Discussion How do you experience dissociation?

[ConnectionLost]

I experience dissociation. Its not a very pleasant feeling. The worst part isn't the feeling itself, but that to people I look off and dreamlike, not paying attention to what's happening around me and I can't focus on anything. This influences my daily life. I also daydream a lot. When i talk to my therapist I just cant describe how it feels. Ive seen many people try, and i can see they experience the same, but words cant describe it. How do you experience it?

 

[Doombox]

I can't describe it either. It's like part of my brain goes offline and I'm disconnected from reality. I experience different levels depending on the threat. A big enough threat and I'll have amnesia. Moderate threat and I'll be aware of what's going on but disconnected, like my head is full of cotton. I agree: unpleasant.

 

[TheLastK]

I can see what you mean , I also experience dissociation fairly frequently and people often accuse me of not caring about what they have to say. I guess the way I would describe it is being temporarily lost for a time, like my consciousness has just gone elsewhere. It was a near constant thing as a child, it felt like I was living in a void most of the time. I would greatly appreciate hearing others experience of it.

I can't describe it either. It's like part of my brain goes offline and I'm disconnected from reality. I experience different levels depending on the threat. A big enough threat and I'll have amnesia. Moderate threat and I'll be aware of what's going on but disconnected, like my head is full of cotton. I agree: unpleasant.

Head full of cotton is a good way of putting it. Myself personally I never felt it had much to do with the threat of a situation, unless when you say that you mean more from an anxiety rather than survival perspective.

 

[TLEEA]

Everything you do is an action. Everything you feel is an emotion. Everything you are is a role. You can get so descriptive about what you really are that you only become the words you've learned throughout your life. There is no you, only the ideas you've ever been so far.

Then at some point, you doubt your senses. Everything smells the same. Your vision starts to double and lose depth. You start to think as a function of different personalities rather than just being yourself.

 

[milkandcoffee]

I feel like I have multiple experiences of dissociation, but in all of them, it feels like there's a fog between me and the outside world. Sometimes it's thick, sometimes it's thinner, sometimes it's like it's hot if I'm agitated, but there's always a sense of disconnect between me and my surroundings. I'm either completely stuck in my head or it's like my mind teleported away somewhere. If others are around and try to speak to me, they'll get very short half-responses, if they get any at all. Later I'll look back on these times and my memories will be undetailed flashes, at best. If it gets really bad, I'll get some derealization too- I've had bizarre senses like parts of my body didn't actually belong to me or like my physical location in space had shifted.

I'm still working on tracking down my experiences of it. I'm sure there are times where it happens and I don't notice at all.

 

[sunsetting]

For me it feels like im in auto-mode, I might be in a conversation but not caring enough and my mind just goes somewhere else. Daydreaming is also quite frequent and I enjoy it, at least my daydreams are rather pleasant so I don't mind. Reality is dull.

 

[LivideLamb]

Feels like being the puppet and the puppet master. I'm very aware of my body yet it doesn't feel mine. I like the fog metaphor, I relate to it a lot. Always foggy, I feel like I'm completely lost, I can't see what's ahead. It's uncomfortable, scary and I still have no idea how to cope.

 

[PaperGodzilla]

Being still me but behind a blurry glass, like I interact with someone and i will think 1sec later how did i do this and what did i say that lmao. I feel like i'm spectating my life and It's like my brain have ping

 

[gottablast888]

im not sure exactly what u mean by dissociation, but i think i kno. for most my life i had very realistic vivid day dreams thay would happen uncontrollably anywhere but it was the worst in social settings. someone could be telling a cool story for the last 5mins and then i snap out of the day dream and im like wait what. once i started eating healthier my brain changed a lot, the day dreams stopped abruptly like within a week. it was very strange getting used to being in reality in all waking hours. it took some time to adjust. its been 2 years now without them, and i do miss them because the day dreams were way better than reality, but it was really ruining my life because i could not socialize well. i am still til this day known as a "bad listener"

 

[Mental]

I felt as if it were not me, I saw everything that was happening but I was not aware of the reality there were many people around me and I saw them blurred, I only heard their voices. I must admit that whenever I'm in that trance I think I'm going to die or something because I get very nervous before many stimuli. I read the comparison with fog, and I could say yes, at first, but then it's like a part of my head don't let me have control of my body again, the only solution I find is to go home and sleep.
I know it sounds strange, but does anyone else feel like they're witnessing everything but can't do anything?

Peace and be happy boys and girls

 

[woe-boy]

I cannot take directions. My vision becomes fuzzy, I go into a blank stare and I have intense flashbacks. I feel like a dementia patient - even my bad memories are fading on me. Perhaps I am developing an autoimmune disease that's fucking with my motor neurones. At this point, let it happen. I would rather not remember and be forgetful than be the anxiety-ridden elephant I have been my whole life.

Only have been on antihistamines and clean off cannabis one year.

