Discussion How do you guys overcome the family/friends factor?

[iDieUDie80]

The closer (I think) come to acting, the more I think about the devastation my decision will potentially instill into some family members and a friend or two. How does everyone deal with this thought, or perhaps guilt? I know a suicide can really damage people close to them for the rest of their lives. I certainly don't want to transfer my depression to someone else.

 

[Saint-mal]

God I was struggling for a while but I don't have many and the one person who I know will be affected the most well. Ah, sounds dickish but I pretty much told her that suicide is in the near future for me and she was absolutely powerless to stop me. I'm sure some part of her doesn't believe me, but I could tell she knew it On some level. I wouldn't recommend that approach tbh if you haven't worn your friends down with many suicide attempts in the past

 

[falloutcarter13]

I just tell myself they'll be better off. "Normal" people don't believe in this...but I've seen situations where they actually *do* move on and *are* better off without the person, lol. I'll be one of those cases.

 

[iDieUDie80]

I just tell myself they'll be better off. "Normal" people don't believe in this...but I've seen situations where they actually *do* move on and *are* better off without the person, lol. I'll be one of those cases.

I think I hold down my family and friends a bit with my criminal status and probation restrictions. Any memories of the past are tainted and haunting, seeing where I am now, and any memories created now are simply fabricated happiness.

 

[rt1989526]

Few friends left. Family never really gave a fuck, they're all so happy and successful they'll move on quick.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I honestly just dont care how anyone will feel anymore.

 

[Stitch777]

I wouldn't care if any of them died so hopefully the feeling is mutual.

 

[Lupgevif]

I've been having an internal fight with these thoughts too. I can't tell they will be better off without me, because I know they won't; at least my mom and dad won't. My closest friends would hurt somehow too, though they have other friends to comfort them. Now, some relatives, I know they can get over fast, despite a suicide in the family being a novel shock. There is this closer group of relatives I know would suffer with my departure, but these I do believe they'd be better off without me, or rather, it would be irrelevant, they would miss me, but life would go on.

 

[ShaMD]

I think I hold down my family and friends a bit with my criminal status and probation restrictions. Any memories of the past are tainted and haunting, seeing where I am now, and any memories created now are simply fabricated happiness.

Very similar situation and it's difficult now to create any new positive experience in light of everything. My past literally follows me and it's made it impossible to move forward. I do feel bad about the effect it will likely have on my family and very few friends I have left, but I ultimately need to do what's best for me. I'm the one that has to continue living like this. Im a miserable human being to be around and honestly, taking me out would at least make it easier to answer some of the difficult questions that come up. Simply because people would just stop asking when I'm gone.

 

[Ghost2211]

Death is part of life. Friends/family will feel sad no matter how or when we die.

 

[Lupgevif]

Death is part of life. Friends/family will feel sad no matter how or when we die.

Obviously. But since suicide is your choice, some can't help feeling they are also choosing to make their family suffer. In theory, since you can avoid killing yourself, you could also avoid making your relatives suffer.

 

[Nemy]

I'm not even sure if they would even care. My family already knows I'm suicidal. Nothing would change really, if anything they probs be glad to get rid of me lol I know they're just tolerating me right know. They keep asking me when I'm going to get my shit together.

I never told my friends because none of them bother to ask. I wouldn't either, I'm not a great friend. They can always find other people. Unlike my family, they have a choice.

 

[TAW122]

I mostly have this factor solved because there isn't anyone in this world where I'm on best relations with, whether it is their fault or my fault. My behaviors, mannerisms, and attitudes towards life piss them off and likewise, I don't subscribe to their life philosophies and attitudes. That's just one aspect though. Another part is that eventually, they will all move on, as I've seen time and time again with deaths of loved ones, people they know, etc.

 

[Anthagonos]

The only person that could be affected is my mother. And I think she always wanted to destroy my life so...
She will be angry because she will feel alone when she is old. For the other aspects I think there wont be any problem.

 

[Sinai Silence]

Even if they don't see it themselves they are all better off without me. I think that is something people will just realise in time.

I'm already pretty good at it without trying but I try my best to distance myself from people I care about. Make as little contact with people as possible. Make every social interaction unmemorable and unenjoyable.

