BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
It's been tearing me apart for the past few days. It's unbearable.
 
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ssaaahmo

ssaaahmo

Experienced
May 18, 2020
219
It's been tearing me apart for the past few days. It's unbearable.
Sending hugs
I just run away from mine. Either that, or it gets stuck on a loop in my mind and then I just try to be nice to myself. Which never works
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
Sending hugs
I just run away from mine. Either that, or it gets stuck on a loop in my mind and then I just try to be nice to myself. Which never works
I just get stuck in my head. I try to distract myself but nothing seems to work.

Lol being nice to yourself is hard. I always feel like I'm placating and lying. This picture is also relevant to how it feels.
 

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pole

Global Mod
Sep 18, 2018
1,385
hey, sorry to hear about excessive guilt and shame bothering you.

distracting ourselves is definitely helpful, but it only helps someone to a certain extent. it's always best to talk about how you're feeling with someone, instead of supressing it and further trying to bury it inside of you ny distracting yourself with activities and getting you're mind off the thoughts and emotions bothering you.

have you ever talked to someone about the specifics and opened up fully or let someone in entirely? perhaps writing about it under this thread to members and having different perspectives on how you feel can help enormously. it's hard at first, but it gets easier through time. i hope you give this a chance and i hope it helps to alleviate the stress and burden you feel in supressing how you feel. it's extremely hard to deal with how we feel ourselves and just to continue dealing with it alone, while dealing with everything else life throws at us.

hope you feel better and find ways in focusing directly on these emotions of guilt and shame, as deflecting only goes so far.

take care.
 
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Sarainia Angelsong

Sarainia Angelsong

Female, Earth, Depressed
Mar 7, 2019
58
Tbh it's hard... sigh...
 
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mouseteeth

Member
Dec 2, 2019
65
I drink, but i don't recommend it. Self-medicating. Unfortunately for me something more harmless like marijuana only amplifies my feelings of guilt, shame and paranoia so I avoid it, unless I feel like having am existential crisis and panic attack for 3 hours. Sucks.
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
hey, sorry to hear about excessive guilt and shame bothering you.

distracting ourselves is definitely helpful, but it only helps someone to a certain extent. it's always best to talk about how you're feeling with someone, instead of supressing it and further trying to bury it inside of you ny distracting yourself with activities and getting you're mind off the thoughts and emotions bothering you.

have you ever talked to someone about the specifics and opened up fully or let someone in entirely? perhaps writing about it under this thread to members and having different perspectives on how you feel can help enormously. it's hard at first, but it gets easier through time. i hope you give this a chance and i hope it helps to alleviate the stress and burden you feel in supressing how you feel. it's extremely hard to deal with how we feel ourselves and just to continue dealing with it alone, while dealing with everything else life throws at us.

hope you feel better and find ways in focusing directly on these emotions of guilt and shame, as deflecting only goes so far.

take care.
Thank you. I've found a couple of people I can talk to about it. But it really just makes me feel worse. Even the thought of talking about it upsets me so much, and when I try to open up I just feel like even more of a burden (despite knowing that these people geniunely care). I haven't found anything that helps yet.
I drink, but i don't recommend it. Self-medicating. Unfortunately for me something more harmless like marijuana only amplifies my feelings of guilt, shame and paranoia so I avoid it, unless I feel like having am existential crisis and panic attack for 3 hours. Sucks.
I self medicate too: binge drinking or abusing sleeping meds to try and knock myself out. Sometimes I'm really bad and just mix random meds together to make myself sleep. When I'm in a major depressive episode like this I can't sleep at all, and the meds only put me out for 1-3 hours. It's hell. I'd try DXM, but I'd rather not give myself serotonin syndrome.

I'm really sorry to hear about how weed affects you; that sounds awful. I've never tried it because I'm afraid the same thing will happen to me. I'm very high strung.
 
