How do you deal with people that dislike you?

[noname223]

There are several scenarios. I met some people in clinic who I admired and they hated me. But also vice versa happened. I try to get over it. I was fascinated about the education and intelligence of a person and he considered me ignorant and shallow. It is a huge hit to my ego. He even sugarcoated his disgust for me. I think there happened some misunderstandings. It is a long story but he felt like I look down at the average person. I don't think I am doing that. But he is right my obsession with intelligence is indeed pathetic when I am not that educated and intelligent myself. Honestly the meeting with him fueled my motivation to become more and more educated. Sadly my intelligence cannot not be increased a lot. When I met him I educated myself mostly with media reportings. I more and more switch to scientifical articles. However quantitive methods bore the shit out of me. So I need to live with the fact I am a fraud on that matter.

I think I have some pathologies like pretending I was educated in many areas which is absolute stupid and real intellectuals see through that after a short time. He saw through my pathetic attempts after 5 minutes. I think I am very thoughful and deep and this is why I can deceive many people. But this is not equivalent with having high intelligence. I think real intellectuals are humble and admit when they are no expert on a certain subject. Me I am a faker. I don't even have a college degree yet.

So the usual self-hatred. I am struggling so much with anxiety and the imposter syndrom/ extreme ruminating about the past that I reached out for professional help. I think my insurance won't pay me more sessions but I have some people in my support network. However if the horrible college schedule is the reason for my fragility I don't have any good answer to my problems.

Back to the topic. I was bullied in school a lot. I wished I could have escaped my bullies. But they did not want to let me alone. Personally I am as an adult not exposed to bullies anymore. Though I would have no real advice for my teenager self they were just too many and I was too vulnerable. Even with more thinking about it there was no real escape to that time.

The best answer to the question in the title is for me: Developing a good skill who to trust. I have become pretty skilled at that. And I love my friends and trust them fully. I blocked some old friends because they were questionable in some instances and so far I have not regretted it. They bragged with sex, money or spread hatred against minorities. I dodge people with questionable morality. From school I have learned sometimes your best friends become you most horrible enemies.

I hate it to be confronted with authority figures who act like bullies. I could think of some of them. A guy in an institution for people who struggle to find work bullied me and my mom. We both cried at the meeting I threatened to kill myself (slightly) and he encouraged me to do it (more or less). The situation was pretty insane. Gladly I never went there again. Some professors act like bullies. However my OCD studying forces me still to study like a complete fool anyway. I have good grades but a pretty bad life quality.

 

[Goukan「強姦」]

I wish i could help but I'm struggling with the same thing. It's my biggest flaw to just really really hate myself and worry alot about what others think of me.

Still I know comparison is the thief of joy and just trying to not be competitive with others but only yourself helped me ground myself a lil more.

Plus I realized alot of the reason ppl made fun of me where really shallow reasons ans were based on racism, abilism, homophobia.

 

[macrocosm]

I don't. If it work, stay professional and just do the work, if it's personal I don't hang out with them. That simple

 

[Linda]

If I had taken seriously all the people who have disliked me, and tried to do me harm, I would have been dead half a century ago. I long ago learned to basically ignore them. If you have to interact with them, be polite, but leave it at that. Fight back if you have absolutely no choice, but you can use up a lot of energy doing that, so it's an option best kept in reserve and used only very sparingly. (And don't fight back against people who have authority over you. It's likely to backfire. Better to be patient, and if opportunities for revenge present themselves in the future, when they can no longer harm you, you can strike then.)

Why do you want to pretend you are educated about things you are not? There may be occasions what it's good tactics to do something like, in furtherance of some goal or other - and I have occasionally employed those tactics myself, - but there is really no point in doing it routinely. Dreaming that you are Superman (or Superwoman) and have abilities that you don't actually have is a harmless fantasy, and one that many people indulge in now and again, but it's best kept at the level of fantasy. Are you trying to feel superior to the people who bullied you? If that's the case, it's understandable, but perhaps not very constructive.

If you really want to become well educated about some topics, all it requires is a lot of hard work. You can do it if you want to.

 

[OceanBlue]

Me I am a faker. I don't even have a college degree yet.

You should be secure enough without those degrees, otherwise even obtaining them won't help you feel good about yourself. There will always be someone better than us, we shouldn't compare ourselves. A therapist would tell you that how people judge you is about them and as your self worth increases you will care less about being judged, as this fear comes from you not them. Academia is nonsense and your self worth shouldn't be tied to anything like that or fluctuate due to others' opinions.

Also, degrees don't make people intelligent. I don't even consider top scientists intelligent. The existential intelligence I value the most is currently not appreciated at all in the society- in fact, most people with heightened awareness will call themselves losers and failures, as it's difficult to monetize that knowledge.

