How do you guys deal with toxic parents ?

[StillWaiting]

Does anyone have parents who constantly talk about how bad you are and etc?

I know people will say just ignore it but it has been like this for my whole life. I can't just get over with it.

It is even worst when I don't have friends to talk about it. Maybe my mother is right about how shitty I am till the point I don't have friends.

Is it even possible to deal with it without anyone's help?

 

[BPD Barbie]

I did when I lived at home with them, they were also my sexual abusers. Even now to a certain extent they are quick to say how much of bad person I have been and rarely focus on the good things I've done. They know how to push my buttons and get a rise out of me, make snide comments like 'are you in the bathroom cutting yourself again'. As soon as I moved out it got better and I limit how often I see them and how much communication I have with them, it's always on my terms when I do communicate with them. That's the best advice I can give. I wouldn't tell you to cut them off, they're you're parents and it's easy to say but hard to do.

 

[StillWaiting]

I did when I lived at home with them, they were also my sexual abusers. Even now to a certain extent they are quick to say how much of bad person I have been and rarely focus on the good things I've done. They know how to push my buttons and get a rise out of me, make snide comments like 'are you in the bathroom cutting yourself again'. As soon as I moved out it got better and I limit how often I see them and how much communication I have with them, it's always on my terms when I do communicate with them. That's the best advice I can give. I wouldn't tell you to cut them off, they're you're parents and it's easy to say but hard to do.

Sadly my parents are quite obsessive in a way that they insist of contacting one another everyday even if I go overseas for a trip.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Sadly my parents are quite obsessive in a way that they insist of contacting one another everyday even if I go overseas for a trip.

The thing is, it's up to you if you answer the call or the message. Leave it a few hours, communicate on your terms, reply when you feel you want to. Break that chain for yourself.

 

[Jean4]

Yes. I am 51. My whole life. It stops when they die. Remember. It isn't you. You also can choose your friends, not your family.

I know, if I had a choice, I wouldn't have chosen my family. However, one has no option.

If it is of any consolation, I think you are great, and I am sure I speak for everyone here.

 

[Finis Autem Spero]

Unless you're dependant on them, there's nothing stopping you from just cutting them out of your life.

Haven't spoken to my mother in years and it's been great.

 

[Flau]

At the moment I have to live with my family. Toxic sisters, psycho father and hysterical mother. They talk behind my back, calling me a vegetable, a zombie glued to my pc, a fat idiot, and so on. All I actually did this year... I stopped doing their bidding. They treated me like a slave. Cleaning all day long till 2-3am, waking up with my mother yelling: "WAKE THE F#CK UP", quarreling with sister, babysitting, fighting with my drunk and drugged father.
I just decided to fight them until they leave me alone. They keep making jokes out me, laughing when I'm crying, telling everyone else how bad I am but for all I care... I'm just sort of glad that at least I'm not wasting my life on cleaning each day.
Welp, all it took me is... starvation, lost nerves, days of crying, some bruises, broken relationships with other siblings and I guess... my freedom. Now they just keep me locked in our apartment. I can't go out.

 

[Flume]

If you live at home then you need a third person as a middle man. Dealing with it yourself is very hard unless you can you can move out... that's my experience anyway.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

my mother is a narcissistic bitch, my dear father passed on in 2001, he escaped her and her evil ways in early 80's though. I try to cut my mother out but damn she pulls me back, I fucking hate her!

 

[Life sucks]

I try to minimize connections with everyone including them. One of the most toxic people I've seen and much narcissistic. I was planning to get out but due to certain circumstances and mental problems I couldn't and I'm stuck. They just don't let me at peace and try to meddle in everything and be invasive. They ruined my life thats already ruined from the beginning and after being adult they start to mention natalist bs and want to make the same loop and want to throw you in a hell. However, as I'm minimizing contact with everyone, it helped much because it appears like a personal trait and I give them no exception. They're still annoying as fuck.

