had anything like this. Like you're saying, I sometimes try to avoid solving the thoughts, but I can no longer distract myself, I hope this thing doesn't bother you whenever you're ready to as well Ctb bro…

 

[new2blue]

I really didn't expect this, I'm glad to meet someone else with the same problem as me!! I hate it how OCD always goes so unnoticed, my compulsions are also mental, and the worst thing about my intrusive thoughts is that the thoughts to counter them "deconstruct" while I try to change them, it's like the complete opposite thing has totally replaced the real one, so the thought goes back to something it shouldn't be, besides, I get this every waking second, and at some points during dreams, Idk if it's the same for you, this disorder really is hell and I've never had anything like this. Like you're saying, I sometimes try to avoid solving the thoughts, but I can no longer distract myself, I hope this thing doesn't bother you whenever you're ready to as well Ctb bro…

There are many of us out in the wild. My intrusive thoughts/obsessions have hijacked my "visualisation" process for lack of a better word. I experience intrusive thoughts as if they are actually happening, and annoyingly, my mind tried to think away the bad thoughts, but then doing that distracts me from what's happening around me. It's a vicious cycle, like an itch in my brain that pulls me inside my own hell, and now it's second nature to scratch that itch. Pretty exhausting to go through every minute of every day. XD

 

[Finalnight]

There are many of us out in the wild. My intrusive thoughts/obsessions have hijacked my "visualisation" process for lack of a better word. I experience intrusive thoughts as if they are actually happening, and annoyingly, my mind tried to think away the bad thoughts, but then doing that distracts me from what's happening around me. It's a vicious cycle, like an itch in my brain that pulls me inside my own hell, and now it's second nature to scratch that itch. Pretty exhausting to go through every minute of every day. XD

Ikr, it completely changes your perception of reality, I still remember when my mind broke, it was last year, before breaking I was feeling really guilty and angry, whatever I said inside my mind later came back to me as images, my brain has disassociated up to a point I can no longer think in a right way, and these images evolved into a movie that won't stop until I'm dead, this wasn't the main reason I wanted to die, but OCD alone would've been enough reason for me to kms If I had developed it earlier, fuck anything else I've got, Asperger, learning disorders, etc. If people just knew…