Help how do you get over the guilt of leaving family behind?

[wishingonstars]

I am stuck on this. I had a moment of clarity just now, I have been trying to get better but I think I am done. I want to know how people get over the guilt of what leaving does to the people still alive? If you have close family and/or friends how do you you justify the pain you will cause? Particularly anyone who has a sibling especially younger they are close with. There are many people who I think could spiral from the result of me ctb but I have a younger sibling who is just starting college and has a very bright future and I am worried they will drop out and become depressed. I also have a few close friends who don't have great mental health and I'm worried worried I could cause them to ctb or really spiral badly. This is what I always get stuck on. The first time I made a plan I was 8 and didn't go through with it due to wanting to stay to protect my sibling and the guilt of the devastation killing myself would cause has held me back since then. There has definitely been good months or years in the time since then but it always comes back to this. I just want it to be over. I just need a way to justify the pain I am taking away being less than the pain I will cause.

 

[Leyna]

I am extremely afraid of what it'll do to my parents and is the main reason I haven't done it yet

 

[Fall_Apart]

I have the same problem. There's no way to solve it. In my case, I've decided to wait until my parents are gone; after they're gone, I'll be free to go too. Even though I can't give you a solution, I feel you.

 

[Jisatsu]

I remember that it doesn't matter for you because as soon as you die you are dead, if you still have emotional attachments to them faze them out go ... numb .

 

[Wanderer_Afraid]

Well, some people can sneak past that guilt by convincing themselves there's no other choice, and that there is only 1 path away from the pain they feel. This erases any guilt, as you can't feel guilt for a choice you can't make.

 

[PI3.14]

I was first suicidal in 2018, been so since then.

My mental health got worse and worse and it has completely ruined my life in every way possible.

I tried therapy and meds for 5 years, nothing worked. Eventually my psychiatrist diagnosed me with treatment resistant depression.

I also have anxiety since age 6 due to SA, also ADHD, CPTSD, BDD, and I'm autistic.

There is only so much my doctors could do to help me manage the plethora of mental illnesses/disorders I'm dealing with.

I did my part, I did seek treatment, for years, and it didn't help. What else am I supposed to do?

How does my family justify wanting me alive despite the pain I'm going through? From talking with my parents, I realized that they care more about their emotions, their image, their happiness, than they care about my suffering.

I don't want to suffer just so others don't, it's not fair. If they think my suffering is manageable with therapy and meds, then they can go ahead and seek treatment for their grief after I CTB.

 

[wishingonstars]

I have the same problem. There's no way to solve it. In my case, I've decided to wait until my parents are gone; after they're gone, I'll be free to go too. Even though I can't give you a solution, I feel you.

I wish I could do this, my mom is in her mid 40's (had me very young) so that'd be a long time to wait. I hope the time time you have to wait is too horrible and you find peace eventually.

 

[Fall_Apart]

I wish I could do this, my mom is in her mid 40's (had me very young) so that'd be a long time to wait. I hope the time time you have to wait is too horrible and you find peace eventually.

Thanks for your kind words My parents are in their 80s, which means I'm on my way. I hope you can find the best solution.

 

[metfan647]

I feel for those who have that extra burden of leaving loved ones behind.

I have a very small family with whom I barely speak. My mother tries to maintain some contact but truthfully, I just don't care enough about them to regard their feelings. She'd no doubt be distraught but I justify it with the fact that she's elderly and lived her life and there's a fair bit of unresolvable childhood trauma. My brother is a closed book. He's very stoic and barely expresses an opinion. He's a good guy but we're not so close so I can't possibly not carry this out for the sake of blood ties.

 

[wishingonstars]

I was first suicidal in 2018, been so since then.

My mental health got worse and worse and it has completely ruined my life in every way possible.

I tried therapy and meds for 5 years, nothing worked. Eventually my psychiatrist diagnosed me with treatment resistant depression.

I also have anxiety since age 6 due to SA, also ADHD, CPTSD, BDD, and I'm autistic.

There is only so much my doctors could do to help me manage the plethora of mental illnesses/disorders I'm dealing with.

I did my part, I did seek treatment, for years, and it didn't help. What else am I supposed to do?

How does my family justify wanting me alive despite the pain I'm going through? From talking with my parents, I realized that they care more about their emotions, their image, their happiness, than they care about my suffering.

I don't want to suffer just so others don't, it's not fair. If they think my suffering is manageable with therapy and meds, then they can go ahead and seek treatment for their grief after I CTB.

Your story reminds me so much of my own. Also experienced SA during my early childhood, anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADHD, autism. So many years of therapy, meds, etc. It's nice to come across someone with similar history.

I guess it's the opposite for me I think it's not fair to cause many people suffering to end my own. I'm glad you have that though, that reasoning makes a lot of sense especially with how uncaring it sounds like your parents are.

Well, some people can sneak past that guilt by convincing themselves there's no other choice, and that there is only 1 path away from the pain they feel. This erases any guilt, as you can't feel guilt for a choice you can't make.

I think this is the only way I might be able to get past it, thank you for your reply. It will take work to convince myself of that but I think I can get there. My life is beginning to fall apart so I think once I lose my job and such it will be easier because then I will become a burden to others.

 

[kopebaldy]

Ask the family to get over the guilt of keeping you suffering lol

 

[sorryimevenhere]

Just push past it, that what ive done in the past.

I wish you peace

 

[Off_Switch]

It's no different than dying from cancer or any other terminal illness. They just have to deal with it like millions of others have in the past.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

I just convince myself that they would be better off without me, but I know that's not a one size fits all solution. It really just depends on your situation

 

[deep-sleeper]

Nowadays I don't feel much guilt tbh, but mostly because my family has shown me that they don't actually care in the first place. My friends would be sad obviously, but would move on eventually

 

[Exhausted!]