I'm trying my best not to hurt people. In the end I'm gonna hurt them regardless. It's just about trying to ease the pain, let them get on with their lives.

 

[lostangel]

The closer (I think) come to acting, the more I think about the devastation my decision will potentially instill into some family members and a friend or two. How does everyone deal with this thought, or perhaps guilt? I know a suicide can really damage people close to them for the rest of their lives. I certainly don't want to transfer my depression to someone else.

I can only speak for myself but I just don't care because they wouldn't help me so why should I care about them. They will have no mercy on me if I was a vegetable. You might have a different situation but you have to remember is that they are humans and will move on eventually. You can't control how much damage your death will do.

 

[Sarahlynn]

Unlike many here, I actually had a good childhood with a loving family. And it is tearing me apart that I have to do this to them, I know they will feel guilty and struggle afterwards.

I have always had the goal to wait until my parents are dead, but my situation has worsened so that is no longer an option. I try to distance myself from them, but one of my siblings are struggling these days, and he keep reaching out to me for support. I should cut him off, make him less dependent on me and love me less, but I just can't. I hate that I will have to put them through this cause they are all very good persons who have always been there for me. I am just so fucked up, and it is not enough unfortunately, I really wish it was.

I don't have any close friends anymore.

I think the best strategy is to push people away so that they are not depending on you and not used to having you around. But could be that I am wrong, I hope not.

 

[foxdie]

This is a thought that haunts me. I don't want to damage those who care for me yet I cannot go on. I wish I could make them understand...

 

[noname223]

I will postpone death as long as possible. I do not want to hurt my family and friends. I plan to cbt when my parents are dead. This will be in 20 years or something. So i will endure my torture because i try to woreship life.

 

[S7W5115A9H0]

Unlike many here, I actually had a good childhood with a loving family. And it is tearing me apart that I have to do this to them, I know they will feel guilty and struggle afterwards.

I have always had the goal to wait until my parents are dead, but my situation has worsened so that is no longer an option. I try to distance myself from them, but one of my siblings are struggling these days, and he keep reaching out to me for support. I should cut him off, make him less dependent on me and love me less, but I just can't. I hate that I will have to put them through this cause they are all very good persons who have always been there for me. I am just so fucked up, and it is not enough unfortunately, I really wish it was.

I don't have any close friends anymore.

I think the best strategy is to push people away so that they are not depending on you and not used to having you around. But could be that I am wrong, I hope not.

I also have a loving family and friends and knowing I would hurt them is the only reason holding me back right now. However, rather than distancing myself from them, I want them to have good memory with me and by distancing I think you give them the feeling that they did something wrong and their suffering starts already before you are gone. That's why I want to appreciate every minute with them and tell them how much I value and love them when I am with them in the hope, that when I am gone, they don't feel guilty. I am still struggling how to go. Pretending to have an accident or making suicide obvious and writing everyone a very personal and explaining letter.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

At the point I became broken beyond repair, I also lost all true care for my entire family and friends. I feel like if any of them were gone I wouldn't care as much as I should. My mom was always such a positive force in my life but society (at least in California) has condemned her. She got fired from her previous job for "not being PC enough" which she didn't even understand because she immigrated here from Taiwan. She has many traditional views so as much as I'd like to support her, I can't even do so publicly because that just makes me a bigot in the eyes of my friends and the larger community. The older I get the more I start to agree with her, especially seeing my youngest sister on the side of my friends. It feels like as far as she's concerned, my mother could die just because she became an "Asian Karen". It broke my heart to see, but I guess I can't fight progress. I used to try to be good but when I realized that meant condemning my own mother I decided to just reject it all. My other younger sister is severely autistic and even though I provide most care for her like changing or feeding her, she constantly frustrates me with her habits which I know she can't control but that doesn't make them less annoying. Plus she would probably only marginally notice if I ever leave.

Like I said, almost all of my friends also mean very little to me as much as I enjoy hanging out with them. I fear I've become manipulative in just using them for reducing my own loneliness and the fact they disagree with me on so many fundamental things makes me realize how truly alone I am. I'm nice to them, but only so that they act nice to me. I don't actually care about their feelings to the point where if I were to write a will I genuinely have no clue who deserves the few things I'd leave behind.

