Discussion How do you handle people that are "concerned" for you?

[Watson]

A couple day ago, a few people reached out to me and expressed their "concern" for my well-being.

Ever since those brief conversations took place, I found myself feeling sorry for those that reached out to me--

I felt bad that they were wasting their time on a lost cause. I felt bad that they hadn't yet realized that my existence was meaningless. I also felt confused as to why they would be concerned with me to begin with. Who cares?

A part of me wanted to feel comfort in knowing that people might actually care about me, but I couldn't.
I wanted to feel thankful that I could have mattered to someone, but I don't. I just have this unbearable emptiness of despair and continue to live in apathy. I just feel disconnected and incapable of life.

The conversations have not motivated me any less or decreased my desire/need to ctb, but just made me ponder.
So I'm curious about how do/did you handle those situations where people have reached out to you expressing their concern?

Did you welcome it?
Did you reject it?
Did you believe them?
How did it make you feel after?
Were you confused why people cared?
Did they offer help? Did you take it?
Did they report you?
Did you have to fake being ok?

I find that I am wanting to want to feel things. If that makes sense? I dunno if what I'm feeling makes any sense at all.

 

[TAW122]

I did not welcome it, and I rejected it as it came off as infantilizing me and annoying. I didn't really believe it and not really confused as I figured they were just trying to up their egos. Some of them offer some help, but nothing substantial, just a bunch of virtue signaling (not helpful). One of the people in the past did report me and I just resented them for it; never talked to said person again. As for faking my behavior, yes to a degree, I pretended to be better so that people would leave me in peace and less likely to interfere with me.

 

[Watson]

Dang, I'm sorry you got reported.
That's what I'm afraid of and I feel that I'm may have unknowingly slipped in my behavior.

I think I'm on the edge of determining their motives-- I feel that they may be trying to inflate their egos, but then I have doubts.
But it's helpful to know that my feelings of questioning their intents isn't just me being cynical.

 

[GhostedToast]

I don't really welcome it, I'll lie and say I'm fine. Usually the people who ask arr friends that have gotten to know me and they can tell im lying but I'll stay by saying I'm ok even if I'm crying. I feel bad that they got to know me and I'll sit and wish they hadnt. It's confusing that some care because i hate myself. I've almost gotten reported to the school counselor for thinking about suicide and my cut scars. I don't want help i don't want pity, i just want to be able to think what i want and be able to just go without people feeling bad and trying to talk me out of one decision it feelsmlike im able to make.

 

[TAW122]

Dang, I'm sorry you got reported.
That's what I'm afraid of and I feel that I'm may have unknowingly slipped in my behavior.

I think I'm on the edge of determining their motives-- I feel that they may be trying to inflate their egos, but then I have doubts.
But it's helpful to know that my feelings of questioning their intents isn't just me being cynical.

The person reported me was someone I thought (naively) I could trust, and this was several years ago. Now, the police didn't come to me or done a welfare check, but this was during university and a professor I thought would be sympathetic turned out not to be. As a result, one of the deans told me that they wanted to talk to me and just questioned me about what I told the professor. When confronted by the dean, I was a bit contentious and affirmed about the professor overreacting but I managed to convince the dean that I had no bad intentions, and not to be concerned. The dean then told me to have a good day and that was the end of the encounter.

 

[Watson]

I feel you!
I hate myself so much that I am confused when people apparently care about me, more than I do.
But then I start thinking, aren't I supposed to be thankful for this? That people care? but I don't. It's strange.

I feel like I've never had control of my life and this is the only way I can be in control and that people are trying to take the only thing I have left.

 

[Watson]

The person reported me was someone I thought (naively) I could trust, and this was several years ago. Now, the police didn't come to me or done a welfare check, but this was during university and a professor I thought would be sympathetic turned out not to be. As a result, one of the deans told me that they wanted to talk to me and just questioned me about what I told the professor. When confronted by the dean, I was a bit contentious and affirmed about the professor overreacting but I managed to convince the dean that I had no bad intentions, and not to be concerned. The dean then told me to have a good day and that was the end of the encounter.

I'm glad the dean let you be. Did you ever have to encounter that professor after? That would be incredibly awkward I imagine.

It always fascinates me that people think they are "helping" by telling everyone what we said in confidence to that one trusted person. They end up reinforcing feelings of isolation since we then feel we can't trust anyone.

 

[TAW122]

I'm glad the dean let you be. Did you ever have to encounter that professor after? That would be incredibly awkward I imagine.

