How do you deal with isolation and having literally zero friends?

[Øystein]

Except from not being able to deal with it at all, and coming to this site. I'm so lonely and crushed, most of the time I have literally no one, not even on the internet, to talk to. If I do, I'm only being talked at rather than being a part of a conversation because I'm so boring and braindead and unentertaining. I hate people. I don't want to need to socialise. What do you do when you feel like you need human companionship, without actually using a human to satisfy the need? Oh yeah, and minus drugs and alcohol too, though that's definitely effective. Having dismissed all these options, I hope anyone has anything to say, lol.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I made some half-hearted, last-ditch attempts at getting friends/girlfriend a year ago or something. To no avail, of course. Now I just simplify it as chronic pain of the emotional variant.

 

[megafire]

I guess I try to keep myself company, amuse myself with books and TV shows. Make friends with yourself. but I have an FP that I bother all the time and he settles my social need. it would be nice to have friends though, I'm just really, really bad at making them.. and keeping them

 

[AQUA]

Except from not being able to deal with it at all, and coming to this site. I'm so lonely and crushed, most of the time I have literally no one, not even on the internet, to talk to. If I do, I'm only being talked at rather than being a part of a conversation because I'm so boring and braindead and unentertaining. I hate people. I don't want to need to socialise. What do you do when you feel like you need human companionship, without actually using a human to satisfy the need? Oh yeah, and minus drugs and alcohol too, though that's definitely effective. Having dismissed all these options, I hope anyone has anything to say, lol.

Seems like it's the expectations of socialising not socialising itself. I'd love to chat with you as this is also something I experience.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Having a dog helps me, losing myself in movies/shows/books, daydreaming while dancing to music on my better days. When I actually have the motivation, I'll write a song. When I actually have the energy and can focus, I'll record it.

 

[Øystein]

Seems like it's the expectations of socialising not socialising itself. I'd love to chat with you as this is also something I experience.

Apologies, I'm not really sure what you mean by "expectations". If you could clarify, I would be really grateful.

When I read this, I immediately thought "yes! Let's chat!" and yet - I'm sorry, this is exactly what Im talking about in my post - I'm unable to. Keeping a conversation is hard. This is why I like old-fashioned forums, not just this one but in general, it puts a comfortable wall in a conversation between two people. I really appreciate the fact that someone can relate to what I said though. Thank you for saying this.

Having a dog helps me, losing myself in movies/shows/books, daydreaming while dancing to music on my better days. When I actually have the motivation, I'll write a song. When I actually have the energy and can focus, I'll record it.

It's awesome that you have a creative hobby you can dedicate yourself to. Recording songs is very impressive. I think hobbies are the most obvious and important answer to this isolation problem Im talking about, and yet not enjoying anything about life or any of my old interests really digs the grave. Though this is the recovery forum, so maybe I shouldn't wallow in self pity and actually talk about giving it a try... I'm sorry.

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Can relate to everything amd unfortunately I don't have much of an answer myself...

I've tried just straight up being ok with being unable to even sustain convos but... theres still a longing in my heart.

I distract/dk things but interest is minimum so...

Im not sure and will be reading this thread as well.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

It's awesome that you have a creative hobby you can dedicate yourself to. Recording songs is very impressive. I think hobbies are the most obvious and important answer to this isolation problem Im talking about, and yet not enjoying anything about life or any of my old interests really digs the grave. Though this is the recovery forum, so maybe I shouldn't wallow in self pity and actually talk about giving it a try... I'm sorry.

It's okay, I totally get it. It's a problem for me as well. I used to spend so much time writing songs, but it's really hard to do now, especially when hit with a wave of anhedonia for god knows how long because it's more than just not having the motivation or energy to do it, when you don't get much if any pleasure when you do finally force yourself. I wrote and recorded two new songs a little over a month ago for the first time in years, when I used to write several in a day. I guess I should feel proud of that, but it still depresses me that it's all I've managed to do and my playing has barely improved after all the time because the pleasure is rarely there anymore and I know it's not because I've outgrown it, it's just because I'm severely depressed.

 

[Øystein]

I guess I should feel proud of that, but it still depresses me that it's all I've managed to do and my playing has barely improved after all the time because the pleasure is rarely there anymore and I know it's not because I've outgrown it, it's just because I'm severely depressed.

I understand this too well. The feeling, the stinging awareness of the fact that if not for that terrible, terrible life-changing condition, this absolute devil of a mind disease fogging up your brain, you could create something beautiful and achieve so much. Depression is a bitch. Even if I were to be completely and absolutely free of it from now on, just the awareness of how much personal growth and skill it made me miss out on would be crushing. While it's a condition that is now much more talked about nowadays, people rarely understand what it means when it takes away every single hue from life. It's all pitch black now.

