How do you cope with love loneliness?

[Zegers]

I struggle with many issues, this one always jumps in my mind, seeing groups of people and couples affects me a lot, how do you cope with the fact that people don't tend to be interested in you?

 

[its you i miss]

im wondering about the same thing too

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I don't understand how people up in a relationship with someone they love, and that person also loves them. Its always one sided for me

 

[dimstar]

In very unhealthy ways.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I know of a couple where the guy would tell me his desire of sleeping with other women, he would invite other women when his "wife" is at work, he would talk about how woman are "hoes" whilst claiming that she is the best on Facebook … oh the "facade" and yet he has the nerve to judge other people's situations. He ain't it himself used to call me and even beg me for "likes" on Facebook… the stories I could tell …. He has always been a what's app group admin and even added me to one Years ago "where he was always making fun of other people" and people in the group would message me behind his back talking bad about him…. And he is his 30s and he is still doing it … I pity her daughter having such a monster as a father…. Those people in the group would be gossiping about him even they will be laughing with him so the reason why I'm mentioning this is "all the glitter is not gold" and if you were to dig into them lives "they will have a lot of skeletons in their closet too" hahaha

 

[Mord.]

how do you cope with the fact that people don't tend to be interested in you?

I don't know, it's hard. I feel like i'm not worth it or interesting enough, no matter how hard i try everyone choose someone else. So i'm slowly losing hope and resigning myself to die alone.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I hate the summer. Happy families and couples everywhere. I was sitting on a park bench yesterday watching couples pass by, holding hands and gazing at each other with love in their eyes.
Yet I am all alone in the world, and watching couples in love pass by just crushes me.
How do I cope with it ?
I don't.

 

[offbalance]

I don't know honestly what I want from life or what I think of it so that occupies my mind a lot of the time really. But yeah romance would be nice I just lack faith that I would do well dating.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I try and avoid situations that I know will trigger me- like eating in a restaurant on Valentine's day amongst all the 'happy' couples. Eating in a restarant full stop really. In fact- I just avoid people as much as I can now! I work from home- so- that helps.

Also- like @Goodgirlryeo101 suggested- I bring reality into the equation. My ideas of love are very fairytale. I'm pretty sure all of my crushes have been limerance. If I TRULY look at relationships- even the better ones out there. My family, my friends- I realise that no- actually, I don't want ALL of that. I value my independance. Every single decision seems to be a commitee meeting with couples. Sometimes, one is treading on eggshells not to upset the other. Sometimes they feel insecure in the relationship- 'Do I love them more than they love me?' Certain things WILL be a compromise- you may not enjoy ALL the same films, foods etc. Will they get huffy or insecure if you want to do your own thing? Will you ALWAYS be happy going along with what they want to do? And- the reverse. Are they possesive? Or- not possesive enough? Are you? Will you mind clearing up after them- or- vice versa? If not- will you mind having a go at them from time to time?

And that's the good relationships! The bad ones CAN end in heartbreak and abuse. I can hear neighbours sometimes arguing with one another. One particular lady just hen pecks at her husband. I can't really hear what she's rattling on about but I recognise the tone and the speed at which she just snaps. She sounds disturbingly much like a (suspected) narcissistic family member I grew up with. When she's around strangers- she's all sweetness and light. (I'm not trying to eavesdrop by the way- our gardens are next door- it's hard not to hear when they're in the garden.) Anyhow- I just don't know why people put up with being spoken to like that. I was a child with my experience- so- I didn't get the choice. But yeah- makes no sense to me. I coughed really loudly the other day to try and stop her mid flow- try and make her embarassed that other people could hear her nagging away and belittling her husband.

Worse- I've known female friends be in physically/ mentally abusive partnerships- screw that! I hope I'd kick them out immediately. The statistics for domestic abuse are terrifying in many countries- often 1 in 3 or 4 people experiencing some form of violence. Rates for divorce probably don't bode well either as an overall probability- although- I guess fewer people get married to begin with now.

Honestly- if I look back at all my crazy crushes, if any of them had blossomed into a relatonship- I feel sure they would have ended disasterously. I'm genuinely grateful I spared myself all that.

I don't doubt that people CAN find love and I can't deny- I do wonder how my life would be different if I had someone. I think it takes effort, chance but most of all- risk and for me, the risks don't seem worth it. I hope you do find someone though- if that is what you truly want.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I totally agree @Forever Sleep, this guy would sent me screenshots of his wife having a go at him and he would say look at what my "mupengo" which mean "mad woman" is saying. He would be saying oh "ndaneta" which means I'm tired of her. I would be like that's how women are. The "wife" had no idea, he once told me he had to put her on the phone because she couldn't sleep unless she was on the phone with him and he was complaining on how crazy the situation was and I agreed, like who has to be on the phone with their in order to sleep?! The level of neediness and low self esteem was mind blowing….. He always told me that she was always nagging him at every given opportunity and his mother told me that his "wife" always insult other people and telling them to leave "him and his family alone" it made so much sense why he always complained to me and call her "mupengo" to me but anyway I can understand why she would go crazy, having a husband inviting other women in YOUR home when you are at work is another level of disrespect. I don't "envy " any couple because you don't know what is going on behind closed doors and for those that I have known it's been a lot ( they used to confide into me) .. I'm not saying all relationships are like that but I'm talking about what I know here.