It always fascinates me that people think they are "helping" by telling everyone what we said in confidence to that one trusted person. They end up reinforcing feelings of isolation since we then feel we can't trust anyone.

I did, but then I avoided her for almost a year and never talked to her unless she said hi, which I responded with hi back.

 

[Stealth]

I talk to them and let them know i am currently okay. I always let them know there is a chance i won't be later in though.

 

[Misanthrope]

I am sorry to hear you did not feel comforted by being cared about. You must be in a really pretty shutdown painful place.

Did you welcome it?

I did welcome it. Simply because there are plenty of people in life who are not cared about by any one apart from maybe their cat. Left in a chronically lonely ignored state that breeds its own kind of insanity and enduring torment. I was grateful that I was cared about and thought well enough of to be concerned about in the first place. That concerned people did not want me to feel alone in spite of everything.


Did you believe them?

Yes, I have fostered sincere relationships over the years.

How did it make you feel after?

It was nice to be reminded people cared even though I had somewhat dropped off the face of the planet. However, it also left me uneasy because it reminded me that I will damage them in the future and they will no doubt look back on their time spent with me and ask themselves, 'could I have done more?' I am aware how much that thought process can eat at people long after a person is gone to suicide.

Were you confused why people cared?

No, I was there for them throughout issues in their lives, like a divorce and having their kids manipulated and weaponised against them. Or my other friend discovering they are going to go blind in the next year or so. It is simply reciprocal. If you put out care for others you will often get it back. So not confused at all. If anything it can be a sign of being valued for who you are despite issues.

Did they offer help? Did you take it?

Depends what is meant by help. Did they offer to listen, to let me ring them at three AM and talk if I ever felt the need? Yes. Will I do that though. Probably not. I don't really view my suicidal state as a crisis in the first place to wake them up over. I am not really distressed by it. Just sad it has to come down to this.

One of my friends invited me next year to go Barbados and swim with turtles as a pick me up and something I could maybe look forward to. It was a nice offer and I have no doubt if I pursued it it would happen. I did not tell him though I would likely vomit in the airport and have to sit down for an hour so we would likely miss the plane. Or, vomit on the plane, or vomit on the hotel carpet. Or vomit in the restaurant at the prospect of food and end up being stared at in disgust by other patrons. Or vomit in the sea… I doubt turtles would appreciate swimming through my drifting vomit… I did not point out it would be hard to enjoy anything while feeling that sick in the first place. I just appreciated the well meaning intent of the offer.

Did they report you?

My friends and former colleagues work alongside the mental health act on a consistent basis. No intervention on its part is going to improve my quality of life. So I just simply did not supply them enough information to cause them to feel the need to intervene in that way. Because they probably would, because they care. I am not going to challenge them with my assertions of rational suicide, then be upset they simply assume I am depressed because I am sick. It seems like that would just be unpleasant for everyone involved and strain relationships pointlessly. There is nothing to be gained in my case.

Did you have to fake being ok?

I don't fake being okay, I think I am too bitter and cynical for that. All patience evaporated a long time ago. Instead I just downplay any red flags. The only place left I am probably authentic in my uncensored feelings is here.

 

[Watson]

Thank you for your response.
Your post offers a lot of insight and self reflection for me & puts things into perspective as I'm feeling a lot of doubt and uncertainty.

Your second sentence kind of hits me on a personal level--
I think that I'm that person that was only cared for by their dog!

My dog was the only one who cared about me and he was the only thing that mattered.
He was my world and I was his, and I was perfectly fine with that.

My entire life has been a pathetic excuse of disappointments and failed attempt at tragedy. Living most of my life with depression, suicidal ideation, and barely surviving the emotional & physical traumas, I still tried to be optimistic and stay positive. I eventually grew tired of living in denial and I was planning on an "accidental" exit when I got a call about chihuahuas needing a home. I'm a sucker for dogs and so I figured I would save my planning for later.

The day I met & adopted my Watson was the first time I felt true happiness.
It's crazy to think a companion animal could do so much, but he did.
For the first time in my life I had hope, happiness, and a reason to live.

Then he got diagnosed with heart disease.. then shortly after, his health declined suddenly & rapidly.. and then he passed away in the most traumatic and devastating way I could have imagined... And now the only thing I cared about is gone.. and the only thing that cared about me, is gone...