Despite what I just said, I still hope you'll carry on doing this and find peace in it. May whatever's left of your desire to create accompany you through this tough journey of life. Wishing you the best.

 

[NightmareTour]

I think at some point I just realised that I don't want or need friendships or human interaction, it's not worth the stress and danger. Things like SS are enough for me.

I wish I could offer better advice, but distractions to fill the time help in my situation so they might help in yours. Hobbies, games, shows to watch, books things like that. Shows, games or books with in-depth characters and stories can feel a bit like spending time with people but without the people.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

Zero friends and I'm 40+ so statistically speaking I won't be making any. I've learned to accept it. At this point I prefer it. Sometimes I do with there was another "me" to shoot the shit with, but it is what it is. I wish I could find consistent things to do that I enjoy.

 

[whywere]

I am 64 years young and have had zero real friends in my life. The ones that were friends were always looking for something. Now with that said I consider each and every one of my global family here a true friend. The rest of society can take a flying leap.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I understand this too well. The feeling, the stinging awareness of the fact that if not for that terrible, terrible life-changing condition, this absolute devil of a mind disease fogging up your brain, you could create something beautiful and achieve so much. Depression is a bitch. Even if I were to be completely and absolutely free of it from now on, just the awareness of how much personal growth and skill it made me miss out on would be crushing. While it's a condition that is now much more talked about nowadays, people rarely understand what it means when it takes away every single hue from life. It's all pitch black now.

Despite what I just said, I still hope you'll carry on doing this and find peace in it. May whatever's left of your desire to create accompany you through this tough journey of life. Wishing you the best.

Exactly. It really hurts because I think I had a lot of potential. Anxiety and depression has totally ruined my life. While I actually think it's all made me a better person, improved my personality and made me more interesting, it's prevented me from being able to do anything with it. I think I'm better company now than I've ever been but I've completely isolated myself, so no one is getting to know the new me. Sure, I'm miserable and want to die but I'm not a miserable person to be around because I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. Anyway, thank you. I wish you the best too.

 

[BornofDust]

As everyone here said. Distractions with Tv, YT, listening to music, having entertaining fantasies in your head. Occasionally I would write some poetry if I have the motivation. Maybe use this time to introspect on yourself, maybe in the sense of recreating yourself, realizing both the good and the bad. And then steadily building yourself within through looking at yourself without bias. And then tap into your core, mentally and spiritually, but I'm just making rambling suggestions.

I completely understand, that's pretty much me at the moment. Like I'm an alien looking out at the world, a very gated world. I've gotten used to feeling this way, and slowly a part of me is realizing that many people are just not worth the effort since they are just going to drain and disappoint you anyway. Maybe you'll figure out the same soon? Maybe you can turn it into a source of strength in terms of getting to know oneself. Hope this is helpful.

 

[Makko]

You need an obsession. Something that will absorb your whole being and leave no emotional contact surface to the outside world. It's the only thing that works.

 

[AQUA]

Apologies, I'm not really sure what you mean by "expectations". If you could clarify, I would be really grateful.

When I read this, I immediately thought "yes! Let's chat!" and yet - I'm sorry, this is exactly what Im talking about in my post - I'm unable to. Keeping a conversation is hard. This is why I like old-fashioned forums, not just this one but in general, it puts a comfortable wall in a conversation between two people. I really appreciate the fact that someone can relate to what I said though. Thank you for saying this.

Expectations like you you have to chat about appropriate on-topic things or you have to write a paragraph and a half and reply quickly for your message to be valid/acceptable. In my opinion, this ruin conversations.
You should feel as confident sending a random senseless picture to someone as you would any other response, and if you don't feel comfortable replying maybe it's as simple as... them not being compatible with you.

Sorry if my original response wasn't helpful.
stay safe

 

[Teas]

My hobbies keep me sane. Also, my 2D waifus and husbandos.

 

[UterEntonaur]

Having a dog helps me

Awwww..., dog's give pure unconditional love, until they get bored and go off and do their own thing that is, but the love always returns when they do

 

[notsure04]

I have completely isolated myself bc right now I can't be any good to be around. Im too messed up. But I feel lonely often so its a little trick bc I feel being isolated is better but the price is high. I miss being able to go for a pizza with an acquaintance from school, you know.I feel lonely as hell and cats help. Have you tried pets? If you cant own one, maybe you can help to feed homeless cats/dogs... Isn't there any homeless cat/dogs in your city needing food? Just by, you know, giving them food/water maybe that's going to help you feeling a little better knowing you doing something good? Pets give us so much love and I TOTALLY get you when you say keeping a convo is hard, it is! Also, try thinking that there is a lot of people here going thru the same, so you aren't all alone. We all here whenever you feel like saying ''hi'' without the pressure of keeping up a convo. We're like a family of love and support and Im so glad I've found this community. Now I have a safe place to turn to. Yall get me.