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pole

Global Mod
Sep 18, 2018
1,385
Thank you. I've found a couple of people I can talk to about it. But it really just makes me feel worse. Even the thought of talking about it upsets me so much, and when I try to open up I just feel like even more of a burden (despite knowing that these people geniunely care). I haven't found anything that helps yet.

I self medicate too: binge drinking or abusing sleeping meds to try and knock myself out. Sometimes I'm really bad and just mix random meds together to make myself sleep. When I'm in a major depressive episode like this I can't sleep at all, and the meds only put me out for 1-3 hours. It's hell. I'd try DXM, but I'd rather not give myself serotonin syndrome.

I'm really sorry to hear about how weed affects you; that sounds awful. I've never tried it because I'm afraid the same thing will happen to me. I'm very high strung.
i'm sorry that you haven't felt what you were looking to feel when opening up to people. It's definitely hard at first and you just feel like you're being annoying and a problem to other people. some people also fear criticism and judgement for how they feel because not everyone truly understands and how you feel is definitely normal and it's good you're wary about opening up because opening up too quickly to the wrong people can hurt someone and make everything 83738263637283 worse.

try and ease into talking about it instead of trying to tackle it all and speak about it all at once. go you're speed, it doesn't have to be significant information but baby steps and talking about it in small portions helps alot and you'll slowly grow into being comfortable in talking about it.

no one deserves to supress how there truly feeling and subject themselves to drowning in their own sorrow. it's terrible and people don't deserve to suffer anymore than they already do.

i'll start the discussion on this thread. how has this past year been for you?
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
i'm sorry that you haven't felt what you were looking to feel when opening up to people. It's definitely hard at first and you just feel like you're being annoying and a problem to other people. some people also fear criticism and judgement for how they feel because not everyone truly understands and how you feel is definitely normal and it's good you're wary about opening up because opening up too quickly to the wrong people can hurt someone and make everything 83738263637283 worse.

try and ease into talking about it instead of trying to tackle it all and speak about it all at once. go you're speed, it doesn't have to be significant information but baby steps and talking about it in small portions helps alot and you'll slowly grow into being comfortable in talking about it.

no one deserves to supress how there truly feeling and subject themselves to drowning in their own sorrow. it's terrible and people don't deserve to suffer anymore than they already do.

i'll start the discussion on this thread. how has this past year been for you?
Objectively it's been a really good year. Lots of experiences with friends, taking college courses that pushed me, I looked like I had my life together.
 
T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,121
Guilt and shame can be useful up to a point. These emotions can bring us to apologize, make restitution, or learn. They may also be tapped into to firm our resolve not to make a particular mistake again. However, there is a point where everything useful has been extracted and the time to move forward comes.

Just as a person should not live his whole life thinking how great he is because he won a spelling bee in fourth grade, We should not exaggerate those negative things we have done. If we hold on to guilt and shame beyond their usefulness, it may be that there are other things contributing to it. For example, the person who feels they have to be perfect may feel extra shame and guilt over a particular event even to the point of using it to "punish" themselves.

Here the cold light of truth can be used like a scalpel. If we cut away everything that is not true, we may be able to free ourselves from thoughts that return like a bad smell. Truth can indeed set one free. "Yes, I did it, I am sorry, I Iried to make amends. I have resolved not to do it again". What more can be done?
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
Guilt and shame can be useful up to a point. These emotions can bring us to apologize, make restitution, or learn. They may also be tapped into to firm our resolve not to make a particular mistake again. However, there is a point where everything useful has been extracted and the time to move forward comes.

Just as a person should not live his whole life thinking how great he is because he won a spelling bee in fourth grade, We should not exaggerate those negative things we have done. If we hold on to guilt and shame beyond their usefulness, it may be that there are other things contributing to it. For example, the person who feels they have to be perfect may feel extra shame and guilt over a particular event even to the point of using it to "punish" themselves.

