Discussion How do you think a therapist would feel if one of their patients committed suicide?

[Liebestod]

This thought just popped into my mind and now I'm wondering imagine if your the therapist of someone who ctb. Bet it would be weird how you had someone confide in you for the sole purpose of not doing that action. I bet they would be like "fuck, what do I get paid for".

 

[MyShadow]

I have been lying to my therapist about my deep dive into suicide methods, and because I have no Emergency Contacts or family listed on my paperwork, it will take a while for him to find out. Because I go to a clinic instead of a private practice, I know that his caseload is full, so my case will most likely slip between the cracks.

It happened before. I went to a fancy private clinic and they simply forgot that I existed despite being in crisis. The system is broken here in the US.

 

[Liebestod]

I have been lying to my therapist about my deep dive into suicide methods, and because I have no Emergency Contacts or family listed on my paperwork, it will take a while for him to find out. Because I go to a clinic instead of a private practice, I know that his caseload is full, so my case will most likely slip between the cracks.

It happened before. I went to a fancy private clinic and they simply forgot that I existed despite being in crisis. The system is broken here in the US.

I'm in the U.S. too and have been lying to both my therapist and psychiatrist about my suicide research and the fact that I'm having ideation to begin with. I just imagine my parents possibly going to them about it if I go through with it but I'll make sure to cover everything in my note if I write one.

 

[Dejected 55]

I doubt they care. They aren't responsible for your actions. If they actually cared, they wouldn't want to do that job for so many people. Doctors have to detach and care less than most people do. But also at the end of the day, it's their job. They wouldn't ultimately feel anything more than a cashier you pay for groceries every week would.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

"Uh oh, it seems I'm not going to be making rent this month."

 

[deletedaccount30982]

It can actually be incredibly traumatic for therapists, especially if they're early on in their career. Nobody wants someone to die, and someone dying by suicide is seen as especially tragic. For someone to be struggling so much that they end their life isn't something to be brushed off lightly. It can cause some people to question how good they are at their job, it can cause them to pick apart if they missed something, they can wonder what they could have done differently. I don't work in mental health, but working in healthcare I know that losing a patient in general is a heavy burden to carry. Especially if it's a patient you have gotten to know over a long period of time, it's hard. You obviously have to maintain professional boundaries, but that doesn't mean you don't grieve them. I still remember the names and stories of every patient I have lost. If they work for a decent agency, they're job will have a procedure to help them cope and ensure that they get proper care so that it doesn't weigh on them too heavily or impact their treatment of other clients, but some places aren't well equipped for that and it can and does impact some people to the point of impacting their ability to work.

It's a risk they're aware they're taking on when they go into the field, and it's one that they have to learn to deal with in a healthy way, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

 

[wheelsonthebus]

It can actually be incredibly traumatic for therapists, especially if they're early on in their career. Nobody wants someone to die, and someone dying by suicide is seen as especially tragic. For someone to be struggling so much that they end their life isn't something to be brushed off lightly. It can cause some people to question how good they are at their job, it can cause them to pick apart if they missed something, they can wonder what they could have done differently. I don't work in mental health, but working in healthcare I know that losing a patient in general is a heavy burden to carry. Especially if it's a patient you have gotten to know over a long period of time, it's hard. You obviously have to maintain professional boundaries, but that doesn't mean you don't grieve them. I still remember the names and stories of every patient I have lost. If they work for a decent agency, they're job will have a procedure to help them cope and ensure that they get proper care so that it doesn't weigh on them too heavily or impact their treatment of other clients, but some places aren't well equipped for that and it can and does impact some people to the point of impacting their ability to work.

It's a risk they're aware they're taking on when they go into the field, and it's one that they have to learn to deal with in a healthy way, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

I wish it would make my psychiatrist/therapist question himself but I doubt he has the capacity for self reflection. We started when he was a PGY-2 and now he's on his third year, and it stresses me out that he will become an attending without his actions or beliefs ever being caught or corrected.

