Ravel
tired
- Dec 13, 2021
- 144
You guys who have access to N, SN or another method how do you feel? tranquility? sadness?
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Ireallysuck999
Just me.
- Dec 27, 2022
- 36
disorder
Member
- Jan 10, 2023
- 35
ElfenLied
Aren't we all monsters inside?
- Jan 15, 2023
- 40
Ravel
tired
- Dec 13, 2021
- 144
I feel so much anxiety and despair. I feel trapped in this world. Every time I go outside it's a strange feeling, like I wasn't born for this world. It's all so ugly, noisy, stressful. I just wish there was the option to ctb whenever I want peacefully and quickly. It would bring so much relief to me I've been living with this anxiety my whole life. This feeling of being trapped in this chaotic, crazy world is scary
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lyles
Student
- Oct 13, 2021
- 142
It is such a deep relief. Genuinely makes me feel safer and better about living.
Relief--It would take less than 1 minute for me to start the CTB process
RainAndSadness
Administrator
- Jun 12, 2018
- 2,181
I'm one of those people who have a peaceful way out. I had it for years. I feel at peace, knowing I can end my life peacefully when I'm ready to leave. It makes me feel invincible to the horrible and unpredictable nature of life. No matter what pain I had to endure in my life and it's a lot given I'm trans and I've been diagnosed with a long list of mental health conditions on top of that but I know that I will at least have an happy end on my own terms. And not that many people have that privilege. I didn't have a choice when I was born into this world or what happened to me in my life but at least I can decide when it's enough. I'll be the one who puts an end to my traumatic experience in this world. I have control now. And as someone who struggled their entire life, that's comforting. I'm not trapped anymore in this horrible, dystopian world. And that's definitely a big middle finger to this universe, for sure.
blueming
if we can stand outside the borders of time
- Sep 21, 2018
- 258
Like the users above said, it's a huge relief knowing that I have a peaceful way out of this hell whenever I'm ready. I do also feel slightly anxious because it's all very real now and no longer simply just plans - that being said, the comfort and peace it brings me greatly exceeds any anxiety.
asterisk3
gone
- Jan 5, 2023
- 64
I feel "strong". Capable. Like I've achieved something great that few can. I do wish better options like N were available officially though. As much as the idea of state-assisted suicide seems absurd and wrong to me instead of fixing deep rooted issues that make some of us suicidal in the first place, at this point I just want to die man.
I won't have friends and family to help me through this and rewire my brain.
I won't have enough positive reinforcement after a lifetime of being ostracized and having internalized terrible things and crafted my own talking demons inside my mind.
So there's that, and it's over. So I just want to die.
But I feel lucky I have my method. The voices are a bit quieter knowing I have it. They were worse without it, this way they're more satisfied.
I won't have friends and family to help me through this and rewire my brain.
I won't have enough positive reinforcement after a lifetime of being ostracized and having internalized terrible things and crafted my own talking demons inside my mind.
So there's that, and it's over. So I just want to die.
But I feel lucky I have my method. The voices are a bit quieter knowing I have it. They were worse without it, this way they're more satisfied.
escaped
Member
- Dec 20, 2022
- 31
I have my entire SN protocol ready and I feel more relaxed. Otherwise not much different
its-about-time
nope
- Mar 19, 2022
- 807
It made me feel like I was doing everything for the first time again. Excited, peaceful, mindful, present. It was great. Really took advantage of that good mood. The things that previously bothered me so much meant nothing anymore, nothing mattered. It felt amazing.
Shouldn't have gotten rid of my methods. Working on obtaining one again.
Shouldn't have gotten rid of my methods. Working on obtaining one again.
botch3d
Student
- Sep 17, 2022
- 112
vultureilse
ready to go, just waiting for the right time!
- Dec 31, 2022
- 144
i was planning on doing partial, the feeling that im able to leave when it gets bad was really calming. i tried doing it a few days ago when i felt ready but it ended up not working so now i just feel so anxious and trapped. i dont have access to any other method and probably wont for a while and its absolutely awful
wanting to leave but not being able to is unbearable
wanting to leave but not being able to is unbearable
LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
Still can't go any time I want.
Unless I wish to abandon all final plans and preparations, which would make my already dragged out timeline even more of a waste.
Really wish I had a button to take care of all that (and death itself) so I could just end things immediately.
I am too miserable to feel any relief like others suggest..cannot at all relate to those who find so much peace in their method that they actually feel less averse to life once in possession of it.
My awful circumstances are still the same.
I'm still suffering every moment.
I'm just glad I got my SN before it became so much more difficult to acquire.
Now my main worry is using it before the shelf life expires.
Yea I am still worried about that myself.
Nothing is a guarantee.
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hellispink
poisonous
- May 26, 2022
- 1,229
I don't feel any relief no fear. I just don't feel nothing. I guess i could say i feel in the safe side knowing i have it there for when i need it
relief. when i figured out how to do partial it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because i have a way out
Relief now that I have SN but also holding out for a miracle now that I don't actually have to use it.
Inferno
Member
- Jan 9, 2023
- 79
It feels comforting to know I have control over my death and have the option to choose.
I'd give everything to feel like that. I tried to get N from D and was rejected due "suspicious transaction". Now I feel like life can have her way with me and there is nothing I can do about it.
Unfortunately, i don't have the ability to peacefully die. If I have this ability, I will probably feel comfortable and relieved.
Relief that I have it but frustration that I don't feel like I can use it till my Dad goes first.
Think maybe I'm just kidding myself that it's going to be easy though. I've never actually attempted before.
Think maybe I'm just kidding myself that it's going to be easy though. I've never actually attempted before.
ikadasui
Arcanist
- May 29, 2018
- 464
Owning a gun I can say it at least gives me some sense of calm. I had to give one up awhile back, and it was a miserable and I truly mean MISERABLE time without a reliable method on hand, as I genuinely felt trapped and powerless. I can never go back to that
Gustav Hartmann
Enlightened
- Aug 28, 2021
- 1,079
I feel very good, this gives me maximum autonomy. I must not kill myself but I can do it every time I want it.
Szinuus
I see the bus...I can almost see it
- Aug 19, 2022
- 211
Its a relief, especially now when Im living alone and I can ctb anytime I want.
Piki
_( ^ ᴗ ᴗ^) ᶻ ᶻ ᶻ
- Dec 2, 2022
- 10
That makes me feel safe since the dominating power of life is in my own hands, and I can get rid of it at any time, no matter what. It's fantastic, which has alleviated my anxiety and allowed me to relax and focus about other things to some extent.
Shivali
Mage
- Jun 9, 2022
- 560
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 7,009
I currently don't have the (absolute) option to leave this world at anytime I want, but when I did, it was relief and some sort of calmness along with a hint of fear. The calmness is knowing that I'm at most, only moments away from executing my method and not having to suffer when I do succeed. The hint of fear is of course none other than the survival instinct, where I am having to overcome the hundreds of thousands of years of biological programming to go through with my action.
