How do you guys get things done?

[Hope:-)]

How do you guys get things done whilst suicidal? Particularly interested in people who are going through meds withdrawals, (I am,) or some other adversity as well. I swear I have to get it together a bit or I'm going to end up street homeless. That's not an exaggeration. I'm not getting the basics done. I'm neglecting bills. I don't want to accept my current life and what happened so I don't engage with it. I feel like s@@@ due to the medication as well as it's withdrawals. How do you guys maintain a life? Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

 

[Lonerzepam]

How do you guys get things done whilst suicidal? Particularly interested in people who are going through meds withdrawals, (I am,) or some other adversity as well. I swear I have to get it together a bit or I'm going to end up street homeless. That's not an exaggeration. I'm not getting the basics done. I'm neglecting bills. I don't want to accept my current life and what happened so I don't engage with it. I feel like s@@@ due to the medication as well as it's withdrawals. How do you guys maintain a life? Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

I don't really have a life anymore that's why i'll ctb soon. Currently also benzo withdrawal. My parents manage everything for me at this point. My biggest achievment today was walking my dog for a few meters. I always think about my past and problems although it does nothing but make it worse. As for feelings I don't feel anything anymore I'm completely numb due to medication, drug abuse, my past, my present just everything. I don't even look at people anymore when they walk by cuz I don't want to be constantly reminded of the fact that they have a life and I'm 21 and planning on ending my life. Sry for vent I hope it answered ur question anyways

 

[GoForDeath]

I am having this exact issue right now and I might lose my job because of it. I wish I had an answer for you, but at the end of the day you just need to push yourself to do it.

 

[Angi]

I feel you. I am also struggling with this at the moment. Sometimes eating helps. And I always hope that the stretches of this will be short enough so they do not put me into a particularily bad position.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I don't get anything done… I feel no motivation to do anything

 

[Julgran]

How do you guys get things done whilst suicidal? Particularly interested in people who are going through meds withdrawals, (I am,) or some other adversity as well. I swear I have to get it together a bit or I'm going to end up street homeless. That's not an exaggeration. I'm not getting the basics done. I'm neglecting bills. I don't want to accept my current life and what happened so I don't engage with it. I feel like s@@@ due to the medication as well as it's withdrawals. How do you guys maintain a life? Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

There's a quote that says "Where there's a will, there's a way". This means that you can accomplish things if you have a genuine reason to. However, it can be particularly hard to achieve anything in life while one is suicidal.

Personally, I just started going to the gym again, but the suicidality is always at the back of my head, which continually asks me "I may end my life soon, so why do I even try getting into shape..?" - it's like trying to drive something with a bike or car, but you are stepping on the breaks all the time...

I believe that the quote above is easier to implement into one's life if someone has something external from oneself to live for - such as a family or for religious reasons.

 

[Hope:-)]

It's scary when you could honestly become street homeless. That is a legitimate and not unrealistic fear in my life.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It's scary when you could honestly become street homeless. That is a legitimate and not unrealistic fear in my life.

It's definitely in my future but I have a strange way of blocking things out and pretending they're not happening… Seems to be a theme

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

I just try and do it I guess, with looking forward to getting super drunk every night. Which I know doesnt help in the long run, but fuck it. Sucks you are feeling withdrawals from meds, that always sucks. When I got off Cymbalta it made me go mad for a week or so. Hopefully your withdrawals wear off soon.

Edit: also hopefully you get your stuff together and figure things out for your own benefit

 

[rationaltake]

I do pretty much nothing. I set up direct debits for bills years ago when I had a life so the bills automatically get paid. I understand your fear of homelessness. If it all seems too much is there someone on the hostel staff who could help you sort out the bills? I know you said they pretty much ignore you but maybe they could do something useful for once?

 

[Hope:-)]

I do pretty much nothing. I set up direct debits for bills years ago when I had a life so the bills automatically get paid. I understand your fear of homelessness. If it all seems too much is there someone in the hostel who could help you sort out the bills? I know you said they pretty much ignore you but it maybe they could do something useful for once?

