Help How do you convince yourself to do things?

[LancyLoew]

I consider myself an open-minded individual - I have many interests, and am very eager to try new things; however, I regularly find it difficult to engage in any of the hobbies I've accumulated. When it comes to how I spend my free time, videogames take top priority.

I "like" drawing, painting, writing and sports, but the only times I actually do those things are when they're tied to fixed programs or routines. I can only get myself to do something at classes or events; if I tell myself that I want to draw or write in my own spare time, it just doesn't happen. This is why I'm drawn to extra curricular activities – they're fixed, people expect me there if I sign up, there will be consequences if I miss it. I show up for classes, but I don't show up for myself, and all of this is making me question whether I *actually* enjoy drawing, writing and sports, or am just forcing myself into doing anything that isn't videogames.

There are times when I go out to a café and journal, or take out my notebook when waiting somewhere to doodle, and I find pleasure in it; which makes me believe that the only way to make my hobbies appealing is to get rid of my computer as a distraction – which I have tried, but no amount of blockers, restrictions or rules kept me from eventually choosing to waste more days in front of my screen. I really wish I could just wake up one day, and be like "I can't wait to sit down and draw something today!" To just have my "hobbies" not feel like chores.

Please someone tell me, is this a common sentiment; what do I have to do to make my "hobbies" genuinely enjoyable, and find the motivation to do them? Is it me? Is it my screen addiction getting in the way of me enjoying anything else?

And I *have* tried the straight forward answers: breaking things into small tasks, and only doing a little bit at a time – the problem with this is that it relies on consistency and progress; if there's nothing and no one to hold me accountable, I will drop that progress way too easily. It takes one cheat day, and everything goes down the drain; I struggle hard to stay committed to things, even the structured routines feel impossible to show up to sometimes... And if I don't change this now, it's never going to get better.

 

[Vivissa]

Most of the times I cant. Thats why im so fuckd

 

[enjoytheride]

I share your concerns and feelings. I have strong interests in Math, CS, reading and writing, to name a few. But it's really hard to get to actually finish tasks. I have quite a few unfinished Coursera and similar courses. What seems to somehow work lately is adding them to the favourites bar where I can see them every time I open the browser. And then I have agreed with myself that the aim is long-term completion. So it's alright if I watch a video and do an exercise once per week, as long as I do it.

There's a thing called "being in the zone". You can look it up online. Anytime I've been able to enter the zone things just flow and distractions are powerless. Now, getting into the zone is a challenge in itself. For me listening to music sometimes works in getting me into that semi-trance like state of being in the zone. Sometimes it doesn't. But our ability to do this is dependent on many factors, I believe, including good sleep, proper nutrition, a peaceful environment, and feeling calm. Not feeling calm is what sabotages me - anxiety.

But yeah, I would say that you could start by doing some kind of an analysis of what helps you and what prevents you from getting into the zone, and work it out from there.

 

[SoulCage]

I have discovered recently that I am more likely to do something for myself (drawing, writing, crafts) when I do it with a schedule which is also shared with another person. Basically, completing it alongside someone else (not in person, could also be online) and then share that I did it. I know it, sounds like basic Instagram "share everything you do" nonsense... But for me it's not about showing off, more.... Accountability. This other person (or this group) did it, so I can do too and maybe even have a conversation about something that we have in common.
This I learned when I was at an outpatient program at a mental health clinic. It was a social security funded mental health program... Really nothing fancy. But I liked the group, consisting of people who were just like me and who just had to make the day a little more pleasant.

I have recreated this plan for myself, but I still haven't found anyone who would like to join in. If you like the idea then let's have a chat about it (comment here or a direct message)
If you believe that this won't help you then I just want to say... maybe you should just give it a try, because I also didn't think it was something for me until I was forced to try it.

I also posted a little summary of my idea here:
Post in thread 'Weekly challenge thread' https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/weekly-challenge-thread.138962/post-3082108

 

[Carrot]

1. Find a purpose other than learning just for the sake of learning. In my case it's some problem in the world that needs to be fixed. I could work on it because I know it is important and good.

2. If something is easy or fast and needs to be done, just do it. If it's difficult, solve a smaller subproblem, break it down until it's easy, since it's easy, just do it.

3. Have a separate place for work and fun. Find people with similar goals, environment is important.

 

[orpheus_]

Yeah I have a similar problem. I have so many things I "like" (which also includes writing and drawing) yet sometimes they feel like chores, and I feel like I need to force myself to do them... And I don't even know if I enjoy them when I'm doing it, honestly.

Conclusions I have personally come to:

1. In the long run, being an artist and writer became a part of my identity? Even if I don't always enjoy the process, I "think of myself through my stories", you know. I feel *somewhat* glad that I've made the things I made, like they kinda make up who I am and what I want to say to the world. I know it may sound overly poetic and abstract, since "who cares anyway" but somehow just knowing that "I made things" makes me feel maybe a bit better. Like things in my life have a bit more meaning. That thought motivates me to actually work on things.

2. This also mainly goes for creative hobbies, but getting inspired by other people, building community etc can help a lot. I have a friend who is also a writer and an artist, and we often talk about the stuff that we make, like even joking about/referencing our stories in casual conversations, or simply randomly chatting about favorite art supplies - it honestly makes both of us more motivated somehow.
I know not everyone is lucky enough to have such friends, but maybe finding some sort of community may help? Even something like a discord server online. Also maybe sounds a bit weird but roaming around art galleries gives me inspiration to draw. I just kinda mindlessly look around these things other artist have made, and at some point I start noticing things I find interesting, cool, "oh I could use this painting technique myself", "what a cool pose maybe I should draw something similar".. etc

also, just a reminder
Sometimes forcing yourself to do things is okay. Sometimes it's hard to enjoy things, and you can still do them anyway. I get that it's hard, though.

