Discussion How do you cope with intense self-hatred?

[Meditation guide]

I do hate people with similar problems. Watching them struggle and flail against things actual functioning creatures can navigate without a thought makes me cringe and fills me with disgust.

That must be an uncomfortable emotion since there are so many incompetent people everywhere. I have sympathy for you. I'm sure you would hate me too. I'm handicapped and have to struggle to do everything.

I always thought people hated evil people, or ones who hurt them. But we are all different.

 

[NotHuman]

I wish it were something I could change, but from what I can see it's universal. It's not just endemic to the human condition either; weakness is often poorly tolerated in the animal kingdom especially among species with hierarchical social structures.

In my experience, evil people thrive because our opportunistic natures will openly embrace them under the right conditions. It's easy to pawn it all off on one notable individual in the history books, but it's so trivial to see that many of the most heinous crimes would never have occurred were it not for countless blind eyes, shaken hands, and interconnected webs of ambition. Many of these figures are hated in retrospect not in light of their evil but in light of their losses and failures. History, much like people in general, is very unkind to the losers.

I actually see a great deal of competence all around me. It's very rare for me to see my kind of incompetence out in the open. In my experience, when something goes wrong it's typically because the people involved simply don't care. People getting into car accidents cause they're goofing off on their phones or saying the wrong thing only after they first poison their brains with substances for fun or not getting work done because they either consider the consequences too light or know someone else will do it.

 

[dec132013]

No matter how bad you think you are, a fuck ton of historical figures that are HONOURED today got you beat times billions. Never mind the figures who are rightfully hated

I'm not sure what your exact reasons are for hating yourself, but the fact you hate those parts about yourself and want to change proves you can't be that bad.

 

[Captive of Mind]

I hate myself because I fuck up everything. I do and say so much stupid stuff that effects others. I have disappointed so many people throughout my life. And I never seem to learn.

I get angry and hate myself when I just can't be normal, do the right things, make things work and make people happy.

You said this perfectly. I'm tried of constantly doing and saying the wrong thing and having people making me feel like shit about it on top of that. Even as I'm doing that wrong thing, I know it and wish I could stop but can't. My brain is fucked and I want out.

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

God I just don't really know. If anything I just indulge in the thoughts in some kind of sick twisted cathartic sort of way. I dunno, I've heard of people wanting to treat themselves better just because people around them love them but that's never worked for me. Could just be a case-by-case thing though, maybe it'll work for you.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm not sure what your exact reasons are for hating yourself, but the fact you hate those parts about yourself and want to change proves you can't be that bad.

Ah, but isn't it possible that it's MORE BAD for someone to be aware of whatever makes them bad especially since they're seemingly continuing to be bad? Like sure, people can say they are trying to change or become better but for some people that just isn't possible for whatever reason. Well this only applies to the people who specifically think they are evil I guess. At least that's how I see it...

 

[Captive of Mind]

Ah, but isn't it possible that it's MORE BAD for someone to be aware of whatever makes them bad especially since they're seemingly continuing to be bad? Like sure, people can say they are trying to change or become better but for some people that just isn't possible for whatever reason. Well this only applies to the people who specifically think they are evil I guess. At least that's how I see it...

I'm not evil, but I unintentionally fuck everything up. And you are right, it is worse when you find out how fucked up you are. I've tried to change it, but you can only do so much. Especially when you are mentally ill with no support structure.

 

[dec132013]

Ah, but isn't it possible that it's MORE BAD for someone to be aware of whatever makes them bad especially since they're seemingly continuing to be bad? Like sure, people can say they are trying to change or become better but for some people that just isn't possible for whatever reason. Well this only applies to the people who specifically think they are evil I guess. At least that's how I see it...

I see true evilness as when someone knows they're causing others pain and enjoys it/purposely does it for whatever reason (e.g thinking they're superior, and everyone else deserves to be treated poorly)

OP realizes that they might not be the best person in the world, but they are far from being the worst if they can at least admit they aren't perfect

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Heck, I wish I was on drugs. I'd love to escape this awful self-hatred sometimes. I don't think I could ever bring myself to it, though.

I actually think I'm a good person, but a fatal design flaw means I should ctb.

 

[Ybother]

I've just come to accept that I'm evil and therefore need to die. Not sure about your situation but for me I feel like ctb is the only noble thing I can do. Sometimes I try to have fun being evil by taunting my friends with my mere opinions being different from theirs. It's shitty, but accepting that I was shitty sometimes feels so much better than dwelling in it. This probably isn't very healthy though and I do long for the ability to forgive myself as unlikely as that is.

I typed "I'm evil" into the search bar, and this is what I saw. I feel the exact same way. There is no redeeming me in this life and its only a matter of time. I've hurt and pushed away so many good people the least I could do is end this. I don't know if I can forgive myself before I go. Maybe I can talk to a Shaman or spend the rest of my days repressing the guilt and self-isolating.
Sorry for making this about myself. Just crying in bed at 5AM...

 

[cowbain]

For me when I'm in 'self hate mode' it usually coincides with being in crisis. In those moments nothing can help really but time. It may take waking up the next day, 3 days, or 10+ days.

If it's not crisis mode level bad well, my default setting is self hatred so I'm use to it.

I really do feel for you, Wish I could be of more help

 

[NotHuman]

For me the trauma of failure never goes away, it simply fades into the slime trail behind me. Each incident spawns a new beast to bubble just beneath the surface waiting to strike. The sight of familiar objects, smells, even certain phrases can become triggers that only serve to further impair any ability to function in the world and ensure that ultimately there can be no escape from the shame, not so long as you unwittingly create a new source with each stumble of your bumbling existence.

The human concept of "self-forgiveness" bewilders me. It's not about wanting to self-punish; it's about being completely unable to build up any trust in myself as I repeatedly demonstrate my inability to be a suitable provider for myself only further pushing the things that make life worth living out of reach. And even if forgiveness were a factor, where would you begin with one ongoing misdeed starting from the moment you first drew breath?

 

[Taki]

It sounds like you are very hard on yourself for some reason. If you knew someone just like you, would you hate them?

I can't do those things either but I'm ok with that. I know I can't help the way I am. I'm a mess. But I do the best I can. I'm sure you do too.

It's fine if you're ok with it, but everyone has their vision of what a good life is or could have been. There's no reason to give that up.

 

[draw a circle]

ya i do self harm... nothing too hard but i'll inflict some pain to myself. also jokes about it sometimes lol

 

[Wheelz1985]

Usually with intense Self-harm. I put like 5 cigs out on my useless leg. Or I sleep/lay in bed with a giant kitchen knife to my throat/carotid. Or, and this is recent, I will continuously slap the fuck out of myself. Mostly I enjoy thinking of ways to end my life.

 

[woxihuanni]

My partner copes by killing the person who loves them.

 

[zeroshark]

self harm and starving myself as punishment, alcohol and weed to numb me up enough to keep going through the motions every day. reminding myself CTB is objectively the best thing i can hope to do for the people around me.