They say they'll help but stuff never gets done. :-/ x

 

[Karakhitan]

I have a job but I'm really struggling. I might get fired because I have no motivation to do it, and I want to quit anyways. have some savings that could help for a few years (or a few months with inflation lol). Can't wait to be done with all of this shit. I have no desire to keep living.

 

[rationaltake]

They say they'll help but stuff never gets done. :-/ x

I know what it's like.

 

[PinkFlower]

How do you guys get things done whilst suicidal? Particularly interested in people who are going through meds withdrawals, (I am,) or some other adversity as well. I swear I have to get it together a bit or I'm going to end up street homeless. That's not an exaggeration. I'm not getting the basics done. I'm neglecting bills. I don't want to accept my current life and what happened so I don't engage with it. I feel like s@@@ due to the medication as well as it's withdrawals. How do you guys maintain a life? Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

I just want people to have good memories of me, after being a burden for so much I decided to actively mask how I'm feeling and what I'm planning. To do so I had to keep up with the work. It is making things worse for me, if I had a chance to change my mind now it is really fading away 100%.
I also cared a lot about university and since I'll be dead before graduating I decided to at least finish my exams, trying to do my best.
So basically is 50% guilt and 50% me desperately wanting to feel a little less of a failure

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Speed from the darknet. Grateful for my ex for introducing me to the stuff. Wouldn't have a well paying job or my own apartment with it. Imagine I'll be doing more of it than usual over the next few months.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't do a lot, but if there are things that I feel a need to do I just force myself to do them. I really dislike experiencing life and doing repetitive tasks all for no real purpose. Everything makes me feel tired, as long as I exist I will never not feel tired. There really is no point to it all, we are just distracting ourselves until we eventually die. I'm tired of being trapped inside this prison of a human body. There's no escape or relief from ourselves and our lives until we die.

 

[Smart No More]

Speed from the darknet. Grateful for my ex for introducing me to the stuff. Wouldn't have a well paying job or my own apartment with it. Imagine I'll be doing more of it than usual over the next few months.

Ha. I used to love speed but don't you find the come down hellish? I was alright for a good while but as I got older and the come downs got worse and worse I found the up wasn't worth the down. In fact the down massively outweighed any benefits.

In recent years I've been tempted to aquire and try some different stimulants from the pharmaceutical market. Ritalin perhaps. But honestly I expect the same issue to crop up and my health is too poor for it I think. I'd probably end up catching the bus to get away from the come down. I guess having a bit of H on hand could improve the come down symptoms but that's not ideal really. Definitely works though in my experience. It's like come down cure magic!


@Hope:-) I totally know how you feel. It's really foreboding. The expectations people have of you are disproportionate to your capacity too and that makes things even harder, making you feel helpless as well as useless. I think we kind of hit a point where we're too much work for anyone to be inclined to do the working out in order to help us. Plus they naivety and indoctrination into the common (flawed) consensus of how to interpret people displaying distress all gets in the way. Really makes you feel alone amongst a crowd and plays havok with your self confidence if you're not completely staunch in your self belief. It's a thing nobody really understands until they find themselves in it. I don't like to wish ill on people but I do find myself really wishing I could just share the wholeness of it with the relevant people for just 24hrs. Wouldn't that solve so much!? If they could really just understand unequivocally!

 

[ManicPanic2018]

Ha. I used to love speed but don't you find the come down hellish? I was alright for a good while but as I got older and the come downs got worse and worse I found the up wasn't worth the down. In fact the down massively outweighed any benefits.

I found it manageable as long as I didn't push it too far. At the hardest of my use I was doing about 5 pills a week at about 0.15-0.2 grams each. Compared to some stories I read of people getting through about a gram in a day and staying up for multi day long binges, it really didn't lead to many bad comedowns.