 

[Slark]

I've been in therapy with the same psychologist for a few years and I like her, but I don't think she'd care much. My connection with her ends up being special to me because I don't have friends and I know I can talk to her about anything, but I doubt it's special to her. In the end, we're just another patient.

 

[elenaboo25]

The therapist I had at the time dropped me right after my attempt.

 

[$ixty-2wo]

I feel like my therapist will be heartbroken a lil [or at least I hope she would be]. I've been going to her for years and both her and I have grown so much since I started seeing her. I've been lying to her for the past month about my plan to commit suicide tho. She's been giving me mental health questionnaires to asses me and shit and when it comes to the suicide scale/depression test or talking about it in our sessions, I just lie to her. I feel kinda guilty, so I wrote her a note to thank her for helping me. She's the only person I actually talk to now, and I get so excited for our sessions because of that. She's the only person that makes me feel heard and it sucks that it's not enough to make me wanna stay. I see her today actually, gonna lie to her again. I can't go back to the psych ward. :[

 

[vig919]

I feel like my therapist will be heartbroken a lil [or at least I hope she would be]. I've been going to her for years and both her and I have grown so much since I started seeing her. I've been lying to her for the past month about my plan to commit suicide tho. She's been giving me mental health questionnaires to asses me and shit and when it comes to the suicide scale/depression test or talking about it in our sessions, I just lie to her. I feel kinda guilty, so I wrote her a note to thank her for helping me. She's the only person I actually talk to now, and I get so excited for our sessions because of that. She's the only person that makes me feel heard and it sucks that it's not enough to make me wanna stay. I see her today actually, gonna lie to her again. I can't go back to the psych ward. :[

Same

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

This thought just popped into my mind and now I'm wondering imagine if your the therapist of someone who ctb. Bet it would be weird how you had someone confide in you for the sole purpose of not doing that action. I bet they would be like "fuck, what do I get paid for".

I think they know it's not really under their control

 

[perishsong]

Good question. I can imagine they'd be hurt but eventually detach - or it would impact their performance. It's not something they have direct control over, but I suppose they could have fleeting thoughts of "wish I'd done more for them". A dissonance if you will.

I'm not a MH therapist but I'm in healthcare. While I don't work with patients often, many I've been in contact with are elderly, frail people with multiple conditions. When I see the obituary of someone I knew from hospital, I often have to take a few minutes to cry and let that sink in. After that, I detach, but still "carry" the person in the back of my mind. If it gets particularly bad, I cope by thinking they're no longer in pain and just chilling out in my head, lol.

 

[corpse]

I once asked my therapist how she would feel if I CTB and she said she would be sad.

 

[Flubber]

I feel like my therapist will be heartbroken a lil [or at least I hope she would be]. I've been going to her for years and both her and I have grown so much since I started seeing her. I've been lying to her for the past month about my plan to commit suicide tho. She's been giving me mental health questionnaires to asses me and shit and when it comes to the suicide scale/depression test or talking about it in our sessions, I just lie to her. I feel kinda guilty, so I wrote her a note to thank her for helping me. She's the only person I actually talk to now, and I get so excited for our sessions because of that. She's the only person that makes me feel heard and it sucks that it's not enough to make me wanna stay. I see her today actually, gonna lie to her again. I can't go back to the psych ward. :[

This feels like a "chicken & egg" situation:

You maybe feel unable to get the help you need because you're afraid of the consequences of stating how you truly feel.... but you're concerned that if told your therapist how you truly feel, you could end up sectioned or in trouble with police? This situation suck, mans.

I've been down this route and it wasn't pleasant BUT it helped me a lot. Could you ask yourself what's the worst that could happen if you 'spilled the beans' on your genuine thoughts? Is a short stint on pysch ward worse than death?

