How do you stay alive for yet another day?

[LittleMonkey]

Why does anyone stay alive? I'm afraid to experience pain, afraid to cross the line. Plus, uncertainty bugs me out. What if suicide will not give me what I want, what if I will throw myself in a place much worse that this one?

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Sleep, food, coffee, work, study (for a degree I will never get which is pointless), SS, movies/series and music.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

It's a miracle.

 

[LonelyNick]

yeah that's part of my charm.
it's also part of my aspergers.

it also doesn't take away from that you have a friend, who's coming over to visit you. don't be pissed off, cherish that.

It doesn't take away the excruciating pain I've been in since January but go off. I sure hope seeing my friend will make me gain the weight that I lost so quickly from puking daily. Or give me back my teeth now rotting from all the puking.

Take all my fucking friends if having friends is not a good enough reason to CBT. Because I'd rather my friend not expose himself/myself during a pandemic for someone who's dying anyway. But that's being *selfish* I guess.

 

[spider2020]

The fact that tomorrow morning I will have my favorite cup of coffee. A so simple but adorable pleasure of life that make me say "ok, let me drink my last cup tomorrow morning", and that simple tought is sometimes enough.

 

[Heart Shards]

The hopes that God will pull me out of despair. Then again, the idea of heaven entices me towards death--A tug of war if you will.

 

[purplesmoothie]

Lack of access to methods.. at this point I'm ready to pay someone to kill me

 

[Niirvana]

I really don't know, my first thought as soon as I open my eyes is: please kill me. I haven't done it for my family yet but I can't take much more

Lack of access to methods.. at this point I'm ready to pay someone to kill me

Not bad idea...

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

I started dating someone. I don't have the guts to break up with them now, so I gotta wait a little longer till I do have the guts and even longer till I can ctb withour causing them trauma.

I'll sort it out soon, though.

 

[vacant_n]

I'm not doing so great with this these days. I can distract myself with video games and the internet, but as soon as you ask me to do anything more serious than that I fall apart. The slightest amount of stress sets me off. I've collapsed into crying fits over the stupidest shit lately. I don't know if I'm going to have a panic attack at the wrong time and end up in a psych ward or if I'm finally going to work up the courage to go through with killing myself, but I know something has to give soon. I've never been this bad before and I can't keep living this way.

 

[deleted]

I waste my time watching anime, Netflix, YouTube. I hope this is my last month of life, I need to help two friends

 

[Meditation guide]

Lack of access to methods.. at this point I'm ready to pay someone to kill me

I've found myself wondering how I could deliver payment to someone for that service after I'm dead.

 

[purplesmoothie]

I've found myself wondering how I could deliver payment to someone for that service after I'm dead.

You mean like help them kill themselves? Choose me lmao oh wait NVM yeah I get you I guess you would have to pay upfront. Or just show that you have the money on you and they have to kill you get it

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

You guys don't have access to SN?

 

[purplesmoothie]

You guys don't have access to SN?

Hopefully soon Im in a mental health facility and have been for over a year now. It's torturous

 

[Meditation guide]

You guys don't have access to SN?

I saw a picture of that all mixed up in a glass someone had posted and almost vomited just looking at it.
I vomit real easily. I have constant stomach pain also. It doesn't look like something I could do. I'm too sickly
to even drink it.

 

[Feline lover]

Some days I wake up (unfortunately) and wonder if this is the day I will put on my exit bag and leave this world. One thing that keeps me going is I want to see the world's biggest asshole lose the election, but I think it will not be over even then. So I'll have to wait until Jan 20 to see who gets inagurated, if that's even a thing by then. But the drama between now and Jan 20 will be way better than any prime-time TV. Maybe the big orange turd will start a war with his estranged N. Korean boyfriend. Or maybe he'll bomb the shit out of England because Douche Bank won't give him a loan to buy Buckingham Palace. Don't underestimate his stupidity.

So that keeps me going, but I really couldn't care less if I died today. I'm already dead on the inside. Kind of like nuking a frozen dinner, cold on the inside, hot on the outside. But my real question is how do I find the strength to make it to midnight, and X off another day on my calendar?

So how to you find the strength to make it through yet another day? I'd really like some ideas.

Sometimes I search things up when I have the energy. Like find new topics I might be interested in and search them up. Also, I sometimes put up little goals and objectives like kind of keep me going through all of it. An example is an inside joke I have about ctb om my birthday and since I didn't do it that day, I wait another year for it. This actually helps me a lot because in a year everything can change. I have done that joke for the past years and has actually kept me going sometimes. Other things that make me survive is my cats. I love them so much and I don't want them to suffer for me. Also, I appreciate little things like a beautiful color in web page or a pretty sound I heard outside my window.
These little things can actually make a huge difference. Hope they can work for you. :)

 

[Gamja]

I feel very sleepy but since I'm running out of time, I'm putting affairs in order, rewrite last letters and try to leave something meaningful.
I'm in pain every day and force myself to draw (very slowly) just so I had something to contribute.
It's a miracle I'm holding a pen again after 3-4 months of agonizing mental pain. I cleared the list of recipes and food I wanted to try and it feels like a load had been lifted from my shoulders. though i admit, my last attempts at baking were half-assed because I stopped caring. There are still more things on my checklist but I'm too tired to do the rest. don't know why i'm stressed about it since I'm going to die anyway. I guess I want people to remember me...

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I read an unhealthy amount. I also basically knock myself unconscious with my medications if I'm not busy. That helps. Sleeping is like being dead without the commitment lol so it'll have to do for now.

"Sleeping is like being dead without the commitment lol so it'll have to do for now."

Omg I love that. So true!