I am stuck on this. I had a moment of clarity just now, I have been trying to get better but I think I am done. I want to know how people get over the guilt of what leaving does to the people still alive? If you have close family and/or friends how do you you justify the pain you will cause? Particularly anyone who has a sibling especially younger they are close with. There are many people who I think could spiral from the result of me ctb but I have a younger sibling who is just starting college and has a very bright future and I am worried they will drop out and become depressed. I also have a few close friends who don't have great mental health and I'm worried worried I could cause them to ctb or really spiral badly. This is what I always get stuck on. The first time I made a plan I was 8 and didn't go through with it due to wanting to stay to protect my sibling and the guilt of the devastation killing myself would cause has held me back since then. There has definitely been good months or years in the time since then but it always comes back to this. I just want it to be over. I just need a way to justify the pain I am taking away being less than the pain I will cause.

I wish I could help you. But unfortunately being someone who has been put through that pain this is also where I struggle. However, like you I'm ready. I'm thinking of leaving a note telling everyone just how much pain I was in and that I'm sorry for their pain.

 

[plan c]

I have to believe that emotionally they will go through a lot, but rationally and honestly their QoL will be much better without my presence. It's an inevitable fact that I don't have much time left; yet they will have much longer time than I do. They will spend their time crying, mourning for me, getting used to my absense, and move on.
I'm convinced that I don't decide to die. I don't even get to decide. This is just how things has end up to be for smone suffering from mental disability 10 years. Human always fall to time. We wear ourselves away. As it applies, what didn't kill me will eventually kill me. Yet still this is cruel, to unveil to them this reality.
It gets to me sometimes. Sometimes I hope they somehow hate me, so they won't be too drowned in their sorrow when I pass.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

By reminding myself that I have to die anyway. And that can happen at any time. Even if things were to actually get better in my life, I could die of a stroke. I could die in a traffic accident or road rage incident. I could get cancer. I could take a muscle relaxer with some wine and accidentally overdose. I could get food poisoning and die. Someone could be waiting in my home after the best day of my life and blow my brains out when I get there. I could die in my sleep of natural causes. I could die in any of the "human approved" ways. And those "loved ones" would have to deal with that. They'd have to deal with my unfinished affairs. My pet. My house. It's a reality that's GOING to happen.

So, if my life is irreparable, what is to be done inevitably should be done immediately. I'd have to deal with their stuff if they passed away. I'm not doing a shitty thing to them. I've made a well-thought-out decision for my life. I've handled my affairs to the best of my ability. I'm ready to go. I love them. I will cherish them. If there is anything after this, I hope to see them and hug them again in that space. But my life has ran its course. I've chosen to go by my own hand. I cannot help how they react, what they say, think, or do. As long as I've taken care of my business as best as I could, I feel no guilt about doing the inevitable. I'm pulling the trigger, and letting the chips fall where they may.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

when people tell me to think about my family, i just shrug it off. i had pretty meh parents growing up (was abused to shit by my older sister), but i really can't be bothered to care about how they'll feel once i'm dead. i won't be there to see their faces once i ctb, so what's the point?

besides, hardly any of my family believes i'm actually suicidal, so it's not like they've actually cared for me that much.

 

[RunDown]

I have a twin brother that I'm worried most about. I've made an end of life journal for him to remember me by. It will tough for him and my family for sure, but hopefully that can understand how much I'm suffering from obvious health problems. I've explained this in my journal as well as my guilt for leaving. In addition it has lots of accounts of happy memories, it expresses how much I love them, and it gives them access to my thoughts leading up to my death. I've written daily for about a month now. I want to add more but death is looming larger than life right now. Just like my journal, in life, you can only turn so many pages in before it's over. I hope that sharing my experience can help them come to terms with their own deaths many years from now. I can only hope this helps them. It's the only thing I can think of to help ease the pain of my passing. I want to leave them with as much of me as possible.

 

[FrustratedGirl]

There is only one person I feel truly sorry/guilty for: my mother. I worry about her and her manual health when I'm dead. No other person will be very sad for too long. But I can't torture myself 50+(?) more years for just one person. Eventually everyone who knew me will get used to me being dead.

 

[Macedonian1987]

My parents never really liked me because i am a disapointement to them in every possible way. And they are not mistaken, im really not good at anything because of two reasons: my chronic pain and my asperger's syndrome. They will be devastated when i die, but i cannot live much longer like this.

 

[deadmanwalking1990]

My parents are both gone but i still worry bout my other family members,i really wish all the afterlife bs is true,i wouldnt ask God for heaven if my dad is not there,my only wish would be to be with him again

My parents never really liked me because i am a disapointement to them in every possible way. And they are not mistaken, im really not good at anything because of two reasons: my chronic pain and my asperger's syndrome. They will be devastated when i die, but i cannot live much longer like this.

Im sorry brother ,i wish you all the best

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

I want to know how people get over the guilt of what leaving does to the people still alive? If you have close family and/or friends how do you you justify the pain you will cause?

You don't get over the guilt, that's the thing. However, you can reduce it by leaving a note, a gift, and ways to cope with suicide grieving. That's what I'm doing, by the way.

In regards of justification, it's simple: I don't think a person must live just for the sake of others. If you failed in achieving what you wanted, lost all hope, and don't want to stay here any longer, it's an individual decision.

 

[mjolnir]

The impact will always exist; unfortunately, we don't control how people will react to the departure. Whether or not having a goodbye makes the process less painful, I can't say, and I wonder about that too.