So the usual self-hatred. I am struggling so much with anxiety and the imposter syndrom/ extreme ruminating about the past that I reached out for professional help

I see this often on this forum.. someone teaches us as children that we are inadequate and then we struggle for life unable to unlearn it. Anxiety also stems from this. I hope you find therapy helpful and manage to break this cycle.

 

[noname223]

If I had taken seriously all the people who have disliked me, and tried to do me harm, I would have been dead half a century ago. I long ago learned to basically ignore them. If you have to interact with them, be polite, but leave it at that. Fight back if you have absolutely no choice, but you can use up a lot of energy doing that, so it's an option best kept in reserve and used only very sparingly. (And don't fight back against people who have authority over you. It's likely to backfire. Better to be patient, and if opportunities for revenge present themselves in the future, when they can no longer harm you, you can strike then.)

Why do you want to pretend you are educated about things you are not? There may be occasions what it's good tactics to do something like, in furtherance of some goal or other - and I have occasionally employed those tactics myself, - but there is really no point in doing it routinely. Dreaming that you are Superman (or Superwoman) and have abilities that you don't actually have is a harmless fantasy, and one that many people indulge in now and again, but it's best kept at the level of fantasy. Are you trying to feel superior to the people who bullied you? If that's the case, it's understandable, but perhaps not very constructive.

If you really want to become well educated about some topics, all it requires is a lot of hard work. You can do it if you want to.

I think it has a lot to do with being bullied because of that.
Moreover I think the person I met in clinic had a different definition of being intelligent and being educated. I think he might is within the 0,1% most intelligent people there exist. However this is pure speculation but his field is I think one of the most difficult that exists and he was an expert in it.

I think he even more disliked me because to acted like I knew shit. But here again we had different definitions. For me I allow myself to have a strong opinion on something when I read 5-10 news articles about something. He instead expected to be a scholar on a subject before stating something controversial.

I think this is one reason why my threads contain a lot of self-hatred. I post a lot of threads on many issues. I express my opinion without being an expert on an issue. I think he would hate such a behavior. But for me it is fun and helps to distract me. Many people say they like my threads. But I think they contain probably a lot of half-knowledge.

 

[Linda]

I think it has a lot to do with being bullied because of that.
Moreover I think the person I met in clinic had a different definition of being intelligent and being educated. I think he might is within the 0,1% most intelligent people there exist. However this is pure speculation but his field is I think one of the most difficult that exists and he was an expert in it.

I think he even more disliked me because to acted like I knew shit. But here again we had different definitions. For me I allow myself to have a strong opinion on something when I read 5-10 news articles about something. He instead expected to be a scholar on a subject before stating something controversial.

I think this is one reason why my threads contain a lot of self-hatred. I post a lot of threads on many issues. I express my opinion without being an expert on an issue. I think he would hate such a behavior. But for me it is fun and helps to distract me. Many people say they like my threads. But I think they contain probably a lot of half-knowledge.

There is a big difference between being educated and being intelligent. My mother was very intelligent, but because of her family circumstances she never got a chance to get a good education, and as a result her views on most things were rather narrow. And I have known some people who got a very good education - because their parents were rich - but who were not particularly intelligent.

You are allowed to have opinions on subects you are not an expert on, and you are allowed to express them. I don't think it would be a good idea to tell everyone your opinion on something you know literally nothing about. You would probably just make a fool of yourself. And if you are talking to someone who genuinely is an expert on some topic, it might be best to keep your ears open and your mouth shut. But in most circumstancs, I think you should feel free to express your opinions. However, it's best to do it in a way that doesn't make the other person feel defensive. A very useful phrase is "It seems to me that ...." It softens what you are saying. So, for example, if you are discussing the war in Ukraine, consider the phrases: (1) Ukraine is going to win; (2) It seems to me that Ukraine is going to win; (3) It seems to me that probably Ukraine is going to win; (4) It seems to me that probably Ukraine is going to win, but nothing is completely certain in war. Each of these phrases conveys basically the same information. Each of them tells the other person your view on the outcome of the war. But phrase (1) makes it much harder to have a polite debate with someone who does not share your view than phrase (4). Phrases (2) and (3) are somewhere in between. Learning how to express a point of view without causing offfense is a valuable skill. Just as learning how to disagree with someone without causing offence is a valuable skill. As with most things, you get better at both with practice.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Honestly, if a lot of people don't like me, then I accept the fact that I am the problem, not them.

 

[unnormal9]

I do not give a fuck.
Online = block and move on.
IRL = block and move on.

 

[kwho]

I give them time.

It is much harder to deal with people who do like me. The more they like me, the more terrifying it gets. Never really improved much at that one.