 

[$ixty-2wo]

This feels like a "chicken & egg" situation:

You maybe feel unable to get the help you need because you're afraid of the consequences of stating how you truly feel.... but you're concerned that if told your therapist how you truly feel, you could end up sectioned or in trouble with police? This situation suck, mans.

I've been down this route and it wasn't pleasant BUT it helped me a lot. Could you ask yourself what's the worst that could happen if you 'spilled the beans' on your genuine thoughts? Is a short stint on pysch ward worse than death?

This is long as fuck, sorry . I know the consequences of saying how I truly feel to a degree. My senior year of highschool, a teacher of mine asked me why I "didn't like school, yet I was doing so well" in it and it turned into me crying about how much I hate myself and getting sent to the counselor where I told them my OG suicide plan [03/26/31; SIGSW to the heart, Cardiac Tamopnade]. I was being honest because I figured, "Hey maybe if I come clean about everything life will get better" [It didn't]. This resulted in me getting sent to the psych ward for the first time. It was a chill experience honestly, I made some friends that I no longer talk to, wrote a book, organized the bookshelf in alphabetical order, played tons of sports during gym time, and ate some pretty decent food [for psych ward standards]. It was fine till they put me on Lexapro, that shit made me numb. Once I got out, I couldn't get out of bed, and when I did I was either high/hungover or asleep. I went from quiet, smart, son of a bitch who never did anything wrong to a husk of a young man who ate edibles, drank alcohol and had sex just to feel something. I got off the Lexapro and tried to return to life as normal but suicidal ideation seems to be something engraved in my bones because no matter what I cannot get it out of my head. Since then I've been trying to express my feelings but it has either: never been fully understood, dismissed, or I had to water my feelings down so they were acceptable for whoever I was talking to. [Example: My ex called the police on me because I was crossed and "talking to her like I was about to kill myself" {in reality I was just trying to express how I really felt about her, how much I missed her but it came off as me saying goodbye}] I've never really had a person I felt safe enough to fully be myself around.

I also know for a fact that if I told my therapist that I was 11 days away from killing myself, that I had already written the notes and shit she would for sure put in that call and send me right back to the same psych ward for the 3rd time. [Not gonna talk about the second time cuz of some gay shit, what I will say about it is Abilify fucked me up real bad because I'm not psychotic] My local police and hospital know me by name because of how many times family and friends have called about me regarding a "young man in a mental health crisis". Talking to professional has never really helped me, just something I did because everyone said I should. If I spill the beans and be 100% honest this time, I'll probably be in the ward till next year. A "short stint" in the ward isn't worse than death, and I could probably handle it but I don't wanna have to handle anything, I want to be at peace.

This was long as shit, my fault y'all.

 

[Flubber]

@$yck

You made a really informative post and I get the sense you're a young, intelligent, articulate person who is sensitive and has a lot of self-awareness. A lot of guys would never admit to experiencing emotions like those you posted above. This sets you apart from a huge proportion of society.

During your stints in wards, have you ever been offered a diagnosis?

 

[$ixty-2wo]

@$yck

You made a really informative post and I get the sense you're a young, intelligent, articulate person who is sensitive and has a lot of self-awareness. A lot of guys would never admit to experiencing emotions like those you posted above. This sets you apart from a huge proportion of society.

During your stints in wards, have you ever been offered a diagnosis?

Thank you for all the kind words, I really appreciate it. Yeah, I've been diagnosed with MDD [Major Depressive Disorder] "Recurrent Episodes, Severe", GAD [General Anxiety Disorder], and PTSD [Post Traumatic Stress Disorder]. They also said I was showing signs of Anhedonia with a bunch of other symptoms. Second time I went to the ward they wanted to pin "Depression with Psychotic features" on me because I was talking to myself, but I was just lonely lol.

 

[oneirataxia]

They absolutely care. Of course they have a job, but they're human like the rest of us. It's a laughably and absurdly cynical point of view to think the suicide of someone one was employed to help wouldn't fuck with a person at least a little.