And well, that's why that line kind of hits a little deeper for me I guess.
I feel that the only thing that mattered and cared for me is gone .. but I guess other people could potentially & genuinely care.. ?
I just keep thinking that there is an ulterior motive, that motive being an attempt to prevent me from having the last opportunity to finally have some control of my life. I guess it's hard to believe people can genuinely care.

And I feel you in regards to the offers of help.
I am not going to create a big fuss for something I know is insignificant.
And I'm not worried, so why should they?

I have to admit your description made me laugh which I haven't been able to do for a while. It's seriously so funny.
All humor aside, I'm sorry to hear you're sick though. :(

I apologize if my reply to you seems all over the place and rather random, but as I mentioned earlier, your post was really insightful and sparked a lot of self reflection for me.
I do hope you are feeling better and hopefully one day you can go somewhere vomit free or at least vomit less at places and on things.

Thank you again for your response and the laughter even if it was not intended.

 

[okyeah]

Unfortunately I think I have some problem with psychopathy or aspergers because I have never felt like I ever had a real "friend" that I cared about at all. They have all felt like acquaintances tbh. I have felt extremely indifferent to everyone I have ever met. It's nice that you have people that care about you!
You obviously have some form of social connection...maybe you can use it to feel better

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I had a guy genuinely help me on this subject. A guy I can trust because he's good 200-400km away in a different country. He caught me on a particularly bad day when I was stupid and was a second away from trying to hang myself haphazardly. If it wasn't for him, I would have shown more of myself than I would have wanted others to know today. I ended up calling a hotline, at which point the lady on the line listened, may have become deaf because of my screaming, and managed to call me down.
The good from that day was that I've discovered how it feels like to go through a breakdown, and later on, how to hold it together. I've learned how to look better, less crazy during one of those episodes.
He helped, but not in the way he intended.
So far the only one who partially knows my plans is my father. It took a while, but we reached an agreement on the subject. I am doubtful he will be completely surprised if I were to ctb. He rightfully decided to not try to help. It is my battle, and if I lose, he couldn't do anything to help.
After he passed away I'll probably ctb, unless something dramatic enough happens. Other than him I have nobody.

 

[Misanthrope]

Thank you for your response.
Your post offers a lot of insight and self reflection for me & puts things into perspective as I'm feeling a lot of doubt and uncertainty.

Your second sentence kind of hits me on a personal level--
I think that I'm that person that was only cared for by their dog!

My dog was the only one who cared about me and he was the only thing that mattered.
He was my world and I was his, and I was perfectly fine with that.

My entire life has been a pathetic excuse of disappointments and failed attempt at tragedy. Living most of my life with depression, suicidal ideation, and barely surviving the emotional & physical traumas, I still tried to be optimistic and stay positive. I eventually grew tired of living in denial and I was planning on an "accidental" exit when I got a call about chihuahuas needing a home. I'm a sucker for dogs and so I figured I would save my planning for later.

The day I met & adopted my Watson was the first time I felt true happiness.
It's crazy to think a companion animal could do so much, but he did.
For the first time in my life I had hope, happiness, and a reason to live.

Then he got diagnosed with heart disease.. then shortly after, his health declined suddenly & rapidly.. and then he passed away in the most traumatic and devastating way I could have imagined... And now the only thing I cared about is gone.. and the only thing that cared about me, is gone...

And well, that's why that line kind of hits a little deeper for me I guess.
I feel that the only thing that mattered and cared for me is gone .. but I guess other people could potentially & genuinely care.. ?
I just keep thinking that there is an ulterior motive, that motive being an attempt to prevent me from having the last opportunity to finally have some control of my life. I guess it's hard to believe people can genuinely care.

And I feel you in regards to the offers of help.
I am not going to create a big fuss for something I know is insignificant.
And I'm not worried, so why should they?

I have to admit your description made me laugh which I haven't been able to do for a while. It's seriously so funny.
All humor aside, I'm sorry to hear you're sick though. :(

I apologize if my reply to you seems all over the place and rather random, but as I mentioned earlier, your post was really insightful and sparked a lot of self reflection for me.
I do hope you are feeling better and hopefully one day you can go somewhere vomit free or at least vomit less at places and on things.

Thank you again for your response and the laughter even if it was not intended.

I am pleased I could make you laugh a little.

I am so glad you had that close connection with your pet. It is definitely hard when they go. But prior to that you had those enriching experiences sharing in a connection. Sounds like you gave Watson a good life.

I had a white albino ferret called Spike for a good while. He would often pull off my socks and then go lope off with them. I did not manage to recover many of them… Did watson have any amusing behaviors or quirks? There is definitely something that feels more pure about animals than people, maybe it is because they can't stab you in the back or lie to you.

