Help how do you take back a lie to your therapist

[blissful]

I really want to get diagnosed and feel like I would be a lot better off if I finally got medicated. I always put it off because I had friends or a partner or anything to help keep me in check but now that everybody is either gone or busy with work/uni I have nobody to keep me accountable (I don't know if that makes any sense but like not spiraling because we would call later or play something later and I couldn't make myself worse and feel the guilt of dragging them down with me sort of thing. kind of like if you were in public and started crying you would go to the bathroom and make sure you looked fine/okay before going back out in public)

The one thing I've always been told by friends is that I likely have borderline personality disorder. When I brought that up to my therapist they asked if I would ever "threaten" to take my life to keep somebody close to me. I told them no but a few minutes later thought it might be a yes, it's not something I've done but I can physically see myself do that. They said that it's one of the core parts of borderline personality disorder and now I have no idea how to bring up to them that I lied. I don't know if I lied at all because I don't know how any of this works, I don't know if you need to have already done it to qualify. I don't care what I am I just want to know and be able to be medicated for it. I don't want to be diagnosed with it if I don't fit it because I've heard of so many horror stories of people getting medicated incorrectly and completely losing who they are or getting worse. I know that's not how it always works but my friends mean everything to me and I'm scared if I change completely they'll leave but I don't know if they even will.

I always feel like I can never be myself with them either. They have no idea that I self harm because I don't know how safe it is to tell therapists that. I lied to them before and they asked if I had any addictions and I said no even though I know I have a porn addiction and have had a gambling addiction. I don't know how to talk to them about these things especially because I hate spending other peoples money and just knowing how much my parents spend on me already makes me feel awful, that's another thing I struggle with a lot I probably will make a post about sometime since my therapist has been of no help with that at all.

Maybe somebody here has some experience with this, I don't know. If you do have any advice I would really appreciate it, thank you :)

 

[literallynoone]

Look at the end of the day you're their boss. Not the other way around. And being honest with them is going to get you the best results.
To be fair I am a coward, I'm not in therapy even tho I probably should be. But isn't that how it works? You know the problem is there like gambling and they are here to help you work through it. That thing about BPD is just a normal human fuckup. God knows how many times I've said no to something and realized less than 30 seconds later it should be a yes. You should definietly listen to other people in this thread cuz they got more experience than me for sure but if it were me I'd just tell them you aren't sure next time you see them. Take care you got this.

 

[blissful]

Look at the end of the day you're their boss. Not the other way around. And being honest with them is going to get you the best results.
To be fair I am a coward, I'm not in therapy even tho I probably should be. But isn't that how it works? You know the problem is there like gambling and they are here to help you work through it. That thing about BPD is just a normal human fuckup. God knows how many times I've said no to something and realized less than 30 seconds later it should be a yes. You should definietly listen to other people in this thread cuz they got more experience than me for sure but if it were me I'd just tell them you aren't sure next time you see them. Take care you got this.

thank you for your kind words. And yes you're right how that's the whole point of therapy, I kind of always forget its a place where you not only can but should be yourself because of how scared I am of being fully open around other people. I'll try to remember and build up the courage to tell them next time I see them. Thank you again!

 

[4colliez]

I don't think you "lied" about anything, you just weren't sure. It's totally fine for you to tell them that you ended up thinking about it more and you changed your mind. "I'm not entirely sure" also works. It's normal to not know about these specific scenarios, and a therapist should be there to help you through this. Dont be too hard on yourself

Tho I want to say that "threatening to kill yourself to keep someone close" isn't a "core trait of BPD" and I find that very odd for a professional to claim that. I feel like hearing this has made you overthink a lot. Yes a lot of borderline people do this, but just as many don't, never have and never will. BPD has a set of 9 main symptoms that fit the disorder, and you need to experience 5 (I believe) to be diagnosed. It can be ANY combination of those symptoms. Maybe you experience all 9. Maybe you experience 6. It's not because you do or don't do this one thing that you have it or don't have it

 

[LilGhost]

I really want to get diagnosed and feel like I would be a lot better off if I finally got medicated. I always put it off because I had friends or a partner or anything to help keep me in check but now that everybody is either gone or busy with work/uni I have nobody to keep me accountable (I don't know if that makes any sense but like not spiraling because we would call later or play something later and I couldn't make myself worse and feel the guilt of dragging them down with me sort of thing. kind of like if you were in public and started crying you would go to the bathroom and make sure you looked fine/okay before going back out in public)