 

[softfuzzyman]

The only one that really concerns me is that my little brother who is also mentally ill will also CTB in response. Not that I'd be enough of a hypocrite to say oh I can do it but he can't... but I don't want my actions to push someone to do it who otherwise might not have arrived to that point on their own. His issues are a lot more responsive to treatment, he's a lot younger, he has more potential and support and drive, etc, I'm pro-choice and would never say someone can't or shouldn't do what they feel is best, but the thought of directly causing someone else to do it to is still personally painful, so idk, I hate the thought of that. The rest... well. They'll be messed up but the ones that I care about are all well established stable people who have support and resources and a safety net. They'll be fine. The thought of it torturing my abuser and making her feel guilty is kinda nice. She deserves it. The thing that sucks is knowing the caring parts of my family genuinely would be really messed up by my death but also knowing they won't do shit to help me while I'm here. They'd be like oh no you absolutely can't die but they don't even talk to me anyway and wouldn't lift a finger for me if I needed it so it's like ok but why. Why does it matter to you. Just on principle? It's lame... they don't really care about how much you suffer, just that you stay alive just because.

 

[Sarahlynn]

I also have a loving family and friends and knowing I would hurt them is the only reason holding me back right now. However, rather than distancing myself from them, I want them to have good memory with me and by distancing I think you give them the feeling that they did something wrong and their suffering starts already before you are gone. That's why I want to appreciate every minute with them and tell them how much I value and love them when I am with them in the hope, that when I am gone, they don't feel guilty. I am still struggling how to go. Pretending to have an accident or making suicide obvious and writing everyone a very personal and explaining letter.

Yeah, I see your point... I am in a very bad state at the moment though, and have daily panic attacks. Whenever I try to hang out, I always end up having severe anxiety, sometimes a full blown panic attack. And I don't want them to remember that side of me. And I worry that they will think it was obvious, they should have done something. But there is nothing they can do, my mental health is so screwed, even the professionals can't fix me. If I had been able to have fun and make good memories, I might have chosen your approach, but right now I think it's better for everyone that I keep a distance. It might be the wrong approach, I tend to screw up all things good, so hard to say.

I would have liked to make it look like an accident, but if it is found out that it wasn't, I think it will be worse than a clear suicide with a note. For people who have experienced suicides that I have read about, the note seems to bring some form of closure, that I think is healthy. And I can tell them that it is not their fault, I can switch the blame to the rightful instances; myself and a fucked up healthcare system. As I will soon no longer be able to support myself, that will be a "valid reason" that they can be angry at, rather than themselves.

 

[muffin222]

I've just accepted it as an unavoidable part of the program if I ever decide to go through with it

 

[Deleted member 17949]

For me I overcame it naturally as stress got too much to manage. I find myself caring less and less for the effect of my suicide on others as I get more uncomfortable myself.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I don't feel any guilt or misgivings about it because in my opinion suicide is more than justified, given how much suffering there is in the world. Not only that, but also I'm not close to any of my family and I don't really have any friends either.

 

[glittergore]

I used to agonize over this, but ultimately came to the realization that you have to take care of yourself, first and foremost. For example, if a close friend of mine told me, "I really want to help this person, but in order to do that, I have to cut off my arm." I would with swiftness and urgency tell them to absolutely not do that, to look after themselves and their own interests. There's a saying I heard once that goes something like, "You can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." With that in mind, do what's best for you. It's your life or your death; that's what should be most precious to you. Some may call this selfish, I call it self-love. I don't have many people in my life, but the ones that are in my life love me dearly, and I hope they can one day grow to understand this concept.

 

[francisgone]

The closer (I think) come to acting, the more I think about the devastation my decision will potentially instill into some family members and a friend or two. How does everyone deal with this thought, or perhaps guilt? I know a suicide can really damage people close to them for the rest of their lives. I certainly don't want to transfer my depression to someone else.

I came to the conclusion that stepping of is the best way I can look after the people I care for

 

[asdasan]

the matter becomes easy when they're the very cause that leads you to it

 

[Homecoming]

the matter becomes easy when they're the very cause that leads you to it

Agree 100%