 

[MetroTransit]

You ever see a video that is slightly unfocused? Kind of the best way to sum it up. It is like you are running entirely on autopilot and unable to focus on anything visually or any cognitive tasks. I sit there almost completely empty of thought watching my life go on without my involvement. I could drive, hold conversations, and do some work tasks that didn't take too much thought and it feels like watching a movie.

 

[scoliosisking]

For me it's like there's two of me. One body and then one soul that's about four feet away. I can see both of their perspectives.

If you ever want a tip for how to snap back to reality, my therapist recommended sour candy and it works really well!

 

[Mental]

I'm sorry for the question, but I've never asked anyone but why do they happen? I have never had the dissociations of reality, I have read here that there are people who happen to smoke marijuana, and others that simply happen to them. I suffer from borderline personality disorder, I don't know if that and smoking have anything to do

 

[a_lesser_moon]

I find it hard to describe dissociation too, because I experience in many ways. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a stranger. Other times I watch my body going through the motions and it feels like there's some kind of barrier between my mind and body, some sort of disconnect. In those moments my body just keeps me going. And when I'm terribly stressed it looks like the world is a movie set, or everything is more blurry than it normally is. Lastly, when my trauma is triggered I sometimes completely disappear in my dissociation, I can't talk, can't move, I'm just gone for a bit of time. Until I somehow resurface, whether it's someone saying my name or hugging me, holding my hand or experiencing something with my senses, cold ice or touching something really hot.

 

[Foresight]

Dissociation is a lifestyle for me. I have maladaptive daydreaming, so I spend most of my free time in my active imagination. I barely exist in reality anymore. I started this very young growing up in a hellhole.

When I separate from this habit to try to get a grip on my reality I end up with depersonalization/derealization. The weight of my reality is so heavy I just get crushed psychologically and go into mild psychosis. It's a vicious cycle. I either leave reality voluntarily for relief or it gets ripped away involuntarily. I never thrive facing the real world or the reality of what I am and where I am. Nothing exists inside me in a nondissociated state except fear. Dissociation in some form is my only way to survive right now. I've never found a way out of this cycle of daydreaming dissociation and psychological detachment.

Practical responsibilities help me avoid dissociation. When I'm on in the real world I'm really on. I excel in the workplace and I'm the glue that keeps my family together. There's no joy in my nondissociated existence though, and that terrifies me. I never sit quietly and truly feel joy that I am me and I am here. I'm considering hobbies to maybe try to bring some joy back to my reality.

 

[hamvil]

Not sure what dissociation means. Is it like when you feel like you are not in control of what you are doing? LIke you are a passenger in your body and somebody else is actually acting?

 

[Ineedtodie]

cannot take directions. My vision becomes fuzzy, I go into a blank stare and I have intense flashbacks

This. And end up in panic on how am i going to face anything with this. It's such a limbo state where you just suffer and feel helpless.

 

[Fulminare]

For me, it feels like I'm sitting behind my eyes, as an observer. I tend to sit down and stare somewhere until I grow accustomed to it. Also, my limbs are weird to look at. The speed of my movement may also slow down a bit, simply because it feels like a bad trip.

I never understood how my dissociation gets triggered, it happens randomly. I know the origin but that traumatic time has long passed. It's like my brain is still living in that time. It's hell.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I used to have small derealization moments. Lucky I don't experience the fullblown dissociation others have described here. For me it started around a very stressful time at work and I kept getting them from time to time. For about two years.

For me it was a sort of shift in perception and feeling. Suddenly I would not really recognize my surroundings. Familiar surroundings suddenly seemed foreign. My cats looked like somebody else's cats. I did not know what the other rooms in my apartment looked like. I tried imagining it, but I couldn't. Sometimes this would be accompanied by this awful feeling washing over me. Nauseous and as if I was about to faint. Sometimes I would hear music in my head. I tried to remember the words but afterwards the words made no sense. It usually only lasted a minute or so. And it was really hard to recall afterwards, what I had experienced. Like how it's difficult to remember what you dreamt.

Were these dissociations? Or maybe something else? I don't experience this anymore, I see clearly how this was a reaction to the stress I was experiencing.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Not sure what dissociation means. Is it like when you feel like you are not in control of what you are doing? LIke you are a passenger in your body and somebody else is actually acting?

You can clearly mostly see that your running on autopilot as a passenger but you can't snap out of it. It's really debilitating..well this is my experience of it. i' m in advanced stage.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Most say they would have a fuzzy or double and a feelig of disconnetion to their bodies and the outside. This the same for me. As for my mind i disconnect from my thoughts. But totally emerged in my emotion as shame, guilt, fear. I panic how the fuck i' will function or face anything with this state. Some traumatizing flashback might occur as well. Even more drowned to resurface. It's very advanced for me. Sometime I'm able to connect with body and it would be less severe. Very debilitating to deal with. Almost describing a dissociative psychotic episode. Or at least induced from a psychotic episode and your mind dissociate..this is my experience of it. If you can relate reply.