As for physical abuse I know of this nutter who started acting crazy towards me "because of his desire for other men" he was in the closet and he just isn't happy with himself, he even wrote the C word on my laptop because he was crazy that's why I didn't understand why this man is telling everyone of what I went through with this guy when he told me he went through something very similar with his ex (and I had not told anyone about it until when I realised he was spreading to everyone what my closeted gay ex had told him) loooool…..

I used to follow couple that I thought were "relationship goals" on social media and only to find out when they broke up that it wasn't as it seemed. The only people that knows what truly goes on in a relationship is the two people in the relationship themselves and also some close friends that either of the party would have confided into. I remember this girl would be G I'm tired of men and they are all the same and she used complain about her man 80% of the time but I would still encourage her to make things work out . So like what I said all glitter is not gold.

 

[Xta4Love]

I've been single for almost my entire life (Im 36) My sister who is 32 never had a relationship. It is do able. My sister intends on being single forever. Im doing the same thing now. Im too depressed, anxious, suicidal to date anyone. Also I dont have a sex drive whatsoever. Thanks to my medication and depression. I have meaningfull relationships with friends and family. That is enough for me. I hope you can find connections that will satisfy you

 

[Forever Sleep]

I totally agree @Forever Sleep, this guy would sent me screenshots of his wife having a go at him and he would say look at what my "mupengo" which mean "mad woman" is saying. He would be saying oh "ndaneta" which means I'm tired of her. I would be like that's how women are. The "wife" had no idea, he once told me he had to put her on the phone because she couldn't sleep unless she was on the phone with him and he was complaining on how crazy the situation was and I agreed, like who has to be on the phone with their in order to sleep?! The level of neediness and low self esteem was mind blowing….. He always told me that she was always nagging him at every given opportunity and his mother told me that his "wife" always insult other people and telling them to leave "him and his family alone" it made so much sense why he always complained to me and call her "mupengo" to me but anyway I can understand why she would go crazy, having a husband inviting other women in YOUR home when you are at work is another level of disrespect. I don't "envy " any couple because you don't know what is going on behind closed doors and for those that I have known it's been a lot ( they used to confide into me) .. I'm not saying all relationships are like that but I'm talking about what I know here.

As for physical abuse I know of this nutter who started acting crazy towards me "because of his desire for other men" he was in the closet and he just isn't happy with himself, he even wrote the C word on my laptop because he was crazy that's why I didn't understand why this man is telling everyone of what I went through with this guy when he told me he went through something very similar with his ex (and I had not told anyone about it until when I realised he was spreading to everyone what my closeted gay ex had told him) loooool…..

I used to follow couple that I thought were "relationship goals" on social media and only to find out when they broke up that it wasn't as it seemed. The only people that knows what truly goes on in a relationship is the two people in the relationship themselves and also some close friends that either of the party would have confided into. I remember this girl would be G I'm tired of men and they are all the same and she used complain about her man 80% of the time but I would still encourage her to make things work out . So like what I said all glitter is not gold.

Yeah- people are complex beings just on their own. To put them in such close proximity all the time and expect everything to be peachy all the time seems unlikely. I guess we are sociable animals- so- it's what we're built for but- I don't know. Some relationships just look like minefields to me!

I'm sorry you experienced abuse in your relationship- that's got to be awful.

Yeah- that first couple sound far from idyllic! I suppose I never quite understand why people stick with bad relationships. I guess if there are children- they try for their sake. I guess money is a big issue too. It's bound to get messy when finances intertwine. I think some people are just terrified of being alone though. I don't really get that but then- I'd say I'm naturally a loner. I feel the need to be alone as much as I can be. I find it exhausting to be around people! I guess that's kind of lucky really because for the majority of time, I would say I'm alone but not lonely. It's got to be awful if you don't like being alone though.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that it's better to avoid other people anyway as other people very often just create more problems and suffering, in general humans are an awful species and you cannot trust and rely on them.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Personally, I simply can't cope with it. Whenever I see happy people, especially happy couples it always shatters me to pieces. It's one of the reasons I'll ctb in less than a week.

 

[ger3172]

I agree with everybody else in here, i can't cope, even knowing the reality of the couples i see can be awful. idk, i also got out of an abusive relationship a while ago, sometimes i like to think I'd let people mistreat me again just to treat me at all. have also been struggling a lot with body dysmorphia lately - idk how I look like, I think I'm hideous, deformed, unapproachable, and that my colleagues pity me. its tough craving for intimacy at times like this.