I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I wish before I die I could go back to the start of our relationship and live it all over again, because she's everything to me.
I don't know if it's selfish to ctb, and leave the one you love behind. I know if someone did that to me I'd feel,,, abandoned. But I don't think any of us- not you, not me, not either of our partners- should have to live a life of suffering. I think it'd be even cruel-er to force myself to live just because I love her. I'd never want to internalise that angst, y'know? like "I'm alive for you, I'm putting myself through this suffering for you". It's so much better if I quit while I'm ahead, I can't go on anymore, and it's not her fault. But this way yeah,,, it'll hurt her. And I don't want to hurt her. But this way she gets to heal and to move on. I hope she finds someone who's not as much of a burden as I am, and makes her smile. Because there's nothing on this earth more important to me than that smile.
I don't know if this helped. but we're in kind of the same place here, and I hope sharing my own feelings was a comforting thing to do