All of this and not only them but humans generally proves how humans have animalistic roots, no deduction at all, repeating same platitudes and stuff, unable to understand anything out of their bubbles. Pretending to care while not and the only concern is to continue stupid species nonsense no matter what. I don't mean it as an insult but I fucking hate it when I talk and see abusive animalistic biological robots. There is no hope or anything, programmed creatures that continue the shit humanity made.

Although now is hell also but now as adult its better as I can defend myself somehow and can minimize interactions and find solutions. When I was a child it was a fucking nightmare and abuse of those parents to the degree of escaping routinely to teachers that abused me sexually.

 

[noctiva]

I had enough after 28 years and cut them out. Best decision I have made, h that is when my life actually started, when I started to discovery who I am, what I like. Before my mother always told me who I am and what I like, turns out, she actually had no clue about that.
I can highly recommend cutting your parents out of your life if they are toxic!

 

[Pan]

my mother is a narcissistic bitch, my dear father passed on in 2001, he escaped her and her evil ways in early 80's though. I try to cut my mother out but damn she pulls me back, I fucking hate her!

I hear you word of word; I am fond of calling my mother the gorgon.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I hear you word of word; I am fond of calling my mother the gorgon.

I just use mine now for everything I can bleed her for, it's not much but helps!!!

 

[Pan]

I agree wholeheartedly; suck the bitch dry. Give Her a taste.of her own vampirism. It may not help, but remember, if you will, what a nurse said to me when I was in hospital—-"she owes you, getwhat you can from her." Suck her dry, as she sucked you dry. Remember: you have a right!




taste of her own vampirism

 

[netrezven]

I stoped sharing anything with them. Limited my contacts with them. Few weeks ago my mother tried to bring a fight, with the idea to make me talk. I haven't shared anything about me in years. So i simply apologized to her, meet her on person and pulled all the lies she needed to hear. I have many reasons for being cold to her, but the kids love her and i couldn't allow my past to destroy their relationship. Now our relations look and feel perfect on the surface. Keeping them on a large distance from my life saved me and my comfort. Keeping everyone in a distance has always been the best way for me actually. I can't fully trust people and specialy when they show unremarkable signs of stupidity.

 

[FrailPaleStaleMaleSS]

I think toxic is an understatement

 

[Final Escape]

It's really sad how common it is for parents to destroy the lives and future potential of their kids. Parents abuse because they know they can get away with it, there's little social ostracism from the community, there's often no community oversight nowadays. They simply don't know or care how to parent and don't care what environment they are creating or bringing their kids into. I'm sure this became worse after the responsibility to raise kids was handed over to the state for many people especially in the working class. When the high costs of shit parenting accrued directly to the parents they might be more concerned if they are doing right by the child, but now other tax slaves pay for it if your kid grows up to be a criminal or unable to function. The kids of these dysfunctional homes, end up on disability, welfare, homeless, psychiatric facility, or in prison.

 

[Pan]

Icouldn't agree more; thanx to Alice Miller, the German Bundestag deemed any form of child abuse a crime.

 

[StillWaiting]

It's really sad how common it is for parents to destroy the lives and future potential of their kids. Parents abuse because they know they can get away with it, there's little social ostracism from the community, there's often no community oversight nowadays. They simply don't know or care how to parent and don't care what environment they are creating or bringing their kids into. I'm sure this became worse after the responsibility to raise kids was handed over to the state for many people especially in the working class. When the high costs of shit parenting accrued directly to the parents they might be more concerned if they are doing right by the child, but now other tax slaves pay for it if your kid grows up to be a criminal or unable to function. The kids of these dysfunctional homes, end up on disability, welfare, homeless, psychiatric facility, or in prison.

It's really sad to know that you can't do much when your parents are believe they own you and expect you do whatever they want just because they are the ones who bring them to this world. It is even worse that parents see their children as an retirement investment and they don't even care about what their kids feel about anything.

 

[Mr2005]

I have very little to do with them. My mum insists on seeing me and it makes me want to kill myself