There is certainly potential for you to grow close to people that would genuinely care about you. It sounds like you have been hurt by people often enough though that your trust is damaged as a result. I really do understand that feeling. Distrust can make it hard to start relationships in the first place. I had to work a lot on that to end up with the friendships I do have today.

Would you consider getting another animal?

 

[Vegrau]

A couple day ago, a few people reached out to me and expressed their "concern" for my well-being.

Ever since those brief conversations took place, I found myself feeling sorry for those that reached out to me--

I felt bad that they were wasting their time on a lost cause. I felt bad that they hadn't yet realized that my existence was meaningless. I also felt confused as to why they would be concerned with me to begin with. Who cares?

A part of me wanted to feel comfort in knowing that people might actually care about me, but I couldn't.
I wanted to feel thankful that I could have mattered to someone, but I don't. I just have this unbearable emptiness of despair and continue to live in apathy. I just feel disconnected and incapable of life.

The conversations have not motivated me any less or decreased my desire/need to ctb, but just made me ponder.
So I'm curious about how do/did you handle those situations where people have reached out to you expressing their concern?

Did you welcome it?
Did you reject it?
Did you believe them?
How did it make you feel after?
Were you confused why people cared?
Did they offer help? Did you take it?
Did they report you?
Did you have to fake being ok?

I find that I am wanting to want to feel things. If that makes sense? I dunno if what I'm feeling makes any sense at all.

I get what you mean. Yes its strange people suddenly care about your condition.

Usually I just accept their good will. Put on a polite front then put it aside me the moment theyre gone. To me people did that out of :

1. Convenient.
2. Nostalgia.
3. Heat of the moment. Which could be anything.
4. Misguided attempt at helping something they dont understand.
5. Misguided sense of responsibility.
6. Self satisfaction.
7. Arrogance. Thinking they can "fix" it.
8. Saying something they can never take responsibility for but when they say it it feels good for them.
9. Trying to boost their image in front of you. Curry your favor. Manipulation. Ulterior motives.
10. Just simply trying to be "nice".

So no I dont believe in any of those nonsense. They dont have the patient nor the ability. Also they wont put in the effort to help you or me. They just said those pretty words out of convenient. They can never take responsibility for what coming out of their mouth. Those lies never help. At least for my case. Too shallow. I can never trust an ever changing human. They can change from a friend to a foe in flick of a moment.

 

[Severen]

I learned to put on a mask around them.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I pretend that everything is normal. No one knows about my OD in 2016. I just put on my "smiley face" and act like life isn't a pile of shit. My sister has an inkling that I'm planning to CTB but no one else has a clue. I think everyone's been expecting me to kick the bucket for years anyway due to my health issue.

 

[NotWorthLiving]

I reject them and pretend everything is normal. I didn't believe them and felt like shit afterwards. I honestly have no idea why someone would care about me.

 

[Bread]

When people express concern for me I feel annoyed. Just today I saw a new therapist who was being overly emotional and saying how painful and awful my life must be. For some reason I wanted to slap her. Same with my parents. I know they mean well, so I never openly express my irritation, but I wish they would just leave me alone. I've made up my mind and I'd like my choices to be respected.

 

[TAW122]

When people express concern for me I feel annoyed. Just today I saw a new therapist who was being overly emotional and saying how painful and awful my life must be. For some reason I wanted to slap her. Same with my parents. I know they mean well, so I never openly express my irritation, but I wish they would just leave me alone. I've made up my mind and I'd like my choices to be respected.

Argh, I hate this too. Goddamn people meddling in my affairs and life. To add shit icing on the top, these "people" are a bunch of platitude pushing pro-lifers too, so it makes me even more pissed. In short, I just 'try' to ignore them and pretend that things are fine (even if I'm pissed as hell).

 

[lost illusions]

I don't know how to answer this, my thoughts and feelings can change any minute

 

[Watson]

I am pleased I could make you laugh a little.

I am so glad you had that close connection with your pet. It is definitely hard when they go. But prior to that you had those enriching experiences sharing in a connection. Sounds like you gave Watson a good life.

I had a white albino ferret called Spike for a good while. He would often pull off my socks and then go lope off with them. I did not manage to recover many of them… Did watson have any amusing behaviors or quirks? There is definitely something that feels more pure about animals than people, maybe it is because they can't stab you in the back or lie to you.

