How do you even make friends

[ScaredCutter]

Since 2019 (last year i even had friends), i've basically lost all of them. During 2020-2021 i met somebody online and today we are dating but, we are only long distance and we plan to meet eachother once we have the money. Aside from that, i have literally no friends IRL, i used to hangout with somebody who lived really close by because she would visit her grandma but, she stopped going there and we stopped talking around 2018, the people in my area are either much younger than me or much much older (18 yo) or they have the most nasty attitude ever.

I have mentioned before in another thread that i have social anxiety and communication is just really hard for me, i freeze up, my mouth cant open and my body gets really hot and all i can do is walk away and cry because im so hopeless. I've been told to just "walk up to people" or "join in with them" but, those have all been fails. People in my state also tend to be undesirable to be around with too. i live in australia vic and theres nothing pleasant there.

some other things. im very judgemental towards others and it also affects how i make friends but, im also afraid of others being judgemental of me, my interests are also things people will just side eye and see me weird, i cant really express my feelings from facial expressions, i cant really speak my mind because im afraid of what others will say, i can be very dry in how i talk. honestly, im worried about what the other person thinks of me

i apologise for the way i format paragraphs and explanations, i just dont remember how to structure things correctly sob...

 

[NutOrat]

I could never uphold a single friendship when we stop seeing each other in-person. I guess I didn't even try, and even when we got in contact months after, it just felt like it was done. Both of us had separate things to do, all we had in common was due to circumstances of where we were, and now? It's like there was nothing left to talk about. You also know when it's over when people become more polite with you, especially old friends who used to tease you, now talk to you like a cool dude they knew, or even a stranger.

I'm sorry, downer, but I've had this happen. All my friendships are not necessarily ruined, but I've lost them all. Maybe I should've tried more, but when you're so depressed and self-hating and self-centered, all my thoughts are about me and how terrible I am, is it any wonder I didn't give my friends the same amount of attention they gave me. It's not worth it, to stay in touch with a person like that. Sometimes I wonder if they had to be "friends" with me only because they had to see me every week and couldn't escape my presence. Or maybe it's my negative perception of self speaking again. Quite likely it's the latter.

Glad you've found someone online though, I'm sure you can do it again! Don't let my downer talk make you feel worse, you can do it. As for judgement of others and likewise, I struggle with that too. I try to pay attention to whenever these subconscious judgements happen, and cut them off, but sometimes it's impossible. It's wired into us to judge and to compare, no matter how much we hate it. I guess the most positive thing I can hope for is that if you judge others less, show more compassion and acceptance, you'll *hopefully* receive a similar treatment, and if not - that's not a person you want to spend your time with.

i apologise for the way i format paragraphs and explanations, i just dont remember how to structure things correctly sob...

I stopped caring about that entirely because I know I'll screw up anyway. It takes a shit ton of time to just fix all the dozens of spelling errors I make, so don't sweat about it. It's a forum post, not a novel. Have a good <time of day>!