Here the cold light of truth can be used like a scalpel. If we cut away everything that is not true, we may be able to free ourselves from thoughts that return like a bad smell. Truth can indeed set one free. "Yes, I did it, I am sorry, I Iried to make amends. I have resolved not to do it again". What more can be done?
I know you're right. Toxic shame and guilt are absolutely a thing. But it's so deep rooted that logic won't lessen the feelings. Talking things over doesn't help. It's just...really painful, I guess.

Sometimes I wonder if something more abstract like metacognitive therapy would be more beneficial than standard CBT.
 
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Nem

Nem

Drs suck mega ass!
Sep 3, 2018
1,489
Th me guilt and shame is a killer without a doubt, sorry to hear. I haven't found many good ways to deal with it myself, it's tough to have it around
Peace/hugs❤️
 
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timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,121
Sometimes I wonder if something more abstract like metacognitive therapy would be more beneficial than standard CBT.

If logic and rational have proven inadequate to beat back negative thoughts, you might consider something that sounds rather simplistic. If a specific event or situation comes to remembrance and triggers excessive guilt and shame, you might make a ritual of a response such as saying mentally to yourself, "depart unwanted thoughts" repeating it three times. I know it sounds sort of foolish, but it can create an active participative role whereby you assume a degree of control both in determining the merit of the thought and resistance to it.

These sort of management rituals can work to reassert a degree of control in situations where you feel helpless.
 
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Fizzel87

Member
Mar 1, 2020
38
Keep myself to myself, let it build up. Then inevitably meltdown and make the (probably) wrong decision lol.
 
D

Despairing

Student
Oct 25, 2019
136
Yea I can relate to this and its horrible. I get heart palpitations.
 
Nyxx33

Nyxx33

Member
May 8, 2020
94
I've come to realize feeling guilty and shameful can sometimes have the opposite affect and keep you from learning your lesson. Because if you identify yourself as bad person you're more likely to perpetuate that image than change. If you forgive yourself I think it allows more room for actual change.. some guilt is healthy but being shameful is a dangerous road.
 
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BitterlyAlive

BitterlyAlive

---
Apr 8, 2020
1,635
I've come to realize feeling guilty and shameful can sometimes have the opposite affect and keep you from learning your lesson. Because if you identify yourself as bad person you're more likely to perpetuate that image than change. If you forgive yourself I think it allows more room for actual change.. some guilt is healthy but being shameful is a dangerous road.
that's a really good point, thank you. I really do try to change. When things happen I try to think of what i learned so it doesn't happen again. But I can't shake the emotions no matter how illogical they are. I can learn from my mistakes but I feel like I deserve punishment.
Keep myself to myself, let it build up. Then inevitably meltdown and make the (probably) wrong decision lol.
The buildup and meltdowns are so relatable. It reminds me of my emotional flashbacks, where it happens but very very rapidly.
Yea I can relate to this and its horrible. I get heart palpitations.
Silly question, but do you also get rather cold when you're caught up in the guilt and shame?
 
GoodPersonEffed

GoodPersonEffed

Brevity is my middle name, but my name was TL
Jan 11, 2020
6,727
I don't try to manage them because by their nature they are unmanageable. I seek to dismantle them, because they are messages, and they're usually as invalid as they are invalidating.
 
F

Fedrea

Specialist
May 14, 2020
326
I've come to realize feeling guilty and shameful can sometimes have the opposite affect and keep you from learning your lesson. Because if you identify yourself as bad person you're more likely to perpetuate that image than change. If you forgive yourself I think it allows more room for actual change.. some guilt is healthy but being shameful is a dangerous road.
They say that guilt is one of the most useless emotions, next to jealousy. Enough guilt to remember not to do the wrong thing the second time is usually sufficient. But a depressed mind does not work like that.

One thing I'm really curious about is how much guilt and shame are causes of depression, and how much consequences of depression. A very depressed mind in a person with low self-esteem will sometimes seize on things to feel guilty about