 

[Littlewittlelight]

I don't really have a life anymore that's why i'll ctb soon. Currently also benzo withdrawal. My parents manage everything for me at this point. My biggest achievment today was walking my dog for a few meters. I always think about my past and problems although it does nothing but make it worse. As for feelings I don't feel anything anymore I'm completely numb due to medication, drug abuse, my past, my present just everything. I don't even look at people anymore when they walk by cuz I don't want to be constantly reminded of the fact that they have a life and I'm 21 and planning on ending my life. Sry for vent I hope it answered ur question anyways

I am 20 and I am in the same situation.

I just want people to have good memories of me, after being a burden for so much I decided to actively mask how I'm feeling and what I'm planning. To do so I had to keep up with the work. It is making things worse for me, if I had a chance to change my mind now it is really fading away 100%.
I also cared a lot about university and since I'll be dead before graduating I decided to at least finish my exams, trying to do my best.
So basically is 50% guilt and 50% me desperately wanting to feel a little less of a failure

I am doing the same really I felt obliged to do better these days not sure if I will cbt but I could relate when you said it cause these feelings to fade away instead. Not for me at the moment because I am doing as much as the guy who took his dog on a walk today man I can relate but to your answer If I do try hard I feel more content and it sucks I give up on feeling or thinking about leaving this world which sucks because one day it would worsen again or sth because I did it under pressure till now I felt obliged like I owe someone except for a couple things I liked to do I can just relate even not them because I didn't always like them. These things really suck and fucking don't work now I am doing as much and hurting myself to keep me on the edge later and fucking worsen it because I have been such a burden and I am 20.

I just want people to have good memories of me, after being a burden for so much I decided to actively mask how I'm feeling and what I'm planning. To do so I had to keep up with the work. It is making things worse for me, if I had a chance to change my mind now it is really fading away 100%.
I also cared a lot about university and since I'll be dead before graduating I decided to at least finish my exams, trying to do my best.
So basically is 50% guilt and 50% me desperately wanting to feel a little less of a failure

I wonder how these people came this far it looks like a nightmare to me I am already breaking something but I still don't know what will happen if I will CBT or live but I know one thing I am going out of control sometimes. I really respect these people and their will how they bore the shit in life. This place can really be so hard to live in sometimes without feeling worthless or something else every other day.

 

[Smart No More]

I found it manageable as long as I didn't push it too far. At the hardest of my use I was doing about 5 pills a week at about 0.15-0.2 grams each. Compared to some stories I read of people getting through about a gram in a day and staying up for multi day long binges, it really didn't lead to many bad comedowns.

I've never come across speed in pill form. It was always powder or paste for me. In all honesty I was definitely doing it in higher doses the 0.2g so perhaps my come downs were somewhat deserved lol. Pretty sure I did around 15 pills of mdma in a night during my partying days. I don't actually remember that resulting in a particularly bad come down but I was using H as a remedy at the time. But yeah, the powder and paste would really leave me feeling rotten. Must have been taking bare minimum of half a gram though. Upto a 16th of an Oz I think. Its been a long time. I can see how in lower doses like you mention, it could be more functional. Not sure why that never crossed my mind.

How does it effect your ability to sleep on those doses? I'm guessing you take it early in the day and aim for it to be worn off by night?

 

[ManicPanic2018]

I've never come across speed in pill form. It was always powder or paste for me. In all honesty I was definitely doing it in higher doses the 0.2g so perhaps my come downs were somewhat deserved lol. Pretty sure I did around 15 pills of mdma in a night during my partying days. I don't actually remember that resulting in a particularly bad come down but I was using H as a remedy at the time. But yeah, the powder and paste would really leave me feeling rotten. Must have been taking bare minimum of half a gram though. Upto a 16th of an Oz I think. Its been a long time. I can see how in lower doses like you mention, it could be more functional. Not sure why that never crossed my mind.

How does it effect your ability to sleep on those doses? I'm guessing you take it early in the day and aim for it to be worn off by night?

Oh sorry when I say pills I just mean I made pills of powder / paste with empty capsules off amazon. Could never do lines, they make me feel sick and never feel as strong as bombing it.

