How do you determine if death is really the answer?

[M+A_forever]

After reading your stories (thanks for sharing them,) I realized just how cruel life can be, or how unfortunate and fortunate some can be and how it can happen dramatically.

With that said I am curious as to how you guys determined that death is the only way to go. For starters, I know that it is a stupid question, yes I am aware that many of you find yourselves in situations,I cannot even fathom the amount of pain that you guys endure, and that alone is enough for you to determine that death is your choice.

And yes it can be answered by a "life gave me a burden too hard to carry."

But the answer I'm looking for is a little bit deeper than that.

For context, a few years ago I found myself on a rather unfortunate circumstance, and after a long reflection, I realized that death might be my choice. Still I have things to live for, for example I had my education, some people actually do believe in me and there was a lot that I want to do even if I can't do them at that time.

And so I fell into an exhausting pattern of depression - having enough will to live - depression again - having enough will to live again - so on and so forth

One time I want to CTB and then the other a part of me says "hey maybe it'll be okay tomorrow, you should live".

You see where I'm going here? I do not want to fall into this cycle. Hence begs the question: How do you determine if death is the appropriate choice? Or how do you determine that you can no longer continue and it's time to give up?

Is it when you lose everything? Is it when you can no longer carry on? Is it the fear of what the future holds or if it no longer has anything in store?

And I'm sorry in advance if it's too invasive. I am kind of trying to grasp the idea of CTB, after all I'm new here and to this kind stuff and it would help if my mind would be less clouded by the time I decide to CTB.

 

[dontlook]

Just wanting to send support and say that I'm struggling with the same thing currently. Trying to determine a way to figure out when it's time to say it's over.

I hope we can get some insight, but ultimately I think it's really something that only we can answer ourselves

 

[M+A_forever]

Just wanting to send support and say that I'm struggling with the same thing currently. Trying to determine a way to figure out when it's time to say it's over.

I hope we can get some insight, but ultimately I think it's really something that only we can answer ourselves

I'm glad I'm not alone, thanks for that. You're correct it's up to us to answer that at the end of the day. I just thought that maybe it'd help if we reflect together, who knows, maybe we can figure out a basis for an answer and we'll find our answers if we share our insights.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A lot of things can push an individual over the edge and it can drive them to a point when life becomes unbearable for them.

Is it when you lose everything? Is it when you can no longer carry on? Is it the fear of what the future holds or if it no longer has anything in store?

To lose everything important to us is probably a major thing that makes people suicidal. Whatever it is it's subjective.

Death is the permanent solution to all problems that make us suicidal. Death is the relief from all the agony, suffering and pain we have to endure. That's one thing, the other thing is - it's not that easy to kys and it's never the easy way out though it's the only way out in some cases.

In my case, I should have killed myself years ago bc after a big failure life there was nothing positive coming thereafter. I have to deal with shit that wouldn't have happened if I kms right after the failure.

I already knew that it's over and there's no satisfying recovery - yet, I couldn't kms. It's the only way out but it's never easy.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me nothing needs to be determined, I'd always prefer to not exist than to suffer in this torturous, pointless existence I always saw as the most cruel mistake. To me human existence is a terrible burden that just causes harm all for the sake of it, I'd always prefer to painlessly die than suffer for the sake of it in this existence with no limit as to how much agony I can feel just to be tortured by extreme old age. Under no circumstances would I wish to be conscious at all rather I just want nothingness instead, I only see never existing again as desirable, for me existence itself will always be the true problem no matter what, I never wished for existence in the first place.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't see death as a bad thing. In my case, I see it as the best thing ever that could happen to me. I follow the evidence which seems to allude to the idea that death is just permanent non existence. I see permanent non existence as perfection. Pro lifers say that this is bad due to opportunity cost and the deprivation count whilst I've seen other people say that this is neutral. I personally think that death is neither bad nor neutral. On the spectrum of good to bad, I believe that death isn't on the spectrum at all since regardless of whether your life is good or not, being dead prevents the dead person from caring or being negatively affected by the opportunity cost. In that way, it's a nullifier of some sorts but I wouldn't say that it's neutral as that implies that a good state is better than death which it isn't as a dead person no longer needs to feel good.

Anyways, point here is that, due to the nature of death, I see it as the best thing possible and it's something that I really want for myself as earlier as possible.

Additionally, I believe that an earlier death is better than a later death for me since, the earlier I die, the less I suffer in existence overall. Me dying at 19 is better than me dying at 29 which is better than me dying at 39 and so forth. It's just a simple calculation of suffering. Unlike pro lifers, I don't see suffering as good regardless of whether it's instrumental suffering or not

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

When you come to the utilitarian conclusion that your death will cause others to suffer less long term

 

[cloudyskye]

I have no hope that my life will improve significantly. I'm actually scared more when things seem to be going "ok" because it always and I mean always gets worse after. The only correlation is if something good happens, the better it is, the worse it'll be after. The longer things are liveable the longer it will be worse after. I honestly feel like I serve no purpose and I am a burden to my loved ones.