Venting How do you make new friends?

[AfraidofEverything]

Half help request, half venting here but I'm at a loss. What's the secret to making friends these days? Have you had any success yourself or are you just as lonely?

It seems the older you get the harder it is to maintain or make friends. Of the ones I had they really just moved on, became busy with their lives, prioritized their families and just don't reciprocate. It's very hard to keep a friendship going when you're the only one making the effort. It's worse when you have issues and people just don't want to deal with that.

I've tried harder to make online ones over the past few years due to how shut in I am but I've not had any success. A big problem I tend to run into is guys just hitting on me or getting really creepy. Otherwise it just feels like people don't want to talk or already have their groups and won't let new ones in.

After trying and getting nowhere it really drags me lower, it feels like all the effort I put in gets me nowhere. It's sad to want to share something and realize there's no one there. I have no reason to ever check my phone or discord because no one's there or looking for me. Am I that annoying I wonder? I really don't mean to be so awkward.

I spend my time with my family though we don't have much in common. I appreciate having them but it only adds to my anxiety knowing they're not going to be there someday. I have no desire to live out the rest of my existence alone, I'm not having fun as it is.

Sorry for the vent, I don't have anyone to vent to. Please feel free to share your own friend vents and frustrations if you want.

 

[SoIntoYou]

What is your favorite thing to think/talk about?

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

most of my friends were made because they approached me first (out of pity or out of genuine interest? i still don't know). i'm introverted, so i'm not the best when it comes to approaching people.

but forcing it has never worked out for me. even if i meet someone with common interests, i always end up not talking to them. for me, it's about how the other person's personality compliments mine. one of my friends is more adventurous and social than i am, so i often follow their lead and... feed off their energy, for a lack of a better word. said friend and i have one shared interest, but we always get along. this is coming from an awkward person who panics when somebody looks at them.

what i'm trying to say is, don't force it. when you see somebody who says something interesting, reply to them or send them a pm. you can't just rush into a friendship - you have to gradually build your way up to talking.

i hope this ramble made sense, and i hope you're able to make some friends.

 

[Susannah]

To make new friends as an adult (same gender), you need to get out of your home. Do you have a dog, like dogs (you can even borrow a really charming puppydog, and go out), you'll meet other people walking their dogs. This is a good opportunity to meet people naturally. If you like kids, babysit and go to the park. Dogs and kids in the park are both ice- breakers. Find your self a social hobby. When I tok tai chi lessons, I made a new friend. Many years ago, I was in to extreme sports, parachute, snowboard (big jumps). They'll embrace you to join their "group". Move out of your comfort zone. Travel alone is also a great way to meet new people.

 

[Passersby]

Hi there,
All the things Susannah said are great ideas. It's definitely harder to make friends now a days. Especially with this virus makes everything really tougher. People are wrapped up in social media. Then the people who have family's spend there time with there family and they are busy so not probably trying to make new friends. My anxiety and other issues also severely restricts me. So I know what you mean there. Sounds like you have a few hobbies you are doing. Hopefully something pops up.

 

[searchingfreedom]

Hi,
I'm definitely just as lonely my friend. I relate to everything you wrote so much. My family is all I've got too. I can't tell you how many times I've put myself out there to try to make new friends, but with my depression and anxiety, I just can't relate to other people who don't understand these struggles. It would be nice to talk to someone who knows how difficult it is. Please feel free to pm me, I'm always down to talk and making a friend. I've got discord as well.

 

[Enabran255]

I've had the same demoralizing experience. For almost my entire life I've had a terrible time trying to make friends. I discovered as time went on that a big part of it was my location. I just can't relate to people around here at all, and I couldn't find anyone with common interests. When I was still in college I decided to move to a different college on the other side of the continent, and that was where I finally was able to make a bunch of friends who actually shared my interests.

