Venting How do you stop your thoughts from going into 'those' places?

[kichikai]

I have a pretty bad negative thought process that often leads me to doubt everything and everyone around me. Even if it is not true.

The core of it is the feeling of being embarrassed, the forever being a loner and loser, inevitably ending up in painful and sad situations in life

all out of anticipations

Which all leads to the conclusions of "Lets relapse on drugs and blow my brains smooth off"

Its not like that I want to feel this way, but its almost automatic. And it extends to thinking people around me are out to get me or hate me

how I am denied of everything and I am not worthy of what I want such as love or my personal needs.

Even simple coincidences that can be brushed off as 'playful tease' it triggers some paranoid schizophrenic psychotic meth head in me thinking that I am actively getting cucked.

The real problem is that I do not want to tell this to anyone and it seems to grow day by day.

Like who cares if I am a loser, who cares if people think of me as a loser and they want to keep me as a loser and I am denied from ascension in life.

Like who fucking cares if I don't end up ever dating someone out of my league seriously like no one cares if my needs are not met. vise versa.

seriously who cares I am one of the luckiest ones to be alive today and I love my parents dearly.

Like who fucking cares if I die besides my parents.

I want these things that normal people get in life such as dating and making out and all that but that's like one in a million chance and I am forced to smile like a dumb fuck because there is a chance

Therapist the other day gave me a stack of value cards to sort them out and told me to stick with living with those values

it included things like romance, monogamy, justice, etc all these normal people bs

And it hit me, even if I care for these values, I just know deep down inside of me that I will never get it.

Just because I yearn for it doesn't mean I can care as it makes me sad of the fact that I know that I can't achieve it?

I look like a down syndrome child when I say these things out loud irl

and my expectations are way to high

my brain is perma fucked and there seems to be no way of talking myself out of these brain damaging abuse that I do to myself.

Ugh I hate myself I wish I never fall for these self pity bullshit and man the fuck up then I would actually be able to get bitches fuck my fucking dumb cuck fucking life kmskmskmskms

 

[timf]

We live at a time when society has isolated its members much more than in any time in history, Village life had parents watch their children grow and nudge them to match up throughout their childhood. Today children are left on their own to stumble across someone else. It is a wonder that the divorce rate is only 50%.

An additional effect of social isolation is an excessive amount of self focus. When this happens we can torture ourselves with excessive self-criticism. To try to break out of what can seem to be a prison, one can experiment with activities that direct one's attention outward such as art, music, writing, or researching topics of interest. One can even dabble with group activities such as politics, book clubs, volunteer work, a small church, or even an additional part time job.

It can also be useful to edit the image of the world one picks up from TV and movies. These often paint a picture of ceaseless casual fornication that draws the attention of viewers but would be destructive in reality. One should not feel too bad about themselves for failing to realize an imaginary world. Many people in their 20s make poor relationship choices because they base them on superficial images purveyed by media.

Cultivating an attractive character of kindness, humor, compassion, consideration of others becomes increasingly attractive to those who begin to shed themselves of juvenile ideas of mate worthiness.