There is certainly potential for you to grow close to people that would genuinely care about you. It sounds like you have been hurt by people often enough though that your trust is damaged as a result. I really do understand that feeling. Distrust can make it hard to start relationships in the first place. I had to work a lot on that to end up with the friendships I do have today.

Would you consider getting another animal?

Aww, Spike sounds adorable & an albino ferret is beautiful! I've never seen a ferret in person so I can only rely on google.

How did you end up getting Spike?
Did you ever walk/leash him? (I remember that one movie with Ben Stiller and a ferret for some reason).
Do you have any other quirks about Spike?

I know my past experiences have made me reluctant to trust people and because of that I tend to have a lot of 'shallow/surface level' friendships where I don't let anyone get too close, etc. I just find that even with the strongest relationships with friends/partners/whoever, I find that I am still self censoring my thoughts and the like. I do have a handful of solid relationships although they are starting to deteriorate as I've become even more of a recluse lately.. But I can understand that constantly living with that mindset is a hinderance to any positive relationship in the first place.

And I definitely agree that animals provide something far more pure than humans can ever provide one another. There really is something so special about animals and the bond that they share with us.
They love you unconditionally and truly love you for who you are-- with whatever flaws and doubts you might think you have... they don't care. They are happy to be with just you. Everyday & always.
They also teach us to live in the moment and not worry about what happened yesterday or will happen tomorrow. They just want to enjoy now. With you. In that moment. Just the two of you...

And oooooh Watson had a ton of quirks actually.
(Be prepared for a long read.. TL;DR: yes he has a lot of quirks)

Some of his physical quirks were that he was a gold fawn sable with white markings but also carried the merle gene which caused him to have blue eyes. He also had ticks of white fur on his back atypical to most sables from his merle gene but his hackles were darker with typical sable traits. I didn't have any idea about any of this until my vet told me about it after I had rescued him-- Pretty much it all just meant he looked liked a deer/bambi. He had blue eyes but his right eye had a little black on the very top so technically he had heterochromia. His eyes were extremely expressive and he was really observant to everything around him.

He was also predominantly left pawed and was very paw-y. Whenever I would take my phone out to look at something he would immediately paw my phone away and sit on my chest so all attention had to be on him. He would also always paw at me when he wanted my attention or if he wanted to go outside. He would also paw/crawl to me whenever I asked him if he wanted to go outside. His paws were never aggressive and actually always very gentle and endearing.
When he got excited he would lift both of his front paw up at the same time and tap the floor/bed/etc with his ears perked back, grinning and looking up at me. When he ran it was more of a hop-fly where his front paws would raise up simultaneously and he would glide around only to descend and hop back up to fly around. When I whistled for him he would do his best to hastily land by my feet in the perfect sitting position. .

He rarely barked but when he did, his bark wasn't the typical chihuahua high pitched "yelp" but it was more like middle pitch "bao". His bark always came in a set of two, the first one lower than the second "bao-BAO" .. "bao- BAO" ! As he barked with as much vigor a 5lb chihuahua could, his head would rotate slightly clockwise and his ears would always flap back and forth. He would also always sigh after he barked and sigh whenever he was bored or sigh if I was taking too long doing whatever I was doing.

He was an extremely fast learner when teaching tricks and learned almost everything in a day and a half. He learned through hand signals + vocal commands with treats. I'd have a treat in one and and my other hand signaling and I could always see his eyes shifting from treat to my hand, treat to hand. He learned all the usual tricks and he was getting better at saying " i love you" whenever I said it to him howling. He couldn't always get "wait" (my version of stay)-- if I told him to wait and walked into another room though.. he always had to be my shadow so he would break that one command just to be by my side. His separation anxiety was really extreme and I was trying to work on it but I realized I had separation anxiety just as bad so I gave up on that plan...

I could go on forever so I will spare as I have already written way too much... But yeah.. he had his quirks and he was really special.
Thanks for asking by the way.. Even though it makes me cry I'm happy to share about Watson and let people know he really was really wonderful.

And thanks..
I tried to give him the best life possible but I can't help feeling like a failure that I couldn't save him.

When he got diagnosed with heart failure I had found out there are 3 clinics that offer heart surgery for dogs and had immediately begun the steps to get him accepted as a candidate and surgery date.
They said 6 months to a year was the average for dogs with heart disease and about 6 months was the wait list for surgery.The day he passed I received an email for his surgery date and his approved candidacy....