That was the only time in my life that that happened, though. It quickly got destroyed by bullying, too, so I lost all the progress I had made and had to come back home. Post-college, I found the difficulty ramped up past nightmare level in terms of making friends or finding romance. It's not just you, our society is set up in a way that the only times it's conducive to making friends is in high school and college.

Once you're past college, unless you're fortunate enough to be part of the upper class, people just don't have any time for "leisurely" activities like meeting new friends and such. They're too busy and worried about their stressful 8-5 job. They also don't need to actively search for friends because they already built their core social support network in college. Another factor is a majority of people have paired up with their lovers by the time they're out of college, so the whole social dynamic changes and makes it very difficult for single people.

I've had very limited success making friends online but it was never on the same level as what I had in person during that one time. I've unfortunately not been able to keep the friends I did make online, either.

I can definitely empathize with the feelings of hopelessness, loneliness, and wasted effort. I was seriously considering the extreme step/risk of going to another country on the other side of the planet to really shake things up and maybe finally be able to make friends again, but now that chance is gone thanks to these worldwide border lockdowns going on.

 

[Final Escape]

Half help request, half venting here but I'm at a loss. What's the secret to making friends these days? Have you had any success yourself or are you just as lonely?

It seems the older you get the harder it is to maintain or make friends. Of the ones I had they really just moved on, became busy with their lives, prioritized their families and just don't reciprocate. It's very hard to keep a friendship going when you're the only one making the effort. It's worse when you have issues and people just don't want to deal with that.

I've tried harder to make online ones over the past few years due to how shut in I am but I've not had any success. A big problem I tend to run into is guys just hitting on me or getting really creepy. Otherwise it just feels like people don't want to talk or already have their groups and won't let new ones in.

After trying and getting nowhere it really drags me lower, it feels like all the effort I put in gets me nowhere. It's sad to want to share something and realize there's no one there. I have no reason to ever check my phone or discord because no one's there or looking for me. Am I that annoying I wonder? I really don't mean to be so awkward.

I spend my time with my family though we don't have much in common. I appreciate having them but it only adds to my anxiety knowing they're not going to be there someday. I have no desire to live out the rest of my existence alone, I'm not having fun as it is.

Sorry for the vent, I don't have anyone to vent to. Please feel free to share your own friend vents and frustrations if you want.

Aggressively lol! U literally have to be kinda bold during these times. U have to be willing to take risks just for connection because this is a life and death situation. We were not meant to be isolated like this Covid or no Covid. Isolation and not being around friends, and family is far deadlier than the risk of dying from Covid. Your immune system breaks down when u are away from other people and u feel like meaning is gone. Hopelessness, loss of will to live happens from the imposed isolation.

 

[icanhasnick]

I was in to extreme sports, parachute jumping

That has remarkable ctb potential! :p Weird that it's not discussed much.

 

[dieornottodie]

i never understood what friendship means

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm terrible at making and maintaining friendships so I'd take anything I say with a pinch of salt tbh. As others have said, hobbies, joining local groups either in person or maybe even hobby/interest groups on Facebook. I know someone who met their now fiancé through a horror movie group.

 

[After The End]

Most people will simply never make connections outside of school, university, and work. That's all there is to it. Moreover the older you get the more unlikely it is you will ever make new connections under any circumstances. People have their set circle of family and friends and while they might network with you you're going to be on the periphery, and that sort of networking is 100% transactional oppertunism.

The exceptions is dating, and meeting people online, but a lot of men on these forums are never going to meet people in that context either and meeting people online has a lot to do with where you live.

If you live in the US or Europe then you might be able to meet people online with whom a long distance relationship, platonic or otherwise, can become something real.

If you live in Australia, New Zealand, or somewhere like that, the odds are stacked so far against you it's probably not worth thinking about.

 

[ezeph]

I have no idea. I don't have anyone I'd consider a true friend and I doubt they'd think twice if anything happened to me.

 

[Sk1n1M1n]

I make use of the internet and go on forums chat sites and social media