The one thing I've always been told by friends is that I likely have borderline personality disorder. When I brought that up to my therapist they asked if I would ever "threaten" to take my life to keep somebody close to me. I told them no but a few minutes later thought it might be a yes, it's not something I've done but I can physically see myself do that. They said that it's one of the core parts of borderline personality disorder and now I have no idea how to bring up to them that I lied. I don't know if I lied at all because I don't know how any of this works, I don't know if you need to have already done it to qualify. I don't care what I am I just want to know and be able to be medicated for it. I don't want to be diagnosed with it if I don't fit it because I've heard of so many horror stories of people getting medicated incorrectly and completely losing who they are or getting worse. I know that's not how it always works but my friends mean everything to me and I'm scared if I change completely they'll leave but I don't know if they even will.

I always feel like I can never be myself with them either. They have no idea that I self harm because I don't know how safe it is to tell therapists that. I lied to them before and they asked if I had any addictions and I said no even though I know I have a porn addiction and have had a gambling addiction. I don't know how to talk to them about these things especially because I hate spending other peoples money and just knowing how much my parents spend on me already makes me feel awful, that's another thing I struggle with a lot I probably will make a post about sometime since my therapist has been of no help with that at all.

Maybe somebody here has some experience with this, I don't know. If you do have any advice I would really appreciate it, thank you :)

Been there. Told my therapist "I would never try to ctb" and that I have good relathionship with sibling I live with which would mean they can stop me if things go sour (we didnt at that time. Hated each other guts). Few sessions later when I realized i wont be locked up if i say truth I went "btw I lied cause i didnt want to end up in a padded room" and she just accepted that. After that i went with "hypothetically if I X, would i end up in psych ward", you dont have to admit anything, you can always say you are curious. if you arent sure if disclosing info will be safe.

Besides, you did not exactly lied. Just didnt realize the truth. Just next meeting you can say "hey sorry. I just realized that I answered incorrectly to question Y" or "I believe i misunderstood your previous question and i have smth to add to my answer". The other thing is you'd probably need psychiatrist to get diagnosed and get on meds. Also, pro tip as an autistic person who took shit to literally or misunderstands a lot of questions. You can always ask to elaborate the question. And you can always take a pause to think. Good luck anyway here

 

[FluffIsJustice]

I just so happened to see this thread earlier, I hope I don't come across as a stalker ...

Just wanted to ask if you ever considered looking at the diagnostic criteria and figuring out if you actually have those symptoms? That way you would also know what symptoms to mention for the diagnosis (as relying on 'have you ever threatened someone to kill yourself' for diagnosis is ... questionable at best). It would of course depend on whether the ICD 11 or the DSM 5 is used in your country. If it is the ICD 11, you can google it and you'll be able to check all the criterias easily. If it is the DSM 5, access is a little more difficult. You could try to see if you can lend out a copy through a nearby library or if you want to buy it. I could also get a copy through the university library and send you pictures of the relevant pages, if you want me to (we had that one in diagnostics because my country uses the DSM 5 for diagnoses, so I might know a bit more about applying it as well. Please do keep in mind that I didn't pass that one the one time I tried, the test is famously difficult though ).

The following is the ICD 11: https://icd.who.int/browse/2026-01/mms/en

 

[CowardKnight]

As someone who has some experience with therapy, show or tell them what you just wrote in this post. Therapy works better when you're honest. If they're a good therapist they'll understand.

 

[literallynoone]

thank you for your kind words. And yes you're right how that's the whole point of therapy, I kind of always forget its a place where you not only can but should be yourself because of how scared I am of being fully open around other people. I'll try to remember and build up the courage to tell them next time I see them. Thank you again!

I can relate to all that. Gonna call me sister and ask her how I should go about getting into therapy. Thanks for motivation. Good luck you got it.