To keep it short, I feel that no matter what did and would have done to save him, I just know it wasn't enough in the end and I hate myself for it.
Is this ironic that I'm saying that while on this forum? lol..


And.. I wish I could get another animal but I feel that it wouldn't be fair to Watson, nor am I ready. Also if I got another animal, I would have to stay alive longer for them. My only reason staying alive before was Watson, and now that he's gone, here I am.

Do you have any pet?
If you don't mind me asking, what happened to Spike?

 

[Watson]

I get what you mean. Yes its strange people suddenly care about your condition.

Usually I just accept their good will. Put on a polite front then put it aside me the moment theyre gone. To me people did that out of :

1. Convenient.
2. Nostalgia.
3. Heat of the moment. Which could be anything.
4. Misguided attempt at helping something they dont understand.
5. Misguided sense of responsibility.
6. Self satisfaction.
7. Arrogance. Thinking they can "fix" it.
8. Saying something they can never take responsibility for but when they say it it feels good for them.
9. Trying to boost their image in front of you. Curry your favor. Manipulation. Ulterior motives.
10. Just simply trying to be "nice".

So no I dont believe in any of those nonsense. They dont have the patient nor the ability. Also they wont put in the effort to help you or me. They just said those pretty words out of convenient. They can never take responsibility for what coming out of their mouth. Those lies never help. At least for my case. Too shallow. I can never trust an ever changing human. They can change from a friend to a foe in flick of a moment.

Your list is how I feel exactly.
I feel most of the time people only want to help so in the end they could say, "Hey! I tried that one time, when I talked and asked about the thing!" and not feel as guilty when the time comes..

From my past experiences I feel that I've been burned too many times that it'd be insane to expect a different outcome from the same situations; however after reading a lot of what people wrote and feeling like there was acknowledgment, kind of made me feel a little better, regardless if my mindset changed or not.

Do you mind sharing why you can never trust another person?
if not, no worries and no pressure but if you would like to share I will listen.

 

[Watson]

When people express concern for me I feel annoyed. Just today I saw a new therapist who was being overly emotional and saying how painful and awful my life must be. For some reason I wanted to slap her. Same with my parents. I know they mean well, so I never openly express my irritation, but I wish they would just leave me alone. I've made up my mind and I'd like my choices to be respected.

I had to stop going to one therapist for that reason! It feels like they are pitying me rather than acknowledging what I'm feeling.

 

[Watson]

I pretend that everything is normal. No one knows about my OD in 2016. I just put on my "smiley face" and act like life isn't a pile of shit. My sister has an inkling that I'm planning to CTB but no one else has a clue. I think everyone's been expecting me to kick the bucket for years anyway due to my health issue.

That's must be strange--- to feel like people are expecting you to CTB?
And I'm sorry to hear you have health issues. :(

 

[Watson]

Unfortunately I think I have some problem with psychopathy or aspergers because I have never felt like I ever had a real "friend" that I cared about at all. They have all felt like acquaintances tbh. I have felt extremely indifferent to everyone I have ever met. It's nice that you have people that care about you!
You obviously have some form of social connection...maybe you can use it to feel better

Have you tried getting a companion animal?
When I had my dog, I preferred his company over humans. He was the only thing I cared about and he was the best thing I could have asked for. It might be worth looking into getting a companion animal-- they provide a unique bond that is truly unique for you and them.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

That's must be strange--- to feel like people are expecting you to CTB?
And I'm sorry to hear you have health issues. :(

Thank you. They're not expecting me to CTB but to die of my cancer as I've had it for years and it's incurable. I'm actually planning to CTB soon but no one knows. When I do it, I know that my family are going to put a spin on it and claim that I died of cancer and not suicide. Just to keep up the facade of "normality" to outsiders as they've done for years.

 

[Watson]

I don't know how to answer this, my thoughts and feelings can change any minute

Are you possibly bipolar or attention deficit? (I don't mean that in a rude way by the way)
I was misdiagnosed bipolar but it turns out it was ADHD. My emotions would be like throwing a jacket into the wind before adhd meds. On bipolar meds I just felt awful.

 

[Watson]

I talk to them and let them know i am currently okay. I always let them know there is a chance i won't be later in though.

i find this poetic for some reason.

 

[lost illusions]

Are you possibly bipolar or attention deficit? (I don't mean that in a rude way by the way)
I was misdiagnosed bipolar but it turns out it was ADHD. My emotions would be like throwing a jacket into the wind before adhd meds. On bipolar meds I just felt awful.

I am adhd ocd