How do you feel about your ctb?

[Hope:-)]

Happy? Scared? Do you have formal plans? Anything you're thinking or feeling really.

 

[thebunny]

i'm quite excited about it. perhaps SI isn't kicking in yet, but the thought of being at peace and free from all the pain and heartache i'm feeling right now gets me going. honestly, it's the only motivation i have right now to keep living. as for plans, i'll start prepping a week before i do it. you know, changing passwords, deleting browser history, scheduling emails to be sent out after i'm gone, etc. i hope things will go well by and on my due date

 

[Finding Sirius]

Excited, nervous, happy, scared, a number of different emotions. I'm feeling guilty about the hotel staff that will find me. I plan to do the STAT dose with SN.

 

[emgrl]

Some days I'm happy, almost excited by it. Other days I'm petrified. I know this is my only option, so I'm hoping that SI isn't debilitating.

 

[Idontmatter]

All of the above. I feel guilty for devastating my husband and guilty for the hotel staff that finds me. I'm scared, happy, excited, guilty all in one.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing more comforting than the thought of ceasing to exist. Death is all that I want and is all that I look forward to but actually leaving this world is very difficult for me. I don't have much of a plan at the moment but when things get worse in the future I will have to find a way. If I could get the option of euthanasia then I would be at peace with everything and relieved that my suffering is finally coming to an end.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm scared...at times petrified, demoralised, trying to be strong but at times happy. I just want to get it over with. Just hope I can get the final meds.

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Happy? Scared? Do you have formal plans? Anything you're thinking or feeling really.

Scared, relieved, hopeful, ashamed, guilty

 

[thedaywillcome]

Just relieved.

 

[hamvil]

I am scared, but at the same time I find it so painful to live. I wake in the morning with this idea in mind and the night before eventually falling asleep I feel trapped in my mind. I like it here because for the first time I have found people that understand what I am going trought and are not just givining me false positivness. I just joined, I will see where I am in a couple of weeks. I came here looking for the courage to take the next steps. I hope I find it.

 

[Hope:-)]

Ahhh currently petrified. People may want to be dead, but no one wants to die. Still going through with it. Just feeling kind of angry about the whole thing.. I really don't want to do it but I don't have any other satisfactory answers. Trying to psyche myself up to do it.

 

[tiny_dancer]

I have plans to go by SN in early Nov. I feel devastated because what led me here was sudden and I'm still grieving the life I had and the life I can't have anymore. I'm so sad and guilty for what it will do to my family but I just need relief and peace. I'm also scared of the process.

 

[emgrl]

I have plans to go by SN in early Nov. I feel devastated because what led me here was sudden and I'm still grieving the life I had and the life I can't have anymore. I'm so sad and guilty for what it will do to my family but I just need relief and peace. I'm also scared of the process.

This is my story, except for early October. I'm so sorry you're going through this as well, it's no way to live.

 

[LowLevelChimp]

I'm afraid about the whole thing and that's my problem, I need to have that despair to go through with it and that's why I've failed before.

The ideal situation for me would be full prep of my method and that desperate feeling so I just do it.

With the situation where I live getting worse and my lack of future prospects I suspect that things will get bad enough and I'll just get on and do it. Until then I guess the fear and indifference to life will keep me going.

 

[tiny_dancer]

This is my story, except for early October. I'm so sorry you're going through this as well, it's no way to live.

Thank you . I'm really sorry that you can relate and that you are going through it as well :(

 

[jodes2]

I'm very happy that I have a way out should I need it. Just have to wait for the right time, it's a long term plan. If I do ctb while I'm with my gf then the guilt will be the only thing holding me back. I just need a place to do it, will probs ctb at a hotel if I don't ctb at my dad's. If he's dead then I'll be out of my comfort zone about where to do it.

 

[outrider567]

Happy? Scared? Do you have formal plans? Anything you're thinking or feeling really.

With my brother's lung cancer now classified as 'rapid progression'(despite chemo and immunotherapy drugs), my CTB date has been adjusted accordingly--Oncologist says he has about 4 months left

 

[SexyIncél]

Scared, excited, happy, sad

My friends think I might survive this, because I grab lifelines along the way. For them, I wear a hopeful face. But my real face is more skeptical.

 

[justtoojaded]

Happy? Scared? Do you have formal plans? Anything you're thinking or feeling really.

I'm feeling relieved. The fact I have control over when I leave this world is comforting.

With my brother's lung cancer now classified as 'rapid progression'(despite chemo and immunotherapy drugs), my CTB date has been adjusted accordingly--Oncologist says he has about 4 months left

Are you trying to die around the same as your brother?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Not happy I was pushed to it but I know when I die all those negative and painful feelings will disappear.

 

[Orange010]

Eager. I'm enduring it bc I live with other people but once I'm alone and si is down, imma do it. My method is sn, so it's a matter of drinking it in one go

 

[obafgkm]

I think the 37% rule applies. Anyone having lived 37% of their life expectancy (maybe around 30 years in developed countries) should know fairly well what the rest of their life would be like, what opportunities they would get. If they find life hopeless, their decisions should be respected. They should have unhindered access to euthanasia.

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Happy? Scared? Do you have formal plans? Anything you're thinking or feeling really.

I feel like if I don't go through with it, my life is going to keep getting worse. I have people who are after me, they've found ways to fuck with me in every area of my life and they're not going to stop until I ctb. I wish I didn't have to die but it's the only way they'll stop

 

[Stormboxer]

Really sad it came to this. I'm scared

 

[outrider567]

I'm feeling relieved. The fact I have control over when I leave this world is comforting.

Are you trying to die around the same as your brother?

No--My life was destroyed when my girlfriend died in January--I was all set to CTB last April(after finally getting my Nitrogen), but my only brother called me then and said he had terminal lung cancer--So I could hardly CTB when he needs me for support(both our parents are dead)--So my path to CTB has been delayed since then--After he passes away, I still cannot CTB right away because of funeral arrangements, and to help comfort his three kids and 4 grandkids

 

[justtoojaded]

No--My life was destroyed when my girlfriend died in January--I was all set to CTB last April(after finally getting my Nitrogen), but my only brother called me then and said he had terminal lung cancer--So I could hardly CTB when he needs me for support(both our parents are dead)--So my path to CTB has been delayed since then--After he passes away, I still cannot CTB right away because of funeral arrangements, and to help comfort his three kids and 4 grandkids

Wow. That is a lot. I'm so sorry. You're strong to be helping your brother and then planning funeral arrangements and comforting family. I couldn't do it.

 

[outrider567]

Wow. That is a lot. I'm so sorry. You're strong to be helping your brother and then planning funeral arrangements and comforting family. I couldn't do it.

Thx, but our stepmother(for 40 years) will be helping with that stuff also---Afterwards, there won't be anything to stop me from CTB'ing then(all my brother's family reside a thousand miles away)

 

[Hope:-)]

Wokw up terrified. Is it normal to be this terrified???

 

[Hangnail]

Anxious and stressed. I'd really like to go by N and I have no clue where D went.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I feel doomed and disassociated