 

[fadedghost]

I really want to get diagnosed and feel like I would be a lot better off if I finally got medicated. I always put it off because I had friends or a partner or anything to help keep me in check but now that everybody is either gone or busy with work/uni I have nobody to keep me accountable (I don't know if that makes any sense but like not spiraling because we would call later or play something later and I couldn't make myself worse and feel the guilt of dragging them down with me sort of thing. kind of like if you were in public and started crying you would go to the bathroom and make sure you looked fine/okay before going back out in public)

The one thing I've always been told by friends is that I likely have borderline personality disorder. When I brought that up to my therapist they asked if I would ever "threaten" to take my life to keep somebody close to me. I told them no but a few minutes later thought it might be a yes, it's not something I've done but I can physically see myself do that. They said that it's one of the core parts of borderline personality disorder and now I have no idea how to bring up to them that I lied. I don't know if I lied at all because I don't know how any of this works, I don't know if you need to have already done it to qualify. I don't care what I am I just want to know and be able to be medicated for it. I don't want to be diagnosed with it if I don't fit it because I've heard of so many horror stories of people getting medicated incorrectly and completely losing who they are or getting worse. I know that's not how it always works but my friends mean everything to me and I'm scared if I change completely they'll leave but I don't know if they even will.

I always feel like I can never be myself with them either. They have no idea that I self harm because I don't know how safe it is to tell therapists that. I lied to them before and they asked if I had any addictions and I said no even though I know I have a porn addiction and have had a gambling addiction. I don't know how to talk to them about these things especially because I hate spending other peoples money and just knowing how much my parents spend on me already makes me feel awful, that's another thing I struggle with a lot I probably will make a post about sometime since my therapist has been of no help with that at all.

Maybe somebody here has some experience with this, I don't know. If you do have any advice I would really appreciate it, thank you :)

it's strange, because it doesn't seem like you lied, it seems like you were honest at the time

but it's such a strange question because borderline personality isn't actually about emotionally manipulating other people, it's about having really extreme internal emotions and not being able to regulate them well

so it's not about whether you would do something manipulative in the future, but rather about whether your emotions could ever be so out of control that you might threaten suicide because of emotional disregulation.

it's very typical that people who are borderline end up self-harming and they often do it because they are so emotionally disregulated that self-harm (ie, physical pain) is more tolerable than the extreme emotional disregulation. (if you are not a self-harmer, please do not start to try to fit into some box. there is nothing good about self-harming and it doesn't bring any attention or long-term relief; it's like getting head lice that never goes away.)

there also are no effective medications to treat borderline personality disorder, not really. the best standard treatments are dialectical behavioral therapy groups. you can search youtube for dialectical behavioral therapy techniques. it won't be as good as a group, but you can learn about it.

if lots of friends say you seem borderline, who knows? you could be borderline. it depends whether they meant it as a mean insult or they were actually saying something is wrong. do you sleep properly? have you tried meditation and regular cardio exercise?

is there anything else going on that might look like borderline personality disorder? (ie, you smoke a ton of pot, you're secretly drinking, you have severe trauma due to something like rape and have never discussed it)

it's really easy for problems caused by unresolved trauma to look like other disorders. if you're able to meditate it could help also.

also, most normal people are very very boring, do whatever society tells them, and don't have much of a natural emotional range. maybe the other people are broken, not you? i am just saying if you are artistic or sensitive, maybe that's how you are and not something broken?

that being said, borderline personality disorder is a real thing, if you're not just artistic or traumatized and do have major problems with internal emotional regulation, it's possible you could have it? it is a real thing. researchers on borderline personality disorder have proposed changing the name to emotional disregulation disorder because it's a better description of what is going on; the original name was because clinicians described borderline people at being in between neurosis (just being weird and over thinking) and psychosis (being out of touch with reality), but modern researchers who have looked at borderline personality disorder brains of living people using machines have been able to see that the emotional area of the brain (limbic system) is very overactive in borderline personality disorder brains. So it's really more about intense emotions and not being able to regulate them.

there are also people who have "traits" of borderline personality disorder (ie, they are disregulated emotionally) but do not have full on borderline personality disorder.

it's a disorder based on how a person feels internally plus inability to easily regulate that, just having super extreme emotions and, for example, not being easily able to calm down. just be careful with self-diagnosis because it's easy for people to believe they have something.

also DBT techniques can be helpful for anyone with emotional issues, so there's no harm in checking that out on YouTube. DBT can help you if you aren't borderline too.