 

[cloudpassingthrough]

woah I have a similar thing! honestly there isn't anything that's worked 100% of the time yet, but one thing that helps is tying what I want to do to someone else. For example, participating in artfight and drawing because I want to draw something for another person, and imagining that they would be happy to receive it

Coding is similar, I find a game jam or general art contest with a theme and make something that suits it

 

[LancyLoew]

I share your concerns and feelings. I have strong interests in Math, CS, reading and writing, to name a few. But it's really hard to get to actually finish tasks. I have quite a few unfinished Coursera and similar courses. What seems to somehow work lately is adding them to the favourites bar where I can see them every time I open the browser. And then I have agreed with myself that the aim is long-term completion. So it's alright if I watch a video and do an exercise once per week, as long as I do it.

There's a thing called "being in the zone". You can look it up online. Anytime I've been able to enter the zone things just flow and distractions are powerless. Now, getting into the zone is a challenge in itself. For me listening to music sometimes works in getting me into that semi-trance like state of being in the zone. Sometimes it doesn't. But our ability to do this is dependent on many factors, I believe, including good sleep, proper nutrition, a peaceful environment, and feeling calm. Not feeling calm is what sabotages me - anxiety.

But yeah, I would say that you could start by doing some kind of an analysis of what helps you and what prevents you from getting into the zone, and work it out from there.

I believe you're referencing the 'flow state'; I'm well familiar with that since my psychology teacher won't shut up about it. What you said is helpful, getting more and better sleep especially. To my knowledge, what greatly effects one's ability to enter a flow state is also the difficulty of the task itself; it has to be challenging enough to be engaging, but not unmanageably hard.

I often listen to music while trying to do work too, but I find it too distracting to be worth it – I spend way too much time setting it up, and often reach for my phone or player to skip songs now and then; it completely breaks the flow of work. Also, I think my biggest problem with focus is distractibility; my only workplace is my room, where my computer is, I can't do anything about that, and I don't wanna have to leave the house anytime I want to do something.

What I can try is having my work-related items be within reach more often, so they're more accessible (like you putting them in your favorites bar), and setting weekly goals. Thank you for your response!

Yeah I have a similar problem. I have so many things I "like" (which also includes writing and drawing) yet sometimes they feel like chores, and I feel like I need to force myself to do them... And I don't even know if I enjoy them when I'm doing it, honestly.

Conclusions I have personally come to:

1. In the long run, being an artist and writer became a part of my identity? Even if I don't always enjoy the process, I "think of myself through my stories", you know. I feel *somewhat* glad that I've made the things I made, like they kinda make up who I am and what I want to say to the world. I know it may sound overly poetic and abstract, since "who cares anyway" but somehow just knowing that "I made things" makes me feel maybe a bit better. Like things in my life have a bit more meaning. That thought motivates me to actually work on things.

2. This also mainly goes for creative hobbies, but getting inspired by other people, building community etc can help a lot. I have a friend who is also a writer and an artist, and we often talk about the stuff that we make, like even joking about/referencing our stories in casual conversations, or simply randomly chatting about favorite art supplies - it honestly makes both of us more motivated somehow.
I know not everyone is lucky enough to have such friends, but maybe finding some sort of community may help? Even something like a discord server online. Also maybe sounds a bit weird but roaming around art galleries gives me inspiration to draw. I just kinda mindlessly look around these things other artist have made, and at some point I start noticing things I find interesting, cool, "oh I could use this painting technique myself", "what a cool pose maybe I should draw something similar".. etc

also, just a reminder
Sometimes forcing yourself to do things is okay. Sometimes it's hard to enjoy things, and you can still do them anyway. I get that it's hard, though.

1. This resonates with me… You're right – it's not about who cares, or always enjoying it, because you can't only do something when you're in the perfect mood for it. I have this desire to create something, because if it's just one day after another, with nothing to show for anything that happened, it feels even more pointless than it already is. My biggest pain though, is that I haven't made anything significant; you mention stories you wrote, I assume you also have other, bigger art projects, but I don't. I never drew anything when I was little, and I was more interested in programming growing up. Only recently did I decide I want to try focusing on arts, it hasn't been part of my life for long; and while I know it's never too late to create something, I still feel like I should be somewhere by now.
2. It's good to hear you have someone you can relate to like that, I'm happy for you. I don't have friends, but looking for a community is a good idea. I did see the "share your art" thread on here, maybe I'll post on that.
Going to galleries sounds nice too, at least it's an excuse to leave the house.

Thanks for responding, I'm grateful!

 

[FoxSauce]

Well if ibdont i have no money. No money means no food no nothing. Also my mom would tell me that I do nothing and tell me im just being a waste of space and guil trip me or I become unworthy in her eyes.

Beacuse if your not of use to her in a y way then she doesnt treat you that kindly even tho she denies it everytime also if I do absolutely I'll feel a crushing anxiety and my mind will just overthinking everything.


Not a good method but a super great motivator for me

 

[Celerity]

If it makes you feel any better, I think most people struggle to have real hobbies. Between doom scrolling on the internet, TikTok, TV, and substance use (especially alcohol and weed), you've got the majority of the bases covered for how most folks unwind.

That said, I have had some success with temptation bundling. I make sure to start and progress through audiobooks only at the gym. If I want to keep listening, I have to exercise.