 

[wheelsonthebus]

I think mine would be unaffected but maybe even wear it like a badge of honor within his residency program. "Look at me, I'm a real psychiatrist now." Popping the proverbial cherry. Then again, for all I know he's already had some patients catch the bus; he's a 3rd year psychiatry resident that does psychotherapy clinic as part of his program. Pretty sure I only matter as plot development to this dude.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

In theory, they have to be prepared for it, knowing it's not their fault (if they haven't done something to offend their patients, obviously). Practically, they can even drop their career once they assume this event as something personal, seeing it as a professional failure.

 

[Nightfoot]

I think it would depend on the therapist as well as other factors, such as whether they were new or seasoned. Either way I think they would be upset, but less experienced therapists might be more likely to blame themselves.

 

[scarystrawberry]

My sister is a therapist. One of her patients killed themselves and she seemed genuinely so broken after. She had to switch jobs and work somewhere else but she took a long break from work. I've never seen her that depressed in a really long time. Maybe it depends on the person and the relationship they have, but she took it hard. Death is hard, and I'm sure most therapists would be affected hard by it.

 

[Exhausted-and-Alone]

Just like with everything and everyone, it depends. I think most people do genuinely care though, a lot of therapists that I've talked to have admitted that the help that they can give is basically just bandaids on gaping wounds- and that a lot of the problems we do suffer from are systemic, and so it feels to them like they're fighting an uphill battle a lot of the time.

Personally I know one therapist that would be devastated if she found out I did. When I was with her I had an email drafted and ready to be scheduled and sent after my passing. It was meant to better explain why I did it, and also to limit as much liability as possible for her.

And then I had another therapist who I could have literally told that I had attempted suicide the night prior and all they would have done was comment on whether my neck looked all that bruised today or not. So I circle back to my original comment, I think it mostly depends on the person.

 

[madwoman]

This is one of the reasons why I'm highly considering quitting therapy. I really like my current therapist and she would have been able to help me if I wasn't this far gone (I can't overcome this one major thing that's the last straw pushing me to ctb). She knows I'm suicidal but not to the extent I am and still thinks I have enough hope to want to stay. And will say certain things to try to instill hope and even gave me her number if I'm in distress. At first, I was just going to include a letter to her saying how much she helped me and explain my reasoning that was beyond anyone's help. I don't want to make her feel like she failed me or caused any trauma. It sucks bc if my attempt fails or if a miracle happens, I'll lose her anyway. I was just thinking of cancelling our next appt online and messaging that basically the holidays are busy and I want a break and may circle back next year or something that doesn't make her question. I already deleted her number and any info about her on my final document so she'll never know.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine they could feel a whole bunch of things. I'm sure some of the more genuinely caring ones do feel upset. Especially if the person had been a long- term client and they had liked them. We're only human- even people we serve professionally, we can develop an appreciation/ affection for.

I imagine they could also feel worried- in case the family of the deceased blames them in some way- for not recognizing the signs or, for recognizing them but not taking more drastic action- in terms of sectioning etc.

People get (understandably) annoyed at having been carted off to a psyche ward at the mere mention of suicide sometimes but then- we do live in such a culture of blame. You can also understand therapists being cautious.

I guess fundamentally- it must strike at their core beliefs about their own profession really. Are they in fact capable of 'curing' everyone? Are some people ultimately incurable and almost inevetably bound for suicide? How much of it is their responsibility? Therapy surely has to be invested in by the patient too. If they feel that their client hasn't taken up their advice all the way along- do they need to feel responsible?

Maybe some can appreciate the limitations of their work. That really- anyone could have done their best with the person but, they likely still would have suicided.

I also think that medical professionals generally need to learn how to detatch to some extent. Because- they will invariably lose patients along the way. Not just to death too. Some will simply feel the treatment isn't working or, the chemistry isn't right between them. I imagine there's a fair bit of rejection that goes on. I imagine they have to be pretty strong themselves- to do that job.