 

[Øystein]

I have completely isolated myself bc right now I can't be any good to be around. Im too messed up. But I feel lonely often so its a little trick bc I feel being isolated is better but the price is high. I miss being able to go for a pizza with an acquaintance from school, you know.I feel lonely as hell and cats help. Have you tried pets? If you cant own one, maybe you can help to feed homeless cats/dogs... Isn't there any homeless cat/dogs in your city needing food? Just by, you know, giving them food/water maybe that's going to help you feeling a little better knowing you doing something good? Pets give us so much love and I TOTALLY get you when you say keeping a convo is hard, it is! Also, try thinking that there is a lot of people here going thru the same, so you aren't all alone. We all here whenever you feel like saying ''hi'' without the pressure of keeping up a convo. We're like a family of love and support and Im so glad I've found this community. Now I have a safe place to turn to. Yall get me.

Thank you for being so kind, welcome to the forum! I actually probably own more pets in my house than the average citizen in this country, and it does help with loneliness. I always took a part in feeding homeless (and the not-so-homeless, hehe) cats, caring for injured birds, returning lost dogs to their owners and so on. I feel like an animal magnet sometimes, but yes, pets really are a higher level of love and understanding, even if they can't speak. We're very lucky to at least have them.

 

[IsThisTheEnd?]

I have a very similar problem but nothing is helping distract me and I often find I dont like people anyway, its quite a problem I cant just turn things around.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Dreams. When I'm asleep and going on random adventures, I don't feel lonely since I have company, either a family (my own or alternate), friemds, and girlfriends. Pretty much why I take supplements and meditate before bed.

 

[aneurysm]

I get closer to older people such as aunts, grandma, older cousins, retreated neighbours etc.

All my friends are old and somewhat understand me.

Also, I learn a lot from them. Older people are, indeed, wiser (even tho I once rejected this idea).

 

[Conker]

Helps that I'm extremely introverted, although even then I'm not willing to put in a little effort.

Don't care at this point either as I have real problems to prepare for.

 

[Bigpink]

I've always felt I was solitary, even when I was married. I bury myself in things I enjoy and pass the time, music, TV, reading, exercise, meditation

 

[whywere]

I get closer to older people such as aunts, grandma, older cousins, retreated neighbours etc.

All my friends are old and somewhat understand me.

Also, I learn a lot from them. Older people are, indeed, wiser (even tho I once rejected this idea).

Just a quick, THANK YOU, for your thoughts about older people. I am 64 years young, almost 65, and I have had so much age discrimination that it makes me so sad. When I read your post it made my day 100%, that someone does NOT look down at me for my age. You are a VERY loving, caring, kind AND wise person. Again, THANK YOU!!! Walter

 

[LunarPyotr]

I usually just grab my E-Reader and read something or just distract myself by repairing broken electronics or I just watch some movies on Prime Video, since it's included with my Amazon Prime subscription

 

[Reiraku]

How do you deal with isolation and having literally zero friends?​

 

[262653]

Except from not being able to deal with it at all, and coming to this site. I'm so lonely and crushed, most of the time I have literally no one, not even on the internet, to talk to. If I do, I'm only being talked at rather than being a part of a conversation because I'm so boring and braindead and unentertaining. I hate people. I don't want to need to socialise. What do you do when you feel like you need human companionship, without actually using a human to satisfy the need?

I've noticed that I'm usually feeling lonely when I'm bored. I think that boredom translate form emotional language as "this is not something we should be doing right now". It's a plea to sort our priorities straight. It could be as simple as preparing and having a meal, or a glass of water, or taking a dump. I'm going to omit a few strokes since we are in Recovery section.

Music helps occasionally. Learning languages and new fancy words. Sometimes math. I feel the need to keep myself in my present, peaceful moment, and if stray too far I won't be able to return until I sleep.

I've also noticed that my the subjective worth of my life experience doesn't change much with having friends. A lot like masterbation. It felt bad for the first week, give or take a few days, but I get used to it eventually.

 

[Øystein]

I've noticed that I'm usually feeling lonely when I'm bored. I think that boredom translate form emotional language as "this is not something we should be doing right now". It's a plea to sort our priorities straight. It could be as simple as preparing and having a meal, or a glass of water, or taking a dump. I'm going to omit a few strokes since we are in Recovery section.

Music helps occasionally. Learning languages and new fancy words. Sometimes math. I feel the need to keep myself in my present, peaceful moment, and if stray too far I won't be able to return until I sleep

I think that's a pretty smart observation you've made here, and you might just be right. Perhaps it isn't actual longing for a connection, because I partly get that just from being on this forum, maybe I struggle to differentiate boredom from loneliness, and that's why I don't feel like putting in the effort into any relationship. Thank you, I'll keep your post in mind from now on.