Sleep was never too big of an issue with regular use. If it ever was I'd just smoke a joint or two and I'd be out for the most part. But I took it early in the day, yes. Still drop it every now and then to add a bit more excitement to the work day haha.

Fuck me though, 15 mdma pills in a night, I'm not sure I could survive that xD

 

[Lost Magic]

I am lucky enough to do all my shopping and pay the bills online. Other than that I am almost always suicidal depressed.

 

[Jupit3rs]

I wish i knew how I do it... i guess i like to be comfortable, so i just do what i have to do, i don't feel much. I'm sort of a machine or robot just going through life...

 

[Smart No More]

Oh sorry when I say pills I just mean I made pills of powder / paste with empty capsules off amazon. Could never do lines, they make me feel sick and never feel as strong as bombing it.

Sleep was never too big of an issue with regular use. If it ever was I'd just smoke a joint or two and I'd be out for the most part. But I took it early in the day, yes. Still drop it every now and then to add a bit more excitement to the work day haha.

Fuck me though, 15 mdma pills in a night, I'm not sure I could survive that xD

Ah, that makes sense. We used to just put it in a rizla and bomb it. Lines weren't for me either. Taste horrid too.

Might actually get some gel caps and a bit of whizz and see if I get some stuff done one of the days. I'm really curious about ritalin and stuff though. Kid meth right? Not sure I want to go down that route but could really do with some energy and better cognition so maybe I'll try it. Not sure it'a a great idea for @Hope:-) but if it helps then why not. Bit tough in a hostel environment though cos you can't always get privacy when you need it and you're scrutinised something crazy.

Whilst I definitely used to go a bit mad on the doses I don't think the 15 pills could have been particularly potent. Christmas trees, they were called. Doesn't mean much these days as everyone and their dog has a pill presser.

 

[Mr2005]

I think about it all the time whilst trying to juggle a relationship that demands I do it. I find it really difficult but if I left I better be sure I'm killing myself because I wouldn't be able to look after myself and I wouldn't have any reason to

 

[allblackallwhite]

Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

Pretty much. I just live completely in the moment. When I have to stop, usually at night, and the feelings catch up I come here and/or work on my COGen. Hopefully I'll be gone within a week or two, future stuff just doesn't bother me at all at this point. Every now and then I'll despair about the recent past but then I remind myself I won't have to deal with it here soon.

 

[brokensea]

How do you guys get things done whilst suicidal? Particularly interested in people who are going through meds withdrawals, (I am,) or some other adversity as well. I swear I have to get it together a bit or I'm going to end up street homeless. That's not an exaggeration. I'm not getting the basics done. I'm neglecting bills. I don't want to accept my current life and what happened so I don't engage with it. I feel like s@@@ due to the medication as well as it's withdrawals. How do you guys maintain a life? Do you just never think about your feelings or problems or the past?

I needed to clean my kitchen so I planned to clean maybe 1/8th of the kitchen a day. A small section. Some days I couldn't get up to even do that. It took me over 2 weeks but the kitchen is clean now. I just try to make the task as small as possible cause it's hard to even get up anymore for anything.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I can understand what the OP is going through. I get it. I don't have the energy, desire, or will to do anything. Nothing matters anymore. I'm trying to get a few, last things done and take care of them before I ctb. I thought I could get more done, but there just isn't any drive in me. Some things I must get done, and will, but it will take longer than I anticipated. My best weapon against the apathy and tiredness is just to keep my eye on the prize, which is when I'll be able to go knowing I've done everything I could and needed to. Some days are better than others, but not by much. Everything is just a chore.

 

[want2dienow]

i just do , sometimes without even knowing.
my suicidal doesn't affect my routine, hygiene, organization or any of the sort.

 

[BGooG]

Generally, I can function at work, and if fact, I have to. If I don't function I screw up lots of other people's careers. I might not care about whether I live or die, but I don't want my internal hell to mess up someone else's life. But then some days I literally just sit at my desk with my head on the desk and my eyes closed. For hours. Or from meeting to meeting. Those are days I pray for a car accident on the way home.