Help how do you cope with being trans?

[orange.ju1c3]

I'm 19 and a trans guy. When I was in my early - mid teens, I didn't really struggle with being trans. Currently, I feel like I'm suffering with it. I don't see myself in myself at all. I imagined that once i finally started transitioning, that it would come together. I would be happy and euphoric. I haven't felt this shitty about myself in my entire life. I'm finally getting to experience a cis teenage man's life, and i fucking hate it. Not because of the man aspect. It's because I am NOT a man. Everything masculine that I desperately wish I could be, I'm not. I cannot fight like my friends do, I'm too weak. I can't eat an entire plate of food all in one shot. I'm pretty short. I can barely bond with men. It's incredibly painful to deal with and it's leaving me to consider detransitioning. I would be incredibly unhappy, but I wonder if my life would be easier for me. I feel like I have to alter my personality and my inner self to be a man, and I've lost those in the past (nearly) 2 years spent as a man. I am completely lost.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

21 year old trans man here. I don't really have any advice, because I'm also on the same path. I've at least decided that I will not detransition, no matter what (I would rather CTB), but that doesn't change the way being trans is weighing on me.

I guess the advice everyone gave me was to "find friends with similar experiences." I'm not sure if that will help you, but I personally urge you not to detransition. There is no "one way to be a man." You've probably heard that said a million times, but it's true. For instance, I'm weak and short due to a genetic disability (the cis women in my family are taller/stronger than me). It makes me dysphoric, sure, but it is just a consequence of a disorder that many cis men have too.

Still, I wish you the best whatever happens. Good luck.

 

[Riven]

I agree with the above, don't detransition. No matter how much transition sucks, detransitioning is going to be worse. Im a transfem enby, so my relationship to gender is going to be a bit different, but I can say for certain that without estrogen I would not still be here today. i also agree with the point about finding some friends you can relate better to. i went years without having any queer friends and finally getting some (that i have stuff in common with) has definitely made things better for me. my various mental illnesses are still keeping me on the verge of ctb'ing, but my friends make life a lot better.

 

[TiredMouse]

FTM here, significantly older than OP. Transitioned years ago. Overall men are more isolated than women. We do not have a "sisterhood" a social glue or anything. It is hard for you to bond with men your age because it is hard for most men. As men we have to learn to enjoy our own solo company sometimes. Learning to be alone more will make you stronger mentally. I do not suggest detransitioning but I must be truthful and say that socially men tend to struggle more. And as another person said hobbies are good ways of connecting. I am not saying to just "get used to it" but it is also a fact of being a man, and you are not doing anything wrong.

Edit: I want to be encouraging. You are doing a good job. 2 years is not so long. Friend making is harder but certainly not impossible for you. Adulthood takes time, you can do it.

 

[YourLocalSadGirly]

This is my experience as a 21 year old butch transfem. Honestly I can really relate to what you've written. I've failed utterly to preform femininity and sometimes that does make me feel bad. I think the thing to remember is that it doesn't really matter in the end how well you are able to perform masculinity, femininity, androgyny, whatever. What matters is that you're happy. Maybe this is strange but I've kind of accepted that I'm not like the average cis girl and that I will never be like that. I'm going to be like this until the day I die so I might as well accept that.

Something to think about is whether you actively dislike preforming masculinity or you dislike your perceived failure to preform it. If you dislike the performance then there's no shame in being feminine or androgynous plenty of cis men are like that as well. That question helped me personally discover that I was butch. If you dislike your perceived failure then the good news is that that's something you can usually improve with effort. Making friends and fitting in is a skill, things like sports or fighting are skills. You have to accept the things you cannot change about yourself and try to change the things that you can. It's not easy but there is a path forward.

Also lastly I just want to tell you that being able to eat a lot, or fight, or being tall are not really necessary to be a man. Plenty of men can't do any of those and they're obviously men. I know that this point isn't always the most helpful advice but I figured I'd point it out regardless. I hope this post was able to help you at least a little and I hope that you're doing well <3.